Ch 16 - Honor Among Griffons
Diplomacy by Other Means
Honor Among Griffons
“A pony who is used to acting in one way never changes; she must come to ruin when the times, in changing, are no longer in harmony with her ways.”
— N. Marechiavelli, The Princess
“I said, let me out of bed so I can talk with her. Now!” Pumpernickel fought briefly with his wife, neither of them using anywhere near their full strength due to his injuries. Long lines of stitching swept and curled around his body in pinkish stripes where his grey coat had been shaved away around the puckered stitches to prevent infection, lending to a somewhat pink zebra appearance to the battered guard, or perhaps that of a Frankenpony’s monster. His wings were still wrapped in a long white bandage and each one secured to his sides, but small dots of dried brown blood traced their way across their wrappings in straight lines and ornate circles like some obscene dot-to-dot puzzle awaiting a child with a pen.
One ear remained stubbornly shortened by a fraction of an inch, as well as the outside edge of the other, leading to a lopsided appearance when examined closely. Laminia had suggested balancing by selective trimming, only to be overruled by Redoubtable citing Royal Guard regulations on intentional body modification surgery. Now both of those battered ears folded back as he regarded his wife with a piercing glare. “I promise not to get into any more fights. The way I feel now, Sunny could probably beat me up.”
“You stubborn, rock-headed… MALE!” With one final glare, Laminia pulled back the sheets and offered a hoof up for her husband, with one last growl. “If you pull out any of your stitches, I’m sewing you into the bed.”
The faint green aura of an anesthesia spell turned low surrounded him as he placed one hoof gingerly onto the floor, eventually standing up and turning to address the little griffon fledgeling who stood by the door.
“Good morning, Princess Sunny.”
“Good afternoon, Lumpy.” There was an exceedingly long time before the little griffon lowered her head. “I mean, good afternoon, Wingmaster Pumpernickel.”
The warm interior of the diplomatic quarters seemed filled with eyes, from Ambassador Primrose, who was supposedly applying little bits of antibiotic cream to Redoubtable in one corner, to Laminia, who had withdrawn a few paces and stood nearly immobile with her golden eyes fixed on Princess Sunny. The rustling of griffon feathers outside the door was evidence of larger guardians, a strange presence of deadly force that comforted rather than unnerved him. Pumpernickel’s world had been turned on end over the last several days, but little Sunny had lost both her best friend and her grandfather, and she was the one who was most important at the moment.
“I’m afraid we’re going to have to keep this short, Princess Sunny. May I ask why you needed to see me?” Pumpernickel tried his best to put as much authority into his voice as possible, but all he could hear was the rasping and croaking that resulted from the aftereffects of the healing and anesthesia spells from Primrose. The spells may have saved his life and kept him from screaming in constant pain, but there still was something weird about them that made him occasionally feel as if he were growing a beak and feathers.
“Yeah. I just wanted to say… We took Stargazer to the village and I met with Mayor Berry, her mother, and told her all about what happened.” The words seemed to cascade out of the little griffon like a mountain avalanche, in a solid rumble of thoughts that would not be stopped until she reached the end. “About Grandfather, and that bastard, Bravely Plummets, and the Challenge, and how S-stargazer d-died.” She took a quick breath and continued before Pumpernickel could even think of interrupting. “And how much she meant to me, and how you were the Wingmaster of our aerie now, which she asked a lot of questions about, and I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. I hated you so much when you killed Grandfather, but I’ve had some time to think about it since then, and… I can accept you as Wingmaster of my flock now. I will be a good Second Heir to you, and will help guide our flock to greatness.”
“Do you hate me now?” Pumpernickel had to ask, and the little griffon’s head hung lower as she responded.
“No. I am a loyal Heir, and I can not hate our Wingmaster.”
“Liar.” Laminia stepped forward with her wings half-extended, scowling down at the little cringing griffon. “You hate him. You despise his every speck of being.”
“No,” whimpered Sunny, cowering backwards and trying to cover her head with pinfeathered wings.
“My husband killed your grandfather. Blood demands blood. No griffon would surrender their right to vengeance this easily.”
Sunny curled up into a ball with her claws over the sides of her head, repeating over and over, “No. Not me.” Laminia ignored her protests, moving right up to the little princess and taking one of her claws in her hooves. With a twist and a shrug, the Nocturne mare shucked out of her Night Guard breastplate and pressed the claw against her warm bare chest with each of the four needle-sharp talons pricking slightly against her skin.
