King Sombra's Robotic Retaliation [CANCELLED]

by Darrtaa

Chapter 4: One Bad Apple

Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.

"Ohhh! Lyra, you're a such a dumb pony!" Lyra said to herself as she rushed about her room, ripping clothing and other things needed for travel from their resting places with her yellow aura and unceremoniously dumping them into an open case laying on her messy bed. "Where did the time go!?"

While Lyra was indeed happy and grateful that Rarity was bringing her along for this amazing event she had no idea that Rarity would want to leave so early! The only reason for them departing so soon, that Lyra remembered, was something along the lines of Rarity "not having the same problem she had in Manehattan," whatever that meant. All Lyra knew was that she needed to hurry her lyre-covered flank along if she was going make it to the train station in time. She was so busy that she didn't even notice her bedroom window being opened by a familiar mailmare.

"Hiya, Lyra! You've got-" Before the grey pegasus could finish her sentence, she was suddenly tossed into the tangled cluster that was Lyra's suitcase. "Mmf!"

"Uh? Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Derpy! My mind's been all over the place today and I didn't hear you…break into my house. Again." Lyra gave the walleyed mare a stern look as she clumsily crawled out of the jumble of clothing, tumbling down onto the floor and looking up at Lyra with a warm smile that usually graced her features. Lyra sighed with a smile of her own, she couldn't be mad at Derpy more than she could a baby filly.

"I'm sorry, Lyra. How come you're packing all this stuff anyway?" Derpy asked as she helped put back everything she knocked out while Lyra continued her over-packing rampage.

"I'm going to- BE LATE! AGH!" With speed far too swift for Derpy's light yellow, crooked eyes to keep track of, Lyra snatched something from her nightstand and bolted out the door. Derpy flew out the window to try and catch her.

"Wait! Lyra! You have a…letter? Where'd she go? Ohhh, I hope the Princess isn't mad that I didn't deliver this fast enough," she said quietly as she held the little envelope in her hooves.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Heavy breathing, sweat pouring down her body, matting fur, feeling like she was going to collapse at any moment; "I *pant* am SO *pant* out of shape." Lyra gasped as she flopped down on her seat. "At least I- WHOA."

Lyra rubbed her still tired eyes as wondrous sights unfolded before her. The Imperial Crystal Liner, the only train that belonged exclusively to the Crystal Empire that had just recently been brought into service, welcomed its passengers with a marvelous display. The train itself was a wonder as being made out of solid crystals not only made it extremely durable but it also reflected all light that passed through it, especially the headlight, which made the engine look like a bright star as it rode across Equestria. In classic Crystal fashion, everything in the interior, minus the seats and food (which Lyra was thankful for), was formed from the glassy rocks the empire was named after which made everything appear to be more fancy and expensive than it actually was.

Naturally, this miraculous invention fell by the wayside when Rarity noticed something far more important. "Lyra, where is your bag, darling?"

"Uh? I put it with the rest of the cases. Actually come to think of it, most of it looks a lot like your-"

"No, not that, I mean your carry-on. You simply MUST have something fashionable while you travel if the rest of your matched luggage is forced to be hidden away from the public eye."

"Uhhh…"

"Well, what about that around your neck?" Fluttershy said softly as she looked up from her book with her wide, teal eyes. "It looks wonderful."

"Mmm, in a sort of post-apocalyptic outdoor wear kind of way, yes. I can't quite place my hoof on the designer though, who is it by?"

"Oh, you mean my Pyrovision Goggles?" Lyra said placing a mint fur-covered hoof on the pair of blue lenses dangling from around her neck.

"'Pyro-vision'? You mean like that mumbling lunatic that-"

"Do NOT call him a lunatic!" Lyra, and most of the nearby passengers, froze at her sudden outburst. Lyra turned beet red. Where did that come from? She felt well enough a moment ago but now her heart was beating and she could feel the burning in her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, to…" Lyra stopped as a cream hoof came up in front of her muzzle.

Fluttershy said nothing, but instead looked between Rarity and Lyra with a concerned yet calming face. For reasons Lyra couldn't understand the animosity she had felt dispersed as quickly as it had come, even Rarity looked as if though whatever retort she had mustered up had been swallowed along with her pride.

"You're right, Fluttershy. I'm the one who should be sorry, Lyra. Me calling Pyro a lunatic was out of place and I apologize. But you have to admit he is a bit strange for those of us who don't know him too well."

