• Published 24th Oct 2013
  • 6,326 Views, 235 Comments

The Funeral of Derpy Hooves - shortskirtsandexplosions

When Derpy Hooves gets torn to ribbons by a freak accident, everypony mourns her passing. They hold a wake in her honor, which would be a noble thing--provided she was actually dead.

  • ...

Thursday Evening: In the Wake of a Wake


Fluttershy hovered across the bookshelves along the walls to Derpy Hooves' parlor room. "You know, I do so very much enjoy some good old-fashioned house cleaning from time to time," she said in a pleasant tone. "Especially when my animal friends join me in the task. It's almost relaxing in a way." She hummed to herself as she began dusting one shelf after another with a white rag. "Anypony for a song?"

"Normally I would volunteer a ballad or two," Rarity said as she wiped the front window clean with a telekinetically floating rag. "But I fear that opening one's throat too wide in this circumstance would invite a great deal of dust into one's delicate trachea."

"Oh come on, Rarity," Rainbow Dash grunted from where she hovered beside a ceiling fan, using her forelimb brusquely to clear the filth from the top sides of the wooden blades. "I thought you wanted to practice generosity more!"

"I said I wanted to be generous, not foolish." Rarity said with a sly smirk in the starlight. "Besides, I'm getting the upstairs windows and the bathroom mirrors after this. Dinky deserves to look her best whenever she gazes at herself, or at the world in general."

Dinky stood in the center of the condominium, gawking at everypony. "I'm thankful that you all decided to help me get my chores done, but you didn't have to go overboard!"

"Say nothing of it, darling!" Rarity exclaimed. "We are determined to take care of you, after all. The same can be said of your possessions."

"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash glanced down from where she was currently inspecting the air conditioning grates. "They're all yours now! Well, according to your Mom's will, that is."

"Hey!" Pinkie Pie rushed in from the kitchen. "I found a bunch of rotten tomato and lettuce chunks in the refrigerator! Should I toss them out?"

"Did you have to reach down a narrow hole to grab them, Pinkie?" Rarity asked.

"Uhhhh... yes?"

"Oh, for goodness' sake..." Rarity sighed. "That's the garbage disposal, darling!"

"Oh!" Pinkie blinked, then smiled brightly. "Uhhhhhh... I knew that!" She spun about and bounced back towards the kitchen. "Guess I'll put them besides the frozen bag of peas I found in the microwave!"

Rarity shook her head with a smirk, then turned to face the other end of the room. "How are you holding up on your end, Applejack?"

"Rrgggh..." The farm filly frowned, wrestling with the twisted electrical cable of a twenty year old vacuum cleaner. "I'll be holdin' up a lot better once I find out where the guts of this infernal contraption go."

"Do forgive us, darling," Rarity said with a soft smile tossed in Dinky's direction. "We promised chivalry. Efficiency was not guaranteed."

"Heehee... it's okay, Lady Rarity!" Dinky said with a little bounce to her step. "I'm so glad that you've all come to keep me company! I could totally use your help! Mommy's gonna be so proud of the work done."

"Well, that's what we aim to do, Dinky," Fluttershy said a she moved on to another book shelf. "We shall make your mother proud..."

As she fluttered overhead, Twilight Sparkle turned, gazing towards her friends at all corners of the room with a soft smile. Flexing her wings, she levitated a scroll before her horn and drew a pen across its pale pages.

Dear Princess Celestia,

It is my sad duty to inform you that our town's local mailmare, Derpy Hooves, passed away last Monday from a terrible accident in Ghastly Gorge. We've since held a funeral in her honor, with over three hundred ponies in attendance. It was a very solemn occasion, and those who cared deeply for the late pony were able to pay their respects in turn. Derpy Hooves leaves a young foal, Dinky Hooves, whom my close friends and I have collectively decided to adopt, so that we can foster her into a better, safer, and more secure tomorrow.

Pinkie Pie snuggled up to Dinky on the parlor room couch. The older mare had an elaborate web of intertwining yarn wrapped about her forelimbs. Nudging Dinky, she licked her lips and attempted to pull off a fancy trip of stringwork... ultimately failing. As her face flexed in confusion, Dinky giggled, then yawned into the darkening shadows of night.

