Formal Invitations
Scootaloo was puffing heavily by the time she finally pulled up underneath the cloud on her scooter. "Hey, Rainbow Dash!"
The rainbow colored tail that the filly had spied twitched before disappearing, soon replaced by a blue head on the opposite side of the cloud looking down at her. "Heya Squirt! What's up?"
Scootaloo smiled; it was so awesome that Rainbow Dash would just TALK to her! Her wings buzzed behind her as she shook with glee before exhaling. Right, just play it cool. "Hey! I was just wondering if you had a shotgun, that's all."
"A shotgun huh?" Rainbow Dash grinned, before hopping off her cloud and landing next to her. "Those are pretty dangerous. What do you need a shotgun for?"
"Oh, it isn't for me; Pinkie Pie asked me to get it. I don't even know what it is."
Rainbow Dash grinned. "Ask anyone else yet?"
"Yeah. Apple Bloom said her family doesn't have one," Scootaloo said, sitting back.
The pegasus laughed again. "Apple Bloom? Does Pinkie Pie have all of you out looking for stuff? What else are you looking for?" Rainbow Dash snickered
"Uh, let's see... she went with Sweetie Belle to get some stuff for the invitations, and she had Apple Bloom go get some roses from Rose."
Rainbow Dash smirked. "Blue roses, right?" She laughed. "So what do you need all this stuff for anyway?"
"A wedding!" Scootaloo said, smiling.
"Wait, Pinkie Pie sent you to get a shotgun for a wedding? What kind of wedding is this?"
"A shotgun wedding!"
Rainbow Dash blinked and shook her head. "Must be an earth pony thing. So who's getting 'married'?"
"Applejack and Rarity!"
Rainbow Dash's legs gave out as she fell down onto the ground, unable to hold herself up anymore under her gale of laughter.
"Are you okay?" Scootaloo asked, tilting her head.
"Sure, kid," Rainbow Dash finally managed, her shaking slowly subsiding.
"So.... do you have one?"
Rainbow Dash smiled slyly. "Maybe."
Scootaloo pouted.
"Well, I can't just give you one for free. I need a few things."
"Sure, Rainbow Dash! Anything!" Scootaloo could barely contain her excitement. I get to help Rainbow Dash?
The pegasus smirked. "Alright, so my cloud house has been kind of solid lately; I could really use a bucket of holes to help soften it up."
"A bucket of holes?" Scootaloo tilted her head.
"Yeah. You think you can do that for me kid?"
Scootaloo opened her mouth, hesitating, before nodding her head. "Sure!"
"Plus, I could really use some wing wash."
"Wing wash?" Scootaloo blinked. "Okay." She began to turn her scooter around, her wings buzzing as she prepared to leave.
"Hey wait! I'm not finished yet," Rainbow Dash said as she put her hoof on Scootaloo's shoulder, making the filly shiver.
"Oh? What else do you need?"
"Well, seeing as you're going into town anyway," Rainbow Dash snickered, then shook her head. "I need some dehydrated water too. Never can have enough rain you know."
Scootaloo laughed as well, lifting a hoof in a salute. "Don't worry, I'm on the job!" She said, grinning at the older pegasus before turning around and zooming off on her scooter.
Dehydrated water? What does she think I am, a foal? Once I get the wing wash and the bucket of holes, I'm totally going to call her on trying to pull one over on me.
***
"So why do we have to wear these?" Sweetie Belle asked, skeptically poking at the dark, skin-tight fabric covering her leg.
"Because we're sneaking into Rarity's shop, silly!" Pinkie Pie pronged merrily down the main street of Ponyville, the ordinarily pink pony almost completely covered in a pitch black catsuit.
"Wouldn't we get less attention if we weren't wearing spy suits?" Sweetie Belle asked, drawing a giggle from Pinkie Pie.
"But then no one would know we're sneaking in!"
Sweetie Belle rubbed her mane through her suit. "Isn't that the point?"
"Oh no! See, spies disguise themselves as other ponies, so no one thinks they're a spy! So if you dress up like a spy, no one thinks you're a spy, because spies don't dress up like this, silly!"
The filly winced as she thought it through. "Ugh."
"Don't worry," Pinkie Pie said, before waving cheerfully. "Hi, Mayor Mare!"
"Hello, Pinkie," the mayor said, eying her for a moment before shrugging and continuing on.
"See?"
Sweetie Belle threw her hoof over her face. "Let's just get inside."
"Okay! Do you have a key?"
The filly shook her head. "No, but I know where Rarity keeps hers."
"Over the door, right?"
Sweetie Belle blinked. "That's right, how did you know?"
"In case I had to throw her a party, of course!"
"Right." She looked up at the canopy. Closing her eyes, she concentrated for a few seconds, trying to draw the power from deep inside, her horn beginning to glow before it sputtered, blue sparks raining down around her face. Sweetie Belle sighed. "Can you give me a boost?"
"Okay dokay!" Pinkie Pie said, lowering her head below the filly before flicking her upwards, forcing Sweetie Belle to scramble to cling to the canopy for several seconds before she managed to clamber up on top.