“Feel my heart beat beneath your talons. Deep inside my body, I am growing a foal, just like Stargazer. Will someday my offspring be forced to face your kind in battle, shedding her blood to quench your hatred?”
Sunny’s beak moved, but no words came out while Laminia continued.
“You were sent here by your Aunt Gilda and your father. You were ordered to say these words, while your heart believes something completely different. Lumpy took away the one griffon who ever took time to be with you, the one griffon who you believed cared about you. He killed Talon just to save the lives of hundreds of ponies you have never met.”
The little griffon snatched her claws away from Laminia and looked up with a fierce snarl. “Why are you saying these things to me? Wingmaster, make her stop!”
Pumpernickel shook his head in a short arc, his pleasant smile having long since turned into an emotionless expression suitable for the herbivorous ruler of a flock of omnivores. “I would stop her if she were wrong. She’s not. It’s her special talent, after all. She heals broken hearts.”
Laminia stepped forward until her nose was almost touching the fuzzy tufts that graced Sunny’s head. “You can’t help but hate him for what he did. No matter how small that hate is now, it will sit in your heart and fester like an infected wound as you grow up. You will find yourself even more alone, as everypony — everygriffon shuns you for the hatred you carry.”
The ruffled feathers that covered Sunny’s shoulders flattened as her eyes softened. “Why are you doing this to me? How can you know what I’m feeling?”
Laminia extended a wing across the floor of the diplomatic quarters and rotated it so that a faint ragged line down the middle seemed to glitter in the lights. Her voice lowered as she stretched her other wing around the little griffon and embraced her with the gentle touch of a mother.
“Because I know that feeling in your heart. I was born a cripple, my wing deformed and ugly. Our kind was created by Luna during her descent into madness, built from the unlimited power of Nightmare and Darkness, but we are not perfect. Occasionally there are… defects in her creations. I considered that sole imperfection to be the reason for my miserable life, leaving the hatred to eat at my soul and fill my nights with thoughts of revenge. When Luna returned, I was certain our Night Eternal would return, and she would rule…”
Laminia paused, looking away for a moment. When she turned back, her voice was barely audible, and a tear dripped from her eye to splash on the top of the little griffon’s head.
“I let the darkness in my soul control my actions, and tried to return the Nightmare to our Princess of the Night. But for the actions of two whom I despised, both my husband and the Princess of the Day, Princess Luna would have been destroyed, and the world would have perished in darkness.”
Sunny looked up in confusion, her head cocked to one side as she regarded both Laminia and Pumpernickel. “I don’t understand. If you screwed up that badly, why are you here? Is this a punishment? And what happened to your wing?”
“No.” Laminia brushed back a feathery plume from the little griffon’s head while flickering a quick look at Pumpernickel that caused him to shut his mouth and remain silent. “We are here because we asked. It is a reward, as we have been rewarded before. For betraying Celestia, she healed my wing. For nearly destroying Princess Luna, she made me her Hoofmaiden. For despising your Wingmaster, he made me his bride.”
Sunny stared in open-beaked amazement. “Ponies are weird.”
Pumpernickel nodded a bit too energetically for his stitches. “Yes. Very astute. Now, Princess Sun Shines on the Misty Mountains at Dawn Through Early Morning Hazy Skies, as your Wingmaster, I have something to say to you. But first, I need to send for your father, and my First Heir.”
Raising his voice slightly, Pumpernickel turned to the door into the ambassador’s quarters and continued, “Will you two please come inside?”
Ambassador Sharp Edge came shuffling into the room, having the grace to look somewhat embarrassed at eavesdropping on the Wingmaster and his daughter. Right on his heels limped Princess Gilda, the bracelet of office shining proudly on her wrist with a number of bandages and splints on her other limbs, including a rather wide one on a hind leg that Pumpernickel could remember biting in a particularly innovative set of moves that he had no intention of repeating any time soon.
“Wingmaster,” said Gilda with a pained bow. “Are you wanting to continue our Challenge now?”
“No. Not at present. I have quite a few things to do first.”
“Well, good.” Gilda snapped her beak and rolled her eyes. “You would not believe the number of idiots who want to fight me once I have dispatched—” She cleared her throat and scowled “—that pathetic patchwork pony. I’m halfway tempted to yield my Challenge just so they can feel one of your huge dammed hooves smashing into their chest.”
