Honored Meats His Foe
On My Honor
Honored Meats His Foe
By Honored Service
Edited/Preread by: Duncan Zundel
Edited By: Tbone5363 and TheDarkAngel
“I’ll take twenty sheets of soft plywood, and can I start off with fifty 2x4s?” I gestured to the kind of wood I wanted. It was a normal morning in the Ponyville town market full of busy ponies shopping for all sorts of goods. Over the last week, I had used up my supply of Everfree Forest timber on the frame of my house and still needed more wood for the second story frame and then I had to actually build the walls. Everything was moving along well, other than for the fact that the girls couldn't help every step of the way. Applejack and Twilight would help whenever they could, but they still had their own jobs to attend to at the farm and library.
“We can have that delivered to you this afternoon, Honored" the light red earth pony told me while looking over a clipboard on the counter. “Is there anything else you’ll need?”
“Actually yes, let’s make that forty sheets of the plywood, and sixty 2x4s. Aw hell, throw in ten 4x4s too.” I smiled as Lumber Yard made the final markings to my order.
“Okay, we’ll have that brought over. Do you want to pay now or start a tab?”
“I can do that?” I was surprised. I thoughts bars were the only place to do that.
“Well, I assume you’re going to need more supplies with the building you’re doing,” Lumber Yard said, not even looking up from his clipboard, “and the mighty human warrior is going to need to get the supplies from some reliable source.” Lumber Yard looked up and flashed me a smile.
“Oh I see what you’re trying to do.” I gave him a smile back. “You think you can flatter me into buying from you only. Well let me tell you what, it's sure as hell working!” I stuck out my hand and shook his hoof vigorously. “Consider yourself my supplier for this build! I like your style Yard.”
“I’ll start that tab for ya’.”
“If you’d be so kind.” I finished my business and went to continue my shopping around the market. “Today is going to be a wonderful day.”
"This day is just fucking horrible." I let out an exasperated sigh and slumped against a tree in the clearing where my rune was being carved into the ground. I slid down until I was resting with my back against the rough bark of the tree. I looked at the still glowing section of the rune I had just finished sealing to the earth. It had taken me three tries to get the spell right; it never gave me problems before today. The glowing stopped, and the third ring on one of the six points of the star was permanently sealed to the ground of the Everfree. I let out a long yawn. Man I was tired, and I hadn't been two hours ago. I sluggishly got to my feet and checked my work again on the rune. Another few trips and the rune would be finished and then I could start the real task, finding all of the magical objects required to fuel the spell, along with immense magical ability. Might have to ask Twilight for help on that one.
"Well, Lumber Yard should be here by now. Better not keep him waiting." I walked from the clearing and down the trail out of the Everfree Forest back to the edge of my property. Sure enough, upon exiting the dense woods, Lumber Yard and a few other stallions were standing around with wagons full of lumber for my house.
"Good afternoon." I said letting out another yawn. "Well let’s just unload everything here."
I pointed to a spot near the front of the construction. The ponies unhitched themselves from the wagons and began to move the wood onto their backs and carry the lumber to the house. I walked over to lend a hand in the process.
"Howdy Honored." A deep voice called out behind me.
"Well hello to ya too Big Macintosh. How are you?" I said, giving the large pony a friendly wave and brushing off my hands before extending my arm for a shake. He gave me a solid shake and then turned to look at all the lumber.
"I’m doing fine. Y’all need any help?"
"I don’t think so." I aimed my gauntlet at a stack of wood and began charging up my magic. I released it and hovered the 2x4s into the air. As soon as they were air born, I began to feel a deep migraine setting in. My magic faltered and the glow around my hand flickered and went out. The lumber toppled to the ground in a heap.
Macintosh looked at me, "Honored, are you okay?"
I swayed right and then shook my head back and forth. "Um yeah, never better." I tried to lift the boards again, but my magic barely even formed in my hand. The faint chiming was heard, but it quickly died out and I was left feeling empty. "I guess my magic just isn't at a hundred percent today." I gave an awkward cough and walked over to the lumber and began to carry a few boards. These simple 2x4s felt like they weighed a ton.
"Hey Lumber, what are these made out of, lead?" I struggled as I dropped the two boards to the ground.
"Um, wood. Oak specifically.” Lumber Yard said, easily dropping ten of the boards of his back next to my two.
"Yeah, I knew that." I wiped sweat from my brow and sat down against one of the framed sides of my house.
"Honored, are ya sure you’re okay?" Big Macintosh walked in front of me and sat down.
"I’m just a little tired that’s all." I sighed and yawned again, proving my point. "Some sleep and dinner and I’ll be right as rain."
"Sis, we need to talk." Big Macintosh walked behind his sister Applejack as she dragged a basket of apples towards the barn.
"You? Talk?" Applejack chuckled and picked the basket up and placed it on her brother's back, "Sure thing, big brother."
"I stopped by to visit Honored -"
"That was mighty kind of ya. How goes his house?" Applejack cut in, interrupting her brother.
"And he isn't doing well." Applejack stopped walking and looked to the red earth pony. She looked concerned and thought for a moment.
"What’s wrong with him?" She asked. She was already planning on getting the girls ready to go knock some sense into that stubborn human, if he was over working himself again.
"His magic kept kept failing, then it stopped working altogether, and then he was having trouble preforming the simplest physical task like moving a few boards. Something is seriously wrong with him." Big Macintosh went silent as Applejack took in this information.