"The key isn't where Rarity usually hides it!" Sweetie Belle pouted, stomping her hoof on top of the canopy.
"Oh, that's alright, I know how to get in anyway," Pinkie Pie said with a smile.
"You do? How?" Sweetie Belle hopped down onto the grass, oofing a bit from the impact.
"Of course I do! How else would I throw surprise parties and welcome home parties and parties for ponies who are feeling sad and grumpy and who lock themselves in their home all day?" Pinkie Pie reached back with a hoof to rustle around briefly in her mane before producing a couple long, thin pieces of metal. "Aha!" she said, before putting them her mouth and leaning forward, sticking their tips into the lock on the door.
"What's that?" Sweetie Belle asked curiously, tilting her head as she trotted up beside Pinkie Pie, watching her work. The pink pony seemed to be concentrating intently on her work, her tongue twisting one piece of metal, her teeth tightening and loosening their grip on the other by turns before finally she turned her head to the side and the door unlocked with a quiet click. "Wow! How'd you do that?"
Pinkie Pie grinned as she retrieved the thin pieces of metal from the lock and returned them to her mane. "Lockpicks! They're like keys, but instead of fitting one door, they fit every door!"
"Wooow! Can I get some?"
"Maybe! You'd have to ask Mister Tumbler if he can make you a set. They're kind of tricky to use, too; it took a loooot of practice to get it right."
"Will you teach me?"
"Sure!" Pinkie Pie smiled cheerfully as she pushed the door open. "But I'm kinda busy today. How about next Tuesday?"
Sweetie Belle smiled gleefully as she followed the older mare into the shop, only to be stopped short by Pinkie's hoof.
"Shh!" Pinkie Pie hissed, before creeping forward.
Sweetie Belle looked around the darkened interior of the shop, confused. "Why are we being quiet?"
"Because we're sneaking around, silly!"
"But... you said hello to Mayor Mare."
"That was outside, silly! We're inside now. What if the guards find us? We'd be in biiiiig trouble!"
Sweetie Belle shook her head. "But Rarity doesn't HAVE any guards."
Pinkie Pie tapped her chin before shrugging and continuing to creep across the room. "Now, what do we need..."
"Uhm, paper?"
"Of course! I bet Rarity has lots of fancy paper for all of her invitations to her fashion shows!" Pinkie Pie bounced, all pretense of stealth abruptly forgotten. "And it would look great with gold writing! Where does she keep it?"
"Uh... I think she keeps them in her inspiration room." Sweetie Belle headed towards the stairs in the back of the shop, Pinkie Pie pronking along behind her.
"I should have guessed! She seems to keep everything in there. Paper, thread, fabric, pictures of Applejack, ink, needles, ribbons, scissors... Ooh! And gems! We should use gems on the invitations!"
Sweetie Belle paused in the doorway. "Are you sure it's okay for us to take this stuff? I promised Rarity I wouldn't touch her stuff without asking for permission first."
"Of course it's okay! I mean, normally it wouldn't be, but we're doing this for Rarity and this is an extra special emergency! Do you really think she wouldn't want her wedding not to be the awesomist, most special thing in the whole wide world?"
"No?"
"Exactly!" Pinkie Pie bounded into the middle of the room before trotting over to stick her face into the rolls of fabric, nosing them aside as she searched for just the right color.
"Uhm, what should I do?" Sweetie Belle asked awkwardly.
"Oh, right! Uhm, paper, gold thread, blue gems. I have scissors..." Pinkie Pie fell back on her haunches, putting her hoof on her chin pensively. "What do you think?"
"Me?" Sweetie Belle squeaked in surprise.
"Yep! You're her sister! I bet you have tons of ideas about how to make her wedding extra perfect!"
Sweetie Belle was stunned. "No one ever asked me something like that before."
"So you must have a lot of ideas stored up!" Pinkie Pie smiled eagerly at the filly.
The young unicorn's ears dropped. Why couldn't she think of anything? She lifted a hoof to tap lightly at the side of her head a couple times. Eventually she sighed. "I can't think of anything."
"It's okay!" Pinkie Pie said brightly before returning to browsing through the fabric. "Sometimes I get so many ideas in my head, they all stick together and none of them want to come out. I've tried hanging upside down, but they just don't like coming out sometimes." Knocking a couple of rolls of fabric over, her eyes widened at what was revealed behind. "Aha!" She reached forward to grab a roll of baby blue satin, rubbing her cheek against the lustrous fabric before tugging it out, dislodging several more rolls of fabric.
"Is that silk?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Ooh, good eye! Feel it, it's really soft!"
The filly trotted over to rub her face against it, shuddering slightly at the feel of the smooth fabric rubbing against her fur. "Wow! What are you going to use this for?"
"Streamers!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "I have enough for her, but what if it is a baby boy? Then there wouldn't be enough for both of them!"
"Baby boy?" Sweetie Belle tilted her head to the side.
