The Longest Day
This was the night, the first night of the rest of her life. Celestia, the princess of the sun, had just done the impossible. Well, clearly it wasn't impossible, but she never thought herself truly capable of it.
'There was no other way,' she told herself constantly. She'd had no choice, their subjects needed her. She knew that was a lie. She should have caught it earlier, should have realized the toll it was having on her. Because of her inattentiveness, her one and only sister was now imprisoned with the hatred that had consumed her. Alone in exile, with only the dark whispers of the Nightmare to comfort her. Celestia knew, beyond and shadow of a doubt, that Luna would never be at peace. Never would her rest be serene, never would she be happy.
As she guided her sun down, after the bittersweet celebration that accompanied the banishing of 'Nightmare Moon', Celestia felt the first pang of what would become a hole in her heart. She reached out with her magic, focused away from her thoughts, and grasped at the large body in the sky. Her power was not used to it, but she guided it anyway, pulling the moon high into the sky to replace the sun. She knew what Luna did, but not how she did it. Such things would be learned by trial and error, for the rest of eternity. She lost track of how long she spent setting the stars in the sky, not wishing a single one to be out of place. She finally finished, and her body called out to her for rest. The fight with Nightmare Moon had drained her more than anything since Discord. Then to raise her sun, followed by the moon of her sister, had sapped her stores of energy almost totally. She looked up at the moon, her eyes brimming with tears that nopony would ever see, and she made a decision. If he sister could not have peaceful rest, then neither would she.
She knew of a spell, one of Star Swirl's old tricks, that allowed someone with sufficient magical power to enter a trance instead of sleeping. It was not as restful as sleep, but it kept the body awake and alert. It also precluded dreams, what Celestia considered the finest part of sleeping. Even she was not capable of everything, but in dreams anything could be true. When she and her sister were on good terms, her dreams were always filled with endless happiness. Well, sometimes they were a bit odd, but only if she was feeling in a pranking mood. Celestia knew that her sister normally did not interfere with dreams, but she had in Celestia's dreams many times before. Their sisterly bonds were strong.
Were strong...
Celestia refused to admit that she had fought her sister. She had fought Nightmare Moon, the creature that sought to fill the world with endless night. She would never acknowledge that creature as her dear, sweet Luna. Luna, who she had failed so totally. She vowed tonight, as she cast that trance spell, that she would find a way to save her sister from the shadow that ensnared her.
Celestia never would have imagined it, but without the invigorating necessity of sleep, the days passed even slower than they had in the previous centuries of her immortal life. Every day felt like a year to her. Raise the sun, govern the kingdom, lower the sun, raise the moon, arrange the stars and then lower the moon. Day after day, year after year, with no reprieve in sight. Her study had revealed, over the centuries, that the Elements of Harmony could possibly save Luna. The problem became that when Nightmare Moon came into being, Celestia lost the ability to truly harness them. She could tap into enough of the power to banish the creature, but not to perform something like that. She had left the Elements of Harmony in the castle that the sisters once shared, unable to look at them anymore. A great and terrible forest sprang up around the castle, as if guarding it from prying eyes. Celestia wondered, over the years, if this was the Elements of Harmony defending themselves from misuse.
It was three centuries into the banishment of Nightmare Moon when Celestia received her next ray of hope. A prediction was made from a great draconic sage, one that filled the populace with great fear. Celestia, however, found her own sense of comfort in the words that were spoken.
'Beware the Mare in the Moon, the darkness that slumbers still. For on the longest day, one thousand years hence from her imprisonment, the stars will aide her escape. Her return will herald a new darkness across the land, that will continue without end.'
She had her hooves full placating her subjects after the prediction. Some took it as an act of aggression from the dragons, and Celestia was quick to stomp out that idea. It did not take much to remind them that the prediction was well beyond their lifetime, and Celestia knew first hand that such 'truths' would fade into legend well before the time came.
She was wrong, however. The prediction never faded from the ponies' minds. So she did the next best thing, she turned it into an Old Mare's Tale. She spread the story far and wide, as a great legend and piece of history. Of course, few believed it. After all, what sense was there in putting stock in such silliness?