"He did scare me a bit when I first saw him to be honest…" said Fluttershy, pressing her hooves together and avoiding eye contact from behind her pink mane.

"How do you think I felt when I first saw him? If I wasn't being attacked by Timber Wolves at the time I probably would have ran home and bolted my door!" Lyra chuckled.

"Timber Wolves!? What in Equestria where you doing messing with Timber Wolves?" Rarity sputtered as she almost inhaled her tea.

"Oh yeah, I never really told anypony about what happened that night, did I? It's kind of a long story…"

"I don't mind hearing," chirped Fluttershy.

"It is a long ride to the Empire, and I'm just dying to know!" said Rarity as she and Fluttershy both got rather close to Lyra.

And so, the harpist unicorn told her eager listeners all about the fateful night that brought her to Pyro. How he fell from the sky, fighting off the wolves, hiding him in her home, taking him to Canterlot for Nightmare Night, squaring off against the Horseless Headless Horsemann and learning about all that he had done in the past, turning both Celestia and Luna back to the side of good, and Pyro sacrificing himself to save everypony there.

Rarity and Fluttershy were both in awe of the tale that had been woven before them. "And here I thought we were the only ones that went on adventures! But, you still haven't mentioned where you got those goggles from, dear."

"Sorry; I got this after the second time he was here. You remember, Spy and Demoman arrived before he did and sorta almost blew up Canterlot. Twice," Lyra said the last part a bit softer than the rest.

"Yes, I remember that rogue…" Rarity said looking off into the distance with half open eyes and a dreamy stare. "But you can talk to him with those you say?"

Lyra's eyes brightened as did her smile. "Yep! Actually, I've been meaning to say hi to him anyway, so if you ladies will excuse me…" With a swift motion only obtainable from months and months of training and usage, Lyra looped her hoof into the elastic band around her neck as stretched enough so that when she brought her hoof up, the Pyrovision Goggles slipped on perfectly over her eyes and behind her ears…

-x-x-X-x-x-

Hades.

Sheol.

Tartarus.

Rock Springs, Wyoming.

All different names for hell, and the name of the place Pyro now found himself, standing alongside the rest of his team atop an outcropping of charred rock above a massive river of lava. Across the way was a wooden structure much like the one in Hightower that had a rare purple spell where its earthly counterpart possessed a medkit, and beyond the manmade pillar was the common rabble of BLU Team…who were also busting out sweet dance moves for no reason besides the fact that they could. As it turns out, all those damned to hell must dance rhythmically upon arrival. For obvious reasons, God saw it fit to leave that out of the Bible as to not confuse readers or give any warning to the dance craze that would sweep the 1980's.

Pyro looked across from where he and the rest of his color-coordinated maniacs had just finished their mandatory choreography to where a massive, human skull with twisted horns was perched. Ash and smog billowed from its sockets like smokestacks that swirled near the roof of the hellish cave that masked its true height…if hell even had a roof.

"This fight is not over, RED Team! You can still win this, kill BLU Team!"

"BLU Team, what my idiot brother said, but with you killing RED Team!"

With those profound words still ringing in their ears, both teams leapt down the jagged rock platforms towards the main island in front of the tower. The heat became unbearable the closer Pyro got to the glowing river which was the strangest sensation for someone who usually thrived in the hottest conditions. He could feel what he thought might be traces of sweat starting to form on the back of his burnt neck for the first time since…since…

Pyro's thoughts were interrupted as some of the members of BLU had already made it to the island and had started unloading all of their firepower at the opposing team. Pyro winced, his broad shoulders catching more than their fair share of buckshot and as they began to pop…

…he landed gracefully, brandishing his bright pink Lollichop. The little babies were giggling and flying high, and just up ahead was a happy little Spy. Pyro knew just what to do; his golden Rainblower could reveal anything BLU! He crept 'round the side as fast as he could, as the Spy he saw bumped into him right where he stood. The baby BLU Spy chuckled as he hovered high and low before Pyro made him sparkle with a bright, warm rainbow. Although he had confetti and streamers gushing from his wounds, Pyro found himself still humming upbeat tunes. The red fire-starter skipped through the lush grass that felt rather stoney, when he crashed headlong into bright green-

"Pony? Lyra!" Pyro dashed to his unexpected friend as she marked the first good news in this fight without end.