“Really?” Pumpernickel’s tone was as dry as dust, and Gilda looked up at him with narrowed eyes.
“No. You killed my father. If he was wrong or not, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to kill you in the Challenge ring.” Golden griffon eyes matched with yellow pony eyes, neither of them blinking until Pumpernickel deliberately turned to Sunny.
“Princess Sun Shines, it has become clear to me that you cannot be trusted within my aerie.”
“But Aunt Gilda said she’s going to kill you.” Sunny looked back and forth. “Is weirdness contagious?”
“Naa,” scoffed Gilda with a ruffle to the top of Sunny’s head. “I’m just letting the dumb bastard know just exactly where we stand. I don’t hate him. I just hate what he did. And I’m going to kill him for it someday, once we both have time to finish our little discussion. Now, you on the other claw…” The griffon princess glanced briefly at Laminia before continuing. “You’re a problem.”
“Just a moment, Princess,” interrupted Pumpernickel. “This is my responsibility, at least until we finish our ‘discussion.’ Princess Sun Shines is a threat to this aerie. She has lied about her hatred to its Wingmaster, and that kind of deceit in my aerie cannot be tolerated. But first, I need to speak to her father, Ambassador Sharp Edge.
The smaller griffon tircel stepped forward and bowed with only one worried look at his daughter before turning his blue eyes towards Pumpernickel, his face an unreadable mask. “Speak, Wingmaster. I am at your command.”
“I’ll make this short. There is a new city of ponies that has sprung into existence beyond our borders. I hereby appoint you ambassador to the Crystal Empire. You depart next week.” The ambassador did not move a muscle except to relax his stance slightly, as if a great weight had been taken off his shoulders. In turn, Pumpernickel fought to keep a smile off his face as he turned back to the worried little griffon, who was trying to hide her head under her stubby wings.
“Princess Sun Shines, it has become clear to me that you cannot be trusted within my aerie. However since you are my Second Heir, rather than banish you from our mountains, I have a task for you that shall be completed to my satisfaction before I permit you to return to my aerie.” At a subtle cough from Gilda, Pumpernickel added, “I mean our aerie. You are to go with your father to the Crystal Empire for the next six months, and study the magic they use to protect their city.”
One unhappy eye looked up at him from between her pinfeathered wings. “You mean like a spy?”
“No. Like a student. A friendship student, much like Twilight Sparkle. You are to go there and make friends among the ponies. I’ll have Ambassador Primrose write you an introductory letter for Princess Cadence and Prince Consort Shining Armor. I’m certain they will wish for you to stay in the palace with them.”
As she tucked her wings back in place, a second eye looked up, glittering with a tiny spark of happiness coming out of the gloom. “The palace? The Crystal Palace? I read about it from the report our spy… I mean the courier that took your letter there. It’s all crystal and sparkles like diamond, just like all the ponies there?” Suspicion clouded the glitter of joy as a thought occurred to Sunny. “This is supposed to be a punishment?”
Ambassador Primrose cleared her throat. “From certain estimates in the report I read, the sparkling is an effect that comes from long exposure to the magic of their kingdom. Perhaps when you return to the aerie, the sparkle will remain for a few weeks. There are statues in the city that indicate griffons once played a major role in their kingdom, so perhaps a nearby griffon aerie, like this one, would prosper greatly through trade and cultural exchange. Having an heir present in their kingdom would give such an aerie a great amount of leverage in any negotiations. In my professional and completely neutral opinion, of course.”
“Y-you would do that? For us? For me?” Sunny looked around the room in total bafflement. “Ponies aren’t just weird, they’re crazy.” Pumpernickel kept the smile off his face, but got the feeling that it was leaking out around his eyes when the little griffon bowed with her pinfeathered wings outspread. “I accept my punishment, Wingmaster. May I be dismissed? We are taking my grandfather to the Crypt in the Sky so that he may join the ancestors, and I need to supervise the preparations.”
“You may go, Princess Sunny. May your wings never falter.”
“May your flight be swift and true, Wingmaster.” The little griffon paused at the door to look back. “Are you coming, Father?”
“In a minute, Sunny. Go on.” Once the sound of the little griffon scurrying off with her bodyguard had faded to silence, Ambassador Sharp Edge turned to his Wingmaster with a short nod.