And time continued to pass for the immortal princess. She watched her subjects celebrate births, grow old, and die one hundred times over. She met many great ponies, griffons and even dragons during her 'Sleepless Years'. She recalled that just after Nightmare Moon's banishment, her subjects had been concerned at how she had lost so much of her youth and energy. She'd been coping with it for so long now that it was the norm. For centuries, Celestia had struggled against her self-imposed burden. And she would continue to, for as long as it took. One thousand years without a wink of sleep, without a dream, without any rest. If Luna were being forced to endure it, then so would she.
It was all she could do, after all.
The day was rapidly approaching, and Celestia was not blind to the signs of it. So many things of note began to happen as the days counted down. It was less than twenty years until the appointed time when she first felt it. An odd sensation, as if she were becoming more tired. It faded quickly, a momentary weakness, but it would come again a month or so later. It surprised her the first time, but she found an odd sort of comfort in it. Six times she had felt this over the last year, and with the sixth time she felt suddenly drawn to her old castle. She could not explain why, but she knew something was different. This close to the prophecy, she knew it had to be related. Things did not happen without signs, and this was certainly a sign.
When she arrived at the old palace, filled with bitter memories, she was shocked at what she found. The Elements of Harmony, gone. No, gone was not accurate. The stones were still there, but they were dull and lifeless. She no longer held even a fraction of their power, and somehow she knew what this meant. If the power had been pulled from her totally, then it must have gone somewhere else.
The Elements had been reborn.
Still, she did know the Elements. She could sense their power, weak as it was. Where were they? Where was their power going? The north-west, she felt it. She flew over the dark forest, not delaying for a moment in her journey. She needed to know, she needed to be certain. Her flight lead her to the closest town to her castle in Canterlot, Ponyville. As she came down from the sky, she saw the startled ponies looking up at her in awe, bowing down to her. Celestia landed, and spoke in a calm, but excited voice.
"Hello, my little ponies. Have you all been well?" The words sounded foolish to her ears. To randomly show up, no chariot, no reason, they must think her mad. One mare, quite young but still an adult, raised her head to address the princess.
"I'm so sorry, Your Highness. We were not expecting you to come visit us. Please, allow us to offer you what hospitality we can." Celestia recognized this pony, the mayor of Ponyville, if her memory served.
"Oh no, that is quite alright. I just wished to visit my little ponies. I fear I spend too much time secluded in the castle, and I wished to ensure my subjects are happy and healthy." Celestia looked about the group of ponies gathered around her. She felt something here, something strong. Her eyes scanned the crowd until she saw what she knew she was looking for. A young married couple, with a small carriage before them. The decorations made it obvious that it belonged to a foal, and Celestia began walking towards them without another moment. She smiled warmly, not wishing to disturb them. "Congratulations," she spoke happily to them, kneeling down to glance into the basket. A little, white unicorn looked up at her. "She is beautiful, you must be very proud. May I ask her name?"
The mother, a unicorn herself, spoke up. Her accent was strong, but Celestia did not mind it. She was unsure where that dialect had come from, however. Maybe she was from Fillydelphia? "Oh thank you, princess. Her name is Rarity."
Celestia allowed her horn to glow slightly, a soft, warm light around them. "Rarity? Yes, she certainly is one-of-a-kind. You two are very blessed, as are you, little Rarity. May your days be long and forever bright." She added the last bit as a prayer, a bit of subterfuge to explain away why her horn was glowing. In truth, her magic had just revealed to her what she had thought. The Elements had found a hold here. She was not sure which Element had chosen this foal, but she could sense it as clear as day.
She then turned back to Mayor Mare, a calming smile towards her subjects as she stood back up. "Would you be so kind as to escort me on my visit? I wish to see how my subjects are, all of them that I can."
The mayor had been more than happy to accompany her. And, of course, Celestia stopped to visit every foal she could, passing on a blessing and taking a closer look. They spent close to an hour going about Ponyville, but Celestia had found no foals with the mark of the Elements save for young Rarity. Still, she knew she felt something else here. Somepony else was connected, she just could not tell what. "Is that all who live here? I feel like I may have missed some of my subjects."