"Thank ya, Mac. I think I’ll go tell Twilight and we can all go talk to him together. Sounds like he might be working too hard on that house of his." Applejack finished putting away the baskets of apples she had harvested so far in the day. She still had a few rows of trees to go, but looking out for friend was more important at the moment.
"I doubt it’s the house," Big Macintosh said while shifting the wheat around in his mouth, "he still only has one side of the bottom floor done."
"I'll figure it out, don’t you worry none. Let Granny know I’ll be home at supper." Applejack trotted down the dirt road out of Sweet Apple Acres towards Ponyville. She would stop and ask Twilight if she had felt any more of those magical tremors. Honored might be at it again. Silly human.
"Nope, I’m afraid not AJ." Twilight said over a cup of tea Spike had prepared for herself and the farm pony. "The magical tremors haven’t happened since we talked to Honored about them. And I haven’t detected any other powerful spells being cast recently either."
"Well, Big Macintosh seemed pretty sure that something was wrong with him. His magic not working, and him not being strong or as full of himself."
"That is strange," Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin, and stirred her tea with a spoon held in her magical aurora, “We should go check up on him. It’s not too late yet. Let’s just go see what’s wrong with that crazy human." Twilight spun her eyes around and gestured to the side of her head with her hooves, while 'poofing' her wings out, making herself look crazy.
The two ponies set out at a brisk pace towards the Everfree Forest where the resident human was setting up his home.
I grunted as the last board was unloaded and stacked with the rest. I was drenched in sweat and every muscle in my body was aching from the simple task of moving boards. I grunted and flopped down on the ground.
"Well, come by the stall if you need anything else Honored." Lumber Yard said as he hitched himself back up to the wagon.
"Uhhhh." I moaned out and lifted a hand into the air and gave a weak wave. I didn’t bother lifting my head. I watched the clouds drift lazily by high in the sky as I felt my eyelids get heavier and heavier.
"Just a - ahhhhhh- short nap." I stretched out yawned again, slipping into sleep instantly.
"Well he definitely isn't working too hard on the house." Twilight said. Only one side of the bottom floor was done, and the frame of the second floor was barely even started. "Where is he anyway?”
Applejack pointed a hoof to her left where a deep rumbling noise was coming from. There, passed out on the ground, was the human in question.
"Oh my." Twilight said and covered her mouth with a wing.
"Mac never said he looked so...bad. Good gravy." Applejack stared in shock at the human.
His eyes were closed, and large dark bags were under each eye, making it seem like he hadn't slept in days. His normally shiny brown hair with red and orange streaks in it was dulled in color and the extra colors seemed to be turning gray. His cheeks looked sunken and his muscular arms and body seemed smaller.
"Twilight," Applejack couldn't believe she was looking at the very same human that two weeks ago had almost ripped a hole in the universe, "What’s wrong with him?"
"I don’t know Applejack, but I bet I can think of somepony that might be able to help." Twilight charged up her horn, and with a bright flash and a crack, she vanished, leaving Applejack staring at the crippled human warrior sleeping on the ground.
Shh-Crack
Twilight reappeared with a slightly startled Fluttershy behind her. Fluttershy looked dazed but snapped out of her trance when she saw Honored laying on the ground. She quickly trotted to his side and kneeled down, placing a small brown bag down beside her. She pulled out a thermometer and placed in the human's mouth before then feeling his forehead. She gently placed a hoof on his eyelid and pulled it up slowly and examined his pupil, and then removed the thermometer. She looked at it and then placed it back into the bag. Fluttershy took one last look and walked back to Twilight and Applejack.
"I’m glad you got me. He's sick, that’s for sure. It’s kind of hard to tell, since he’s the only human and I don’t know much about his species, but I’d say he’s showing signs of malnutrition."
"You mean he ain’t eating enough?" Applejack said dumbfounded.
"I doubt that," Fluttershy said looking back at the human, "I mean that he might not be eating what he needs."
"He’s been fine for the last year and a half. How is it effecting him now?" Twilight said, her voice beginning to sound stressed. "This makes no sense."
"Well all I can think of," Fluttershy said while bringing the girls closer to the human, "is asking him what he’s been doing." She reached out and gently began to poke the human. "Honored, Honored, please get up sleepy head."
I was staring at her; Queen Chrysalis right as her horn released that bolt of magic that tore her from my life. Except it was different this time, this time I was standing in front of the red mare. And grasped tightly in my grip was the Element of Protection. The sword was held ready to absorb the bolt of magic that would take her life. This time, this time I would protect her.
"Honored."
I heard the voice and turned around, the dream slowly crumbling around me. "No!" I screamed, "Not this time! I'm so close!"
"Honored please get up sleepy head."
My eyes shot open to see Twilight, Fluttershy, and Applejack staring at me. I brought a hand to my face and felt wetness around my eyes. I wiped the tears away and tried to smile. But I failed at the weak attempt. "Hi girls, what can I do for you?"
Fluttershy smiled sweetly at me and spoke softly to me. It was the same voice I've heard her use when comforting a wounded animal, a voice to try and calm it.
"Honored, we know something is wrong with you. You’re weak and we want to help you. You haven’t been trying that spell again?"
"No. I haven’t tried that spell in two weeks."
"Have you been doing a lot of physical activities?" Twilight asked, writing down my answers of course.
"Not more than usual. I mean it’s actually hard to do most stuff now." I thought to simply moving the lumber.
"Okay, last question," Fluttershy said, "Has your diet changed at all in the last week?"
I thought about that one. Mainly it had been vegetables and fruits for the last week. Actually that’s all it had been. "Just fruits and vegetables."