"Yes! Ooh, this is a nice color of pink. Think this would be good for a girl? Or is it too traditional?" Pinkie Pie tugged on another sheet of fabric, dislodging several more onto the floor, making Sweetie Belle wince slightly at the mess she was making.
"What do you need that for? I thought this was for Rarity's wedding."
"It is! I've got yellow, red, and orange streamers for Applejack, and blue and white and purple ones for Rarity." Pinkie Pie began unrolling the fabric across the floor.
"So you're using that for Rarity then?"
"Nope. For their baby!"
"They have a baby?" Sweetie Belle blinked, confused.
"Well, not yet. But they will soon! That's why they're getting married!"
Sweetie Belle tilted her head. "But they're both mares."
Pinkie Pie nodded, smiling. "Yup!"
"Two mares can't have a foal, Pinkie," she said flatly.
"Of course they can! In fact, they can have TWO foals! At the same time!"
"I mean... you know... together." Sweetie Belle gestured vaguely with her hooves.
"Well, I guess they probably wouldn't have them at the same time same time." Pinkie Pie put a hoof to her chin contemplatively. "Though I don't know if they're BOTH having one. Now that would be strange!"
Sweetie Belle stomped her hoof. "That's not what I mean, Pinkie! I mean, you need... they don't..." She trailed off as she looked at the older pony. Pinkie Pie was just sitting there watching her, a smile on her face, her blue eyes wide and innocent. "Ugh, just forget it."
"Oh Sweetie! Don't worry! Rarity won't forget you just because she has a foal of her own. Why, I bet she'd be like a new little sister to you! Isn't that exciting?" The pink pony sprung over to ruffle the filly's mane with her hoof.
"Aren't we supposed to be making invitations?" she grumbled.
"You're right!" Pinkie Pie jumped back into the middle of the room, sending one of the rolls she had knocked over earlier unfurling itself across the floor. "We have to stop wasting time and start writing! Where's the glue?"
"Over here," Sweetie Belle said, the tension leaving her as she grabbed the bottle in her mouth and brought it over.
Over the next few minutes, an increasingly large amount of material found its way to the middle of the room, and the edges of the room grew increasingly cluttered as drawers were left open, bolts of fabric knocked onto the floor, and various discarded odds and ends finding their way onto random shelves - or all too often, the carpet. "There!" Pinkie Pie declared at last. "That should be everything we need."
Sweetie Belle eyed the pile dubiously. Several bolts of fabric were sticking out at odd angles, a chest full of gems sparkled beneath a pile of papers, and one of the bottles of glue had been leaking and was now wrapped in cloth to prevent it from getting all over everything else. Spools of golden thread glittered, and even a couple pictures of Applejack had found their way into the mess.
"Are you sure it's okay to take all this?" Sweetie Belle repeated her question, starting to feel nervous as she realized just how much they were taking.
"Yup! Don't worry, she'll thank us later when her wedding is splendidiferous!" Pinkie Pie eyed the pile for several seconds, then added, "We're going to need to borrow her cart, too."
Sweetie Belle sighed and started to head downstairs, but Pinkie Pie put a hoof in front of her to stop her.
"Eh eh eh!"
"What?"
"You should take that suit off. If you go out looking like that, everypony would think we're thieves!"
Sweetie Belle smacked her hoof against her face.
By the time she'd gotten undressed and brought the cart around to the front of the boutique, Pinkie Pie had not only shed her own catsuit, but had already moved the entire pile of stuff down by the front door. "How'd you do that?"
"I carried it, silly!" The pink pony began grabbing large hoof-fulls of the stuff, casually tossing the carefully-gathered material into the cart before trotting to the front and hooking herself up.
"Wait, you're pulling it?"
"Why, did you want to?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head.
"Rarity always makes me pull the cart!"
"Well not today! It's my turn!" Pinkie Pie began trotting off, but her eyes widened as the clocktower tolled.
"Oh no! It's already ten o'clock! We have to hurry!" Pinkie Pie's trot turned to a gallop, and it was all that Sweetie Belle could do to cling to the cart as Pinkie Pie ran through the streets of Ponyville to the bakery.
***
Carrot Cake woke to the sound of a mixer.
"Honey cake?" he murmured sleepily, only to feel his wife stir in bed beside him.
"What is it, sweetum?"
"I think Pinkie is making something downstairs."
Cup Cake rolled over, wrapping her hooves around her husband and giving him a gentle squeeze. "It's our day off, snickerdoo."
Carrot Cake sighed. "I know. But what if she's conducting one of her experiments again and uses all the powdered sugar again like last time?"
His wife sighed and gave him a kiss on the nose. "I guess we should go check on her."
The ponies grunted as they rolled out of bed, stretching out their limbs as they stiffly walked to the door and headed downstairs.
"Hi Mister and Missus Cake!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed from behind a pile of paper spread out across one of the tables.
Carrot Cake blinked. "Sweetie Belle? What are you doing here?"
"Making invitations!" the young unicorn squeaked.
"You aren't getting any glue on the table, right?" Cup Cake asked worriedly.
"Nope! All on the paper."