As unfortunate as the recent turn of events has been, I am actually feeling quite exultant. For in examining the life and death of Derpy Hooves, I've come to understand just how precious the lives of me and my friends are. It's come to my attention—as it has to all of theirs—that we've all been dealing with stresses, fears, and inner conflicts that were simply too dark to bear before one another. This, of course, was simply a foolish game of errors on our behalf, for we are actually bound by a blossoming friendship that has defined us for several seasons, and it is something that can only serve to liberate our hearts and minds in the years, decades, and lifetimes to come.

Rainbow Dash hovered before Applejack and Fluttershy at the bottom of the condo's stairs, sharing a brash tale about a mailmare's harrowing brush with a hydra along her delivery route. The pegasus made demonic sounds with her lips before charading a diving serpent head with her forelimb. With a dramatic sound effect of thunder, Rainbow slapped both of her hooves together and smiled, retelling the feat of Derpy's narrow escape. Fluttershy held a hoof over her shocked expression while Applejack whistled shrilly.

You may suspect that I've been experiencing a bit of inner turmoil since the last time we talked about my status as an alicorn, but—believe it or not—I'm doing much better now. Whatever my fate may be, I am fine with it. I really am. For it is more than death—or even immortality—that defines me, or all of us for that matter.

Rarity polished the upstairs window of Derpy's vanity clean. As she did so, she paused, lingering to gaze at a picture frame sitting atop the counter between two makeup cases. She smiled, holding the frame up to admire the image of a mare posing in a hospital bed along with her newborn foal. After a soft sigh, Rarity blinked her eyes dry and propped the image onto a higher shelf, making a mental note to buy the photo a silver-embossed frame.

It is love, Your Highness—it is love and adoration and trust that makes us who we are, that can perfect us into beings of true Harmony and prosperity. For friendship is more than magical, it is natural, it is what we are all born to do, even if our lives should end in a blink. I'm simply glad that we've had the opportunity to patch up the fine fissures that have existed beneath the happy surfaces of it all, so that we can emerge stronger, healthier, and better prepared for the future tragedies that—inevitably—fate will see it fit to fling our way. Strength comes from a great deal of crumbling, for it is what we build out of devastation that defines us. We must die and be reborn several times before we can face the final end, or at least embrace it with a modicum of serenity. For that reason, I am not ashamed to have brushed paths with desolation, for it is only there to mark the boundaries of all that is rich, righteous, and ripe.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash trotted into the parlor with a fresh batch of muffins. They passed it to Pinkie who cheered and grabbed two treats, passing one to Dinky who smiled with tired eyes before giving one of the muffins a little nibble. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash squatted down on the floor while Rarity and Applejack nestled themselves on the far end of the couch. Together, the mares joined Dinky in a cheerful conversation that lasted into the wee hours of the morning.

I mourn the death of Derpy Hooves, but I cherish her memories as well, for I know that—in some way or another—they will be our memories too, or else the image we have painted upon the canvas of this world along with her. At the end of time, all our patterns shall essentially become one, and I anticipate it being a beautiful landscape, a place where each of us will be—in some spectrum or another, with all elements in equilibrium.

Twilight rolled the scroll up, then tapped Spike's shoulder with it. The dragon whelp woke up with a start, blinking from where he had previously been slumped over the edge of a desktop before the front parlor windows. He looked at Twilight, then at the scroll. With an obedient nod of the head, Spike slid a seal over the scroll, inhaled deeply, then breathed a plume of teleporting flame over the letter, sending it off into the void. Twilight patted him on the head, then telekinetically carried his yawning figure over towards the darklit couch to join the other mares in their cozy conversation.

"'And I wish the best for you and your sister, and the days that you yourself have to live on this plane, for you do more than guard over equilibrium, but you add to the brushstrokes of harmony, with you life, with your love, and with your legacy. Sincerely, your student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.'"

Princess Celestia placed the scroll down on her alabaster desktop. The letter still fumed with the signature green trails of dragonbreath. Her mouth hung open as the regal alicorn attempted to process the information that she had just read.

