A Dream

by totallynotabrony

The Cutie Re-Mark - part 1

The girls stared, or at least as much as they could when they had to keep looking away.

Twilight grimaced. “We should probably clean up. At least get this off the street. You know how to deal with dead bodies, right Applejack?”

“What in tarnation are you talkin’ about?” Applejack demanded. “Ain’t no way I’m eatin’ Valiant. I don’t even want to think about what that could do to me.”

“I didn’t mean eat him! I’m just saying since you’re the only one who’s ever had to deal with dead ponies before, what with Granny Smith and your parents.”

“That’s only a slightly better reason,” Applejack growled. She glanced back at the body nailed to the wall and wished she hadn’t. “I guess we should start by gettin’ him down.”

It would have been bad enough with a bloody body, but open wounds, allergic reaction, and the hoof-sized cannon hole meant that they were left with little more than a pile of meat. That was probably a fetish, but none of theirs.

Twilight glanced at the wall. The blood spray had marked an obvious cross on it, mimicking the pattern of how the body was pinned up. She frowned.

Rarity looked with distaste at the whole thing. “What are we going to do about his...fingers?”

“Oh, I taught him that trick,” said Pinkie. “Don’t know why he picked the middle ones, though.”

As a veterinarian, Fluttershy was not as squeamish as one might think when it came to blood, but her position during this affair was at Sunset’s side. She was the one most obviously in need of comfort, bawling inconsolably. Trixie wore a shellshocked look, and had taken Cordoba a short distance down the street, facing away.

“Well, he went out the way he would have wanted,” remarked Rainbow. “It was even broadcast across all of Equestria in primetime by the viewspells set up for Countess Coloratura’s concert.”

“Knowing Valiant, he’d be proud of the fact that Heaven and Hell had to team up to kill him,” added Guinness.

While most every pony in the country may now have known what happened to Valiant, one in particular was not in the loop because he was up to his neck in saving a fellow cyborg.

Braeburn cursed Valiant on a regular basis, though moreso than usual now. He’d had to dodge a few enemy patrols and a stallion such as himself covered in metal was no easy pony to hide.

The beacon to Tin Mare led him forward. He wasn’t sure how much further he had to travel, when suddenly he found a jagged scrap to metal embedded in the ground. He lifted it, noting how light and stiff it seemed to be. Perhaps it was some of the titanium Tin Mare had mentioned. He must be getting close.

On a hillside covered in hoofprints and the signs of battle, he found the rest of her. Metal, wires, and devices for which he had no name were scattered in a trail that had been burned clear by spilled jet fuel.

And in the middle of it all, he found her brain.

In Ponyville, the girls tried to figure out what to do next. “We could wrap him in a tarp and leave him in the barn until we get everything else done,” suggested Applejack.

“What else do we have to do?” asked Twilight.

“The whole war thing.”

“Oh! Ohmygosh, how could I forget we’re about to be invaded.” Twilight jittered nervously.

“Valiant left us the tools to handle it,” Applejack pointed out. “We don’t have another choice.”

“If he’s dead, do you think they’ll be satisfied?” Rarity asked.

“Killin’ Valiant was never their main goal,” Applejack said. “Remember when we first met these equals-sign ponies? He wasn’t even there. No, they’re going to keep going until we’ve all been stripped of cutie marks.”

“Well, if that’s all they want, is it worth the violence of fighting?” asked Fluttershy.

“I don’t like fighting,” said Twilight. “I especially despise fighting for Valiant’s cause. But we can’t give up our cutie marks. You saw that town Starlight Glimmer was running. Can you imagine all of Equestria being that way?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to hear that we all believed in the cause.”

“Well, why did you single me out?” Twilight demanded.

“I didn’t,” Fluttershy pointed out. “You responded to my question. But you were also the one who I needed reassurance from. We all know that Pinkie and Rainbow are okay with violence. Rarity certainly wouldn’t let anypony take away her special talent. Applejack would fight because it’s the right thing to do. Meanwhile, you’re just the Element of Magic.”

“What do you mean just the Element of Magic?” Twilight shouted. “Do you know how many problems I’ve solved with magic alone?”