“You take the one who hates you and plots to overthrow you and give her the Crystal City she dreamed of. Ponies are not just weird, they’re outright bizarre. How in all of the stars did you get sent on this diplomatic mission?”
“I asked,” answered Pumpernickel with a pained shrug.
“And he beat up Luna in the sparring ring,” volunteered Laminia.
Pumpernickel spared a very dry glower for his chuckling wife. “Let the Princess of the Night beat you up one time and you never hear the end of it.”
“Twice if you count the time you busted her in the face with a door. Come to think of it, she promoted you for that fiasco, and sent you here after you bit her in the sparring ring, so what in Equestria are you going to do for an encore?”
Laminia’s subdued chuckles were abruptly cut off as Gilda said, “As the new Wingmaster, he will eventually have to visit the Imperial Court, and swear fealty to Emperor Ripping Claw. Tell me when you go. I want to watch.”
Sunny’s father blinked a few times while digesting the idea. “Well, I should go get ready for the funeral too. With your permission, Wingmaster?”
“Granted,” said Pumpernickel at the exact same moment as Gilda. The two of them kept straight faces as the diplomat jogged away, leaping into the air as he crossed the ambassadorial balcony and flying up into the afternoon sky.
Gilda was the first to crack with an explosive snort of laughter. “Oh, the poor cracked egg. Just wait until he meets Pinkie Pie.”
“Yeah, that’s one pony who makes you feel sane no matter how crazy you are.” Pumpernickel shook his head and sighed. “On a serious note, I’m glad they’re gone. I need to talk to you privately.” It took a number of pointed glares to get the other three ponies to reluctantly leave the room, some with more degrees of reluctance than others, but eventually the room was empty except for the rather odd Wingmaster and his First Heir.
“So. Lumpy. Just us, then?” Gilda raised one tufted eyebrow as Pumpernickel limped to the door and shut it firmly.
“Just us. Or as I would prefer to think of it, justice.” Pumpernickel situated himself back on the cushion with great care before continuing. “Ponies, as a rule, are polite, and take great care not to offend anypony else. Griffons, not so much.”
“Yeah, yeah. You dweebs are so polite it’s sickening sometimes. Get on with it, Lumpy. I’ve got a funeral to attend.” Gilda pulled out a file and began putting an edge on one talon which was splintered less than the rest. The Royal Guard vambraces and helmet had done a number on her razor sharp nails, leaving most of them ragged and torn to various extents.
“That’s Wingmaster Pumpernickel, if you don’t want me to beat your head flat against the floor in here.” Gilda looked up abruptly to see Pumpernickel nose to beak with her. The nail file dropped unnoticed to the floor and Gilda tried to back up, only to have the Nocturne match her, step for step. “You were Talon’s Heir before he demoted you. All the signs were there that showed he was planning an attack on the Crystal Empire, an attack that would have eventually destroyed the entire aerie. You had a duty to your family, and you were just going to watch them die rather than challenge your father for an action you knew was wrong.”
“He would have killed me. He would have ripped my freaking head off, you loon!” Gilda’s tail hit the wall of the room, but Pumpernickel did not stop advancing until his nose touched her beak.
“Then you would have died with honor! Plummets is rotting out in a streambank now because you didn’t have the claws to stand up to your father. He would have killed Sunny the moment he thought she knew about the murder. Stargazer died because of your inaction. And I’ll kill you rather than let you be Wingmaster of this aerie.”
“Now?” Gilda swallowed, looking into those pitiless golden eyes so near to her own.
“No.” Pumpernickel backed off a pace. “I’m giving you a year. From what I remember of Griffon Law, I need to make a trip to Emperor Ripping Claw to swear fealty within a year or the title of Wingmaster passes to the Heir. You run this aerie well enough that I’m satisfied, and I’ll make sure Royal Guard business keeps me out of that court. Screw up, and I’ll make a special trip right away.”
Gilda glanced over at the door before looking back at Pumpernickel with a weak sneer. “You don’t have the claws to kill me. I could kick your pony ass all over the circle any day of the week.”
Pumpernickel’s eyes narrowed. “Try me. They’re taking one body up to the Crypt in the Sky today. Won’t be any trouble to make it two. Right here. Right now. Just us.”
