Its Just a, Hop, Skip, and a Portal Jump
On My Honor
Its Just a, Hop, Skip, and a Portal Jump
By: Honored Service
Edited by: CommanderWolffe
“Okay so let’s go over this one more time.” I said pacing around my living room. Luna was laying on my couch, rolling her eyes at me.
“Sure thing Twilight.” She snickered into her hoof before coughing to clear her throat, “I’m taking you to the Griffon kingdom to try and smooth things over. You are going to be staying, with me, for a few days while we work our political magic on the new King and his court there.”
“Good. And why are you taking the most politically challenged member of the Guard with you?” I asked, trying to prepare Luna for whatever questions her sister might ask you. She only had to tell Celestia, while I had to tell nearly the entire town of Ponyville. I didn’t realize how many ponies I actually interacted with on the daily basis.
“Because you won’t be doing the talking and I need someone capable of protecting my back in case things go wrong. And because your apology will be good.”
“ERRRRR.” I made a buzzing noise before sticking my index finger at Luna, “And just like that your sister has us busted. Why in the world would Johnson be apologizing? He believes that he did nothing wrong in trying to escape the kingdom and kill not one but two kings and one of their brothers. Not to mention unleashing chaos on the kingdom capital by freeing a prison. But he isn’t sorry.”
“Alright.” Luna was silent for a moment as she thought to herself. “Then I’m bringing the Human Equestrian Honor Guard to act as my guard and in case things get hostile he wanted to be there to release some stress.” Luna said looking at me.
“Bingo.” I smiled and gave her a thumbs up. “That’s much more believable. Now you go get things settled with Celestia while I get my equipment ready. And please try to hurry Princess.” Luna nodded before vanishing into a flash of light. Once the light from her magic died down I was left staring at my slightly burnt couch.
“Oh that’s just great. Not even a week old and you go getting magic all over it. That was a nice cushion too.” I began to fume silently while grabbing a sheet of parchment and a quill. I sat down and began writing the sign for my door as to not cause anypony alarm as to why I was gone.
Dear Friends,
I, Johnson or Honored Service, am gone for a few days to do stuff. And things. Please do not come looking for me as I don’t want to get in trouble by a certain sun picker-upper.
Thank you,
Johnson
P.S. Because I know that you, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy will still come looking for me even though I have asked you not to I will just tell you on the grounds of fuck it. I have recreated the magical portal that I attempted nearly seven weeks ago, except it works. I have had expert help and will return in three days, so please, please, please, pretty please don’t let anything happen to my house, and by that I mean don’t let Pinkie Pie in there by herself.
P.S.S. If I don’t return in three days, then I royally screwed up and now am possibly lost in an alternate universe/world. In that case, tell Celestia and send help.
Thanks, Johnson
P.S.S.S. Luna is coming too.
Satisfied with that I rolled the scroll up and popped it into a golden scroll holder. “Now how to make sure they get this after I leave…” I gave a sly smile and walked into my den and opened a box filled with shiny gems. “Perfect.”
“Sister I am leaving on the goodwill mission to the Griffon kingdom.” Luna said as she walked into her sister’s study where Celestia was reading over a new bill.
“Really?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes.” Luna smiled and quickly looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with her sister.
“The Griffon Kingdom,” she then pointed at Luna, “dressed like that?”
Luna looked down to her explorer’s outfit. Jungle explorer shirt covering her forelegs and chest with a large dark green belt loaded down with canteens and a machete. Resting on her head was dark tan pith helmet with a compass tucked into its band. And floating next to Luna was the terrifying weapon the human had given her. Celestia though it was called a M240 Bravado, but she really hadn’t been listening to Luna when she rattled off all the information to the weapon.
“Well I mean it is a long ways away.” Luna said as sweat began to break out under the pitch helmet.
“You usually fly airship.” Celestia narrowed her eyes at her sister and stood up from her desk. “You better not be doing what I think you are.”
“Well…ummm…I” Luna sputtered out as Celestia walked closer.
“You had better not be traveling on hoof with that crazy human, I know it sounds fun, but a long stretch of that journey is through the Badlands and that’s not even including the pirates that roam the ocean.”
Luna let out a deep breath before smiling. “Well we had been planning on it, but I guess that is a bit much for a roaming diplomatic party. I’ll let Honored know we are taking the royal airship then. Oh dear is he going to be grumpy that entire trip.” Luna said while slowly backing out of the room.
“I’d imagine so. You know how he hates boredom. I can’t even believe everything he’s done while in Ponyville. I mean first off that ludicrous spell. That was insane, maybe if Twilight, you, and I had been there he could have opened it to the other side of the planet, but another universe and planet? Insane I tell you. And then the hydra incident.”
Luna had backed out of the room and slowly shut the door, silencing her sister’s rant. Luna wiped a hoof across her forehead and smiled. She had bought it. She was in the clear, now all she had to do was head to Honored’s home and then cast the spell. Then she would see another planet! She would have to take intensive notes for Twilight. It would make Equestrian history.
“Oh Spikeeeee.” I called out softly into the library from the second story window. I could see the dragon standing on a step ladder across the room from me, but he couldn’t seem to hear me. And having Twilight one room over was making it hard to yell louder.
“Spikeeeee.” I hissed again, trying to make a little louder of a whisper. “Oh for the love of…” I quickly aimed my gauntlet at the step stool he was standing on and jerked it backwards, sending Spike crashing to the ground from his short fall.