"You know," Carrot Cake said, "We don't mind you being here, but the bakery is closed today. You really should do that at home."
"But I'm helping Pinkie Pie!"
The pair looked over towards the kitchen, then back towards Sweetie Belle.
"What is she doing?"
"Everything!" she exclaimed, throwing her hooves wide open.
Carrot exchanged a worried look with his wife, before trotting into the kitchen, which was the scene of extreme baking. Three mixers were running at the same time, and Pinkie Pie was zipping between them, adding an egg here, putting in more sugar there, adding a cup of milk to the third, the pink pony taking breaks only to pull more pans out of the cupboards.
"Pinkie Pie? I thought we told you to take today off."
"I was! But my right front hoof got achey, and that means there was a party I didn't know about! So I asked everypony in town if there was a party that I had forgotten about or if somepony new had—"
"Pinkie?" Carrot Cake said, sighing.
"Oh right! Anyway, so now I have to make an invitation for every pony in Ponyville, AND bake enough food for them, AND I think the princesses might come and Celestia really liked the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness cake and I thought that that it would make a perfect—"
"Wait, Princess Celestia?" Cup Cake asked, blinking.
"Yup! And Luna, and Cadance, and of course Twilight—"
"They're all coming?"
"Yup! And a bunch of Apples too!"
"Sugar bear, do you know what this means?" Carrot Cake asked his wife.
Cup Cake stood firm. "It means we're going to bake! Can you get my apron?"
"On it dear!"
Cup Cake strode into the center of the kitchen, watching Pinkie work as she tried to take in what she was doing. "Now Pinkie, did you pick up enough ingredients for this?"
"Yup! I put it all in the cupboard," Pinkie Pie nodded, before her eyes widened and she rushed over to one of the mixers, grasping a bottle of vanilla and tipping it sideways over the top.
"Here you go, angel cake," Carrot Cake said as he stepped over to wrap an apron around his wife's neck, his own forequarters already covered.
"Now, what are you making?"
"Well... right now I'm making the layered cakes for the MMMM! The batter is almost done, and I already preheated the ovens!"
"That's very good Pinkie," Cup Cake said as she walked over to check them. "You even got the temperature right."
"Well of course I remembered. We made the cake like a billion times trying to get it right!" Pinkie Pie bounced over to shut off a mixer, taking a spoon and poking at it to check its consistency. "Done!"
"So who is this for?"
"Applejack and Rarity, duh!"
"So what did they order?" Carrot Cake asked as he stepped over to the cupboard to take stock of their supplies.
"Well, they didn't exactly order anything..."
"Pinkie..."
"But they did totally need me to do everything for them! They're too busy to do anything themselves." Pinkie held up a hoof, tapping it with the other as she listed things off." I'm doing the invitations, and the catering, and the flowers, and the streamers, and the—"
"That's very sweet of you, but don't you think that's a bit much?"
"That's what I said! So I got her sister, and Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle, and now you to help me!"
Cup Cake sighed. "So what else do we have to make? You said there would be a lot of guests."
"Cuppy?" Carrot Cake said in a strangled voice.
"What is it, pineapple bun?"
Carrot stepped aside, revealing a huge mass of cheese, eggs, fruit, vegetables, crackers, several types of flour, bags of sugar, nuts, even bottles of arrack. "Pinkie, what is all this?" the stallion asked worriedly.
"The ingredients for the food silly!"
"Just what is this party for?" Cup Cake asked, licking her lips.
"It's for a wedding, silly! And a baby shower. Can't forget the baby shower."
"A wedding and a baby shower?"
"It might even be a double baby shower!"
"A double baby shower?" Carrot blinked. "So they're having twins?"
"Oh, no. I just don't know how many of them are pregnant yet."
The Cakes stared at Pinkie Pie. "I don't understand," Cup Cake finally managed. "Who exactly is getting married?"
"Why, Applejack and Rarity of course!" Pinkie Pie smiled, before trotting over to the second mixer and turning it off with her nose as well, grasping the bowl out and starting to pour it into the cake pan.
"Wait, they're getting married?" Carrot Cake said. "I didn't even know they were dating!"
"Well duh! What did you think they needed all those desserts for?"
"But..." Carrot Cake's mouth hung open. "Rarity?"
"Yup! It surprised me too at first, but then it made perfect sense. I mean, everyone knows that Hoity Toity and Lavender Lace and Amethyst Ascot and Highfalutin and Great Cardigan like stallions, so why wouldn't Rarity like mares?"
"Lavender Lace is a stallion?" Carrot Cake asked, bewildered.
"Yup!" Pinkie Pie trotted over to the third mixer to turn it off, dumping its contents into another pan before tossing the bowl into the sink.
"I don't think it quite works that way, dear," Cup Cake said hesitantly, drawing a laugh from Pinkie Pie.
"Of course not. I mean, Fluttershy likes fashion and she doesn't like mares. Though she is awfully close friends with Rainbow Dash. Hm..." She sat back on her haunches, pondering, the Cakes both frowning at her.
"And you said... one of them was pregnant?" Cup Cake finally asked.