“Yes, but that’s not really related to friendship when you think about it,” said Fluttershy. “Blasting ponies with magic is not the same as actually making friends. Besides, Starlight Glimmer is more powerful than you, so-”

“Excuse me,” interrupted Twilight. “Since when?”

“You bragged about being so powerful when we met Starlight for the first time, talking about how you were Princess Celestia’s personal student selected based on magical talent and also briefly an alicorn, but even though Starlight didn’t have any of those advantages that you had, she held her own against you until Pinkie melted her face off. And judging by the way she built an army, it seems like Starlight’s gotten even more powerful from there.”

Twilight’s face twitched.

Fluttershy looked away. “I’m sorry. That was so unlike me. I’ve been having more trouble controlling the chaos lately. It must be the war.”

Applejack stepped in. “Y’all quit your bickerin’ and put it behind you. We’ve all got to come together and take a stand here because if we don’t that army is going to take over all of Equestria.”

They went for the tanks, Guinness going with Rainbow. On the way, Twilight stopped by the library to pick up Spike. He would want to be there. She also thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye on him during the war.

Applejack spotted the Cutie Mark Crusaders packing up some equipment into a wagon. “Hey sis!” called Apple Bloom. “Cousin Braeburn asked us for a favor. We’re off to Hoofsen Bay.”

Applejack nodded. It would be better for them to get out of town. “All right. Stay out of trouble.”

The girls loaded up in their tanks. Applejack found a pair of binoculars Valiant had left behind and looked out on the fields and meadows around the town. For a while, nothing happened.

It was easy to spot the army when they did eventually show up, though. The crowd of marching ponies with pegasi for air cover blanketed the land.

“There they are!” Applejack called.

The six of them traded glances. Their tanks were lined up at the edge of town, a defensive line protecting Ponyville. As one, they slammed their armored hatches shut and prepared for battle.

Lobbing explosive shells into the advancing army had some effect, but it wasn’t very precise or fast. As the front lines drew closer, the girls started to open up with machine guns.

It was easy to see the results of their work, killing hundreds of enemy combatants. But the enemy still had thousands more.

Instead of getting swarmed, Applejack ordered a fallback. They reversed into town, still shooting.

There were a few sharp clangs as spells bounced off the armor. Rocks, small explosives, and whatever could be carried aloft by pegasi rained down.

Rainbow’s tank was the first to lose a track. It ground to a halt and she burst out, quickly shifting to dragon form to keep fighting while Guinness remained inside, still shooting. Pinkie’s turret was knocked off its base by a flurry of spells. Applejack was unlucky enough to catch a spell straight down the barrel that split it open.

They’d fallen back to the library at the center of town and the army just kept coming. A couple of unicorns sneaked around behind and put their horns together, firing a combined spell powerful enough to penetrate the thinner armor at the rear of Twilight’s tank and knock out its engine.

“We’ve got to get out of here!” she shouted.

“Make sure you all set your scuttling charges first!” Applejack ordered. “We can’t let them get their hooves on these!”

“Where can we go?” Rarity squealed. “They’re surrounding us!”

“Never fear, the CMC are here!” exclaimed a voice on the radio. A large VTOL flying machine swooped down from the sky with three fillies in it. It was the aircraft known as Monstrosity.

“Not that I’m complainin,’” said Applejack. “But where did y’all get that?”

“Cousin Braeburn told us to go get it,” said Apple Bloom. “Seein’ as how we have deepwater salvage experience. We pulled it out of the ocean and it started right up. Valiant always said it was built tough.”

The downdraft from the rotors splattered a few leftover pieces of seaweed on the army below. A couple of spells harmlessly hit the aircraft’s body.

They hovered lower. Rainbow provided cover for the others with her fire breath as they loaded up. When they were all aboard, the aircraft tipped forward and accelerated away, casually bouncing a few pegasi off the windshield. The six tanks exploded behind them, leaving a mess in the library yard and taking a few enemy ponies with them.

At the edge of town, a place where the army had not yet invaded, a multicolored magic flare went up. Drawing closer, they saw Sunset, Trixie, and Cordoba at their building.