“Spike be careful in there.” Twilight called out from the other room. I snickered and then watched as Spike got up and looked at me with an angry expression. I quickly held up the small box overflowing with gems. He quickly smiled and looked over his shoulder before running over to the window where I was watching.
“What’s u-mhmmhmh.” I quickly shoved my hand over his mouth before he could give away my position to the studious and fun killing alicorn in the next room.
“Just listen to me, and these will all be yours.” I shook the box a little so he could see all the gems sparkling inside of it. He nodded his head rapidly and I released his mouth. “Good. Now I’m going to give you a scroll, but no matter what you can’t give it to Twilight until after lunch. And by that I mean at least after one. No sooner. Do you understand?”
Spike nodded and then gave me a salute. “Okay then here’s the scroll Spike. Keep it hidden. And remember, not till after one.”
He nodded again and took the scroll, sticking it into… his side scale pockets? Damn that’s cool. I reached down and handed him the box. His eyes went wide as he stared at the mouth watering gems held between his hands. “Remember, top fucking secret Spike.” I nodded and then back flipped off the second story ledge and landed on my feet. I gave Spike a two fingered salute and then took off running along the street until I found a suitable spot where I could leap up onto the thatched roofs and running across Ponyville along the rooftops, avoiding the congestion of mid-morning rush.
I reached my house and found the door slightly ajar. I pushed it open and found Luna with her head stuck into my fridge. “Um can I help you?”
Luna’s head shot up, banging into one of the shelves in the fridge. “Shoot.” She said while pulling her head back, a carrot still in her mouth.
I keeled over laughing at the blushing alicorn. “Oh shut up,” She said while walking over to me and prodding me in my side, “come on, don’t you have to get your armor on.”
I sat up wiping a tear from my eye and nodding. “Yeah, I’ll head upstairs and get it on. I’ll be done in a minute, so please keep yourself out of my fridge.” Her new blush got me laughing again as I walked up the stairs. In my room I stripped down to my undershirt and a pair of briefs before pulling on my old military uniform. Then went on the chest armor and chest rig containing all the ammo for my rifle I would bring. Next I loaded up my shoulder holster with the Berretta. My belt with .45acp magazines for my silenced Glocks and the sheath holding Bad Bertha clipped on under the rig and chest armor. I clipped on my golden armor pieces on my biceps and legs before giving myself a once over in the mirror. I shook my head before slinging the five foot long Element of Protection sword across my back. “Almost there.” I said before grabbing my helmet and sticking it over my red and yellow streaked brown hair. I put on a small backpack with a few items in it as well. Finally I shouldered my rifle and smiled at the mirror. “Show time!”
“About time.” Luna said from her place on the couch. I took time to notice she was sitting on the opposite end from the burnt mark where she teleported from this morning.
“And you got to fix that.” I pointed at the black spot.
“Meh.” Luna shrugged her wings. “So we leaveing?”
“Yes, we’re going to head over the clearing and place the items and then cast the spell. I’ll start my watch just before we enter it, to keep us timed on how long we have till we get sent back here.”
“Okay then. I’ll meet you at the clearing.” Luna said giving me a wicked smile.
“No wait don’t do-“
FLASH
“-that.” I was left staring at another burnt magical spot on the other end of the couch. “Son of a bitch.” I groaned and grabbed my satchel carrying the magical artifacts. I closed the door to my house and locked the door before jogging off towards the edge of the Everfree.
“Sergeant Stand Bold,” Celestia was walking through the Royal Guard section of the castle when she spotted the pegasus, “may I interrupt your lesson for a moment?”
“Of course your highness.” He turned to the group of recruits he was teaching and began barking orders. “While I discuss matters with the royal princess, look over the manuals provided on the engine and drivers for the propulsion of the airships. Get to it lads!” Stand Bold trotted over to the princess before bowing, “what can I do for ya’ Princess Celestia?”
“Well it would seem that my sister is taking one of the airships to the Griffon kingdom for a few days and was wondering if it would be possible for you to be the captain of the airship they take. I would rather them take the Fast Skies as she is equipped for a fight should things go wrong.” Celestia said turning to look at the mentioned airship. It had a large red balloon providing it lift and under it was the actual gondola. It used to be attached by ropes to the balloon, but had long since been improved by having the gondola built into the balloon, giving it a sleeker and more deadly look. Well that and the twenty cannons on port and starboard sides and ten bow chase cannons and ten stern cannons.
“I would be happy to your majesty, but,” Stand Bold looked around at all the docked airships in the large stone bunker under the castle, “the flight roaster dosent show any of these ships leaving for almost a week.”
Celestia stood there staring at the guard before having her left eye twitch. “Thank you Sergeant. If you’ll excuse me, I have to send an alicorn and a human to the moon.”
“A honeymoon what?” Stand Bold said before shrugging his shoulders and watch the princess walk away. “And why the bucking Tartarus are you not reading that manual Dark Cloud?” Sergeant Stand Bold turned and started yelling at the recruits.
“Okay now if you’ll please put this vial of tears on that point there.” I gestured to the farthest point of the six pointed star. Luna picked up the vial and gently set it down on the tip of the point carved into the ground. “Great.”
I placed the last item of the satchel, Luna’s feather into its spot on the rune before stepping over onto the tip of the star that was to have the blood of an ancient lost in it. I could gut myself with my super sharp knife…or
“Jeeze Luna, is it going to be a full moon tonight or are just getting rounder?” I asked giving Luna huge grin.