It took long moments before Gilda lowered her head with a growl. “I’m still going to kill you for killing my father. Just not today. I’ve got a funeral to attend.”
“You better practice up then, Heir. As I recall, that tall tircel with the violet plumes and the orange tail ribbon was in the exchange program between our militaries. I fought him in the ring about four or five times. He’ll be a good one to practice with, once you get healed up.”
“I suppose you’ll be practicing too?” The only answer she got was a thin smile, and she turned to limp towards the door. “Well, I better get to the funeral. With your permission, Wingmaster?”
“Go and bury your dead, Princess Gilda. And consider your future. May your wings never falter.”
“May your flight be swift and true, Wingmaster.” Gilda paused after opening the door, her wings half-outstretched to fly away while she called back over her shoulder, “And may that flight carry you far, far away from here.”
Pumpernickel stood and watched the griffon princess soar up into the sky and away while the other three members of the diplomatic group filed back into the room. Redoubtable made a special point to look him over as if to check for additional bite and claw marks that might need another few yards of stitches, before hobbling back over to his bed and lying down with the greatest of care.
Primrose and Laminia stood and watched him watching them until Laminia could not stand the silence any more. “Well, Lumpy. Did you two set a date for trying to kill each other or did you propose? Because if you’re going to add one more female to our marriage, you’ll have to get special permission from Princess Luna, and we’re going to need a bigger apartment.”
“Neither. No wedding dates and no more funerals. We’ll be leaving for the Crystal Empire tomorrow. That is, if it is acceptable to you, Your Excellency?”
Ambassador Primrose rolled her eyes. “Yes, of course, Your Highness.”
Pumpernickel winced, keeping his eyes closed for an extended amount of time. “One more thing to add to my list. Now can I get you to help me back to bed? If I stand up for one more minute, I think I’m going to fall over dead. I think I know what a quilt feels like now.”
Laminia giggled as she guided her husband to the bed, suspended in Primrose’s magic. “That’s what I forgot. I should have saved a few little pieces of your hide for the baby quilt.”
“That… is disgusting.” Pumpernickel took the tucking in and fussing over in stride, deeply grateful that most of his stitches were on his sides and top instead of the bottom, but before he settled down on his pillow, he looked up at Primrose in wide-eyed alarm. “What do you think Princess Luna is going to say?”
The ambassador closed her eyes for a moment and smiled. “I’m not sure, but I would be willing to bet you will be able to hear it when she gets my letter.”
* * *
Princess Luna took the letter from the delivery griffon with a respectful bow and thanked him in accented Griffon before sending him on his way. There were several sheets of thick paper in the letter, wrapped in a security enchantment that took her only a moment to release so that she could begin reading. The moon had just been put away for the morning, and so she took her time, picking her way down the lines with the occasional ‘hmm’ or ‘tragic’ before reaching the end and folding the sheets back up. It took only a few moments for her to pen instructions and pass them to the guard outside her chambers before traveling over to the breakfast nook to meet her sister.
The letter was a great source of conversation between the two sisters, with many helpful suggestions and options passed between the two of them before Celestia departed for her morning appointments and Luna returned to her bedchambers, although with a brief detour to examine the new sign she had ordered for her Hoofmaiden’s small apartment across the hall. She had always considered the Hoofmaiden’s quarters to be far too small for one pony to occupy, let alone a married couple, and if they both survived until the birth of their foal, the tiny little closet would become far too small. There was an underused storage room next to it that would make expansion easy without having to fall back upon dimensional extension spells, which always felt a bit like cheating to Luna. Her remodeling ‘suggestion’ to the two of them for the room had been repeatedly turned down as being too low a priority for their position.
Well, now they would not be able to use that excuse. She took a moment to review results of her note before heading to bed, secure in the knowledge that her night had been quite productive. Behind her, a brand new sign hung next to the Hoofmaiden’s quarters, the glistening letters still slightly damp from the castle printing shop.
The Royal Bedchambers of Their Majesties
Wingmaster Pumpernickel
Queen Consort Laminia
of the Aerie of the Misty Mountains and Surrounding Territory
(Knock before entering)
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From a suggestion by Nikas on my story Diplomatic Security. I thought it fit well in this chapter, so here it is.
Not a bad choice of son, Manowar has some good songs.