As if sensing her deep contemplation, Princess Luna trotted into the room, levitating a saucer of steaming tea. "What troubles you, sister?" the Princess of the Night asked.

"I... I just received a letter from Twilight," Celestia softly replied. She swallowed and said, "There was a death recently in Ponyville. A most unlucky pegasus met her end, and through very tragic circumstances."

"Dare I ask who?"

"Derpy Hooves, a mailmare and single mother," Celestia answered.

"Derpy Hooves..." Luna slowly nodded in the soft candlelight of the royal quarters. "I do believe I am familiar with the pony in question. She suffers an affliction of the eyes, if I am not mistaken."

"Evidently that is no longer a concern," Celestia stated. She lifted the scroll and glanced at it once more. "According to Twilight, they just now held a funeral to memorialize her."

"May I ask how Derpy met her end?"

"It's quite horrible," Celestia said. "She perished violently in Ghastly Gorge."

"Oh, I very much doubt that," Luna said.

With her brow furrowed, Celestia turned around to squint at her sibling. "What makes you say that, dear sister?"

Luna stared at her, took a sip of her tea, swallowed, and said, "Unless you know of another pony on this earth who has dreamt about muffins for the past four consecutive nights in a row." With a swish of her effluent tail hairs, the Princess of the Night trotted away.

Celestia blinked. She glanced back down at the scroll, then stared off into the distance in thought. After a few moments, she rolled up the scroll, placed it down on her desk, and exited the room in a determined trot.

Exiting onto her balcony, Celestia gazed out upon the grand Equestrian Valley to the west. Ponyville slept in the distance, its houses twinkling like a bed of sleepy fireflies. The ruler of the land allowed her calm eyes to scan the horizon, traveling northeast until she spotted a very familiar dip in the landscape. Once her gaze was locked onto the ravine in question, she spread her wings, illuminated the tip of her horn, then disappeared in a bright flash of light.

With a crack of thunder, Princess Celestia materialized in the starry air above Ghastly Gorge. Wings spread, she glided down, descending onto the steep canyon with immaculate grace. The moonlight split as her figure pierced the shadows, landing with a quiet clap of gold-embossed hooves onto the stone floor of the trench.

Celestia's eyes narrowed. Beneath her, the splintery remnants of a storage container spread across the barren rock. The stone surfaces were stained bright red, with a few gray feathers still intact, fluttering from the occasional gust of air blowing down through the steep passage. Celestia bowed her head, aiming her horn at the immediate vicinity, performing a deep, magical scan of the stained rock and its cold gray surfaces.

From one of several deep holes behind her, a low growl emanated. With savage thrusts, three serpent heads surged out. The trio of quarry eels loomed above Celestia from all sides, drooling through fanged teeth.

Slowly, Celestia turned around, glaring silently at the creatures with hot, glowing eyes.

The massive eels blinked. They clamped their jaws shut and retreated into their holes with a demure whining noise.

Taking a deep breath, Celestia calmly turned back towards the scene of the mishap. Once again, she closed her eyes and concentrated, sending a charge of mana through her horn. After several bright flashes, she illuminated a translucent web of intertwining bands that hovered through the throat of narrow ravine.

Opening her eyes, Celestia studied each leyline with intense scrutiny. Her eyes wandered from one band to another, looking for the youngest and brightest beam. At last, she found one leyline in particular—a jagged line originating from the patch of stone that had been stained read. Aiming her horn towards it, she shot a bright light into the band, watching as it shot a spotlight into the sky that arched about and headed in a completely random direction.

Celestia's jaws clenched. Flapping her wings, she took up, followed the band for the better part of half a mile, then sped faster and faster until her entire body was a blur of bright light and feathers. Then—with a fountain of sparks—her body followed the leyline beyond the barrier between planes, and she vanished completely.

Thunder cracked.

Celestia stood on a mountain cliff overlooking a vast plain lit by emerald fire plumes.

Thunder cracked.

Celestia floated through a marsh with towering pale mushrooms.

Thunder cracked.

Celestia hovered before the sight of a giant pyramid surrounded by a crystalline forest.

Thunder cracked.