“WHAT!?” She quickly turned to me and I could literally see steam coming from her ears.
“Oh I guess not, the moon is probably smaller.”
“YOURE GOING TO DIE!” Luna leapt at me from across the rune with one hoof outstretched.
“Why did I think this was a good idea?” I asked myself as her hoof made contact with my face.
CRACK
I saw stars, and a moon, as I swayed back and forth. Luna brought her hoof up for another hit, but I quickly held a hand up and caught her incoming hoof and pointed down with my free hand. A steady trickle of red blood was flowing form my completely broken nose and landing onto the rune it was supposed to go on.
“Thanks Luna.” I smiled and placed my hand on my nose before snapping it back into place. “I didn’t really want to cut myself.” I smiled, “And I kind of wanted to see how quickly I could make you mad.” I chuckled as the blood stopped flowing from my nose.
“Wait, speaking of the moon, how is Celestia going to know she has to raise and lower it while you’re gone?”
Luna began to shuffle her hooves against the ground before looking up to me with a wavering smile, “Honored, do you really think that Celestia, my sister, is going to be fooled that easily?”
“Shit.” My eyes grew big as I quickly ripped open the scroll and began to read the spell while charging my magic into my gauntlet. Luna ran beside me and also began to channel her magic into her horn. My blood red magic began to glow brightly as Luna’s dark blue magic shimmered equally as bright beside me.
“To travel back to any plane,
One must be utterly insane.
Casting the spell to rip and tear,
Sending to another sphere.
Just focus on the spot,
And ready the thought.
Long for day thrice,
And pay the price.
Speak the place now,
And space will allow.”
At the center of the rune, a white line appeared stretching from six feet in the air to the ground. Random bolts of raw magical energy began lashing out across the clearing from the line as it slowly began to open into a portal. It began to hold a circular shape with a white outline and the inside was filled with black swirling energy. More and more of the bolts lashed out from the portal striking everywhere until one of them hit the alicorn feather. Upon impacting the feather the magical bolt stayed locked to the feather creating a line of energy connecting the portal to the rune. Soon all the magical artifacts had single bolt of pure white energy going from the portal to the point on the rune.
“Wow.” Luna said as her magic slowly died down and the portal became self-sustaining, feeding form the magical artifacts. “It worked.”
“Not yet.” I said, reaching out and holding Luna back. “One more thing.”
“STOP!”
We both turned as Princess Celestia came hurtling towards us from the sky. And she looked pissed. I gulped and looked to the portal. The swirling darkness was waiting for the destination.
“Home.” I whispered. Red bolts of energy leapt from my gauntlet and hit the portal, turning the black center into a deep red pool of churning energy.
“Luna this is it. I’m going in. You can either stay here and explain where I’ve gone, or you can come with me like you wanted.” I reached out my hand to Luna. She looked at me and then towards her sister who was fast approaching the clearing. She looked down at herself and then nodded. She placed her hoof into my hand and then turned to face Celestia who was just above the clearing.
“Sister I’ll be back in three days! Take care of the moon!”
“I’ll keep her safe!” I yelled up to Celestia before giving her a salute and turning back to the portal. I pulled Luna forward and then I jumped into the magic, tugging Luna along with me. We passed through the turning red magic, it washing over us like a warm rain before tumbling through a tunnel of swirling colors and shapes of different sizes.
Luna pulled me towards her until she had both her forehooves locked around my chest in a death grip bear hug. We continued to tumble through the portal towards and immensely bright light that was fast approaching us from somewhere below us. Or above us.
We were simply just going towards the light.
We passed through the light and landed hard onto the ground. Everything was still blinded from the light we had passed through. I ran my hands around the spot I had landed and felt grass. Soft grass and then something hot and hard. My vision was slowly coming back, but my hearing came back first.
HONK
I quickly scooted backwards across the grass and bumped into something. That something quickly grunted and pushed me off of it.
“Watch it Honored!” Luna’s voice called out. “Can you see?”
“It’s starting to come back.” I reassured her, rubbing my eyes again. Even though my eyesight was blurred, I could begin to see.
Cars.
“CARS!” I shouted in delight. “Cars Luna! I see cars!” I watched as cars zipped past me on a large highway, or more likely an interstate. Big trucks roared by as my eyesight began to get better and better, more details coming into focus. I looked up to see a large green sign near me showing the exit ramp. “Luna my home. We… it worked… we’re here.”
“That’s great but-“
Luna suddenly went silent and then I heard a scream that blocked out the sound of the cars rushing by on the interstate. I spun around and stood up and stopped.
Where Luna should have been was a woman. A dark haired woman who was just barely covered up by the large dark tan explorer’s shirt that was covering her pale body. A large pitch helmet was obscuring most of her face as she looked down at her long slender fingers. “Luna?” I asked to the woman, taking a tentative step towards her.
“Honored what happened?” She spoke looking up at me. The pitch helmet fell backwards reveling her bright teal eyes, which at the moment, were showing a lot of fear.
“Luna it’s alright. You’re fine, just human at the moment.”
“WHAT!?” Luna yelled at me, causing me to cover my ears. It would seem that crossing universe didn’t stop her from having the Royal Canterlot Voice.
“Okay ouch, don’t yell like that, you might draw attention to ourselves-“
WOO WOO
I felt all my muscles clench as the high pitched signal of a patrol car sounded out behind me. I turned to see a local police car had stopped along the side of the road near the spot we had appeared in. Well the spot we were still at. Shit.