"What about two weeks ago?" Fluttershy asked, her brow wrinkling in concentration.
"Well I had mostly MREs that Twilight and Princess Luna teleported from Earth for me."
"Could you show me them please?" Fluttershy asked, "I want to see something."
I scratched my head in confusion, “Sure, it’s all trash now, but hey knock yourself out." I lifted my hand pointed towards the silver metal can that acted as my trash can. Fluttershy nodded to Twilight who levitated it over to us. Twilight's magic lifted the lid, and a mound of brown plastic bags with the markings of MREs and the meal inside spilled out onto the ground.
"Honored, please read these, if you don’t mind." Fluttershy gestured to the mound of trash.
"Okay, but for the record, you’ve lost me here." I began sifting through the trash and reading the menu on each MRE.
"Chicken, tuna, pork, beef, another pork, beef, chicken." I stopped as Fluttershy held up her hoof.
She turned around to the girls and gave a sigh. "Well, I figured out what’s wrong with him."
"Um, could include me in the diagnosis, Doctor Flutters?"
Fluttershy turned around, blushing slightly, “Oh, um, yes, of course. Okay, so here’s what I think. Now it’s just what I think, so it might be wrong."
"Fluttershy you’re great with animals, no offense Honored," Applejack said nodding to me.
"None taken."
"Okay then, Honored is an omnivore, and he has been eating food from his planet that-" Fluttershy let a shudder course through her body, "-contains lots of meat, something that his body obviously is used to and needs. And for the last week, you have eaten nothing but fruits and vegetables. So before, when he tried to perform that spell, his body was functioning at its strongest,"
Twilight jumped in, cutting Fluttershy off, "Which is how he was even able to attempt that powerful of a spell."
"Um right," Fluttershy nodded, "And now with his diet completely vegetarian, his body is draining his magic as a source of energy,"
Twilight cut in again, "Explaining why his magic is failing him. And he looks like he’s starving because he is. Starving on both normal nutrition and magic!" Twilight clopped her hooves together and began to write furiously on a piece of parchment. "This is amazing. His diet effects his magic supply. Incredible!"
"Wait," I said, my apparently starving brain having trouble processing this, "Why is this effecting me now and not for the last year and a half?"
"Easy," Applejack said and then pointed to Twilight, "Lay it on him, Twi."
"Did you have magic right away when you came to Equestria?"
"No."
"You began developing your own magic after your fight with Day Terror and we had to use the Elements of Harmony to save you. That sparked your own Element to appear. And at that time in Equestria-" I cut it and stopped Twilight,
“I hadn't eaten meat in almost a year anyway, so body wasn't used to its proteins."
"Right." Twilight said, writing everything down. "Meat now just acts as a magic enhancer, makes your magic and body work to its full potential."
I looked at my hands. Meat. If I ate meat I could be powerful. Even more powerful than I was. The more meat I consumed, hypothetically the stronger I could get. Meat was power.
"So does this mean I get to go hunting?" I flashed the girls a toothy grin, feeling better knowing I could get better quickly.
Fluttershy squeaked and backed away from me and Applejack narrowed her eyes at me.
"Honored, you know the rules. We only let you eat that food because, well, it was already dead, and it didn't come from this planet." Twilight said. "You can’t just start killing innocent animals now."
"Then what am I going to do about the whole 'magic eating my body away' thing?" I asked. The solution was right in front of me. No, not the ponies, the Everfree Forest. It was chalk-full of tasty treats. Deer, manticores, cockatrices, and other succulent creatures. My mouth was beginning to water at the thought of venison and other, more exotic meats.
"Honored, please be patient, I’m going to write to the Princesses' and see what advice they have."
Twilight and the girls began to walk away from me, Fluttershy looking more scared of me than ever before, but that quickly changed and she zipped over to me.
"Honored, you are a dear friend to me and the girls, and you've done so much for us. But-" she poked me in the chest with her hoof, " If you harm a single innocent creature... I’ll...I’ll do something you won’t like."
Even though she was trying to be intimidating, she still looked adorable, but I got the message. "I Pinkie Promise no innocent creature well enter my stomach."
Pinkie popped out of a hole in my construction, giving me a deathly stare before sinking back into the shadows.
Fluttershy nodded and hovered away after the girls who stared in shock at what Fluttershy had just done, not even noticing the pink party pony.
'Damn she loves animals,' I thought to myself. 'Now where to find a non-innocent animal?'
"Sister, have you read Twilight’s most recent letter?" Celestia asked Luna over their morning coffee and mixed oats. Suddenly Celestia wasn't feeling too hungry.
"No. May I read it? Today's comics are rather dull," Luna said while placing the paper's newest Valin and Clobbes down. The Princess of the Night ran her eyes over the letter, her expression growing more and more worried as she scanned the parchment. "This is most troubling. I can think of only a few solutions."
"I know. Twilight says he already suggested hunting, but that’s been illegal for centuries. And even considering everything he’s done for Equestria, I still believe that a lot of ponies will not let that go over well."
"And who knows how long it will take his body to even out with this foreign diet. By that time, it could well be too late. The magic will continue to consume his body."
"We must figure something out soon, Luna. Honored needs our help now."
"Sister what can we do? This seems like something that may be out of our hooves." Luna said while frowning. She hated the idea of not being able to help the human that had done so much for the both of them, and that wasn't even considering her personal feelings towards the wild warrior.