"Sorry for dropping in without giving word, but I just wanted to to see how you were doing in your herd!" Lyra trotted happily as-

-bullets ripped past the crimson salamander's gas mask like a swarm of lead flies that bored into the tower behind him, splintering it on impact. Pyro rolled back behind the flimsy spire-

-and returned to his happy place from a hell so dire. The distraught pyromancer looked to and fro; "Lyra, are you here? Where did you go?" Pyro could feel her slipping away, her smiling features blurry when they once were clear as day. His little pony was gone, nowhere to be seen. How could this happen, what could this mean?

Pyro dashed past bubble rockets and gumdrop grenades, rainbows, charging Demo-babies and even jars of instant lemonade. He rushed to the top of the colorful play structure where he looked all about, but no matter what he did Lyra just wouldn't come out! The RED fire starter turned, deflated, shuffling his feet-

-the force of the bullet that caught Pyro's leg was enough to knock him from the platform two stories above the hardened magma stone below, which was made far worse as he landed on his metal gas tank with a crack and a howl of pain.

No one around even noticed that he had fallen or that he was hurt; the Medics were focusing on keeping their patients alive through not only ammunition but magical bombardment as well, classes of either color ran past him, assuming that the bleeding maniac was already gone.

The BLU Sniper who had winged Pyro chuckled back on his perch as he squeezed the trigger and aerated an Engineer's hardhat, instantly turning him into a ghost that just looked on at its former Sentry that meet its fate by the same means. The smug Australian smirked as he chambered another .305 shell into his trusty rifle and quickly peered down his scope…only to have the entirety of said scope filled with the sight of crimson rubber.

Sniper looked up too late, his cry for help becoming muffled as a black glove smothered his features. The sensation of burning flesh washed over Sniper's face and began to roast his panicking brain with increasingly deadly heat as he clawed frantically at the scalding hand that had ensnared him.

For the first time since the identical killers had descended into the bowels of hell did the fighting stop. All of those present had witnessed horrors beyond imagine in their years of hat-based combat, but what they were seeing before them was still unnerving; every eye watched as Pyro, bleeding and limping, dragged a struggling Sniper along behind him like a caught animal trying to free itself from a deathtrap. Pyro hobbled to the nearest ledge over the churning lake of lava, and with a flick of his wrist, he flung the bushman into the glowing river. Sniper's body erupted like a bright flame on the surface that crackled like cooked meat in a pan before what was left sank below the sea of flames.

Pyro turned back around and started towards the massive skull, unopposed by allies and foes alike.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Pyro, I want to make somezing PAINFULLY clear…"

Pyro wasn't exactly sure why he went to Spy first.

"…you disgust me."

Sure, he wasn't the worst person he could have gone to. Scout would talk more AT him than listen, talks with Soldier usually included a series of gunshots, and Pyro couldn't get a word out of Heavy even if he did actually listen.

"Ze mere fact zat I'm standing zis close to you after what you did and NOT vomiting iz taking all of my intestinal fortitude."

Demoman was really the only other person he could have gone to about this and he was, well, spelunking to the depths of his scrumpy bottle for the umpteenth time that day and was in no position to carry on a conversation beyond belching and crying.

"Now zat we have zat out of ze way: what iz it?"

"Mhrr Myra! Huda mrrrm mmphm urrr," Pyro said worriedly.

"Lyra? What does zat pony have to do with anyzing?"

"Mrrur huddah-huh!"

"Cut off? Why would zey stop your from talking to her? Unless…"

"Murr?" Spy ran his hand down his face as if though he were trying to avoid whatever he was about to say. He sighed heavily before lighting up another cigarette with his exquisite lighter that Pyro noticed.

"You remember ze last time we had our little romp through zat magical land that almost got us killed, no?" Pyro nodded happily, and was about to go into great detail about his second trip to said adventure but was forced to give only the abridged version from the look Spy was giving him.

"Murr-hurmph."

"Well, ze only reason why I wound up zat diabetes-inducing plane of existence was because of our pumpkin-headed friend who arrived earlier this evening."

Pyro gasped. "Murr hudda-ha mrr?!"

"What? No, not Heavy you idiot! Ze Horsemann! A few months ago, I had a run-in with Silas, and under ze threat of permanent execution, I was forced to help him find a reliable way to and from Equestria…"

Pyro chuckled. The only to get to Equestria was by increasingly convoluted (and hopefully entertaining) methods. There was no solid-

"…and I succeeded."

"Huddah?"

"It wasn't as difficult as I first thought, actually. Ze only really challenge iz gathering- Pyro?"