“Sir please turn around and HOLY SHIT!” The officer had been calmly approaching us, well as calmly as one would approach a man wearing gold armor and a half naked woman, when I turned around, reviling the rifle in my hands, pistol under my shoulder and the knives across my belts. “Dispatch this is car sixty-one. The flash on exit eleven bravo was two suspects, one heavily armed.” The officer spoke into the radio on his shoulder while backing up to his police cruiser.
“Wait!” I called out and took a step towards the man. No sooner had I moved, he drew his pistol and aimed square at my chest.
“Sir stay where you are and drop your weapon.” He said to me, keeping the gun trained at me. Shit I had forgotten what is was like to have a real weapon pointed at me. “Dispatch, send backup to last position. Out.”
“Please officer, this is a misunderstanding.” I raised my metal gauntleted hand up, keeping the rifle in my right hand pointed at the ground.
“SIR DROP THE RIFLE AND REMOVE THE METAL FIST THING FROM YOUR HAND!” The cop was now behind the side of his car and was ducking down, still keeping the pitol on me, but this time the hammer was locked back and the safety was off. I could see sweat beginning to break out on his forehead.
Behind the police cruiser, a few other cars had stopped as another police car pulled along horizontally on the interstate, blocking off two lanes of traffic. Shit I was making a scene. This was bad. Real bad. I suddenly felt something tug on the back of my leg. I looked down and back and saw Luna looking up at me with a terrified look on her face.
“Honored what’s happening?” Her voice was shaky as her eyes darted from me to the growing number of officers across from me behind the cop car. Now there were two pistols trained on me and one shotgun.
“Okay Luna,” I quickly scanned the area behind me before looking back to the cops. It would take at least twenty seconds for them to get back in their cars, turn them on, and the pursue me, and by that time we would be long gone, “Luna you need to hang on and then get ready to run.” I gritted my teeth and slowly began to try and channel magic into my gauntlet. If her Royal Canterlot Voice still worked, then my magic might too.
A chiming filled the air as a blood red aurora began to glow around my left palm. I smiled and looked to Luna, “Hang on, we are getting out of here, then we can talk.”
“PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN AN STEP AWAY-“
FLASH
I launched the short range teleportation spell and we vanished in loud bang and a flash of light. Now it was a short range spell so we only ended up on the other side of the interstate, in a small patch of trees. Beyond that was the exit ramp which lead down to the roads that crisscrossed my home city. We could short range jump in between buildings and homes until we could reach my house. Hopefully we could lose the police before getting there.
“Okay run with me Luna!” I shouted before sprinting towards the first building, a huge shopping center.
“Honored!” Luna screamed as I turned and watched her stumble on her new legs. I slapped a hand across my face and quickly teleported beside her. I realized she was taller than me. Damn it. She was about six and half feet tall while I was just hardly six feet tall. I scooped Luna up into my arms and began jogging as fast as I could towards the shopping center. As soon as I felt I could reach it, I would teleported us there. I sprinted around the side of the building, my rifle banging awkwardly against my side, hung in place by its sling. “Luna thing you can try to walk now?”
“I can try.” She said as I placed her down. She wobbled briefly before putting her hand out along the wall to steady herself. “This is ridiculous. How you manage to move at all. What creature doesn’t use its four legs for walking is insane.” She said while slowly placing one leg in front of the other.
“Okay that’s nice Luna, but,” the steadily approaching sound of sirens was making me anxious, “Now let’s go!” I scoped Luna back help, ignoring her startled ‘yelp’ and teleporting across the street to the roof of another local business building. I scanned the area in front of me before teleporting to a street corner seven blocks away.
I was painting by the time we reached the neighborhood I used to live in. I placed Luna down and began to walk forward, stopping at the welcome sign into the neighborhood.
Welcome to Ever Forest Terrace!
Neighborhood meeting April 20th, 2018
All encouraged to attend
I stared at the date.
It had been six years. Two Equestrian years was six Earth years. I hope my family still lives at our old home, or else this would be an awkward meeting. “Come on Luna, we’re almost there. Then I can explain.”
“Explain what?” She asked, stumbling towards me. Granted this time she did walk more than two feet. “Like why you are running from local guards?”
“Okay listen here Luna, how do you think sounds?” I coughed and then continued, “Oh hello there officer, just stopping by to visit my old home. Oh I was away in a magical land full of talking sentient ponies that use magic. Oh and these weapons? I had my friends’ steal some of them via magic from the army and this sword is actually a super magic weapon. And this rifle fires magic rounds that exploded. And that I am a hero of the world on more than one occasion.” I cocked my head in fake surprise, “What? Why would you need to take me Downtown? Experimentation? Mental evaluation? What me, no I’m perfectly sane. I only had a super evil entity ripped from my skull, leaving me missing a better half of my mind considering he had implanted himself there a while back. Nah I’m good. Oh and I can do this!” I quickly summoned magic into my metal gauntlet and caused a black and green ball of fire to begin dancing around my palm.
I shook my hand to get rid of the fire and looked to Luna. Thankfully the shirt was way too big for her and covered her up all the way to her mid thighs, or this would be super awkward. “Luna, these people, I mean, us humans, are natural curious and terrified of anything different or unexplainable. Trust me when I say that anything we do to avoid capture by them is better than the alternative.”
“I… but… let’s just get to your home.” She said as she slowly walked towards me, only stumbling once or twice.
“I hope it still is my home.” I said before taking her hand in my own and leaping forward into a flash of red.