"Luna we must learn from my student. We need to do some research." Celestia reared up on her hind legs and jumped into the air, "Come Lulu, to the library!”
The two alicorn princesses rushed to the library to begin the research on how to help the unhealthy human.
I exhaled deeply and breathed in slowly while scanning the woods through the scope attached to the top rail on the XM2010 ESR bolt action rifle. I had a five round box of the .300 Winchester magnum ammunition loaded into the weapon, ready to take down the next non innocent target to enter my scope.
But of course, fate was having none of that.
Five deer
Three wild chickens
A fucking turkey
And a god forsaken large wild boar
All of these animals had entered my field of vision, passed right through my scope, and continued on their merry way. It was almost as if Fluttershy had told them nothing would happen to them. My mouth was dripping with drool as another fat pig waddled right into my cross hairs. It then stopped right dead center of the aim point and looked right in my direction. I licked my lips. This mother fucka was begging to be put on a split and slow roasted for eight to sixteen hours, while being, marinated every thirty minutes in a sweet barbecue mustard-base sauce. The pig then turned around and squatted down. It then proceed to shit in my direction.
"Fuck it!" I stood up, knocking the leaves, limbs, and moss I had used to cover myself with while I was in my hide. The pig bolted off back into the depths of the Everfree. I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. The rifle cradled in my hands felt if it weighed a ton. It was a pain to move through the underbrush of the forest. I felt defeated and shitty considering that my magic was eating my body and my body was trying to eat my magic; talk about burning the candle at both ends.
"Oh what I wouldn't give to have some monster try and eat me now." I sighed and dropped down onto a log that was next to the small path I was on. I took in a deep breath. The normal smell of the forest was now mixed with the pungent smell of a swamp.
"Aw fuck. I walked the wrong way." I put my head in my hands and sighed. I was close to Froggy Bottom Bog rather than the edge of the Everfree near my house, a solid hour walk back to my side of the woods. I picked myself up and hefted the rifle into my arms. I took a step back the way I came when I heard a roar that ripped through the calm natural silence of the forest. A grim smile slowly began to spread across my lips as I turned towards the sound.
"Sounds like my meal will have some fight in it." I felt a small surge of energy course through my veins as I began a light jog towards the murky depths of the bog.
"Honored, Fluttershy here says y’all can have some of the fish she gives to the otters. It will have to do til...Honored?" Applejack had returned to the partly built house with Fluttershy who was carrying a picnic basket in her mouth. She had of course asked the Otter family if it was alright if she could share their fish supply with an animal in need before filling the basket with some fresh fish. She hoped that the fish would help Honored long enough until a more permanent solution could be found.
"Honored?" Applejack called out again. "Where in tarnation could that human have gone?"
Fluttershy trotted over to the design table to put the basket of food down. She placed the basket off to the side, and picked up a scrap of paper with badly written Equestrian on it. Her eyes darted over the note before her stare became intense and she stalked over to Applejack and dropped the letter at her
hooves.
"Friends, I have gone into the Everfree,” Applejack read aloud, trying to make out the sloppy words, "I promised no innocent animals, so I hope there are some bad ones out today." Applejack looked up to Fluttershy who looked almost as upset when she had faced down that dragon.
"Now Fluttershy, “Applejack began, "He might not find anything."
A roar split the world as both ponies turned their ears towards the forest.
"Alright, let’s go save him."
"Oh you’re a big one." I said looking at the three headed dark tan and brown hydra that was currently watching me from across the bog. Granted, I didn’t need something this big to eat, but hey, I wasn’t going to complain. I lifted the rifle to my shoulder and aimed down the scope. The cross hairs lined up on the middle head, I prepared myself and took a breath before slowly exhaling it; letting the cross hair settle on the beast's head.
I eased my finger onto the trigger and began to squeeze the trigger, preparing myself for a meal of hydra steaks with hydra bacon and hydra-kabobs. I depressed the trigger, but just as the firing pin struck the round, I was tackled to the side by a yellow and pink blur, the powerful round speeding from the barrel at a moderate 2850 feet per second with over 3908 pounds of force behind it. It then grazed the side of the beast's middle head, royally pissing it the fuck off.
"Honored, what the flying feather do you think you’re doing!?!" Fluttershy stood over me, scolding me like a toddler. "You are in no condition to be wandering the Everfree Forest looking for trouble." As she spoke, the hydra slowly lumbered up behind the pony, three pair of eyes staring directly at its next meal. A human and a pony for dessert.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Applejack walk towards us out of the forest. I quickly waved her back with my hand. She took a few steps back, her eyes growing wide at the sight of the hydra approaching us. I calmly reached down to my side and placed my hand on the handle of my large Bowie knife, Bad Bertha. Her magically enchanted fourteen inch blade could cut through anything.
The middle head dove down to grab Fluttershy in its jaws, I quickly shot one arm up, knocking Fluttershy to the side of me while my other arm jerked the knife from its sheath and planted it upwards into the lower jaw of the center head. I yanked it to the side, slicing easily through its flesh and bone, blood spilling all over myself and the ground.
"Fluttershy," I turned to the pony as the center head retreated back to join the other two, "Get to Applejack. NOW!" I yelled at her as the two outside heads dove at me at the same time. I rolled backwards, the two hydra heads slamming into each other. I laughed as I rolled to my feet. I coughed as my laughter died in my throat, my lungs burning from the sudden movements. That’s right, I’m starving.
I dodged to the side as the center head decided to try its luck again. I sliced out with the knife again and clipped some flesh off the side of his head onto the spongy soft floor of the bog.