Celestia flew over a plane covered in brown grass with hovering chunks of earth.

Thunder cracked.

Celestia glided over craggy rocks caught aflame with jets of crimson plasma.

Thunder cracked...


Derpy Hooves perched on a floating chunk of rock. She was sweaty and covered from head to hoof with errant splotches of dust and soot. Her mailmare uniform had been reduced to a tattered blue robe barely hanging from her shoulders. All around her, giant hulking mountains floated like oversized pebbles amidst a sea of interwebbing effluent light bands. Lightning flickered in the distance, illuminating vast structures of polished silver and sapphire. However, Derpy wasn't marveling at the view, but instead was wrestling with the last few sparkling stones left inside her canvas sack.

"Come on, ya stubborn little spuds!" She grunted as she slapped the void rocks repeatedly against the nearest boulder in front of her. "Do your spud lightning! Potato launch me back!" She panted and hissed, slamming and knocking the rocks repeatedly, though no more flashes of aquamarine light were being produced. "Come on! Potato rocket Mommy back to her Muffin!"

After her last swing, a pulse of light finally exploded before her, but it wasn't from the void rocks.

"Ackies!" Derpy fell back on her rump, wincing. Her eyes rotated apart, swiveled back together, then slanted at startled forty-five degrees. "Your Highjesty! I-I mean..." She flung her exhausted body forward to bow at the last second. "Your Majness! Er..." She instead fell flat on her muzzle, going even more wall-eyed. "Ooof!"

Celestia landed, trotted around in a circle, then glanced down at the frazzled pegasus. A soft smile crossed her lips. "Derpy Hooves. In the flesh, I presume?"

"No, your royalette!" Derpy stood up and pointed at her canvas bag. "In the sack! I-I mean... the sparkly magic potato thingies were in the bag, but I'm afraid that now they... they're..." Just then, the poor abused pouch finally tore open, and the fragments of the void rocks poured out in a dusty heap. "Gaah!" Derpy gasped to the east and west at once. She dove down and attempted scooping the sediment into a magical little pile. "Oh no! No no no no! That was it! My last ticket home!"

"Your ticket home?" Celestia asked, cocking her head to the side. "What are you doing out here, Miss Hooves?"

"You don't understand!" Derpy started to hyperventilate. For once, her eyes almost rotated straight, only to have bulbs of moisture collecting along the edges. "I was just... I-I was just trying to get back home." She sniffled. "B-back home to my muffin. I haven't talked to her in three days. She hasn't used her sound stone. Maybe... maybe she's ashamed of her Mommy." A painful lump formed in the mailmare's throat as her lopsided eyes watered further. "I'm usually more punctual than this. I haven't been away from her this long before. Ohhhhh... I miss her so much... I miss my Muffin something awful, and now she must hate me—"

"Shhhhh..." Celestia reached a hoof forward and caressed the mare's dirty chin. She smiled angelically. "Be at ease, my little pony. There is no hate here. There will never be any hate wherever you happen to be. Of this, I'm most certain."

Derpy sniffled, raising her face towards the alicorn. "I just want to be where my Muffin is. That's all! It's been a long week and..." She tried straightening her blonde mane, only to fail. "I'm so tired. I want to hold her. I want to hold her t-tight and know that she is safe."

"She is safe. And you will be safe with her." Celestia caressed the pony's bangs before stepping back. "You both have many years left to share."

"You..." Derpy gulped and murmured, "You're certain of this, your Princessness?"

"Hmmm... Does it matter?" Celestia glanced at her sideways. "Share your love, share your feelings, and your days—nay, even your seconds—will turn into eons. I promise you this."

Derpy shuddered, but managed a weak smile. "Yes... Yes, I think I can do that."

"I know you can." Celestia leaned her horn forward, channeling a bright pulse of light through it. "Now, close your eyes."

Derpy obeyed, her body rocking tiredly as the alicorn administered her magic.

"This will only take a moment."

Lightning strobed, and Derpy was gone.

Celestia leaned back. She took a long, contemplative breath, then smiled by her lonesome. Turning about, the goddess stared into the infinite cosmos, marveling mutely at the queer voidscape's complexity.

"Hmmmm... I really must get out more."

