Walking through the park, not caring where she ended up, Zig Zag hoped to rid herself of it. Of the pain and of the memory. Little did she know, a familiar Unicorn was walking as well. She didn't realize it yet, but she was about to get some of the best advice she would ever receive. What happens when you're broken over a heart break? You're about to find out.
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VENT! Ok, so i was in a similar situation not that long ago. I got some awesome advice and now I'm better :) i really had to vent though.... It all works out though cuz i even get to tie this fanfic into my latest one; http://www.fimfiction.net/story/101191/the-apple-and-the-rainbow
Chapters (1)
so...where to begin...first of all the OC's looks are not described enough. Second of all you sometimes write same words way too often. The OC is not relatable enough. Overall it is a simple not bad short though it has some problems, but don't we all.
also a personal gripe. You just had to put lesbian RD in here...I really dislike it.
Best wishes, Zelos
3319229 I can see your point that the OC isn't described enough, but not relatable? Zig Zag is basically a ponyized version of me, aside from a few miner details. I'm sorry that you feel that I'm not relatable enough.... I also understand what you mean by repeating words to often. I'll try to work on that. Also, I never specified that Dash was "lesbian". She could be bi for all me know. AppleDash is my OTP and sense I recently wrote a fanfiction of that pairing, took the opportunity to intertwine my two fanfictions. I'm sorry that you don't like that fact, but I'm not sorry I put it in my story. I hope through all the mistakes, you managed to enjoy the story a least a little.
3342699 You see... for you the OC is relatable because you know yourself...but for an avrege reader like me it is just a random pegasus with a problem.
Overall I actually enjoyed parts of the story to be fair
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Best wishes, Zelos.
3345868 Ok, I understand you. So, how do you think I can make her more "relatable"? I understand that you, as a reader, do not know the OC, so do you think a back story explaining who she is, and how she is related with the other ponies in the story would help? Because I am currently working on one.
3346607 It is really tricky... A lot of people would like to know where did all of a sudden rb's sister came from..you should tell at least the most necessary stuff about her (not her whole life's story) and the rest is really up to the story itself.
Best wishes, Zelos.