"Haha!" I chortled before being jerked into the air. The left head picked me up in its jaw, the teeth ripping into my leg before tossing me into the air where I began dropping down towards three open and ready mouths.
I held out my gauntlet and prayed for magic. A was rewarded with a quick burst of magic that propelled me off to the side and down into the dark murky water of the bog. My head was aching as I sat up, blood trickling from my nose.
I saw my rifle lying next to the spot where Fluttershy had tackled me. I needed that weapon if I was going to stand a chance. I would have to move fast. I got up and pushed myself. I could feel my legs and all my muscles screaming in protest as I reached the rifle. I panted, my breath coming out ragged as I racked the bolt back, the spent round flying from the chamber and fell to the ground, glistening in the afternoon sun. I slid the bolt forward, the next round riding into the chamber with a satisfying 'click'.
I aimed the long range weapon at the hydra as it turned towards me. All three of its heads were on the same height, all along the same point of path the round would travel if it were fired at the precise moment. As the beast turned to face me, its heads lined up for a fraction of a second...
I saw my opening. I took it.
I squeezed the trigger.
Time seemed to slow for me as the rifle kicked into my shoulder, the powerful bullet leaving the barrel and traveling across the bog towards the closest head of the hydra. The bullet entered the jaw line of the head before blowing out of its cheek, the round tumbling into the side of the middle head and passing out its temple before exploding into the last hydra head right at the center of its cranium. The .300 then blew out the back of the skull in a beautiful pink
mist of blood and brain.
The hydra staggered on its two chubby legs, staring at me before collapsing into the murky water, a large splash of water rising in all directions. I stood their painting and fell to the ground, my body spent from the brief fight.
I looked to see six ponies standing at the edge of the bog, directly behind the fallen hydra. I lifted a hand in a weak wave before letting my head fall back to the ground.
"Honored!" Six voices called out simultaneously. The sound of hooves splashing through the water reached my ears and soon the sun was blocked by the outlines of my friends standing over me.
"Hi girls," I said, my voice sounding increasingly strained the more I spoke, "I think I bagged me some food."
They all stood there with mouths agape, just looking at me. Twilight broke the silence, "Honored, you’re a moron."
All I could do was laugh and I close my eyes.
I rested my eyes for a few minutes before having Applejack help me to my feet. "Twilight, I need some help. AJ and Rainbow, y’all too."
"What do you need?" Applejack asked.
"Can you two," I pointed to the pegasus and earth pony, "gather me some wood. It doesn't need to be a lot, just enough for a quick fire."
They both nodded and took off together towards the forest. Twilight stood at my side. "Twilight, I don’t have enough magic to start a fire. When they get back, I need a small fire going on the wood they gather."
"I can do that."
"Fluttershy, Rarity, you two may want to leave." I said politely.
"And why would we ever do that darling?" Rarity asked looking hurt.
"Because I am literally starving and I’m about to cook me some dinner." I stated bluntly. Rarity turned a wonderful shade of green and Fluttershy paled a bit. Rarity began trotting off, but before she left, Fluttershy looked at me.
"We are going to talk about this later Honored." She followed after Rarity, out of the bog.
Pinkie Pie looked at the carcass of the hydra. "So what you think? Side haunch steak? Or maybe a nice Coltson butt roast. I personally would start with some of that rib meat, get a good easy sample." I stared down at the party pony, my mouth hanging slightly open, drooling.
"What?" She asked, smiling innocently. "It’s your choice." Twilight shuddered and we began walking towards the hydra's lifeless body. Rainbow Dash and Applejack arrived a few minutes later, each carrying a bundle of sticks and small branches. I piled them up and then had Twilight start a spark in the center of the wood. Soon a small inferno was crackling in wood pile.
I unsheathed my knife and walked over to the hydra. I held the knife above its side before plunging the knife into the flesh of its ribs and slicing away some of the muscular tissue below the surface. I finished the cut and brought the bloody raw meat over the fire and held it slightly over the flames using two green moist sticks.
"Excellent choice." Pinkie Pie whispered to me. The other three ponies all turned their heads from the cooking meat. Twilight made a gagging noise and her horn glowed. Four light pink bubbles appeared over the ponies heads, and slowly lowed over their heads until from their necks up, they were encased in the glowing bubble.
"Anti-smell spell." Twilight said proudly as Rainbow Dash and Applejack let out a deep breath and breathed in, a sense of relief spreading over their faces. Pinkie Pie sniffed the air and 'hmpfhed', crossing her hooves in front of her.
"Y’all don’t have to stay," I said, turning the still dripping slab of meat over, the smell was torturing me as it cooked, "I won’t be offended. That’s why I asked for the others to leave."
"Honored," Twilight began, placing a hoof on my leg and smiling at me through her pink bubble, "You’re our friend and we love you as you are. Even if that is a meat eating alien soldier. Some of us just can handle the sight of roasting flesh more than others." She smiled again and I looked to my friends.
They all nodded, save for Pinkie, who poked the meat still cooking with a hoof, and then popped the bubble around her head so she could smells the hydra juice on her hoof tip. She shrugged and wiped it on the ground. "Too tangy. Not sweet enough." I laughed again, feeling so happy for the friends around me.
"But the way you took out that monster!" Rainbow Dash was hovering in the air, her bubble bouncing around her head, "that’s was something else! I mean did you see the way it went pew-pew-pew through all those heads at once! It was like some crazy human magic."