"Yup!" Pinkie Pie rose back to her feet. "Granny Smith found out, and you know how the Apples are."
"But Pinkie, they're both mares," Carrot Cake protested.
"Ugh! I know! I can't even put which one of them it is on the invitations! I mean, at first I thought it was Applejack, but then I thought that maybe it was Rarity, and Granny Smith is just making Applejack do the right thing, and—"
Cup Cake cut Pinkie Pie off as she stepped out of the kitchen, the cakes following the pink pony. "Two mares can't have a foal, dear."
"Of course they can, silly! In fact, they can have twice as many foals! At the same time!"
Sweetie Belle looked up from the invitations, sighing loudly. "Don't bother asking, I already tried."
"Pinkie," Carrot Cake said earnestly, "How much did you say you would make?"
"Oh, right, the food!" Pinkie Pie sprung back onto her hooves, walking out of the kitchen. "Well other than the wedding cake we're going to need cheese and crackers and salad and tortes and jello and cookies and chimney cakes and sad cakes and happy cakes and eclairs and sugar plums and those chocolatey things with cherries inside, surrounded by sugar and toothpicks stuck into them and—"
"All that?" Cup Cake said, her voice trembling.
"Yup! Well, except for the candy; I'll go get that from Bon Bon. And you don't have to make the crackers; I bought those. Thank you SO much for doing this for me." She nodded her head as Carrot Cake's eyes rolled up in his head, turning her back just as he collapsed to the floor.
"Y-you're welcome, dear," Cup Cake managed after a few tries as the pink pony trotted over to Sweetie Belle.
"Now for the invitations!"
***
Spike hummed quietly to himself as he stepped out of Rose's flower shop, tossing the bouquet of red flowers from hand to hand as he strolled out into the street.
"Today's the day I ask Rarity out on a date!" The little dragon puffed up his chest, grinning to himself as he imagined how it would go.
"Oh, Spikey Wikey!" Rarity's eyes shimmered as Spike bowed, presenting the bouquet of red carnations to her. "Do you know what these mean?"
"Of course I know what they mean!" Spike said, his voice deep and gruff. "My heart has been aching for your love for years. I love you Rarity, and I want to be with you. I just hope you feel the same way."
"Oh, Spike!" The beautiful maiden leaned forward to give him a kiss. "I have been waiting for this moment for so long, I had begun to fear you would never ask. Yes! Of course—"
Sudden pain interrupted Spike's thoughts as he was bowled over by a running pony, the small dragon crashing down into the street. Petals rained down on the dazed dragon and his attacker as he clutched at his snout.
"Hey, watch where you're going!" he said angrily, his eyes watering too much to give him a good view of his attacker. My bouquet...
"I'm awful sorry about that Spike, I'm just in such a rush today."
"Apple Bloom?" he asked, lifting his hand to wipe away his tears.
"You alright?" The filly leaned forward, nosing at the dragon, helping him to his feet.
Spike shook his head to clear it. The bouquet was ruined; most of the flowers had been scattered around him, and a number of them had been bent or lost petals. Tears began to trickle down his scaly cheeks. "Not really," he sniffed.
Apple Bloom looked down at the flowers awkwardly, before bending down to pick one up in her mouth to hand it to him. "Aw, I'm sorry. I'll help you pick them up."
"Oh what's the point? They're ruined now. Rarity will never go for them."
"Rarity?" Apple Bloom's ears perked up. "These were for Rarity?"
"Yeah," Spike sighed.
"I'm helpin' her out today too. Maybe I can get more of 'em? I'm sure she's going to need a lot."
Spike blinked, sniffing. "What do you mean?" He used the back of his claws to wipe away the tears from his cheeks.
"Well, what with the weddin' and all, they're goin' to need a lot of flowers. Pinkie Pie gave me a list."
"Wedding? What wedding?"
"Uh, the wedding this afternoon?" Apple Bloom tilted her head. "I thought you said you were helpin'?"
"I never said anything about that. A wedding huh?" The dragon stood tall and puffed out his chest. "Well, if Rarity needs my help, I'd love to! What kind of flowers do we need?"
"Well, Pinkie Pie said we needed some roses and blue violets. Uh, yellow daisies. Buttercup. And somethin' called celandine, I'm not too sure what that is. Not any marigolds though; she don't like those much for some reason."
"Easy peasy. How many are we going to need?"
"Enough for a big weddin'."
Spike scratched the back of his head as other ponies passed by on either side, skirting around the spilled flowers. "That's a lot of flowers. How were you going to carry them all?"
"I hadn't gotten that far yet. I was just comin' to see Rose to see what she's got."
"Heh, yeah, figures." Spike sighed again, looking down at the carnations on the ground, bending down to pick up a few of the less damaged ones.
"So if you didn't know about the weddin', what are the flowers for?" Apple Bloom asked curiously.
"Oh, nothing," Spike said, waving his free hand. "Where is Rarity anyway?"
"She's at Sweet Apple Acres, of course!"
"Heh. She sure has been spending a lot of time with Applejack lately. I wonder what those two have been up to?" Spike dusted off one of the flowers.