“Hey Twilight,” Spike said walking up behind the alicorn as she finished her daisy sandwich, “I’ve got something for you from Honored.”
“Oh thank you Spike.”
Twilight took the scroll and pulled it out of its gold case. She unrolled it and lazily began to read over the parchment, her eyes growing larger and larger as she continued to read. She dropped the scroll and grabbed Spike in her front hooves, “Spike when did he give this to you!?” She yelled at the baby dragon.
“This morning!” Spike broke down into tears and began to wail, “He gave a lot of gems to give it to you after one!” He sobbed more falling onto the ground and reaching into his pockets pulling out a handful of gems and then stuffing them into his mouth. He continued to sob while munching on the gems.
Twilight sighed and then ran towards the library door to go get help. That human knew almost as much about advance magic as Spike did. Nothing! Twilight began to open the door when it exploded inward, slamming the alicorn into the wall as a white blur flew into the library.
“Twilight! I need your help!” Celestia’s voice was panicked as she looked everywhere in the room for Twilight. The door slowly shut and Twilight fell to the ground dazed. “There you are, Twilight! Luna has gone with Honored into some portal he made!”
“I know. Her Princess, read this.” Twilight quickly levitated the scroll to Celestia. Celestia paced back and forth as she read over the note. “It seems that he was able then to get the spell working. He must have had Luna help him.”
“Oh Luna.” Celestia mumbled to herself as she lowered the scroll. “Twilight we have to go get them back. What if something had gone wrong? My sister trapped in another world.”
“Let’s go your highness,” Twilight said galloping towards the door, “maybe we can reverse the pull of the portal before it closes for the three days.”
“Let us go Twilight.” Celestia nodded and they both ran form the library, heading towards a clearing in the Everfree Forest.
“That’s it Luna.” I pointed at a tan two story house across the cul-de-sac. My old home looked just like it did six years ago. Well granted that my car wasn’t there and neither were my parents’.
“It actually looks like the one you just built in Equestria.” Luna said walking forward towards the house. I quickly caught up to her.
“Well not the same color, but shape at least.”
“Yeah. I was feeling homesick so I tried to rebuild my old home.” I said walking beside Luna. Judging by the fact that sun was still low in the sky and that both car were gone, I was going to say it was early morning. I stood on the front yard and looked up at the porch where the old rockers chairs used to be. Not a good sign.
“There is one way to know if my family still lives here.” I said walking up the steps to the front door. “We had a lock box here,” I spun and pointed to one of the columns holding up the roof of the porch, “and I put the code on it. In it is the key. If I can open it then they must still live here. A new family would have changed it.”
“Unless they are lazy.” Luna added staring down her shirt.
“Will you stop that!” I said, face blushing.
“Why? I mean it is my body after all, but why are they so high up? And why is their hair only down-” Luna started to ask but I couldn’t hear her as I smashed my head into the column.
I groaned and slammed my head against the column again for good measure and readjusted my helmet. I turned and looked at the dark steel lock box attached behind the white column. I grinned and walked up to it, spinning the number combo into the lock wheel.
1-3-3-7
The lock box popped open and inside rested a single silver key. I pulled it out with a shaky hand and turned to the door. Luna had stopped examining herself and was watching me as I walked up and slowly stuck the key into the key hole above the handle. I gave it a turn and the lock clicked inside the door. I pulled the key out and pushed the door open, allowing us entrance into my home.
“I’m home.” I smiled and walked into the home, tripping on the step and slaming head first onto the foyer. “Fuck.”
Luna laughed behind me as I sat up and shook my head. “Oh shut it.”
We walked into the house and looked around. Honestly, it was almost the same as it had been six years ago. A few new pictures here and there and the kitchen had been changed, a new refrigerator, but other than that it was the same old house.
“Come on Luna, I’ll show you my room. If it is still my room.” I motioned for her to follow me downstairs. We walked down a short hallway and stopped outside of a white door. An exit sign was still tacked to the door from when I stayed there. I felt a tear form in my eye and I pushed the door open, reviling my room.
Granted it was dusty as shit, but it was just like before, like I had never left. I was interrupted from my emotional journey by Luna’s laughter. She was pointing at a few posters I had pinned to the walls. Most of them were Army related or had video games characters on them, but she was pointing at three that showed Princess Celestia.
“Jeeze what a good little boy!” She laughed harder and looked around. “Where am I?” She asked, her teal eyes locking with mine.
“I didn’t have any Princess Luna posters.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. I pulled off my helmet and sat it down on the edge of my bed.
“But you have this?” She picked up a model Rarity dressed as Princess Platinum I had a friend get for me from Bronycon.
“She’s my favorite!” She tossed it into the air with a grunt. “Hey be careful with that! That’s the only one!” I gently placed it back on the shelf it had come from.
Luna walked over to the closet and opened it, “What’s in here- ahhh!”
The clatter of metal startled me from making sure that the clay on the model hadn’t been broken by Luna’s roughness when I heard her yell. I turned to watch as my collection tumbled out form the closet.
“Are these more weapons?” Luna said looking at the pile of firearms on the floor then up to me.
“I had an expensive hobby.” I said shrugging my shoulders and walking to the fallen weapons. “I liked to buy these from gun shows and fix them up. Some were broken or missing parts so I would fix them and make them work again. I had always planned on reselling them, but then ya’ know Equestria happened.”
I smiled as I began to reorganize the long guns and put them back into the closet. “So what questions can I answer for you Luna?” I turned from the weapons and back to Luna who was now sitting on my bed with her legs spread- oh my God!