"That’s called the magic of bullets." I lifted the meat to my nose and sniffed it. Smelled like pork. I sunk my teeth into the still hot flesh and ripped a bite off. Twilight and Rainbow Dash seemed interested in my eating habit while Applejack was a little taken back. Pinkie was still just smiling and had picked up the sticks and began cooking the meat herself while I chewed.
I swallowed, and my eyes grew wide. In that one bite, I could feel energy reenter my body. I took the meat from Pinkie and began to gnaw on the hydra steak like a wild animal.
"Thanks girls," I said in between bites of food, "But do you think Fluttershy will be mad?"
"Well, considering that the hydra was going to eat you two, no," Twilight said, "But for you running out here recklessly looking for something dangerous, yes."
"Damn." I said, pulling out my knife and walking back to the hydra. Oh I was feeling better already. And I was going to have meat to last me a month.
Hydra and eggs
Hydra and rice
Fried hydra
Hydra and grits
Hydra sauté
Hydra gumbo
Hydra for days!
"Sister!" Luna called out flipping through another page of the nutrition book landing on a detailed spell that focused on the diet of ponies. With some modification it might be able to change the human's metabolism to better fit his vegetarian diet. "I have found a spell that we may be able to rework as to better fit our little human." Celestia walked over to Luna, a large dark blue and purple book carried in her golden aurora of magic.
"I also found a spell that may work. Let me look at the one you found, and you look at this one, it’s more in your expertise anyway." The two sisters swapped books and sat across from each other, their brows wrinkled in concentration as they looked the complicated spells over. Each spell was designed to directly affect the target's body makeup and change them permanently. It would take a lot of power to make sure that nothing went wrong.
Both alicorns looked up to each other at the same time, "Sister do you know what this spell does?!?" They said to each other in unison.
"You first." Luna said to Celestia.
"Okay. Luna this spell is a part transformation spell. It would change his teeth, stomach, and digestive track to live on pony food. And even if it worked, who knows what else it would change. He could grow hooves, or a tail! Maybe one pony ear and one hoof with the rest remaining the same!" Celestia said while continuing to look over the incredibly risky spell. It worried her that there was so much that could potentially go wrong with the spell.
"And you think that the spell you found is any better?" Luna said, looking up from the spell Celestia found. "This spell is intended for ponies specifically and even then it’s beyond risky!" Luna was looking at a spell that she used on her most loyal of night guards. It was a full bat pony spell. Sure bat-ponies were strong, but when combined with this spell she had created before the Nightmare Moon incident, they became extraordinarily powerful. It increased their strength and endurance, but also altered their diets. The fangs weren't there for just show. The limited magic of pony vampirism was given to the recipient of the spell. The blood of any creature could sustain the pony for days. And it didn't even have to be much. The newly created powerful bat-pony also could survive on moonlight, simply basking in the moonlight would give the user some energy, enough to survive on, but not up to their full powers.
"Luna both of these spells are insane! If they failed..." Celestia's voice died in her throat as she thought about the ramification of their actions of these spells.
"Sister, we should let Honored decide."
"Very well." Luna nodded in agreement. The two sister's charged their horns and vanished from the royal library.
"Finally." The old unicorn librarian said from behind a shelf. She brushed her gray mane behind her ear and began to put away the books the Princesses had scattered around the library.
"And so then, Ryans runs into the door thinking it's only plywood, but it’s really metal painted like wood!" I laughed as I flipped another hydra steak over the small fire. One more and I would be finished. I was cooking more than necessary so I could have a surplus for a day or two. I needed to get the meat cut and stored somewhere. Twilight had offered me some space in her freezer, but I don’t think she understands how much hydra meat I was going to take home with me. A lot.
Rainbow Dash sat up from her laughter fit and wiped a tear from her eye, "He sounds like a cool guy."
"He is. He's just a little hot-headed sometimes." I sighed and looked into the flames of the fire. The flames danced around the sticks, faint crackling filling the air as the fire consumed its fuel. "I miss them. My friends from Earth. Sometimes I wonder what’s happened to my home. Like what’s changed. Does anyone still wonder what happened to me? Did anyone else end up here? Like those flash bang grenades aren't made one at a time. There had to be more made that fucked up." I continued to watch the fire. I felt a hoof against my back. I turned my head to see Pinkie Pie resting her hoof on me.
"Don’t worry Honored," Pinkie said, a small smile on her face, "I’m sure there are lots of other humans missing you. But we are glad you came to Equestria."
I felt so many emotions swelling up in my chest. My new friends and my old ones. My old home and this, my new one. I was so happy and yet so sad.
"Thanks girls. I really owe you all so much. Thank you." I smiled and pulled the ponies close to me in a huge hug. Applejack, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash all returned the hug. "Now who's going to help me carry the flesh of the dead hydra to Twilight's?" I asked with a gruesome grin.
I was pushed back by the girls with a series of 'ewwws'.
A brilliant flash of light interrupted our little play fighting as the two regal alicorns appeared before us. Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna looked simultaneously relieved and angry at me. I slowly sat up and approached the two alicorns. Twilight bounded ahead of me and hugged her teacher. "It’s so good to see you Princess Celestia!"
"Yes, my dear student. But we must discuss matters with Honored, and your input is needed as well."
All three alicorns faced me, the two tall ones still looked seemingly upset with me. "Something the matter y’all?" I rubbed my neck and couched awkwardly. I was standing in front of a dead monster which was half butchered, and I’m sure I had bloodstains on my chin and clothes.