"Mmmhm?"

"We're not alone in here. Behind you!" Pyro spun around, Spy drew his revolver, and the unknown assailant threw the doors wide open.

"I heard everything!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Lyra? Darling, are you alright in there? It-It's okay, we don't have to talk to him right now…ohhh, Fluttershy I think something's gone terribly wrong." Rarity pressed her ear against the cloth she had placed over the potentially filthy bathroom door Lyra had locked herself in, but couldn't hear anything over the clacking of the train racing along the the tracks, or the sound of knocking on the glass outside.

Fluttershy glanced over her shoulder to see what all the noise was about and almost popped her neck from whipping back around for a double-take. "Derpy?!"

Sure enough, as Rarity soon confirmed, Ponyville's own Derpy Hooves was clinging for dear life right outside the window, waving at the mares as her blonde mane was tossed about in the wind with a nervous smile. Both of the Elements of Harmony rushed to the window, and with the aid of Rarity's magic, tossed open the slider as a strong gust threw the grey pegasus into the car where she tumbled onto one of the seats.

"Phew! Thanks, girls! I thought I was going to be stuck out there forever!" Derpy shook her mane back into place, her yellow eyes still spinning a while longer after she stopped. "I have been tasked with delivering an urgent letter from Princess Celestia of Equestria to one Lyra Heartstrings!" Derpy sat upright as she announced her sworn duty in her most official voice. She held her saluting pose for a moment before scrunching up her mouth and opening her walled eyes to scan the train car. "Huh, I though I saw Lyra in he-"

"I'm here, Derpy…" Lyra's voice was soft as she walked slowly out of the bathroom, her head hung low so her mint mane would cover her red eyes.

"Here's your letter! The Princess said I had to get this to you as fast as I could…hey, are you okay, Lyra?" The mailmare, still holding the holding the officially sealed envelope tilled her head upside-down to get a look at her dower friend, but tilted back around as the letter was quickly snatched away from her hoof. Lyra flipped her mane out of her expressionless gaze, her yellow magic making quick work of the envelope and unfolding the beautiful parchment.

Dear Ms. Heartstrings:

It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of recent actions my sister, Princess

Luna, and I have had to take in order to maintain safety for all of Equestria. As you may

have noticed, we have repaired the magical barrier that separates our world from

others, namely the one in which Silas Mann and your friend Pyro both reside. I'm sure

you see this as a cruel prank but I assure you it is for the best as we no longer in any

danger of otherworldly threats that have been originating from within that world.

I pray that you will understand.

Princess Celestia of Equestria

Lyra was stunned. She could feel her emotions racing about, trying to make sense of what she had just seen.

"Lyra…I'm so sorry," Rarity said as she finished reading from over Lyra's shoulder.

"I wonder what suddenly made her do that?" Fluttershy pondered as she too finished scanning the note from over Lyra's other shoulder.

"Must. Learn. To. Read…" Derpy muttered as she peered intently at the letter. Fluttershy and Rarity tossed each other a quick look before Fluttershy tilted Derpy's head slightly away so one of her eyes actually focused on the letter she had delivered. "Oh no! Is there anything I can do for you, Lyra?"

Lyra remained silent though her facial expressions spoke volumes of her internal debate. 'How could she do this to me?! After everything he did- after everything WE did for her, and she just…exiles him?! Wait. Wait, Lyra…maybe she's right. I THOUGHT I knew everything about humans, but they're much more violent than my research showed...but Pyro said he and his team were 'special' compared to other humans so maybe they aren't all bad! Silas wasn't one of their team though. He was about as far from Pyro as you can get and he's even worse than they are…'

She finally looked up at her gathering of friends with a smile, and tears rolling down her face. "No, Derpy. There's nothing any of us can do, and I think…I think I'm okay with that."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"But daddy I'm BORED! These dumb robots you left me won't let me do anything!"

"That's the whole point, Olivia. While I'm…away, I need to make sure my only daughter stays safe..."

The little dark-haired girl on the monitor rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Do you REALLY think I'm going to believe that?"

Gray sighed. "…and to keep you from getting into anything you shouldn't. I need you to run things while I'm away and those bots are designed to keep you out of harm's way. Just because Hale won't fight you directly doesn't mean that woman won't send one of her goons to try something stupid."