She may or may not have chuckled. With a final crack of thunder, Celestia too was gone.

Light exploded in a halo, knocking back the grass blades of Derpy Hooves' front lawn. The mare in question landed softly, her head reeling in the starlight as she regained balance on Ponyvillean soil.

"Whew! That last step was a ticklish one. Heheh!"

She turned about, gazing at the moonswept front face of her condominium.

"Well, it certainly looks like my house."

She took a step forward, only to trip on a crack in the sidewalk and plunge forward.

"Ooof!" Her skull collided painfully with the doorframe. She leaned back, rubbing her muzzle with an aching grin. "Yup! Sure feels like my house too!"

Reaching into her jacket's one surviving pocket, Derpy pulled a housekey out and fit it into the lock, only to feel it give way instantly.

"Huh... It's open? Hello?!"

Derpy trotted limply into the front room. Her lopsided eyes rolled across the dim, candle-lit place.

"Hmmm... smells so clean in here. Looks so clean in here! Muffin? Muffffinnnn?"

One aching hoof after another, Derpy plodded towards the stairs. She squinted up towards the top steps, lingered, then took a sharp right. With hooves brushing over carpet, she strolled softly into the parlor. Her shadow swept over eight figures huddled across the room beneath warm blankets. Six mares, a dragon whelp, and a unicorn filly slumbered away.

Derpy blinked, her lips pursed with curiosity. Nevertheless, her rotating eyes locked on Dinky, and a deep smile came to her gray muzzle. As quietly as she could, she trotted over Twilight Sparkle cuddling with Spike, over Rarity and Fluttershy leaning against each other in their sleep, past a twitching Applejack and a snoring Rainbow Dash. She grasped Pinkie's forelimb and moved it from hanging protectively over Dinky's body. At last, the mother leaned in, nuzzling her filly closely before giving her a tender kiss on the cheek.

Almost at once, Dinky stirred. The foal gave a soft trilling sound, her amber eyes blinking thinly open. "Nnnnnn..." She rubbed her eye sockets with tiny little hooves and murmured, "Mom...? Mommy...?"

"Hello, my little Muffin," Derpy said in a soft breath. "Mommy's so sorry for being late."

"You..." Dinky yawned. "You're not mad at me?"

"Mad at you? What for, Muffin?"

"I..." Dinky twitched, biting her lip. "I broke the sound stone. I'm so sorry, Mommy. I wanted to talk to you so badly, but... but they said that you were dead, and I almost started to worry... m-maybe even believe them..."

"I'm alive as ever, Muffin." Derpy pulled the blanket back over Dinky's body before caressing her mane. "Mommy just went on a little adventure. That's all. And don't worry about the sound stone. Mommy will buy you a new one."

"So..." Dinky yawned and curled tighter into the couch beneath the blanket. "You're not mad at me?"

"Never, my Muffin." Derpy said with a soft smile. "I could never, ever be mad at you."

"I'm glad, Mommy..." Derpy glanced aside, fidgeting slightly at the sight of all the sleeping ponies inside their home. "They... uhm... they helped me with the chores. I hope you don't mind."

"Heehee. Not at all."

"They... uh..." Dinky gulped. "They all love you. They all love and care for you very much."

"Shhhh..." Derpy nuzzled Dinky's eyes shut as she caressed her to sleep. "Mommy knows, Muffin. Mommy knows."

"Hmmmmm..." Dinky fell into slumber, a smile plastered across her face.

Derpy stood up, stretching, cracking the joints in her neck. "Hmmm... I'm starving." She trotted past the group and into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she squinted, squinted some more, then gasped. "Muffins?!" She pulled the tray out with a bright grin. "Wow! Somepony must have thought about me!"

And she took the most thankful bite of her adult life.

"Mmmmmf... It's good. So very good."

Author's Note:

I'll just leave these here...

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Comments ( 131 )
Comment posted by Adeire deleted Oct 24th, 2013

New Story: 93,000 words. Skirts, what are you doing?

I have no idea when I'm going to find time to read this.