"Well, upon arriving at your home, we ran into Fluttershy and Rarity, both of whom said you were about to eat a hydra." Celestia narrowed her eyes at me. Luna copying the gesture. Twilight seemed to shrink back and look at me. She mouthed something to me that looked like, 'you're boned'.
"Um...well you see," I quickly wiped my mouth and stepped in front of the Princesses and spread my arms out, trying to block the sight of the body, "I don’t know what they are talking about." I felt my magic steadily returning to my body, and it was returning quickly. I held my gauntlet behind my back and charged up a levitation spell. I released the spell and felt it lock onto the body of the hydra. I hovered it into the air, and quickly heaved it behind some trees where it landed with a loud crash.
"Um, no hydra here!"
The three alicorns stared at me, mouths agape. Their anger, wiped from their faces.
"Honored," Twilight Sparkle looked at me, "H-how did you just do that?"
"What? I didn't do anything," I smiled innocently at her.
"Honored, almost two hours ago, you were on the verge of having your magic consume your body. And now you just lifted a hydra body into the air and tossed it like a rag doll." She levitated the very hydra I just moved back into the open and shook it in the air, bits of flesh and organs raining out and splashing down into the bog. Applejack began gagging and turned around.
"So?" I shrugged, “If I did, am I in trouble?" I asked Celestia.
"No."
"Then yes, yes I did."
Luna stepped forward and lowered her head to my level. "Honored, I know that you needed meat, but listen to me well. You cannot just run around killing innocent creatures." I raised my hand to speak, but she gave me a hard stare that silenced me. "That was an innocent monster. If you had not shot at it, would it have attacked you and Fluttershy?" I was silent as I realized I had killed a monster, but it wasn't doing anything wrong. The meat in my stomach felt very heavy.
"I...I was scared. I was starving."
"Did you not trust us to find a solution for you?" Celestia asked. She didn't sound upset or angry at me. Just disappointed at my lack of trust. I hung my head, but pressure on my shoulder caused me to look up. Luna had a hoof on me and gave me a smile. Her horn glowed and two rolled up pieces of parchment floated up to me. I took both of them and looked to the Princesses.
"What are these?" I asked, holding the two scrolls in my hands.
"Each one of these is a solution to the problem you are encountering. The hydra meat will run out, and I cannot allow you to kill again like this Honored." Celestia said to me. From behind the Princesses, Fluttershy and Rarity rejoined the group of ponies around me. I tucked one scroll under my arm and read through the other. I placed it on the ground once I was finished and then read the second one. I laid that one down next to the first. I looked at them and then back up to the Princesses.
"So that’s my choices? Risk becoming a fucked up human pony hybrid or a pony vampire hybrid. Not really what I wanted."
I looked over the lose-lose situation before me. I might as well take out my pistol and shoot myself in the foot repeatedly.
"Wait." We all turned and looked to the normally quiet pegasus. Fluttershy stepped forward, her normally nervous behavior lost.
"I have an idea, um if that’s okay with you to share." Annnnd it’s gone. She was back to her timid self, but the floor was all hers.
"Please tell us Fluttershy.” Twilight said, encouraging her kind friend.
"Well, I am able to get fish from the stream near my cottage," Fluttershy's voice was barely above a whisper, so we all had to lean in to hear her. "I get fish from it to feed to the Otters and some of the other creatures that eat meat. And I was too quick to judge Honored. He's just like the Otters. He needs meat in his diet and I shouldn't deny him what he needs. I would rather provide him with the food he needs than have him risk one of these spells or kill an innocent
creature roaming the forest." Fluttershy finished speaking and backed up to her spot in the circle of ponies that where around me.
I walked over to her and kneeled before the shy yellow pegasus. I reached out and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you Flutters." I pulled back and smiled. "I know how much animals mean to you and the fact you're willing to help me is beyond anything I could have asked for." I stood up and turned to the Princesses.
"Thanks for the spells Celestia and Luna, but I’m going to have to decline. They sound risky and to be honest, I was never a fan of anthro stuff."
"What does that mean?" Luna whispered to Celestia.
"No idea." Celestia whispered back.
Now with my starvation problem solved, I could get back to building my house. And working on my rune and spell in privacy. But first, "So I think it’s about time I introduced you ponies to the human culture of barbecues!" I declared happily.
"And don’t worry, there won’t be any meat present. I’ll eat ahead of time." The ponies gathered closer as I explained what a barbecue was and what I would need.
Celestia and Luna flashed back into existence in their royal private study in between their rooms. Both Princesses' bellies were bulging slightly from the copious amount of grilled food they had eaten. The human barbecue was great. The ponies and their friends from Ponyville had gathered on Honored Service's property where a large grill had been set up. Using his now functioning magic, Honored grilled loads of vegetables and fruits, seared with spices and dressing that made the food explode with flavors. Celestia was quite found of his grilled pineapple with zesty marinade.
Celestia thought it was amazing to see so many ponies gathered around having a great time while the human was learning to live a normal life. So he hadn't been able to avoid violence completely, but it was less than he was used to.
"I can't believe it." Luna said in a huff, as she sat down next to her sister by the fireplace in the private study. "Not only is he a brave warrior and funny," she stopped to toss another piece of grilled squash into her mouth, "He's a great cook!" She said through her mouthful of food.
"Gee, Lulu, I wonder if you have feelings for him," Celestia said with a roll of her eyes. Her sister's actions were screaming her 2,000 years all over again.
"Maybe! So what?" Luna blushed and looked away from her teasing big sister.