I quickly looked back at my innocent weapons and coughed awkwardly. “First though, let’s get you some clothes.” I shuddered and got up without looking at Luna and walked to my dresser. “Well I really don’t think I’ll have anything you’ll like. So I guess we can just kind of throw something together.” I looked back to Luna to see her looking through the clothes I had hanging up in the closet.
“What’s this?” She pulled back and was holding a long black overcoat with dark red accents on the shoulders.
“That was a part of a costume I made a long time ago.” I said dismissively and went back to digging though my dresser trying to find some jeans that would be long enough to cover Luna’s new long, slender, smooth… “Fuck.” I pulled out one pair and went back to digging for more.
I heard the chiming of magic behind me and turned to find Luna working magic on the black overcoat. The red accents on the shoulders and along the trimming had now turned dark blue and the black fabric of the coat now had faint silver in it. Not overly bright, but it looked like twinkling stars in the night’s sky. “That looks nice Luna.” I said while throwing her a pair of jeans. They should fit her, and I’m sure she could do some magic to make them tighter around the waist. “I’ll just let you get dressed, then head back upstairs. I’ll be in the kitchen getting us something to eat.”
“Okay, thank you Honored.” Luna smiled and began to unbutton the large shirt she was wearing. I quickly shut the door and shook my head. I walked towards the stairs, but stopped at the door to the garage. I walked into the dark cool room and flipped the lights on. Inside was assorted piles of junk and lots of boxes. A small group of boxes had writing on the side.
T’s Tech
I cocked my head to the side and walked over to the box with my name on it. “Well hello there, what’s this?” Inside the cardboard box was all my tech I brought to college with me before, well traveling to Equestria. My old computer, printer, speakers, and a whole other ball of cables for the three main things. In the bottom was a small silver device. My iPod. “Yes!” I grabbed the little guy and hit the home button, but the screen remained black. “Well duh, it’s been dead for six years.” I rolled my eyes and charged up my magic. I placed the iPod into my open palm of my gauntlet and began to channel some raw magic into the iPod. Within a few seconds the silver Apple logo flashed onto the screen and the charging battery symbol lit up. “Neat.” I whispered, getting up and heading back down the hallway to the stairs. I kept the iPod in my hand, feeding a small amount of magic into it as I went.
I entered the kitchen and looked around. “Well what to eat? No Hydra…Wait a second!” I quickly ran to the front door and picked my small backpack off the floor. Opening it I found a few hydra steaks wrapped up tightly. “Bingo!” I smiled and ran back to the kitchen to prepare a nice meal for me, and something disgustingly healthy for Luna. I placed the charged iPod into my pocket and continued to cook.
“Honored?” Luna called from down the stairs.
“Yeah?” I called back while throwing some lettuce and other mixed greens into the air using my magic, “I’m up here.”
I turned to the stairs as Luna walked up and into the kitchen. She had ditched the explorer’s shirt and the pitch helmet for the long black and dark blue overcoat. She left it open and found a dark purple shirt to wear under it. She was wearing the jeans I had pulled out for her and was holding them up with a silver sash woven through the belt loops on it. She didn’t have anything on her feet, but then again I only had old combat boots in that closet anyway. She smiled as she spun around showing me her new outfit. Her dark hair seemed to shine in the mid-day sunlight coming from the kitchen skylight. That’s when I noticed it wasn’t black hair, but just a very deep purple. “So I’ll take it from your open mouth that it looks good?” Luna said while winking at me.
“Yes it does. I like what you did with the coat.” I quickly pulled my attention back to the salad I was making for Luna. “So questions?”
“Those were cars? Those things on that big road.”
“Yes. Those are what humans use to travel in mainly, or at least on the ground. I know I explained planes before.”
“Yes you did, that’s those flying machines right?” She asked while leaning over my shoulder and watching me make lunch. She easily could look over me, with her being taller and such.
“Yeah,” I chuckled, “flying machines.”
“What’s so bad about this place, I mean besides the overly cautious guard force, it seems nice. Better technology and advancements.” Luna asked while carrying her bowl of salad over to the table. I sat down across from her with my plate of hydra steak and green beans from the pantry.
“Well I mean I could flip on the news and let you see. But I’ve been gone for six years so who knows what war is going on now. It could be the same damn one as when I left or a new one, but humans are always fighting. You know the best thing to do is give you one of the old history books I have.” That was actually for best. No TV and certainly no fucking internet. I’m not having that, I’ve read enough fanfics revolving around ponies and computers.
“That sounds amazing!” Luna clapped her hands together before staring at them. She clapped them together again and listened to the sound of them. She blushed when she saw my staring at her. “Oh whatever. You probably did this when you were a pony for a day.” She shot back before sticking her head into the bowl of salad.
I broke out laughing as she pulled her head back, a few leafy greens sticking out from her mouth as she chewed. I held out a fork and laughed more as she took it in her hand and glared daggers at me.
“Okay sorry, I don’t get to see someone try and use a new body every day.” I cut a piece of steak and stuck it in my mouth before looking up at Luna.
“Why do you get all red when I do this?” Luna pulled her shirt out and looked down it. Again.
“Oh jeeze Luna.” I looked away and then sighed, “Because you’re an attractive woman. Happy?”
“Very.” Luna gave me a smug smile, “How attractive?”
“Luna.” I groaned and slammed my head down on the table.
