Authors note:
First off, all other authors notes will be in the comments. I think these destroy the flow of a piece. In any case, I wrote this fic because I enjoy HiE stories and what better way to make one than using Jedi? This story takes place an unknown (undecided) years after the the New Jedi Order has started (post episode 6). Also, being MY fic, the alternate universe tag applies to both MLP and to Star Wars. I reserve creative freedom to twist Star Wars cannon into whatever shape I want. This is to keep anybody from calling me out on how XYZ is different in the Star Wars universe. Please feel free to leave any criticism in the comments as it will help me shape future chapters. Also, any ideas will be appreciated (I will try to give credit where credit is due). In any case, I hope you enjoy the story as much as I do!
This is bad.
When I was observing the town from what I thought was a safe distance, a purple unicorn discovered me while attempting to jump from one tree to another. To give the unicorn credit, it was Sensitive enough to pick up on my manipulation of the Force. It then proceded to try and make contact with me.
It was not that I feared for my life, as I have been in more dicey situations in the past, but it was the things constant attempts at Contacting me. And I mean Contact with a capital C. The big leagues: First Contact. While there is no real rule about contacting a non-developed race, but I wanted these creatures a fair impression of the galactic civilizations. I may not be a Jedi anymore, but I can be nice when the time comes.
The ony other option I was left with was to flee. And by flee I mean book it as fast as possible. It was not a particularly strong desire for me to end up as some lab rat. With any luck, I will pass into some sort of rumor or be mistaken by one of the local creatures.
"Wait! Stop!" The purple unicorn yelled, "I havent had a chance to properly catalouge you!"
Catalouge me? How long has she been watching?
I took this as my cue to sprint my hardest away from this sneaky catalouger. Within the first week of arival on this planet, I noticed that the civilized inhabitants are wary of entering the forest. It appeared that they were lacking in the natural defenses required to thrive in a location such as this. Using that to my advantage I shot into the underbrush and attempted to put as much distance between me and that unicorn as possible.
"I just want to know what kind of creature you are!"
Not a creature easily caught I thought.
"I wont bite! I just want to know what you are!"
Its not me im worried about.
"I can feel the magic you use! How do you do it without a horn?"
This thing sure knows how to ask questions.
Try as I might, I could not shake the unicorn. It must know the terrain I thought to myself. No sooner had the thought formed and swam a circle in my head when I came upon a cliff just adjacent to a waterfall. I am running out of options FAST.
The Purple unicorn approached me while panting. "Now then, please turn around so that I may see what you look like."
I frantically looked at my surroundings and turned around slowly. Well its better than nothing. I gave a smile and a wave to the unicorn and leaned back until I was plummeting towards the pool of water below.
Man I love it when I look cool.
Twilight Sparkle did not know what to make of the creature she had followed. It seemed intellegent enough while trying to run away. She even got a glimpse of a little bit of magic too! However, the last interaction with it unnerved her greatly. It seemed to smile and wave its arm at her before falling over the cliff, stiff as a board.
Why would somepony do that? it just decided to fall off of a cliff! And did it WINK at me?
After a solid five minutes, Twilight collected herself and decided to head out of the forest. It was not a strong desire for her to be caught in the maze of trees after dark. Resisting the urge to seek the bipedal creature out, Twilight turned around and headed in the direction she came in.
"That was close!" I sighed to nobody in particular while climbing out of the river several hundred yards from the waterfall. I needed to be more careful in what I do around that small village.
I returned to my ship that I had "landed" on the bank of the river close to the waterfall. well, "landed" was a generous term I used for my arrival on this planet. The engines were shot shortly before my jump to Hyperspace causing some manual adjustments to the trajectory. needless to say that gravity, being the heartless dame she is, made me improvise my approach.
I arrived at my ship and added a log onto the fire to assure that i could dry my robes. The nights sure are peaceful here. I checked my fishing lines and other traps I had set only to find them empty. "guess im going hungry tonight."
As the evening went on, Twilight Sparkle became more and more concerned with how dark the forest had gotten. She was so caught up in following the creature that she forgot to keep track of how to get back. Feeling a sense of hoplessness caused Twilight to react to every sound she heard.
CRACK
Twilight snapped her head around to see where the noise came from. Only the darkness of the forest met her eyes which only served to unnerve her more. Without a second thought, Twilight rushed forward hoping to find a way out of the forest if she kept running.
Ten minutes and an exhausted Twilight later, she came upon a river. Deciding it was as good of a place to be away from monsters as any, she decided to take a break and drink. When her heart finally calmed down, she took time to take in her environment. The night was a pleasent one. Luna's moon was high over the forest giving the riverbank a soft, silvery glow.