"Well, kissin' mostly, I 'spect."
Spike shook his head again. "You must have hit me harder than I thought," the dragon chuckled as he bent over to pick up another carnation. "That sounded like you said they were kissing."
"I did."
"What?" The dragon jerked upright suddenly.
Apple Bloom looked at the dragon strangely. "I said they've been kissin'."
"B-but why are they kissing?" the dragon stammered, the flowers falling from his nerveless claws.
"Cause they love each other, silly." Apple Bloom started to lead the way towards Rose's shop.
"L-l-l-love?"
Apple Bloom looked back at the dragon. "Course. Why else would they be getting married?"
"M-married?"
"Yeah. Who did you think I meant?"
The world crumbled around Spike as he fell to his knees in the middle of the street. The young dragon cast his head back, looking up towards the heavens as he lifted his shaking claws to the sky in despair. The clouds in the sky seemed so far away, drifting in the wind, slowly being blown away from the dragon. Black sorrow wrapped itself around his heart; his one true love, snatched away by another. And not just any other, but one of his friends. The blue sky began to blur above him as tears filled his eyes once more; it almost looked like a vast field of diamonds, glittering above, oh so far away - forever out of reach of the dragon. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Apple Bloom stared at Spike as he held his pose for several seconds. "You sure have been spendin' a lot of time with Rarity, ain't you?" the filly said, utterly unimpressed, but Spike couldn't hear her.
Spike could see her standing atop the golden hill. The dragon raced towards her on his stubby legs, falling to his knees time and again as the wind whipped around him, bending the yellow wildflowers, the whole of the field seeming to ripple like waves in an amber sea. Spike knew that if he did not reach her, he would lose her forever, and yet, he knew in his heart of hearts that he was already too late - that he had always been too late.
It felt as though the dragon was running through water; he was moving in slow motion, the air closing in around his stubby limbs, leaving him trapped. He cried out to his love, cried out with all his might, but his love did not hear him; she could not hear him. He waved his arms, desperately, but he knew it was futile; she only had eyes for the figure climbing the hill.
He knew that figure well - the golden mane, the strong, lithe muscles rippling beneath that orange coat as she climbed the hill, a smile on her face as green eyes met blue. She slowed as she approached his love, the alabaster unicorn's coat gleaming in the sun as they came together.
Spike's heart thumped in his chest as the two mares nuzzled, then burst aflame as they shared a private smile - a smile that spoke volumes of their love, devotion, and passion. Their mouths opened slightly as the two mares moved together, hooves seeking each others' bodies as their lips locked in a wonderful, glorious, sensual kiss...
Apple Bloom looked at Spike oddly as the young dragon's claws had fallen to his sides in the dusty street, his cheeks flaming red. "Equestria to Spike," she said, waving a hoof in front of his glazed eyes.
No reaction.
"Spike!" she shouted, bringing her hoof down on top of his head.
"Ow! Hey!" Spike lifted his hand to rub the top of his head, his blush fading. "Sorry about that, Apple Bloom."
The filly huffed. "You helpin' or not?"
"Yeah, yeah..." He wiped away his tears, leaving dirty streaks on his cheek as he looked towards the west, towards Sweet Apple Acres, his eyes shimmering. "Don't worry, my lady. I will make sure your day is perfect."
"Spike?" Apple Bloom called to him from the door.
"I'm coming," the dragon grumbled as he trudged back into the flower shop, leaving the red flowers strewn across the street.
***
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!"
The pegasus perked her ears. "Give up already, squirt?" she asked as she rolled over on her cloud, rising to her hooves.
"Nope!"
"Got it all figured out then?" The pegasus smirked as she peered over the side of her cloud, blinking at the sight of several items piled in the red wagon behind Scootaloo's scooter. "What's all this?"
"What you asked for! Well, kinda."
Driven by curiosity, Rainbow Dash slid off her cloud, gliding down in a lazy spiral towards the filly. "Alright, what'cha got?"
"Well, the wing wash was easy," Scootaloo said. "I just went home and grabbed my shampoo. It's okay if you borrow some of it, but I'm going to need the rest of it back so mom and dad don't get upset."
Rainbow Dash chuckled at the proffered bottle of feather soap. "Alright, what else?"
"Well, I couldn't find any holes in any of the stores in town," Scootaloo began, earning a chortle from the older pegasus, "But Mr. Tailer said that a hole punch would do a lot better. Then you can make all the holes you want and never run out!" The filly reached in to scoop up the small metallic object, making Rainbow Dash's grin go lopsided.
"Pretty clever, kiddo. But what about the dehydrated water?" She smirked.
Scootaloo laughed. "Oh, I knew you were just joking about that."
"Heh, I guess so," the pegasus said, looking over the other two items.
"So can I have your shotgun now?"
Rainbow Dash's smile faded. "Shotguns are pretty dangerous, Scoot."
"You told me that before," the little pegasus protested. "I promise I'll be careful."
"You DO realize shotguns are illegal to own?"