The fillies came in for a landing. Trixie was first up the cargo ramp. “I’ve been monitoring the situation with our sensors. It’s even worse than it looks.”

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight.

“We keep chipping at them, but it’s not enough. It isn’t a question of if we’re going to lose Ponyville, but when. Probably sooner rather than later.”

“You’re sure?” asked Applejack.

Trixie nodded somberly. “Overhead imagery shows them already surrounding the town.”

“Don’t you have anything here that can help?”

“There are personal weapons and a few odds and ends, but nothing that’s ready to go. If we could bring it along it might make a difference during the next battle.”

Applejack sighed and looked around. “All right, we’re gettin’ out of here. We’ll buy you time while you load up what you need.”

Trixie and Cordoba began hauling things – boxes, equipment, 30mm gatling cannon – out of the building and putting it in the back of Monstrosity. Sunset still looked broken.

“Could we figure out some way to use this?” said Rarity, looking at the big gun. “Perhaps slinging it below?”

“We might be able to integrate the firing mechanism with the avionics, but that would require time and resources we don’t have right now,” Trixie replied. “Unfortunately.”

The army seemed to realize where their quarry had gone and started to advance in their direction again. Leading the charge were the so-called Four and a Half Horses of the Apocalypse.

“Hey there, there’s their leaders!” Rainbow pointed out. “Let’s challenge them to a champions battle!”

Honestly, it was a better idea than some things. There was no time to issue a formal challenge, but they all paired off. Rainbow faced down Firefly, Rarity engaged Suri Polomare, Applejack took Spoiled Rich, and Twilight squared off with Starlight Glimmer.

Applejack broke Spoiled’s neck in seconds. In pony form, Rainbow probably would have been able to beat Firefly, but in dragon form it was almost too easy to incinerate her. Rarity, having spent time as both an assassin and a fashion designer, knew exactly where to stick her horn to kill somepony like Suri.

Twilight traded spells with Starlight. At least, until she was tackled by the robot disguised as another Twilight. It seemed that Twilight had picked the wrong champion to challenge.

While she was distracted, Starlight teleported away. Twi-minator punched Twilight in the face and also teleported.

Meanwhile, the bulk of the army continued to advance.

“We’re good to go!” shouted Trixie. “I planted the charges. Come on!” All of them ran for the aircraft. The engines revved and it started to take off.

From down the street, Coloratura came sprinting in their direction. “Help! Wait!”

Applejack leaned over the tailgate and caught her hoof, pulling her aboard just ahead of the enemy troops.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” said Applejack.

Coloratura looked behind her wide-eyed at the army that they were rapidly leaving behind. Below them, the building exploded. She turned back. “I didn’t know what to do after I lost my manager.”

“You what?”

“Svengallop developed a new vocal range and went to be a singer himself.”

“Where are we going?” interrupted Apple Bloom, calling from the cockpit.

“Canterlot,” Applejack decided after a moment. “The Royal Guard’s there and the walls are high. It’ll take them some time to come after us.”

They got into the city near nightfall. The fillies set the aircraft down in the castle courtyard. The Princesses were there to meet them. Briefly, they discussed the situation. All of them agreed it was bad.

“We can put together some additional weapons,” said Trixie. “We’ll need some space to work.”

“My old lab’s here,” Twilight suggested.

They all agreed that the first priority was figuring out how to mount the 30mm gun on Monstrosity. Air support would help a lot. Trying to integrate the controls was going to be a problem, though.

While they were working, the door burst open and Braeburn ran in, carrying a brain in a jar. “Help! We need a life support system and Ponyville’s been overrun and I came here as soon as I could and I don’t know how Tin Mare is doing and-”

Trixie stopped him. “I’ll take it from here.” She transferred the jar to another piece of equipment that had been brought from Ponyville.

Braeburn relaxed slightly. “I thought we would need another airframe so she could fly again.”

“Well, having the CMC go get it saved our hides. Thanks for that,” Applejack said. “Since when are you so mechanically minded?”