“I’m only curious. I get to study an entirely different planet with its own customs and beliefs. And I need all the details I can get.” Luna said while beaming at me.
“Listen Luna, I’ve been stuck with ponies for the last two Equestrian years,” I waved my hands around my head, “and you’re the first human female I’ve seen in that time. So I’m not really the right person to ask.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Luna wouldn’t let this subject die. Can’t she take a fucking hint? I don’t want to discuss human anatomy with her when she keeps-
“And keep your damn shirt on!” I shouted at her as Luna once again started to pull her shirt up.
“Then answer my questions or I’ll show you my teats.” She stated. Mood killed. I exploded into laughter and fell off my chair and onto the wood floor. “What?”
“Okay fine you know what you win.” I sat up and took a deep breath. “Humans don’t have- snicker- teats. Those are breasts.” I pointed at her, “And humans don’t go showing them off to random strangers so keep your damn clothes on. Please.”
“Fine.” She crossed her arms and stayed silent until she went back to eating her salad. I went back to my food and just ate, enjoying the brief silence. “So why won’t you tell me if I’m pretty?”
“That’s it!” I yelled and stood up. “Okay fine you want to know what I think then fine I’ll tell you!” I stalked away from the table and began to pace across from Luna. “I have been stuck with ponies for two years. Yes I found them attractive after a while, you guys are so fucking cute and damn near human like minus the whole pony thing, but I looked past that for a soul connection kind of thing. I saw that in Sky. But I haven’t had sex in over two years!” I stomped a foot down and took a long breath before continuing. “So just now, coming back to Earth to find that you have been transformed from an alicron to a drop dead, stunning, jaw dropping, heart stopping, and smoking eleven out of ten goddess of a woman who keeps throwing herself at me, but I ignore them because I can’t stand the idea of being with another being because I’m afraid of what would happen to them should another evil rise!” I fall into the chair where I had been sitting and take a deep breath. I look up to Luna to see her sitting there with a hand covering her mouth.
“I’m… I’m sorry Honored. I thought…” She trailed off and went silent while I just stared at her. After a minute I decided that was enough of the depressing moment and smiled.
“It’s okay Luna. I didn’t mean to just vent on you like that, but now you know. Advice from me, a pent up human with a slightly crazy mind isn’t something you should do.”
“But at the palace, before Nightmare and his shadows, you and Sky…” Again she trailed off and started to blush red.
“What y’all thought we did it?” I waved a hand at her, “Nah we just fooled around. Applejack just heard us rough housing for a bit. We had only been dating for like three months anyway, and I’m not that easy.” I laughed as Luna began to forget about my slight rant and smiled at me.
“Oh, well okay. Sorry about prying Honored.” Luna picked up her salad bowl and carried it over to the sink. I extended my hand and using my magic, put it into the dishwasher under the counter across from the sink.
“Well we have a couple of hours until my folks get home, and I think they might be surprised to see me. Since I probably have been presumed dead by most.” I said to Luna as she wandered around the living room, looking at the photos around the shelves.
Luna was eyeing everything in the room so I decided to give her the history book. I looked through the books until I found a very old text book from a history course I took in my first year of college. I nodded and blew the dust off of it before bringing it back to Luna. She immediately grabbed it from me and ran to the couch, flopping onto it and opening the book to the introduction. “Slow down there Twilight.” I said jokingly as she stuck her tongue out at me and began to read.
“Oh just go play with your weapons.” Luna derided at me, flipping a page in her new favorite book.
I walked back to my room, first stopping in the garage and opening a box labeled Mil Stuff. Opening revealed almost all of my old army gear. Considering that Equestria happened, a lot of it was in pretty good shape. I grabbed the one thing I was looking for. A large drab green overseas bag. I tucked it under my arm and walked back into my room. I laid the bag out on the bed and then opened the door to the closet and stepped back.
“Who wants to come with me?”
“I’m sorry Celestia. I’ve tried reverse pulling the magical polarity but it just… it just can’t be done. These magical artifacts that he used with the spell are anchoring it perfectly so that I couldn’t undo the spell.” Twilight said while trying to comfort her mentor.
“Thank you for trying Twilight. I’m just worried. What if something happens?”
Twilight was silent as she tried to think of a way to help Celestia.
“Yer highness, you need to think of it like this,” Applejack came forward and sat in front of the Princess, “Luna went with him on her own free will, and she’s a Princess! Not to mention she’s traveling with Honored Service. Ah mean he has practically taken on two different armies by himself and won.” Applejack had a valid point. Luna was traveling with an Equestrian Honor Guard and she herself had always been a very skilled fighter.
“Thank you Applejack.” Celestia said, a small smile forming.
“And when he gets back we can throw him a thanks-for-not-letting-Luna-get-hurt-and-a-welcome-back-to-Equestria-party!” Pinkie Pie yelled, bouncing into the air happily.
“Or have a fun-on-the-moon-party.” Celestia added causing everypony around to gasp at her. “Oh it’s a joke my little ponies!” The gathered Elements of Harmony laughed as Celestia turned back to the closed portal. “Mostly.”
“Now that you are all packed, nice and snuggly with all your ammo, I should check on Luna.” I turned to leave my room when I heard a car door slam shut. “Shit.” I whispered. I ran towards the hallway trying to beat whoever was home to the kitchen. If they saw Luna first it would be a shit show.
I reached the stairs just as the front door opened. I was too late. The person opening the door had a clear sight of the living room, and the woman lying on the couch staring up from a history book.