Celestia opened her mouth to continue her assault on her sister, but suddenly a scroll *poofed* into existence next to the Princess of the Sun. She snagged the scroll out of the air and unrolled it.
She began to read the letter. It was hard to do, as if it was written by a drunk toddler. She slapped a hoof to her face.
Dear Sun Butt and Moony,
What I learned today is, pony cider is nothing, but Holy You, don’t fucking touch that Apple family appleshine. I’m so smashed right now. Okay so back to me and my huge lesson. I wasn't good today. I killed a monster because I was hungry. But worse than that, I didn't trust my friends, and I was willing to try and go behind their backs when they told me not to do something. And I learned my lesson. Which is why, for the next two weeks, I must be Fluttershy's personal chicken coop cleaner.
Fuck me,
Honored Johnson
Honored Service
P.S. I need an alicorn feather for an experiment.
"Wow. So we have to get some of that appleshine." Luna said tapping a hoof to her chin. If it could knock Honored down.
"Sister, I’m more worried about that." Celestia's hoof traced over the P.S. Written at the bottom of the page. Honored was up to something, and she wanted to know what.
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Woot!
I really don't see a problem here other than Honored killing the hydra. Instead of killing it, just chop off a head every week or so. The things grow back.
I wonder what ponies do when griffins stop by for a visit and need to eat? In any case, Honored/Luna starting up, subtle, but it's there. There may be hope for them yet. I like how he was drunk when he wrote the letter. I forsee a few antics refering to drunk Honored in the near future.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Now that was a hoot and a half!
Finally more. Keep being awesome man. I require more.
img.pandawhale.com/61100-thor-this-post-I-like-it-anoth-wq6Z.gif
God I loved this chapter! Too freakin funny. Keep up the great work and stay awesome!
I think I laughed a bit TOO much when he said:
Fuck Me
Honored Johnson
I don't know why
But I did
Finally! Someone understands!
This chapter was freaking glorious. All i can say is.... can we have some more?
3427709 that sounds painful
does hydra taste like chicken?
MEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!
HOT DAMN!!!! Can't tell you how much it pisses me off that in alot of the HIEs that i've read the humans just forget about meat and just go on..
Some people might have that will power but if it was me...and I was cut off from bacon...hrr...bruh...HAVE YOU NO SOUL!!!???
AND YES I USED HIS REAL NAME
did they really get butt hurt over him needing to live? its simple, he needs meat, he lives near a forest ripe with said meat, he can hunt, and he almost singlehandedly saved all there ass and now he cant do whats natural to him.
how bout a little give and take, eh
If I was there and couldn't eat meat.......it scares me just thinking about it
Dammit Honored! Obviously never more than 1 shot of appleshine!
3434336 Meat contains numerous vitamins, nutrients, minerals, and antioxidants (depending on the source), not just protein. Yes, you can get by on just veggies and fruit, but the average human body needs the veritable powerhouse of awesome that is meat (and I'm sure we all agree that Honored is no average human being).
FO' DAYZZZ!!!
Damn, I'd like some of that hydra now...
And that letter xDDD OMFG that made my day!
But okay, to talk a bit about this story.
It seems like this story isn't going to be just a light story of how Honored learns to live his new life. It seems like something big is going to happen at some point.
And also, I enjoy this story VERY much and I need more chapters because it's SO GOOD! lol, love ya.
PS. Luna x Honored all the way!
3430907
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
3439172
Someone s learnng
3440865 Neither am I. But you know what they say: knowledge is power!
3427291
Hey, that's my line
In other news, I am expecting his spell to backfire so bad it works.
Just waiting till then *pulls out pipe and sits in overly stuffed arm chair* just wating
3442777 Actually, the coining of the term "knowledge is power" is commonly attributed to Sir Francis Bacon. It occurs in his Meditationes Sacrae from 1597, in the form, "ipsa scientia potestas est", translating to, "knowledge itself is power". It was his line a few hundred years before 'twas yours. Or mine. Or anyone currently living's. Not sure where I was going with that...
3442868
Dude, I don't care, you brought up latin, thus, you are Bonum.
Also, since your smart, who said
Sic Parvis Magna?
3442898 Too easy! Sir Francis Drake took it as his motto after receiving his knighthood and adopting the Devon family's coat of arms. It means, "Thus great things from small things come".
3442949
Sorry but you have been trumped. It is actually "Great from small" Or in his words, great things from small beginnings.
3443015 We are both right. Yours is the translation in it's simplest form. However, seeing as the more elaborate translation was what I learned and what is normally taught, that is what I used.
3443112
Fair play mate, I call a draw,
Now back to your regularly scheduled program
3439748
lol
3442898 Oh crap! I just realized that you responded to my first comment, rather than my 'knowledge is power' bit.
Whoops!
3457534
Wat?
'"Meats" his foe'...
XD
UUUUGGGHH....WHO THE FUCK MADE SLEEP NECESSARY?!
This almost seems like RGRE. And is Fluttershy ok with animals killing animals for food, just not Honored killing a dangerous monster who could have and probably has killed multiple ponies for the same reason? I'm rereading this, and apparently this story was a lot better in my head.
9694604
i agree fluttershy sometimes just don't make sense. pony's are just to good and innocent for there own good
3432388
And besides nobody yells at non ponies for eating meat considering the griffins aren't vegetarian. And many animals aren't either. At least fluttershy grew up enough to help him. Did they really think trying to change his species was a good idea? How would they feel if someone wanted to do that to them just because they don't want them to have a necessary part of their diet.