Olivia continued to pout as she spun from side to side in her oversized CEO chair while the two Heavy-Bots stood motionless at either side. "At least tell me where you went, the tracking device isn't picking you up anywhere. I even had to make a new radio system so we wouldn't have that stupid lag after everything we said."

"Uhh, well you see honey, I-"

"Gray! Get out here!"

"Oh, HELL…"

Olivia leaned up against the computer to try and see around her father's head as to who was yelling at him like that. "Who's that?"

"Dry cleaning lady."

"Wha~?"

"GRAY!"

"Coming, Mrs. Wong! Goodbye, Olivia." Gray practically punched the "end call" button, causing his ancient hand to make a horrid cracking sound. "Gah! What is it, Sombra?!"

The door to the communication room flew open and pulverized the Soldier-Bot standing behind it. "I heard voices, who were you conversing with? And what is 'dry-cleaning'?"

"A miracle for those of us that work with machines all day and have an image to uphold," Gray mumbled as he straightened his jacket. "And if you MUST know, I was speaking with my daughter back in my world, just making sure things are going well over there."

"I don't claim to know anything about you humans but that sounded far too young to be any child of YOUR'S," Sombra smirked, reveling in Gray's flustered expression. "Regardless, I have found that element that you seek." King Sombra's horn pulsed with a dark magic as a mangled Heavy-Bot was tossed onto Gray's desk, its chest cavity had been crammed full of glowing ore.

"At some point we're going to have a long talk about the misuse of my damn robots, but for now I must admit you performed your task better than expectations."

"Don't speak to me like one of your drones, plebeian. There was more but your escort here could not carry the load put before it. So I improvised," Sombra's eyes flared for a moment as he sat down, his metal flank clanging against the floor of the Carrier Tank.

Gray, who was practically drooling over the amount of Australium laying before him, composed himself. "Be that as it may, you WILL keep your metal mouth shut when Olivia is calling. As smart as she is she's still a child, and I'm not certain I'd be able to build something strong enough to stop her from abandoning her post if she knew I was in a magical land ruled by talking ponies…even saying that out loud sounds absurd. Your shortcomings aside, this Australium will keep me going for a long time yet. Medic! Get over here and help me refuel!"

Gray beckoned his ever-present Medic-Bot to bring the hallowed remains of the Heavy-Bot as he left the room, leaving Sombra alone. The king sat there for a moment as his grin grew ever larger. "Foolish mortal. There is no such element in Equestria, but your precious sensors won't be able to tell the difference until it's too late. Amazing what a little alchemy can accomplish…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

-x-x-X-x-x-

Gray detested his refueling procedure; partly because he had no choice in the matter and partly because he never felt more helpless than when his Medic-Bot had to temporally pause the machine attached to his spine to make sure it kept him alive. It reminded him of just how frail he truly was; a frailty that couldn't be lessened by any number of robots. He was thankful that Olivia wouldn't have to suffer the way he did for centuries to come, even then she-

*Ka-chunk* "REFUELING COMPLETED, MAKER. REACTIVATING NOW."

"Ga-AH! YES! I feel seventy-five again!" Gray exclaimed as the flames of vigor and cataracts danced in his eyes. "Tell me something, do you think that old war horse knows what's about to hit him?"

"NEIN, I WOULD IMAGINE ZAT IF HE KNEW ANYZING ABOUT THE WORLD BUSTER HE WOULD HAVE TRIED TO STOP YOU BY NOW," Medic-Bot stated as closely to how the genuine article would have said it as its programming could get.

Gray donned his jacket once again as the last few tingles spread to the ends of his body. "Good, because as soon as this so-called 'sun goddess' is dealt with, I'll have no need for some washed up sorcerer…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Author's Note:

Will Lyra ever see her human friend again?

Have Spy and Pyro been found out?

Who will out-betray who: King Sombra or Gray Mann?

Can YOU believe it's not butter?!

Tune in next time for some of these answers, maybe!

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

"Yes, I remember that rogue…"

Hehehe...

[Awesomedude17]

Rock Springs, Wyoming... Lol

[Darrtaa]

4264717 Honhonhonhon...

4264733 It was too; the people weren't nice, the water was undrinkable, it was hot, there was nothing to do besides stay in our hotel room and be thankful that we were hauling out of there the next day.