"No," Scootaloo said, looking down at the ground. "So you don't have one?" Her wings slumped. "You tricked me?"
Rainbow Dash smiled kindly, taking a step closer to put a hoof over her back. "Yeah, I was just playing a little prank on you. I didn't expect you to actually find that stuff."
Scootaloo sniffed.
"Hey, don't feel bad, kid. My dad sent me on a snipe hunt too when I was about your age."
"A snipe hunt?" Scootaloo rubbed at her nose.
"Yeah. Asking for stuff that doesn't exist." She chuckled. "Don't worry about it too much kiddo, I'm pretty sure that Pinkie Pie was sending you on one too."
"That's mean!"
Rainbow Dash rubbed at Scootaloo's mane. "Sorry. But look, we can totally prank Pinkie back."
"What do you mean?" The filly reached up to paw at her eyes with her hooves, clearing the tears that had been forming.
"Well, I don't have a shotgun, but I know somepony who does."
"Really?" Scootaloo perked up.
"Sure do. In fact, one of my friends has one up in her attic."
Scootaloo looked at Rainbow Dash skeptically. "This isn't another sniper hunt again, is it?"
Rainbow Dash laughed. "Nah. She totally has one. Pretty sure she's scared of it and hasn't touched it since she moved in. But if we bring that to Pinkie, she'll totally think it's awesome." Rainbow Dash lowered her wing over the filly's back, pulling her in against her side. "What do you say? Sound good to you, squirt?"
"Okay!" she said, bobbing her head up and down rapidly, earning another small chuckle from the mare.
"Let's get going then." Rainbow Dash jerked her head towards the road before she started walking, Scootaloo slowly pushing her scooter alongside. "Though, you know, Pinkie Pie really needs to work on her stories."
"Ha ha, yeah, pretty lame," Scootaloo said awkwardly, before flicking her eyes up to Rainbow Dash and licking her lips. "Are you sure? Apple Bloom sounded pretty serious to me."
"Trust me, kid," Rainbow Dash said, waving her hoof, "I know Applejack. There's no way she'd marry Rarity."
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BWAHAHAHAAAA!! Well I think someones a fan of Red vs Blue......
3409623
Interesting that you should say that, as I think I watched like, maybe five episodes of it a very, very long time ago. What gave you the idea that I was?
3409653 Dehydrated water? What does she think I am, a foal? Once I get the wing wash and the bucket of holes, I'm totally going to call her on trying to pull one over on me.
.
In one of the very early episodes they had the scene where one of the rookie reds was told to go to the blue base and get elbow grease and headlight fluid. He went to get it but mumbled off about getting elbow grease. How stupid do they think I am? Once i get back with hat headlight fluid i'm gonna talk to the sergeant.
It was similar enough to what Scoots said for me to tie them together. Whether you did it in purpose or not
Pinkie’s thoughts on the wedding are expected, but while she is technically correct about them being able to have babies at the same time, I can’t help but wonder if her understanding on exactly where little ponies come from is a bit incomplete….
theoffdutymime.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/whatchu_talkin_bout_willis.jpg
Whatchu talkin bout Apple Bloom?
3409683 Not necessarily a RvB reference, that's been a service joke for years. Sending new recruits to get something ridiculous like a brass magnet or an ID-10-T form is practically a rite of passage in the armed forces
Hey, Rainbow, that wasn't very nice! And what do you mean AJ would never marry Rarity? Of course she would, they belong together!
Woah, Pinkie, you're going to use silk for streamers? Rarity is going to murder you.And who is going to pay for all this food you're making?
And Spike's heart crumbles. Poor little guy.
3410051
The reference isn't the snipe hunt, it's the "go get [multiple nonexistent items]"/"I'm so clever, I know that one of those doesn't exist [goes off in search of the others]" format. Which is not, to my knowledge, a tradition in the armed forces.
Who is Sweetie Pie?
3410169
Yes crumbles to bits~
While he has daydreams about mares making out anyway
3410265
Pinkie Pie and Sweetie Belle went through a horrible accident and fused together for a split second before the universe corrected its fault and re-situated them back in their original bodies. Obviously.
3410309
There can be heart ache in comedy.
This is flat out cockamamie. I'm in.
3410051 Boy Scout crank too.
3410291
Yeah, it was kind of messy.
3410265
*quietly fixes*
Nice catch. I mean, what are you talking about? No typos here.
3410226
A common variation on the snipe hunt is, once they're properly wary of you sending them out on fool's errands, ask them to do something or fetch something which SOUNDS ridiculous (or at the very least dubious), but is totally real, and then complain at them when they don't do it. This is usually good for at least another prank or two.
Incidentally, snipes are real birds, and the term itself comes from sending people out after the very real (but still neigh impossible to catch) snipe.
3410345
While at HP, we never actually sent anyone out on a snipe hunt (as tempting as it would have been sometimes), there is in fact a device inside some printer assemblies called a flux capacitor, which is rather amusing the first time you hear about it if you're familiar with a certain other flux capacitor. Given the general nerdiness of names inside HP, I assume it is a reference, though the part does in fact do exactly what it sounds like it would do - moderate the flux of ink by changing its volumetric capacity.