:pinkiegasp: I want to read it now!! But it's 12:41 am and I do have work in the morning!! *sobs*
Later my precious, later. :heart: *Yes, I am a BIG fan of your works! Can't wait to read this later!!* :derpytongue2:

Holy... 93K words? I'm supposed to be reducing my Read Later list, not keep adding to it!

Eight upvotes, four views. :derpyderp1:
Seems legit.:rainbowhuh:

Just a plug from one of the editors: This story is really, really cute and fun. Cute AND Fun. From Skirts.

He deserves some recognition for going outside what he usually does to deliver some seriously awesome, happy writing, laced with the emotional character interactions and great characterization that he's so very, very good at. Oh, and his Derpy and Dinky are adorable. You will have difficulty not giggling at Derpy's misadventures in the first chapter, and it only gets better from there.:derpytongue2:


You had me at Skirts.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I'll add it to my favs as a priority to read, but I'll not add the like until I read it and feel it deserves one.

Whooops. Ah, well. They meant well.

Good god.

When they wake up and see that...

Haha... Nice ending, dude. Nice ending.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Perfect ending. I'd almost wish for more, but its so good, there's nothing to add! Excellent work with tying up everything so neatly, especially with the letter to the Princess and Celestia's short appearance.

Bravo, sir.

Also, thanks for writing Pinkie Pie so well.

Is it just me or does Derpy die a lot on Fimfiction? :derpyderp1:

3392198 perfect ending. just want a tad more on how they react

There are very few fanfics that I will read in one go that make me feel both laughter and feels. This is one of the. At first I thought this was going to be one of the stories where everybody thinks the character is dead and then they show up, but it's more then that. It's about how tragedy bring us out of our deepest emotions and helps us learn more about ourselves. Something that all six managed to do in this story and I liked it. This is the kind of thing I try to get out out of my tragedies, but the ironic thing is that Derpy's not dead. I will admit, I was disappointed when she didn't show up at the funeral for like the big joke and all, but it was heartwarming none the less, the ending. This kind of story could have been both funny or tragic depending on how you took it, and what you did was excellent nonetheless. Five stars.

3391971 Trixie was obviously a substitute teacher at some point.

I like this. The outside view of us knowing that Derpy is fine makes this an amusing story, but without that knowledge or the sections about Derpy's adventures, this would be a pretty heavy tragedy.

Oh God, this story. It made me laugh and cry at the same time (but mostly cry).
It kept punching me for tears and feels!
It's just... so beautiful.:applecry:

It would all be very noble if Derpy were actually dead.

Called it. Will read later today.

SO MANY FEEEEEEEELS!!! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::fluttershbad::fluttershbad::fluttershbad::fluttershbad::fluttershbad::fluttershbad:

I am so curious as to what happens next.

Say what, 93k for a funeral? FUCK THAT, no offence. Shortskirtsandexplosions chapters are always too long for me to even want to attempt to read.

Nooo! Anyone, Anypony but Derpy! She's too stupid to die! She never got her muffin!

Do you write anything less than epic? Seriously? Like, I bet you could write the worst fic ever, and it would still be epic because you're SSnE.

You have been challenged. Write 100,000 words of the cruddiest fan fic you can think of.

The odd thing is that she'll probably never know what really happened; she might know that somepony mistakenly thought she'd died but that's about it.


Is this you're first ShortSkirtsandExplosions fic:unsuresweetie:

If so... Prepare for all that hope...:pinkiehappy:

to bleed out painfully:pinkiesad2:...

Well... In a fair amount of cases anyway.


This was, like all your stories, epic, but I do want to see what happens when the rest of them wake up.

Can I favorite this based on the ending alone? I'm not going to try and slog through 90k super special awesome words today.

You should really reconsider that stance. Short Skirts' chapters may be long, but they are excellent. This is easily among one of his best long-form stories, as well. It's well worth the time it'll take you to read it, because this fic is so excellent, full of emotion and awesome character growth for every single member of the Mane 6.

Oh man, you don't even know. There's more than a few references to EoP in here. :scootangel: His Scootaloo is nearly always the same Scootaloo, ya know?

Apparently you and I are of one mind when it comes to reading stuff released by Skirts. "2 in the morning? Let's do this!"