Deciding that she was safe enough for the time being, she stopped by the river to drink some water out of the river. As she drank, she heard a melodic sound coming from just around the river bend.
The melody was a simple one. It seemed to rise and fall much like the river did. Twilight could not tell if the song was sad or happy, but it felt... optimistic.
"Well, anything that can make music like that cant be harmful..."
With that Twilight walked around the bush to see if whatever was sining could help her. Nothing could prepare Twilight for what she saw.
Sitting atop the strangest black rock she had ever seen, sat the creature she had been chasing throughout the Everfree. It had made a small fire which its clothes were near and it had a stick attached to a string that was in the water. Twilight wanted to get a closer look at the creature, but it was silhouetted by the moon.
Seeing this as the opportunity she had been waiting for, she approached the fire, hoping to not startle the creature. If the past day was any indication, it was a skittish creature that probably feared her. To rectify this, Twilight decided to wait by it's fire until it noticed her.
That is one persistent unicorn.
The unicorn laid beside my fire and awaited for me to notice her. Perhaps she thinks that I haven't noticed it. I turned around and Looked at it. That is Look with a capital L. The main difference is that I employ the Force when I see things. I find it useful divining the nature of what I am looking at.
It seemed startled at my gaze, perhaps it did not track me down, but got lost on it's way back to the village.
"Are you lost Curious One?" The unicorn shuddered at the unfamiliar Title.
It appeared that the last thing it expected was to hear me speak and understand my words. Once again I used the Force to communicate. There are many creatures in the galaxy that use the Force to speak. One of my old Masters used this method to instruct. I used it so I did not need to learn another language. That and the fact that I am fairly lazy.
"Y-y-you can talk?"
"Yes." I need to reveal as little of myself as possible to this unicorn. No need to frighten it.
The unicorn appeared to be thinking "What are you?" The unicorn blurted more than asked.
"That isn't important."
That response seemed to hit the unicorn the wrong way. It didn't quite know how to respond.
"Let's start over. My name is Twilight Sparkle. What is your name?"
"Call me Warden. It is as close to a name as you will get. Why have you come here Dusk-Shimmer?" I knew that was not it's name, but all work and no play makes a Ex-Jedi a dull boy.
"Twilight Sparkle." It said with a cough.
"Right."
Twilight looked unconvinced "Anyway, I got lost on my way back to Ponyville because somepony decided to run away from me."
"It was necessary."
"For what?" Twilight didn't hesitate to ask. Sharp wit, this one.
"I am hiding. The less people who knows my whereabouts the better."
"What are you hiding from?" This one is full of questions.
"My kin"
"Why are you hiding?"
*Sigh* "Look Evening Twinkle-"
"Twilight Sparkle"
"Sure." I said dismissively before continuing, "I came here to do my own thing and hide from those who are looking for me. For now, I need rest. We will discuss the future in the morning."
With that the unicorn named Twilight curled near the fire and fell promptly asleep. I, on the other hand, fell into deep contemplation. There were three options ahead of me: One, I could follow this Twilight into the nearby town and attempt a new life. Two, I could remain in the forest, be on friendly terms with the natives, and maybe learn a thing or two from them. And last but not least, I could...dispose of Twilight and move far away from here.
I would rather not take more life than I already have. Also, I have sacrificed far too much in my search for Truth in the Force to start a new life. Door number two it is.
First Contact went decently well, I'll have to wait to speak to the leader of the land in order to make it official. On the bright side: this unicorn did not fear me, so that is a successful first contact experience if ever there was one.
With a grunt I jumped off of my ship and put more wood on the fire before retiring for the night.
Goodness! I swear I wrote the chapter like seven times! In any case, I hope to bring in more characters next chapter and perhaps get into some shenanigans. My source for all things Star Wars is the illustrious Wookiepedia. And a little inspiration from old Star Wars comics.
Intriguing
I knew that was not it's name, but all work and no play makes a Jedi a dull boy.
My absolute favorite line
Anyways, nice story! I only found a few minor errors, like a missing comma. I will be tracking this story, it looks interesting.
NEED MORE
The first thing I thought of when I read the title was the main character from KOTOR II... boy, did I love those games.
MOAR!
334239
I actually thought about that. However, I want to reference a certain Jedi who has appeared in a few more games than that...
This was... great! When I saw this I expected something good, but not quite like this. Keep up the good work. Tracked and liked!
