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Chapter One: Pilot1,870 words
Chapter Two: Hot and Heavy1,333 words
Chapter Three: Rarity and a Prank Call931 words
Chapter Four: Alcohol is Best Pony578 words
Chapter Five: Media Exposure383 words
Chapter Six: Luna's Return531 words
Chapter Seven: Double the Fun670 words
Chapter Eight: The Perfect Date940 words

Chapter Four: Alcohol is Best Pony

“Hello, and welcome to Canterlot-fuckin-Inbox!” said Rainbow Dash.

“I liked the intro. Really fitting to the theme of the show, I think,” Fluttershy said. She took a sip from the glass in her hoof. She let out a sigh of relief. “Ahh. I love this stuff.”

“So, hi, guys. We, uh, have Fluttershy with us. And she’s a bit drunk, so...yeah. Fluttershy, what are you drinking?”

“I’m drinking fuckin’ Drake Daniels!”

“From, like, dragons?”

Fluttershy nodded.

“Huh. Anyways, Flutters, how about we start the show?”

“Yeah, sure.” She took another sip from her glass. “Fuck my life.”

Rainbow chuckled. “Okay.” She picked up the paper. “First question comes from Changeling-Drone, who asks: Hey Flutters, what cha do about carnivores. I think that translates into, ‘Dear Fluttershy, what do you do about carnivores?’ So, Flutters, what cha do about carnivores?”

“Well, when I was in college-”

“You went to college?”

“Yeah. Anyways, I majored in biology and chemistry. I felt bad for predators’ prey, so I made artificial meat.”

“Artificial meat?”

“Yeah. I’m glad I got my chemistry degree.” She took another sip of her Drake.

“I never knew that about you.”

“They say drunk people speak sober thoughts.”

“That’s pretty deep.”

“I’m too drunk to be deep. Next question!”

Rainbow laughed again. “Cool, cool. Next question comes from xXxheartfyrexXx, who asks: Dear Rainbow Dash, why are you fucking my mother, and could you please stop? Well, Heartfyre, I think you have me confused with everyone in Equestria. Next question! Fluttershy, would you like to do the honors?”

“Sure. CelliCelli asks: Dear Fluttershy, who’s your favorite superhero? Um...I’d have to say probably Bat-Mane, because he doesn’t kill people. And he’s all about justice.”

“Did you like Chris Nolmane’s movies?”

“Oh, yeah. Hoof Ledger was awesome as the Jokester.”

“A real shame he died.”

“Definitely.”

“Okay. Next question: purpleshotx asks: why do u guys suck so much dragun cok go burn n hel u stoopid fuks.” Rainbow put her head in her forearms. “Fluttershy, he’s insulting us, and he’s insulting our show.”

“I’m good to take the high road. I mean, you can do whatever, but…”

“I wanna take the high road with you, Shy, I really do. But I’m gonna stoop to your level, Purple. You’re a fucking piece of shit. Think before you type, bitch! I am going to find you, and then I’ll wrap my nonexistent cock around your damn neck! Fuck you! I’m gonna find your mom, and make her jealous of the things I do to your dad! Treat his ass like a vagina! Butter it up with some canola oil, and take a spiked dildo and ram it in there! He’ll be like, ‘Don’t look away, son’ and I’ll say, ‘Purple, if you take your eyes off of him, I will split him up his spine. I’ll filet him like a fish. Make the spikes come out of his mouth. Fuck you.”

“Are you...are you okay there, or…?”

“No, no, I’m good. I just...fuck! Where do these guys get off, telling us we suck? Really!”

“I know, I know.”

“Whew. I think that’s it for this episode of Inbox. In other news, I have a guest star lined up for next week, so I’ll have her on. If she finishes her chores at the farm, anyways.”

Author's Note:

Next Week: Rainbow Dash and Applejack!

This chapter gets a but philosophical at the end. Fluttershy represents what we want to actually do to respond to haters, and RD represents what we REALLY want to do when we respond to haters. I like to use this story to poke fun at serious topics.

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