While undeniably the life and soul of practically every party in Ponyville, even Pinkie Pie needs a little time to relax now and then. The only question is, can she get it?
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- Member Since 9th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 6th, 2022
Jeevesie
Full time writer and unabashed fan of ponies! Need I say more?
Jeevesie
Joined 9th Oct, 2013 ·
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Very cool ending. Very nice.
Now that was fun. Watching a character bombarded with a domino-esque series of problems is such a classic comedy trope that's always fresh and hilarious. Her little revenge at the end was a great payoff.
But you know what I can't stand? Anything that implies Spike isn't part of the gang and doesn't have any friends. Where the heck was he?
3322979 I kinda didn't wanna just shoehorn him in for no reason. Twilight was off flying, so he couldn't be with her. He was probably sleeping somewhere more quiet. :D Perhaps Pinkie should ask him for tips on quieter spots next time? ^^
3322895 Thanks. :D
3324216 Shoehorn him in for no reason? Like you did with any one of the other mane six? There is a reason for inserting him into the story: everyone else was. Why is it normal to make sure all of the mane six are covered, but when Spike is included with all his friends it's called shoehorning?
The fact that people are still writing fics in which the mane six are a complete group that doesn't included Spike is why I'm having a hard time enjoying MLP nowadays.
I can see the following conversation.
"GOOD MORNING."
"Very, Funny Pinkie. Ah'd have stayed home if I wanted a crow call."
"Pinkie do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Why did you scare me, did I do something wrong?"
"Pinkie you're so random!"
"My beauty sleep ruined! Don't look at me."
"Just wanted to say I love you guys."
Hey, I liked it. I was reading it during some boring lecture earlier today and the part with Fluttershy and her honey-hyped personality really cheered me up!
The paragraphs could use some breaking up, and the two semicolons I noticed seemed as if they ought to have been commas, but other than that I didn't notice too many errors. The exclamation points outside the dialog, well, I just have issues with that. But, it got a few chuckles and grins, and the ending was kind of cute. Pretty good for a first fic. Good job.