As for the story I liked it as I've liked most of them and now of course I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Fantastic stuff all around this chapter. Pony diplomacy in a nutshell: give the other party what it wanted, but on your terms. The griffons' thoughts jam at the first part, and they don't even notice the second. And the scene between Pumpernickel and Gilda was exquisite. I can feel the conflict raging in Gilda's heart (definitely not her mind.)
Eagerly looking forward to more, especially if we get to see Sunny meet Cadance.
So Pumpernickel continuously delays his technically ongoing challenge with Gilda until he is due to appear before the Emperor thus preventing anyone else from challenging him, fails to show up at said meeting with the Emperor, and thus the title passes onto Gilda thus making the challenge null since he is now longer actually Wingmaster? Is that the out he's going for? Though if that is the plan knowing his luck he'll end up meeting the Emperor anyway.
Sunny is right, ponies are weird.
Now that is an excellent plan.
I hope Gilda is only figuratively talking about eventually killing Pumpernickel. Continuing the cycle of bloodshed is going to solve nothing in either the long or the short term.
I kinda want Pumpernickel to kill Gilda what a c*nt.
I can't wait for Pumpernickel and Laminas return home. When they see the new sign at their room, it'll be freaking awesome.
The real problem with working with Glida is her pride and her reluctance to confront those stronger than her. I think Pumpernickel is hoping that twelve months as the regent of the Aerie will pound the pride and cowardice out of her. If not...? Well, from that private meeting, I think that he believes he can beat her and she believes that he can and almost certainly will beat her too. If she thinks she isn't going to meet the standard, she'll flee. That would be a shame but, in the end, it was the same fear that made her flee Ponyville instead of act like a Griffon and admit where she was wrong.
Talon's madness and dishonour has infected the Aerie for so long that it is clear it will take a long time for its influence to clear from its people. Sunny might heal under Cadence's influence, I suppose and, in any case, she's got an open enough heart to accept ponies as friends. Best case scenario at the moment, if Glida is beyond salvaging, is for Pumpernickel to scare off Glida and have one of the smarter Griffons, maybe Sunny's dad, act as Sunny's regent until she is of age.
As for Luna's little 'gift'? Well, she's one of the Celestial Sisters and their main form of recreation is the prank. This is therefore not even slightly surprising.
3966455 "Though if that is the plan knowing his luck he'll end up meeting the Emperor anyway."
Chapter 13, The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam. Are you sure you're not reading ahead? :)
Aww. No Frankenstallion, or some more elaborate pun? I am disappoint!
Hey, don't underestimate that little gal! She's got spunk!
Oh, wow. She had quite some conflicting feelings to work her way through
Heh. They sure are, Sunny.
Yeah. Gilda said she would kill him, whereas you harboured the same feelings and said the opposite. Ergo, she can be trusted, and you cannot. Is that so hard to grasp?
A punishment is useless if nothing is learned. So why not skip the punishment part altogether and hand out lessons, instead?
Well, it's kind of his aerie now. It's only proper he cares for it, no?
And in the Carousel Bouti— no wait, that was "a burglar", which he "scared off"
I'd say something lewd, but to be fair, it started with hoofsnuggles, then went on to facedooring, and finally to asswhupping in the sparring ring, so it only seems to get more violent, and away from the lewd
Then again, Luna could hardly keep her tail down in the sparring ring
Royal Canterlot Sonic Boom incoming
"He WHAT?!"
Oh come on. No way she could've planned that all along
Okay, I'll bite. What have they been promoted to? Or are they treated as foreign dignitaries now?
Goddammit. They are
Remarks and corrections:
> We are here because we asked
Messed up italics around "asked": two closing tags. And, if you're wondering how on earth I spotted that... I save the chapters as html, and then I clean up the html
> hide her head under her stubby wings..
Double period at the end.
5947861 fixed, fixed, and I need to check for double-periods in more of my stuff. I had a bunch here. Amazing catch on the italics tag.
5958433
Heh. I save stuff because I read on the train. The output of fimfic as html already requires a rather complex regex search & replace just to make it readable anyway, and my editor happens to indicate HTML tags that have errors inside them by marking them in red, so slightly-OCD me always sets out to clean them all up until the large <body> tag around everything is no longer marked red
One of the most common HTML errors is actually italics tags that span multiple paragraphs; technically those need to be closed and reopened inside each new paragraph tag, but fimfic does no such thing.
I like your Gilda.