Is that someone who has a shotgun Fluttershy????
.... Fluttershy's the one who owns the shotgun, isn't she?
This just gets better and better. Also, 'Lavender Lace is a stallion?' killed me. That's when I started laughing.
So... About everyone has an Idiot Ball grasped tightly in their mouth. And another one up their ass. And Pinkie IS a self-propelled, bouncing Idiot Ball.
I KNEW it was a Blue vs. Red reference once she said she needed a bucket of holes. XD Very nice.
Ah, I see this is that Sweetie.
And so the snowball grows....
Spike's despair can be summed up in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eal4fep7pK4
Edit: Can you name all the media shown in the video?
Bucket of Holes? Why would Rainbow Dash send Scoots to find my cousin? We'd don't even talk that much...huh, besides, I'm pretty sure he can't even stand on clouds...wouldn't be any good.
Although, Pinkie is extraordinarily lucky she has the "Pinkie" excuse applied to her by now. I can just imagine the criminal charges she'd be brought up on by now. I mean, just this chapter she'd get a B&E and corruption/endangerment of a minor(s)...I think they'd count both Scoots and Sweetie Bell. Now all we need is Twilight asking the Princesses to marry the two elements and the day will be perfect.
At least until Rarity and Applejack find out about all this.
3409653
This at 1:50
The initial set up for this was very good, and I like the gradual snowballing of the situation, but I think you may have reached a point where you're spending so much time setting things up that it's started to become a bit dull. It feels less like you're building up to a punchline as you are trudging your way through a swamp to a punchline. Or maybe the problem is less with the amount of time it's taking as that this continued set up simply isn't very interesting. Still, I am interested in seeing the huge mess that this is all leading, too.
Is RD going to be the jealous ex-girlfriend?
Well then this follows the tradition of the show:Applejack episode gets hijacked by another character <3~
Pretty sure Carrot and Pound Cake are still foals.
3493508
Carrot Cake is Mr. Cake.
Cup Cake is Mrs. Cake.
Pound and Pumpkin Cake are indeed foals.
3410493>>3410797
Yeah, not the first time that I've heard of it.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/166/e/4/fluttershy_s_aim_by_doublewbrothers-d6940yv.jpg
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/218/3/f/boredom_is_dangerous_by_grievousfan-d6gnwr2.png
I want to read this later, so I'm favouriting for now.
I'll have to keep those in mind if I ever need to send someone on a snipe hunt. I love suggesting Hollywood clips to gun nuts, and you'd be surprised how many people will go looking for a samophlange.
The later chapters have a lot better comedic timing and more jokes that work than the earlier ones, which have a funny premise but overall are a bit dull (part of it might be that the summary lets us know what's going to happen so it's not like we're surprised when Rarity stumbles onto Granny Smith, which may be unavoidable if you want a useful summary), so one the plus side you're definitely improving.
Please, please, PLEASE tell me that was a Red Vs. Blue reference?
pls more!
And I can't help seeing this as a EqG (but older aged) story....[ie. hands for hooves]
Also fully expect a LyraBon cheering section for this wedding....
5547560
I'm glad you liked it!
I do actually have plans to start this story back up again soon, most likely somewhat after Valentine's Day, as I have a RariJack story planned to come out right about then, so restarting this will probably follow after I've got that done.
This reminds me of an early sketch in Red Vs. Blue. Are you a fan, by any chance?
This can only end well...
Auntie Sweetie Belle has an oddly nice ring to it.
This will end in tears...
Wow, this story cintinues to be perfect. I can't wait for the next update!
6205104
I watched a fair bit of it way back in the day, the first... 30 episodes or so, I think? I forget exactly.
I've always had a soft spot for snipe hunts, and humor related to them. I'm not sure if I
liftedresearched the joke from there or not, though.Thanks! It is on my "to-do" list; my plan is to finish up Mistletrapped first (as it is presently 2 chapters and an epilogue away from completion), then this will be my next "ongoing project" priority.
6205232
Makes sense!=.
Awesome!
Man, this whole situation continues to spiral out of control. This situation is almost as crazy as "About Last Night". I wonder what Rainbow Dash's reaction will be when she finds out Rarity and Applejack really are being forcibly married? I can only imagine what happens when Twilight is tossed into the mix.
I'm hoping it won't be long before this story is updated. It's looking funny.
6656004
I've got the next three chapters in editing right now. Not sure when they'll be out, but I do plan on updating this story again Soon (TM).
Glad you've been liking it so far.
3641267
For the first, I wonder if that's how William Tell's son felt. Second, did Fluttershy know that was Discord or just a regular old fox?
3434210
I'm hoping not. I lean to her being more attracted to Fluttershy.
6656083
Any word on the status of those chapters now?
9996857
I haven't touched them in ages. Maybe I should set that as a new year's goal. Hmmm.
I do like this story, and I want to finish it.
9997471
That’s always an excellent goal! 👀👌
Will this story be continued?