Pinkie laughed. “I get it! It’s because he’s a cyborg and is half machine!”

“It wasn’t a joke,” Applejack muttered. Braeburn didn’t seem to think it was either.

He replied, “Well, since I met Tin Mare, just being around her I’ve learned a lot about engineering. I thought there had to be some way to fix her.”

“I think we can make this work,” said Trixie. She carried the brain, now hooked up to more equipment, over to the cockpit of Monstrosity and strapped it in. It wasn’t an ideal circumstance. Trixie thought about it for a moment and grabbed some materials to put together a visor to shield the cockpit, adding extra protection to the brain and hiding it from anyone who might look in and see a brain flying the aircraft.

Connecting the final few wires, Trixie asked, “Tin Mare, can you hear me?”

“Hella.”

Braeburn nearly fainted with relief.

“We’ve put you in a new chassis,” said Trixie. “You’re going to have to recalibrate yourself.”

A few of the control surfaces moved, the engines turned over, and indicator lights blinked as Tin Mare explored her new mechanics. “What is this chassis?”

“It’s a twin rotor VTOL aircraft,” Trixie explained. “I believe you have a few files on it in your databank.”

“Indeed.” Tin Mare mulled it over for a few moments, processing the data. “It seems I cannot identify myself as a combat jet any longer.”

“You can be anything you want to be,” said Braeburn.

“In that case…” the tinted visor dropped down over the cockpit. “I’m a hella-copter.”

Comments

[MonolithiuM]

Alas, poor Valiant.

ih1.redbubble.net/image.96809030.0149/sticker,375x360.u2.png

[Lithl]

Dat last line.

[totallynotabrony]

6686643 Not to spoil my annual "look how smart I am" blog (which I've already written), but that last line is the reason I gave Tin Mare that catchphrase back in July.

[Alex Prior]

“In that case…” the tinted visor dropped down over the cockpit. “I’m a hella-copter.”

Now all we need are some Kamina shades, and the fic can keep on being awesome.

[Trevor12300]

Is Valiant really not going to come back.

[Trevor12300]

6687128 Because if so then sad face ):

[Capt TeK]

Unless it's been stated before, the Monstrosity sounds more and more like a heavily armored Vertibird, that was also made by Vault-Tec.

[Slip Kid]

Cue Valiant rising from the dead in three or so days

[General Grant]

Good good, we may have a chance to get valiant back.
Also, I thought it was established in a previous season premire/finale (I don't remember) that Valiant was narrating.
Now that he's (plz temporary) dead, whose narrating this?

[Damien Darkside]

6687128 You have to be joking. Death is something Valiant can get over easily.

[totallynotabrony]

6688255 Don't forget earlier this season when Sunset was narrating.

[Trevor12300]

6688512 That's true.

[Lesolan - Rest In Peace]

I fucking love these set ups and executions (pun intended). Can't wait for the next chapter.

[thatonerandombrony]

6684876 of course

[Pentel123]

I love how far ahead of time some of these jokes are set up. Where it just works out or is planned weeks ahead of time it is a wonderful aspect of this story.

[djthomp]

Yeah, don't eat Valiant, who knows where he's been.

Man, this isn't going well.

“Never fear, the CMC are here!” exclaimed a voice on the radio. A large VTOL flying machine swooped down from the sky with three fillies in it. It was the aircraft known as Monstrosity.

Er, thank goodness for the CMC?

It's kind of amazing how well Dash's challenge idea went. You wouldn't really think that Dash plus thinking was a winning combination.

Good rescue, Braeburn.

“In that case…” the tinted visor dropped down over the cockpit. “I’m a hella-copter.”

Yes.

[Hipparcos]

“In that case…” the tinted visor dropped down over the cockpit. “I’m a hella-copter.”

Tin Mare is the raddest aircraft.

[Aunty Furby]

“You can be anything you want to be,” said Braeburn.

“In that case…” the tinted visor dropped down over the cockpit. “I’m a hella-copter.”

xD OMG that was Great!

[Coretz]

What happened to Valiant's Moon-based LASER weaponry...?

Wait, actually, what the hell happened to the moonbase!?