[Awesomedude17]

4264917 Well, I''ll make a note. Done.

[the other sans]

Lyra, you a such a dumb pony
look like a bright star as it road across Equestria
whatever retort she had mustarded up
finished their mandatory choreography to were a massive, human skull with twisted horns was perched
which was strangest sensation for someone
were focusing on keeping their patiences alive
it is for the best as we no longer in any danger of otherworldly invaders
It reminded him of just frail he truly was
and be thankful that we were hauling out of their the next day

1. You're. And no, shes not. She's a pretty pony
2. Rode.
3. Thinking of food are you now? Mustered.
4. Where.
5. Which was the strangest sensation for someone.
6. Patients.
7. It is for the best as we are no longer in danger of otherworldly threats.*
8. It reminded him of just how frail he truly was.
9. There

*See lower comment for rant spiel bashing flogging details.

So, evil never truly pays does it? When one is evil they tend to backstab quite a bit. Gray is no exception. Though this just makes me wonder how far things will actually progress before the armies of metal come erupting out of the ground like zombies from a B Rated movie.

*Start Rant

Oh really Celestia? You think that would stop them? Oh ho ho you sun loving cockamamie b****, this won't be over for a long shot. Why? Because they're human/immortal(kinda) and they will stop at nothing to get what they want. Humans are stubborn creatures Celest and you are going to find that out the hard way. With Canterlot in pieces. With Luna hanging on a stake. With your ponies trapped in rubble. With Cadance heartbroken because you destroyed what is true love. She will never forgive you even if you are a heckuvalot old diarch. The older you get, the more chances you have to make mistakes my dear.

End Rant*

[HB_DS2013]

4264917 Is that how the French laugh?

[Darrtaa]

4264963
1. She's a very pretty pony
2. Darn.
3. Yes.
4. Who?
5. Missed that
6. Is that how you spell that? Huh.
7. That does sound better.
8. Wow I am BAD at this writing thing.
9. I don't see where that- oh. Oh you cheeky thing you.

Yeah, ol' Celly ain't gonna be too happy in the chapters to come I'll say that.

4265208 Yes, usually followed by "I surrender" or a sip of wine.

[Dr Pancakes]

You know... Now that you mention it...

I CAN believe it's not butter!

Great chapter. Looking forward to the next one

[Darrtaa]

4266321 I'm glad someone still believes, and thanks!

[Sylif Daring Doo]

Guess what me fav class is

[Darrtaa]

4382027 Uhhh, I'm gonna guess either Scout or Pyro.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

4382284 neither it is for some odd reason the engineer/solider depends on the mood really

[Darrtaa]

4382295 Wow I was off. I prefer Pyro myself, but I've found Soldier to be an amazing fallback class if things are getting intense.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

4382712 yea but still I WILL play heavy if the team can support it or if they need one to draw fire or if I'm just plain bored.

Ps.when do you think next chap will be out?

[Darrtaa]

4385977 Uh, should be before the end of this month. I don't really have a set date for chapter releases but I try to make sure there's at LEAST one every month. Depends on how creative I'm feeling/free time :/

[Sylif Daring Doo]

4387928 ooook I will wait.....but I'm not sure about pinkie I mean look at her See what I mean....

Btw what is your fav loadout for tf2.? *excluding hats/miscs

[Darrtaa]

4390948 Fave loud out, hmmm. My strange frying pan, Sir Dave, is on every class I can have it on, so that takes care of melee. I dunno, actually. I mostly use strange versions and/or reskins of stock weapons with a few exceptions. Here, I'll just list the non-stock items I use:

-S. Crusader's Crossbow
-S. Jarate
-S. Spycicle, S.F. Ambassador, Cloak & Dagger, Red Tape Recorder
-F. Sandvich
-Short Circuit
-S. Beggar's/S. Black Box
-S.F. Flare Gun

Everything else is stock unless I change it up.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

4392455 for me it's is

Pyro:degreaser reserve shooter axestingiusher.

Scout:soda popper the winger the atomizer

Soldier:beggars bazooka shotgun equalizer

Demoman:loose cannon stickeybomb launcher ullopall caber

Heavy: hou-long-heater sandwich eviction notice

Engineer: frontier justice pistol southern hospitality

Spy: l,tranger red tape recorder eternal reward dead ringer

Medic:the overdose quick fix the sollom vow

Sniper:huntsman jarate tribalmans shiv

Wait why did I say all of that in the first place?

[Darrtaa]

4392582 You asked me what load outs I use, you told me yours, and uh...I guess that's what happened.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

4393069 ok then WELL err back to doing whatever I guess

[Darrtaa]

4393128 Sounds like a game plan