...MOOOAR, please. ^^
I'm a very big Star Wars fan and I thought this cross-over was pretty interesting, I can't wait for the next chapter.
Hmmm... yes, yes I like this. I like this a lot. The jumps in perspective from first person for the Jedi and 3rd for Twilight are a little jarring at first.
334239 Revan shall be in my heart forever. The Exile, however, was much more fun to be, especially when you have a mod that gives you Revan armor
This story please me greatly. I'm a huge Star Wars fan, so obviously, I jumped at this story the instant I saw it. And mostly, I was not dissapointed
A more in-depth spell-check would be appreciated.
You have caught my attention, please do not dissapoint.
i liek
334270
Let me guess: Kyle Katarn? He has the same sort of snarky attitude and disregard for Jedi convention. Now as for the time period, I know you have not decided yet, but may I ask if this takes place before or during the Yuuzhan Vong War (since the period after that is in the Legacy Era)?
I also spotted a mistake: in the fifth paragraph you write "Wait! Stop!" Twilight yelled from the narrator's POV before he learns her name.
334311
I agree with you, although my reason for preferring the second game and the Exile (Meetra Surik) was more how The Sith Lords presents everything in shades of grey, and makes you profoundly reconsider all you thought you knew about the Force. I felt bad at the end when I had to kill Kreia because I could sympathize with her belief that the only way to end the constant war between Light and Dark was by killing the Force itself.
I SHALL WAIT FOR MORE!
JEDI + POINES = HAPPY THELAZYCOMMENTER
334615
Oops. I'll fix that.
As for the timeframe, I want to do my own thing with the state of the galaxy so I think it will take place a long time ago as opposed to a long, long time ago. To sum it up: after any named character has passed. I am much less of a Star Wars buff than most people so I will just kinda make everything up and ignore inconsistency
Mmmmph.
I want to like it, but...
It needs a lot of work, let's say. I'm not going to mark you down with a Dislike, but I will say that I think you may need to start over.
Some specifics:
1) Establish character first
2) Establish the story a bit more strongly. Linger a bit more on what's going on.
3) Twilight seems a bit out-of-character here.
4) Reconcile the apparent differences between the Force and Magic.
5) For that matter, what about the obvious astrophysical peculiarities of the system? Are you going to explain that away as the Princesses exploiting some form of advanced technology?
Jedi in Eqeustria? he should join the dark side
334905
I appreciate the feedback. I've been kinda writing blindly and stumbling. I am HORRIBLE at starting stories. So I figured I'd tell a little bit about the character here and there. I am trying to work on a balance between flow and being over detailed. As for twilight's character, ill figure it out eventually. I plan on going VERY in-depth about the differences between magic and the Force. I just needed to get SOMETHING on paper that I could work with. And I have ideas for some interesting portrayals for the princesses
334974
*scratch chin*
Well, I'll see where it's going.
334944 Those who walk the path of dark, tend to have a LOT more fun. Learned from experience. Now excuse me, as there are a couple Jedi and Sith behind me, mainly because I turned on both.
This definitely seems like a good read. I am going to track this and wait for more.
this interested me cause of my username
well pump out a chapter every day or so and i am happy
Just by reading this makes me think you are using the charcter of the Knight of the old republic, the (in)famous girl or boy revan. when you were avoiding the gender of the character, it makes me think of Him/Her. i could be wrong or not, i will see later on.
337970
Snap! I totally forgot to put that in lol. I had a short quip about genders but it didn't fit in that conversation. I'm putting it in next chapter.
kill her. goooood let the hate flow through you my young sith apprentice
jk
Randomly decided to search "Jedi". Found this story. Read first chapter, and...
Ok, there are a lot of errors in this, but even so, I am intrigued. If you haven't already, you should get at least one pre-reader/editor. I'm going to read the next chapter now and see where this goes.
334790Ah...I was hoping it was Kyle Katarn. He is such a beast. He also isn't afraid to speak his about ANYONE to ANYONE. He also shunned the New Jedi Order for a period of time and turned to the Dark Side, TWICE. He turned back to the Light Side both times cuz he didn't like the cookies from the Dark SIde. JK, in all seriousness though, the man left the Dark Side twice to go back to the Light Side as one of the greatest Jedi of the NJO.
Anyways, I can't wait to see how you will portray this mystery Jedi.
join the dark side. we have cookies... and full dental!
2218881
I don't think that the Emperor uses any type of dental hygiene.
"I reserve creative freedom to twist Star Wars cannon into whatever shape I want"
How does that differ from any official Star Wars author? ;P