Mayor Mare was quite surprised. "Your majesty, not that we are ungrateful, but it is so rare for the royals to take such interest in us."
"A problem I am seeking to amend. It is not the rulers of Canterlot who are deserving of attention and recognition, it is all ponies under the sun. I must apologize for being so lax in this until now, but I must make it up to my subjects." Celestia felt horrible for lying like that. But a thought passed through her mind as she berated herself.
'Why does it have to be a lie? You can change it at a whim. Canterlot can run without you, so you can visit all of your subjects. Wasn't you not paying attention to ponies what started this in the first place?'
Thankfully, Mayor Mare was too busy responding to notice her wince. "Well, just outside of the town proper is our orchard, Sweet Apple Acres. The Apple family has lived there for generations. In fact, I've heard that they have added a new one to the herd recently."
Celestia smiled, stepping out onto the worn, dirt road. "Then we should, of course, go to see them and thank them for all of their hard work." She felt the pull towards the north west again. "I still wish to visit Cloudsdale today before I must return to Canterlot. But I must not miss one of my little ponies, it is too important to me."
The sun was almost at the point to be pulled down when Celestia returned to Canterlot. No doubt the government would be in an uproar over her being absent for an entire day, but they would get over it. She was more annoyed that she had only found five. Applejack from the orchard and Pinkamena from a modest rock farm a day's travel from the town (Celestia was still confused as to how rocks were something that could be farmed, but she held her tongue to keep from offending). Her trip to Cloudsdale had been fruitful, as she found two other foals, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, that certainly had a connection to the Elements. Two earth ponies, two pegasi, and a unicorn. Still, the last one eluded her, and as far as she pushed her magic, she could not seem to find them.
Celestia returned to the castle that day, defeated. Only five, how did the sixth elude her so? Upon her return, however, she was hailed by a guard.
"Your majesty!" he shouted, flying up alongside her as she soared back into her own castle, bypassing the gates completely. Celestia was not expecting this, her guards were normally much more patient. He did not wait to be acknowledged before he gave his report, however. "A dragon entered Canterlot while you were out!"
And she nearly crashed from shock. Dragons had not visited Canterlot in hundreds of years, why would they do so the day she had finally decided to leave? She moved to land, touching down gracefully in the closest spot available. This happened to be the gardens. Her guard came down next to her, and she turned to him. "A dragon? I assume he was peaceful?" She based this on the fact that Canterlot looked fine, but one never knew.
"She, princess, and yes she was." That bothered Celestia, female dragons did not usually leave to treat with other nations. They were a male dominated species, which meant that the females were far too valuable to send on such frivolities. "She flew down into the courtyard, handed one of the servants an egg, and said..." The pegasus cleared his voice as he recounted the message. "We give to you this child, the tool to find the spark, as was foretold by the prophecy of darkness."
Celestia likely understood the meaning of these words far better then anypony else did. The spark, Magic, this egg would help them find it? Celestia had seen much in her life, but this stood to confuse her. How would a baby dragon help them in finding the Element of Magic? Still, dragon prophecies were well known for their accuracy, for any of those willing to remember them and wait for them to come to fruition. She was already waiting on one, so she would put faith in this one. "Take me to this egg she left, I wish to see it."
The egg had been laid in a simple side room. The servants had no idea what to do with it, so they simply placed it on a small cart as if it were a gift for a foreign dignitary. Celestia lifted it with her magic, and at once she knew something was odd with it. It had life within it, she was certain of that, but it still seemed cold. The dragon inside was not dead, but neither could it be called alive. It was in some limbo between life and death. She needed to find the Element of Magic, there was far too much resting on this.
