A Doctor Who/My Little Pony crossover story. The Doctor awakes to find that he has regenerated into an unfamiliar body, and his TARDIS is stranded in a strange universe without power. To get back on his feet (or more accurately, his hooves), he'll need the help of the ponies he meets there, including the friendly but absent-minded Derpy Hooves and the irritable Golden Harvest. But all is not well in Ponyville, and the seemingly serene town hides a secret that could put all of their lives in jeopardy.
Chapters (11)
So far, i think this could be a really good story. The characterization of the Doctor is done well, his reactions to becoming a different species is awesome
I still think you can make a good Doctor Whooves fic.
However, I do have a problem with the length. You have three chapters so far, which is ok. The problem comes from how short these chapters are. I feel like chapters one and two could have been put together into one just fine, and chapter three could have been added to next chapter. Every chapter should express an idea put into action, and chapter three does literally nothing. I apologize if i sound too whiny
I'll be watching you
3324716 Thanks for your opinions! This is my first MLP fanfiction (and the first fanfiction I've actually been remotely proud of), so I appreciate any and all constructive criticism.
I understand where you're coming from about the shortness of each chapter. I modeled the story structure and length partly on the short, early-reader MLP chapter books, which often opt for a chapter break rather than a section break for scene changes. This was a late decision, made partially because my story was beginning to drag on, and if I broke down and couldn't finish it (as happened as early as the first chapter of my first attempt at long-form fanfiction many years ago), I wanted to have at least the completed adventures able to be published as standalone stories, instead of leaving whatever audience I managed to generate hanging indefinitely.
I do understand your criticism of Chapter Three. In my earlier draft of the story, there was a lot more emphasis on foreshadowing, a fair amount of which was in Chapter Three. In particular, there was meant to be an emphasis on the passage of time that would foreshadow the Doctor taking up a job as a timekeeper, as well as some time taken to examine the mystery of how the Doctor died and wound up in Ponyville. I cut a lot of the foreshadowing (or at least, the emphasis on mysteries that would not be solved immediately) when I decided to cut my long-form story into more easily-digestible stories, and I think Chapter Three suffered the most from it.
I don't know how easily I can change that at this stage, though.
Chapter Two ends in a good place, and Chapter Four begins in a good place. Chapter Three occupies a weird in-between space, but it feeds directly into the following chapter in a way that prevents me from cutting it entirely. On top of that, I like quiet moments like the one at the end of the chapter, and it'd be a shame to cut one of those chances the Doctor has to be alone with his thoughts.
All I can promise is that from that point the story picks up and doesn't slow down like that again until the conclusion. I hope you and other readers will bear with me and continue to follow the story despite its ups and downs.
Cant Wait For More!!!!!!!!
4 mustaches sir or madam
Deep magic...is that a Narnia reference?
Even if no one else does, I'll still read your stories!!
Random moustache!
3411713 Maybe unintentionally. What I was trying to get across was that the rules of the pony universe itself (not just the ponies themselves) are governed by magic, rather than science. And, more to the point of this story, that Derpy's slow manner of speech and clumsiness mask keen observational skills and a sense of intuitive understanding.
3412106 I might go back and write more Dr. Hooves adventures at some point. But for now, I'm not really in the mood for writing. And when I do try my hand at it again, I think I might go for something more original, since one of EQD's key criticisms was that stories beginning with the Doctor regenerating into a pony are a dime a dozen, and I couldn't change that without compromising the story I wanted to tell.
I do appreciate that folks like you like my story, and I'm sure I might go back to writing at some point, but for now I think I'll take a break as I post the remainder of this story and consider what I might write next.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/obama-not-bad-face-288x250.jpg
Oh God. It seems as if the poor Doctor has gotten tricked by someone. Or, somepony. Or is it something? Eh, who knows. I personally think that Discord has something to do with this. It would be just like him.
Random moustache!
3449206
Or it could be, you know, a changeling.
Just sayin'.
3455348 Yeah. True.
Random moustache!
Uh oh... Scootaloo
what did you do this time???
When will the next chapter be out?
3473051 Right now! I try to update weekly on Mondays, although I haven't stuck to that perfectly.
Oh no! A Changeling has impersonated the Doctor! And is inside the TARDIS without the Doctor's consent!! What will the Doctor do now?! BTW, which Doctor is this one suppose to be? I imagine it'd be either 10 or11, but I can't figure out which.
Random moustache!
3510867
I wanted the Doctor in this to be an unspecified future regeneration, so really it's neither ten nor eleven. I have confidence that the writers of Doctor Who will come up with some way around the regeneration limit, and by making Dr. Hooves a unique regeneration I have a little bit more freedom to go new places with the character (and don't have to deal with the continuity issues I'd have from trying to shoehorn Equestrian adventures in between existing stories).
3519598 Oh! Okay. Cool.
Random moustache!
Why does this have no comments? It's really good!
I love your characterisation of the Doctor so far.
You win the internet.
I eagerly await the sequel, and even if it never gets made, this is still a great fic. You capture the Doctor's character really well.
I loved it and can't wait for more! Please keep it up!
Aww. That's the end? Boo. Well, even if it did end here, it still is an awesome story. Of course, I find that most MLP/ Doctor Who crossover stories are awesome. Though, that may partly be because I'm such a big Whovian. Either way, great story!
Random moustache!
Pinkie wantz mor!!!!!!
Make more plz
Yeah, there's no way they're getting to the Badlands in one trip.