Someone once said I was passive aggressive. I disagree. I am far too impatient for that. I prefer just being normal aggressive. Don't worry about 'maybe' upsetting me, you will know.
Princess Celestia will always regret that she could not do more to save her sister from the Nightmare. Until the day she finds some way to save her, she refuses to sleep. But one thousand years is a long time to honor a love that was destroyed by jealousy.
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i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
3304442 I'm not sure if that is a compliment or a criticism. Well, thanks for the review?
-Lumino
3304445 It needs more story and explanation! i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
Very nice. It's much harder to write touching short pieces than long stories, and you did a very good job.
3304588
Thank you very much! I am glad you enjoyed it.
-Lumino
A thousand years isn't a hundred generations; it'd be around forty or so. "many times over" seems preferable.
There shouldn't be a space between "ponies" and the comma.
"peeked"
That was beautiful. Light on dialogue, heavy on character. Quite an impressive character study on Celestia.
I also particularly enjoyed her seeking out the Elements when they were reborn, and using that opportunity to start to recover herself.
Excellent story.
3304832
Thanks very much, I am glad you enjoyed it! Also, yes I did try to keep the dialogue small. I wanted to tell as much as I could through the eyes of introspection. I'm glad it came out well.
-Lumino
I really, really liked this. The only thing that felt off to me was that she seemed to be closer to Spike than she was to Twilight - I don't know, that just didn't feel right.
3306301
That was actually my subtle jab at the writers. I always hated how they portrayed the Celestia/Spike relationship (read: what relationship?). Word of God states she raised him, but she barely talks to him. Does Celestia really seem like such a monster that she would take care of his physical needs, but not his emotional needs?
So, in my stories at least, they have a much closer connection then in the show. Twilight is her student, her beloved student, but their interaction wasn't really important for the story. Spike was, because he was the first being in a thousand years she treated like family.
Anyway, I am really glad you liked the story! Thanks for the comment!
-Lumino
3306367 I agree that Celestia seems to ignore Spike in the show - unfortunately, everyone does, the poor guy - but I honestly would have expected her to care equally for him and Twilight. Having him be a son and Twilight just be a student seems rather :x when she raised both of them.
3306504
On that we disagree. I don't think Celestia ever acted like a Mother to Twilight. She was a teacher, a guide, and even a friend sometimes. I think she would have purposely avoided treating Twilight like her child in most situations for a very simple reason.
Twilight already has a family. A loving mother and father, an awesome brother. What right would she have to intrude on that? She certainly nurtured and trained her, but I believe Celestia would have tried to keep the difference between 'parent' and 'caretaker' very distinct. At least, that is my view on them. I might delve into that relationship more, but at the end of the day it really wasn't a focal point for this story.
Thanks again for the comments!
-Lumino
i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
It does not need more story and explanation. It would become overfilled, either too heavy or too colourful. It's fine as it is. Well, in my eyes few details were off, as Celestia's wondering about stones being farmed and Mayor Mare being in charge already back in Rarity's foalhood, but one could argue about that, so I'll not use that against you.
For me a decent one-shot with a maybe slightly too emotional ending. Well done!
3309255
Thank you for your kind review! I decided that it would be right when Mayor Mare became, well, mayor. Her age was never given, but it is suggested that she is a good deal older then the others. Might have been fudging it a little bit.
The rock farm thing was more me drawing attention to the audacity of a rock farm. The show never really goes into what a rock farm is, or why it is important. Pinkie says she lived on a rock farm, and everypony just seems to understand this. Trixie mentions she had to work on one, and it is just glossed over. Plus I liked the idea of Celestia, as royalty, having no idea what a rock farm actually did. :D
As for the overly emotional ending, guilty as charged. I kind of felt that it had to be a fitting climax to the story and still explain that, through it all, Celestia still loves her sister. Celestia gets so much flack from the fandom that I just wanted to give her character a little love.
Thanks for your review and I am glad you enjoyed it!
-Lumino
This was good stuff. I always appreciate it when authors don't fall into the trap of portraying Celestia as a surrogate mother to Twilight. Putting some depth into the relationship between Celestia and Spike was welcome also. While your prose had the occasional issue with telling things that could be shown, there were enough outstanding bits that I let it go pretty easily. That said, I picked up on a rather jarring error you'll probably want to address.
3309452
Good catch! And yeah, I think the relationship between Celestia/Twilight/Spike really deserves a lot more dedicated attention then it gets. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Thanks again for the review!
-Lumino
A great short story, I absolutely love it!
You handle the portrayal of Celestia with wonderful care, giving an insightful peak behind the facade of the motherly sovereign. Instead of portraying an ever-patient goddess, you show Celestia at her weakest moments, let us hear her thoughts and, most importantly, doubts and fears. This is not Celestia the constant, this is Celestia as a full-fledged character, from moment one. She suffers from having lost Luna, she does not want to admit to having fought against her, and she tries everything she can to amend for failing her sister.
Through this, you turn Celestia from an immortal chess mistress to a desperate older sister that tries to use the only advantage she has, time, to its fullest. Yet this turns her not into a heartless being hellbent on getting her sister back. She still cherishes her subjects, as you demonstrate wonderfully through her interaction with the residents of Ponyville.
Overall you understand to balance Celestia's fear and insecurity against her greater moments very well. We get to learn more about Celestia, but we also are reminded why she is so beloved. Especially the scene with Celestia singing Twilight and Spike to sleep made me fall in love with her all over again (in a completely non-committal kind of way though!)
A strength in this story is also that you do not lose sight of a single factor that plays into this. You explain why the elements are where they are, you explain where the prophecy comes from and why it's regarded as nothing more than a breezy tale (sorry, couldn't help myself there). You show how Spike's egg comes into Celestia's possession, and you explain why Celestia knows that the Bearer of the Elements are in Ponyville. Nothing feels really shoe-horned in, except maybe for the bit about Sunset Shimmer. You maybe could have expanded a little bit on this, but what you showed us works fine.
My favorite bit of the entire story though? The crux of it. Celestia discarding sleep to stay by her sister's side is a grandiose idea and I absolutely love it. You keep the reader aware of it all the time, without shoving it into their face, remind us how she struggles, but also that she perseveres. It shows how much Celestia cares about her sister, how great her empathy for Luna's suffering is. I simply love it, there's no other way to put it.
Just as much as I love the idea of Spike being Celestia's surrogate son. It is a concept I have never read before, and seeing how much pony fanfiction exists, this is a damn shame. More Celestia/Spike interaction I say! Of course not in the way some writers might take this...
Overall, what else can I say? Great story. There are some errors here and there, but nothing really aggravating, and I'm willing to bet that those are mostly just typos.
Keep at it, man! Loved your story, loved your writing style, and loved your portrayal of Celestia. I hope to see more of that in the future!
3310491
Wow, what a review! I am really glad you liked this story that much. And yeah, the reason I didn't go into Sunset Shimmer that much was because I didn't actually see Equestria Girls. I knew the basics of her background, and I did want some way to at least nod at her existence, but I didn't want to devote even more words to a character that was more a foot note in the telling of the story.
Also, if you or anyone else here are looking for more of this dynamic, then I invite you to read the story that inspired me.
The Love of a Mother
It is a fantastic little 3K word story, and I feel that it really gives this connection between the two some solid footing.
Thanks again for the review!
-Lumino
This whole story was brilliant. I had a particular moment picked out as a personal high point, but by the end I'd forgotten where it was. So I guess I'll just have to like all of it.
3310769
Hah! Well if the biggest problem the story has is that my readers cannot pick out the best part, I would say I am doing something right!
I am glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the review!
-Lumino
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