Of course, impatience leads to errors. She made many errors in the few years following. She took on a promising unicorn as her student, Sunset Shimmer. She saw the dangers of power within her, but she ignored them, blinded by her hope. Her student could not hatch the egg, and her failure did not encourage her, it infuriated her. Celestia knew the dangers that came from such, she'd seen it enough to recognize it. She tried to guide her, to teach her patience and perseverance. There were no words to describe the despair she felt when Sunset Shimmer left Canterlot. Even her name had been hope. Sunset... what Celestia desired more than anything. The sun to set and her beloved sister to return. To laugh and embrace under the moon, for them both to live happily again. Since Nightmare Moon's banishment, it felt as if she'd been living one very long day. She would gladly welcome the sunset at the end of this day.
It was a week later, when reading the applications for her school that fate intervened again. Plenty of talented unicorns enrolling, perhaps she would find what she needed? As she magically lifted page after page, a single name stuck out to her.
Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight Sparkle. Could that really be a coincidence? Twilight, that brief moment when the sun had retreated, but the moon had not yet taken its place. In less than ten years, her power would be overcome by Nightmare Moon. It had been predicted, and she had long accepted it. In that moment when her power failed, but before her opposite claimed victory, in that twilight there was hope.
Celestia made the arrangements for that test personally. To ask a student to hatch a dragon egg was so unorthodox it hadn't been done in four hundred years. It was normally done to students from an extraordinarily prestigious house. But even Celestia could not hatch this egg, and to her aides it seemed as if she were condemning the young unicorn to failure right from the start.
Celestia didn't even show up to the exam, she felt that her conviction might wane if she saw the filly failing at the test. She watched the tower from outside, wondering if Star Swirl had ever developed a spell for looking through walls. He probably had, but it was likely lost in the mountains of his spells. Even she didn't have the drive to go through all of them.
And then, the spark. Celestia nearly jumped as the sky lighting up pulled her out of her thoughts. A Sonic Rainboom? She hadn't seen one of them in six hundred years! She didn't think she'd ever see one again, to be honest. And then, something else assailed her senses. Pure, undiluted, magic. It came forth like a torrent, threatening to overwhelm even her as it poured out. She took a moment to set herself against it, but soon enough she saw what she'd been waiting for. Well, she never really imagined a dragon head popping out through the top of a tower, but the indications of this were close enough.
She was the spark.
Celestia's days and nights had seemed to pass so much quicker since that day. Since she had finally found the sixth Element she could only wait for the day to come. Still, it would be close to ten years before the appointed time. She found her nights stayed busy, however. She had never been a mother before, except to all of her subjects, but this was different. For some reason, after the dragon had hatched, she felt a strange connection to him. She'd almost called him 'Spark', but decided that his legacy would not be one of a tool. Her creativity had always been lacking, which caused her to settle on the name 'Spike'.
She could have had any of her servants take care of him. She could have hired a wet nurse or returned him to the dragon territories. But when she looked into those emerald eyes, she felt something deep inside of her stir. And so, she cared for him personally. She fed him when he was hungry, she rocked him when he was cranky, and she sang him to sleep every night. In some ways, the presence of Spike helped to make those long nights pass easier. He wanted nothing from her. Not her approval, not her knowledge, not her favor. All he wanted was to sleep under her wings, soothed by the melodious voice that sang hymns long since forgotten by history.
As time passed, both her protégée and son grew. Twilight was remarkably talented, and a very dedicated student. Her lust for knowledge reminded her so much of Star Swirl, but so did her distance from other ponies. And so, Celestia did the one thing she never thought she would do, she parted from her son. He had since learned to walk and talk, and she suggested that learning to teach and work with another would be good practice for Twilight. In truth, she was not prepared to watch another brilliant pony walk down a silent and lonely path into depression. Spike had always been affectionate and playful. If anypony could help Twilight to open up to others, it would be him.
Some nights, like tonight, the loneliness was unbearable. After having him so close to her for these years, his absence pained her greatly. One thousand years had made her quite skilled at keeping others at leg's length. But she had allowed Spike into her heart, as she had done with nopony since Luna, and that just opened the wound again. She kept her mind occupied with raising the moon and setting the stars at first. But since she did not sleep, she was left to dwell on the absence she felt. Not much longer now, she could keep her promise.