It's actually an excellent portrayal of Rarity and Sweetie Belle's relationship. He's even pretty even-handed with Pinkie Pie, mixing in her Pinkie Wisdom with a lack of decorum for the situation and a realistic idea of how she would have trouble understanding the cultural nuances of a funeral or a death.
Yeah. I'm saying Skirts wrote a fic without making Pinkie Pie insufferable.

Are we sure this is a Skirts fic?

I'm not saying Skirts was abducted by Mormons and taken to their secret base in Iceland, where he was forced to collaborate with Ponky (who is "in Italy") to create this tour-de-feels of excellent characterization and character development, I'm just saying that organizing a rescue party to Iceland has been added to the 'to-do' list for this month. :trixieshiftright:

From the story description:

It would all be very noble if Derpy were actually dead.

Black comedy it is! Your hope is totally not misplaced.


Nooooooo I wanted to see what happens next. Writers, y u always do dis to me?! :ajbemused::twilightangry2: Nevertheless, a wonderful, oftentimes bleak story.


People complaining about chapters being too long (Mah gawds, dem words, dey too much, mah brain gets the hurtsies!) and I'm sitting here wanting more. :rainbowderp:


Hehe, you can say that again, mate.

~Skeeter The Lurker

This has far, far too few likes in it. So one more, now.

Yes indeed. I've grasped that in some of his previous stories involving Scoots, but never to this degree of subtlety (haha, and now I made one =P). Only on chapter 3 though, so I've still got a bit to go.

It would all be very noble if Derpy were actually dead.

I am not dead yet
I can dance and I can sing
I am not dead yet
I can do the Highland Fling

I am not dead yet
No need to go to bed
Just need to call 'The Doctor' :trollestia:
Cause I'm not yet dead.

My only two problems with this story is the sudden Long Story Out of Nowhere and the lack of more EoP.

Otherwise: really well done, I loved it.

i damn near teared up when i read the description, but then i read that last bit...

God, I want to read this, but so much in one go! Unique concept though, so looking forwards to the weekend!

Derpy Hooves, now and forever, is best pony, and Dinky is best filly. If ever there was the slightest possibility of me thinking otherwise, it is now gone. Thank you for this epic tribute to the bubbly ray of sunshine and her daughter, the weapons-grade mass of cuteness. :derpytongue2:

I'm not tired of it, but the only guy in town who knows the story always stops halfway through! :trixieshiftleft:

Very well done, brother. Tad too long, but that seems to be my stock complaint, isn't it? :derpytongue2:

Please remove that "Random" tag. Please. This story is definitely not random.

This was brilliant. Truly brilliant. I'd say it's the best thing you've ever written, in fact. One of the best fics that the pony fandom has produced.

It's so much more...cohesive than a lot of your other stories; more cohesive than most stories in general. People complaining about this being too long simply don't know what they're talking about; there isn't much that can be cut out from this story without it being a fundamental loss (the only part of the story I thought it could've done without were the Trixie and Iron Will scenes). Everything was essential to tell the story you wanted to tell, and that story was brilliant.

Well done with this. Well. Done. Stay ever awesome. :pinkiehappy:

For a moment there, I almost thought that Celestia was actually Derpy. She had been lost in time and space, became an alicorn, and needed a letter to jog her memory. Would have been great.

Celestia "I am home Muffin, I am finally home.":pinkiesad2:

Derpy is dead....
oh my....
Well now i know the answer to that age old question...
*sniffs back tears*
Whats the sound....of one heart breaking?

Have... Have you actually read the story? Or even the description? Derpy isn't dead. At all.

This is one of the most heart warming and enjoyable stories I've read probably ever. I laughed and cried throughout the journey and that isn't something that happens often to anyone I think. You did a very good job with this story, shortskirtsandexplosions, and I thank you for creating something that was such a delight to read.


No! Now I want to see that!

what are you talking about?, of course i read the description.
*Rereads just to make sure*
Derpys dead yadayada Twilights sad yadayada poor dinky yadayada
i dont see what you....
*Gets to last sentance.*

if Derpy were actually dead.

*Pulls back his hoof and....*

Perhaps in an omake, that could happen.......

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