“Who are you!?” Came a nervous shout from the foyer into the house.
“That would be my friend Luna.” I stepped around the door so I was staring the new party in the face. “Hi mom.”
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holy hell so many update and to leave use a cliffhanger like that is just evil
ump45 please if your taking requests for guns.
can't wait next chapter
2-1 odds the mom screams.
3-1 odds she faints.
4-1 odds both.
Any takers?
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
The conversation between honoured and his mom will be a complete and utter shitstorm, there is no way it could turn out differently.
This will be so awesome
3748422 $20 on both.
I would have thought that charging a super complicated electrical device with magic would be a little more challenging than just 'pore magic into it'.
3748609 one simple explaination: It's magic!
And on a side note: looking forward to next chapters.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MORE!!!
(3 updates in two days?! FUCK YEAH!)
3748422 I'm betting she slaps him and yells or something xD Then starts crying
3748857 ... I'm trying to get this stuff edited for him, I enjoy reading this as much as you all do! I'm just waiting on him to send me more chapters, allowing me to continue cranking this stuff out!
Oh ho ho; Honored you tease. I know exactly what those hints are referring to ;)
This is going to be so th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2011/351/4/0/awesome_rainbow_dash_wallpaper_by_bluedragonhans-d4jfj4s.png
3749044 Ooooooooh hello mr editor!! great job! xD
3748405
Requests? Good idea. So far im just using firearms i have in my closet, but i like that idea.
3748466
Um..... Probably.
3748609
But that's the beauty of magic! It isn't understood! MUHHHHHHHAAAAAHAHAHAHA
3749109
He sure did
3749286 xD
best chapter so far. keep up the good work.
3749311 glad you're liking it!
Oh god THIS CANT END WELL
3749474
never does
Honored you sly dog... but seriously if I could I would upvote this story as many times as you just leave us one hell of a chapter
3749250 yes but not at the cost of crushing your friends only dream. but he didnt go running back to cilestia with the information so hes good in my book, just lower
3750336
Dont worry, i just wrote Covert's part in the next chapter, maybe it will be up tonight...
3750351 i fucking love you right now...
OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTA HAPTA RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
3750977
working on it. Who should die now? Im thinking Covert?
Nah maybe Luna...
JK. haha Honored.
3750983 Oh I can bet on that... xD
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/36448851.jpg
3749256 Loving how casually you say "I'm using the firearms from my closet"
if you get an Xbox request from DSA Padwan that would be me assuming I ever log on
3749284
Well I'm going to start understanding it. I'm going to make magic my bitch!
Because I have no other special talents.
3752015
but what if that is your special talent?
3752549
Explaining stuff that really needs no explanation in great depth, especially if it doesn't exist or has no impact on my or anyone else's life? Yeah, sounds about right.
3753299
And that cutie mark would look like...
3753618
Probably a blue moon.
3751018
Dude. There's something wrong here. With what you said. Please rephrase.
-LINE BREAK, YO-
I need to write the next line in the sequencing of this story. Or couple. Eh.
"Who the fuck are you!?" His mom shouted fearfully, as her subconscious quietly thanked all the gods above that she wore brown pants today. The angry sounding Ancient Greek-Cyborg-Thing pulled off its' helmet and she gasped in recognition. It was her son. [I have an extremely strong desire to say: now she was regretting her decision to be against incest... But no matter how sick and twisted I am, I won't tell anyone I have ever said that... Starting now] When the hell did he become so badass?
And end chapter. Nice cliffhanger too keep your readers riveted. Serious plot development going down, stoking of the mans ego, sexual references. Just about everything you need for one of your chapters! Your welcome!
I am so damn selfless, it still amazes me.
3753713 Rephrase? I do not see the confusion I just saying that I would find him on Xbox. What is the confusing part?
Me when I end chapters with cliffhangers:
Me when other authors end chapters with cliffhangers:
3753692 Nah it'd be this --->
3753732
That works too.
This is what happens when the doc adds an extra zero on your prescription knockout pills. Instead of going to sleep for a few days, you conk out for a week. Thanks, Doctor Brown, thanks a lot.
3754518
haha sucks man. you can edit them if you want, adding your stuff, or just wait till the next one and ill send it to ya too
3754518 Please tell me that your doctor's name is Emmett L. Brown.
YOU BASTARD! Damn it man, I've been waiting since the FIRST SERIES for there to be a point where he's one earth and sees other humans and has all his cool shit with him and now, when it happens you give me a damn cliffhanger! Ugh, alright, I can understand, you're busy and stuff. Don't think I'm not still angry with you though! Anyway, apart from my anger, this story keeps getting better and better, great job. I really can't wait to see the shenanigans unfold, hopefully he goes back and sees his old Cadet friends, show them how badass he is now, ya'know, he already has a badass longcoat, truly the only way for more badassery to ensue is for him to get an awesome mask or something. But yeah, keep going, thanks, have fun with your new games. Thanks Honored!
3756885
Glad you're liking it, i sent the newest chapter out today, and am already half done with the next one.
3756999 How do you do it? How do you write so much, so quickly?
3756535 Nope. His name is Michael Lathrop Brown. Everybody calls him Doc Brown, though.
3757187
I don't know. i just sit down, turn on itunes, and just go to town.
3757209 ...He needs to legally change his first name to Emmett! That is too much of a coincidence for him to be a doctor and have the same middle and last name as Doc Brown for him to not change it,
3757221 That explains it. I use Pandora, myself.