Tonight she walked through her castle. The guards were well aware of her penchant to take strolls, so they did not even question her. There was a thunderstorm tonight, and she rather enjoyed how the lightning would illuminate the grounds every few seconds. She did not particularly like storms, but something about them could be beautiful. And then with a resounding boom, she heard a whimper from a nearby room, her ears twitching with a mother's instinct. Her walk had taken her to Twilight's room, and her curiosity got the better of her. She moved close to the door, and could hear a voice on the other side.
"Oh Spike, thunder isn't scary. It's just the pressure of air changing by the energy of lightning moving through the sk--eeeek!" Her explanation was cut short as a second crash of thunder seemed to almost shake the castle. Celestia slipped the door open slowly to look in the room. Her eyes went to the bed, where she saw some mass under the sheets shuddering from the storm. She smiled knowingly, walking over to the bed and allowing her horn to glow for a brief moment.
In an instant, the three of them were in her chambers, laying where Celestia had with Spike so many nights before. Twilight was surprised and peeked out from the blanket, but before she could say a word, Celestia draped her wing over the two of them and began to sing softly. The words long since forgotten by all ponies. A lullaby from her own youth.
It was not long before the sounds of the storm no longer disturbed the slumber of the two.
Celestia had been afraid. For the first time in one thousand years, there was nothing she could do. She sensed Nightmare Moon's return, and she knew that to confront her would be foolish. It was not she who would be banishing the evil. She had so many thoughts going through her head as the sun began to set. Had Twilight found the other bearers? Had she listened to her and made friends? Even if she resisted, Celestia knew Spike would try to bridge the gap. Would they be able to turn this prophecy into what Celestia had desired since her first moon raising, all those years ago?
She felt the darkness arrive, she felt the conflict, she felt the Elements growing stronger. One at a time, as if some affirmation that they were still present, and then the same feeling from years ago. The spark awakened, and the Elements made themselves known again. They knew when they were needed most, and they responded to their new masters.
And in the wake of the torrent of magic, Celestia knew where she was needed as well. At her dear sister's... at Luna's side. There were no words to describe what she felt at seeing her sister, all the evil purged from her, before her again.
One thousand years. For an eternity, they had both lived lives of nearly endless pain. Celestia had some comfort in her long years, but she knew Luna had been totally alone. Now, more than ever, she needed her big sister. She needed to know that she was loved, and had been missed terribly.
Of course, with the Element of Laughter being so... lively, such touching moments were short lived. Celestia had not felt so lighthearted, so happy, in a thousand years. To stand aside her sister, and welcome in the bright future that the prophecy had promised them. To see her beloved student and son perform so admirably. To finally meet the five ponies she had first laid eyes on when they were far too young to remember. She looked among all of them, thanking fate that they had been lead to their proper courses. The Elements had watched over them, and now these ponies would watch over all of Equestria in turn.
When she finally returned to Canterlot with her sister, they were at last able to speak freely. The sun was low in the sky, the time would soon come for it to set, and for the moon to rise into place. And for the first time in longer then she could remember, it was right. The passing of the torch, as it were. While the sun still clung to the sky, her sister approached.
"Sister. We have seen what you endured, in our memory." She still spoke directly to the point. "You have constructed a prison of your own design, while you hold the keys to keep yourself in. We must ask why? Why make yourself to suffer more then you already did?"
Celestia turned to her sister, and walked up to her with an affectionate nuzzle. "Dear sister. You are never alone, no matter what. When you looked down on me, I wanted you to know that I was with you. When you suffer, I will suffer next to you. We are sisters, and I love my little sister more then anypony else."
A small stream of tears fell from Luna's eyes, rolling down her cheek. She nodded as the sun neared the horizon. "Big sister, please allow me to make it right. After all the pain we have endured, allow me to atone for this."
"You already have. Coming back to me was all I ever needed." The conversation stopped, as Celestia focused her powers as she had millions of times before, bringing the sun below the horizon. A moment of twilight remained, until Luna brought the moon high into the sky. It seemed as if a huge weight came off of Celestia's back, and she had never looked more exhausted in her life.
"You must sleep, dear sister." Luna began nudging Celestia to her chambers, the older alicron trudging along.
"I'm not sure if I remember how," Celestia said awkwardly. She hadn't even tried to sleep for a thousand years. Ponies would be amazed what you could forget given enough time. Luna continued guiding Celestia until she arrived at her own bed, laying down in it by sheer muscle memory. As her sister began arranging the stars in the heavens, she heard her sweet melodies lulling her away.
And as Celestia's longest day came to a close, it was her singing these soothing words, as a baby dragon and unicorn filly lay beneath her wings, that greeted her in her dreams.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Unimpressive Vagaries · 5.9k words · 82 5 · 1.4k views
- OleGrayMane · 1.7k words · 69 0 · 1.4k views
- Freescript the Bard · 1.2k words · 49 0 · 1.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.12 seconds
Total duration
1,007 users online
2,007,935 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
3304442 I'm not sure if that is a compliment or a criticism. Well, thanks for the review?
-Lumino
3304445 It needs more story and explanation! i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
Very nice. It's much harder to write touching short pieces than long stories, and you did a very good job.
3304588
Thank you very much! I am glad you enjoyed it.
-Lumino
A thousand years isn't a hundred generations; it'd be around forty or so. "many times over" seems preferable.
There shouldn't be a space between "ponies" and the comma.
"peeked"
That was beautiful. Light on dialogue, heavy on character. Quite an impressive character study on Celestia.
I also particularly enjoyed her seeking out the Elements when they were reborn, and using that opportunity to start to recover herself.
Excellent story.
3304832
Thanks very much, I am glad you enjoyed it! Also, yes I did try to keep the dialogue small. I wanted to tell as much as I could through the eyes of introspection. I'm glad it came out well.
-Lumino
I really, really liked this. The only thing that felt off to me was that she seemed to be closer to Spike than she was to Twilight - I don't know, that just didn't feel right.
3306301
That was actually my subtle jab at the writers. I always hated how they portrayed the Celestia/Spike relationship (read: what relationship?). Word of God states she raised him, but she barely talks to him. Does Celestia really seem like such a monster that she would take care of his physical needs, but not his emotional needs?
So, in my stories at least, they have a much closer connection then in the show. Twilight is her student, her beloved student, but their interaction wasn't really important for the story. Spike was, because he was the first being in a thousand years she treated like family.
Anyway, I am really glad you liked the story! Thanks for the comment!
-Lumino
3306367 I agree that Celestia seems to ignore Spike in the show - unfortunately, everyone does, the poor guy - but I honestly would have expected her to care equally for him and Twilight. Having him be a son and Twilight just be a student seems rather :x when she raised both of them.
3306504
On that we disagree. I don't think Celestia ever acted like a Mother to Twilight. She was a teacher, a guide, and even a friend sometimes. I think she would have purposely avoided treating Twilight like her child in most situations for a very simple reason.
Twilight already has a family. A loving mother and father, an awesome brother. What right would she have to intrude on that? She certainly nurtured and trained her, but I believe Celestia would have tried to keep the difference between 'parent' and 'caretaker' very distinct. At least, that is my view on them. I might delve into that relationship more, but at the end of the day it really wasn't a focal point for this story.
Thanks again for the comments!
-Lumino
i.imgur.com/zwfkqXk.png
It does not need more story and explanation. It would become overfilled, either too heavy or too colourful. It's fine as it is. Well, in my eyes few details were off, as Celestia's wondering about stones being farmed and Mayor Mare being in charge already back in Rarity's foalhood, but one could argue about that, so I'll not use that against you.
For me a decent one-shot with a maybe slightly too emotional ending. Well done!
3309255
Thank you for your kind review! I decided that it would be right when Mayor Mare became, well, mayor. Her age was never given, but it is suggested that she is a good deal older then the others. Might have been fudging it a little bit.
The rock farm thing was more me drawing attention to the audacity of a rock farm. The show never really goes into what a rock farm is, or why it is important. Pinkie says she lived on a rock farm, and everypony just seems to understand this. Trixie mentions she had to work on one, and it is just glossed over. Plus I liked the idea of Celestia, as royalty, having no idea what a rock farm actually did. :D
As for the overly emotional ending, guilty as charged. I kind of felt that it had to be a fitting climax to the story and still explain that, through it all, Celestia still loves her sister. Celestia gets so much flack from the fandom that I just wanted to give her character a little love.
Thanks for your review and I am glad you enjoyed it!
-Lumino
This was good stuff. I always appreciate it when authors don't fall into the trap of portraying Celestia as a surrogate mother to Twilight. Putting some depth into the relationship between Celestia and Spike was welcome also. While your prose had the occasional issue with telling things that could be shown, there were enough outstanding bits that I let it go pretty easily. That said, I picked up on a rather jarring error you'll probably want to address.
3309452
Good catch! And yeah, I think the relationship between Celestia/Twilight/Spike really deserves a lot more dedicated attention then it gets. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Thanks again for the review!
-Lumino
A great short story, I absolutely love it!
You handle the portrayal of Celestia with wonderful care, giving an insightful peak behind the facade of the motherly sovereign. Instead of portraying an ever-patient goddess, you show Celestia at her weakest moments, let us hear her thoughts and, most importantly, doubts and fears. This is not Celestia the constant, this is Celestia as a full-fledged character, from moment one. She suffers from having lost Luna, she does not want to admit to having fought against her, and she tries everything she can to amend for failing her sister.
Through this, you turn Celestia from an immortal chess mistress to a desperate older sister that tries to use the only advantage she has, time, to its fullest. Yet this turns her not into a heartless being hellbent on getting her sister back. She still cherishes her subjects, as you demonstrate wonderfully through her interaction with the residents of Ponyville.
Overall you understand to balance Celestia's fear and insecurity against her greater moments very well. We get to learn more about Celestia, but we also are reminded why she is so beloved. Especially the scene with Celestia singing Twilight and Spike to sleep made me fall in love with her all over again (in a completely non-committal kind of way though!)
A strength in this story is also that you do not lose sight of a single factor that plays into this. You explain why the elements are where they are, you explain where the prophecy comes from and why it's regarded as nothing more than a breezy tale (sorry, couldn't help myself there). You show how Spike's egg comes into Celestia's possession, and you explain why Celestia knows that the Bearer of the Elements are in Ponyville. Nothing feels really shoe-horned in, except maybe for the bit about Sunset Shimmer. You maybe could have expanded a little bit on this, but what you showed us works fine.
My favorite bit of the entire story though? The crux of it. Celestia discarding sleep to stay by her sister's side is a grandiose idea and I absolutely love it. You keep the reader aware of it all the time, without shoving it into their face, remind us how she struggles, but also that she perseveres. It shows how much Celestia cares about her sister, how great her empathy for Luna's suffering is. I simply love it, there's no other way to put it.
Just as much as I love the idea of Spike being Celestia's surrogate son. It is a concept I have never read before, and seeing how much pony fanfiction exists, this is a damn shame. More Celestia/Spike interaction I say! Of course not in the way some writers might take this...
Overall, what else can I say? Great story. There are some errors here and there, but nothing really aggravating, and I'm willing to bet that those are mostly just typos.
Keep at it, man! Loved your story, loved your writing style, and loved your portrayal of Celestia. I hope to see more of that in the future!
3310491
Wow, what a review! I am really glad you liked this story that much. And yeah, the reason I didn't go into Sunset Shimmer that much was because I didn't actually see Equestria Girls. I knew the basics of her background, and I did want some way to at least nod at her existence, but I didn't want to devote even more words to a character that was more a foot note in the telling of the story.
Also, if you or anyone else here are looking for more of this dynamic, then I invite you to read the story that inspired me.
The Love of a Mother
It is a fantastic little 3K word story, and I feel that it really gives this connection between the two some solid footing.
Thanks again for the review!
-Lumino
This whole story was brilliant. I had a particular moment picked out as a personal high point, but by the end I'd forgotten where it was. So I guess I'll just have to like all of it.
3310769
Hah! Well if the biggest problem the story has is that my readers cannot pick out the best part, I would say I am doing something right!
I am glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the review!
-Lumino
tinyurl.com/mbho6go