• Member Since 25th Feb, 2012
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R-A-B-G


Bwhahaha! no I dont want you to die! I want to show you my fan fiction!

T
Source

Co-writer Pinklestia have done alot of work go give her work a look!

The land of Skyrim is harsh and unforgiving. At least I had managed to avoid most of it.

I do not belong here. I was from Earth and had been trapped in Skyrim for far too long. Borrowing the Elder Scrolls from my friend, I left the dimension in the hope of escaping back to Earth. Hoping to be able to live in a peaceful world once more.

Then I died. Glad I didn't have to feel it. Besides, I got better.

Why is there a little white unicorn? Oh my god! What the heck is that?! Kill it with fire!

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 270 )

okay this needs further watching before i decide to like it but so far so good

Sighing Princess Celestia drops the issue and after reassuring twilight that she was in fact not sick and was in no dire need to go to the hospital. They return to the lesson at hoof.

This sentence needs a tweak. The words added are in bold. Took out a couple. It's just a suggestion to help make the sentence make sense.

Some capitalization problems (I saw a 'twilight sparkle' in there), but the spelling seems pretty good.

Overall, good flow to the story! I shall read more.

ooh. wonder how celestia will react to rarity with her new found healing spell.

the look on her face will be priceless :rainbowlaugh:

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that's what I was thinking about when I did that :twilightsmile:

Oh come on you changed raritys cutie mark you collossal jerk

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had no choice in that matter, because Rarity gets her cutie mark at the school play after making costumes with gem stones.

and after being with Charm for a week and learning a spell she found a different destiny and her original cutie mark just didn't fit anymore, so sorry about that :twilightblush:

I like it very humorous it might be the only crossover fic I like. but there were a few grammatical and what looked like auto correct errors

This is a good story, but needs some editing.

Sooner or later she will start to run out of magic ingredients.

Well, Rarity not liking baths, I guess she would prefer showers from now on?

I can see Charm and Zecora becoming student and teacher, but who is who? Only time will tell...

Be prepared to drink burned orange juice.

Sweetie Belle can burn orange juice and make liquid toast!

Of course not letting in the last word she turned to mustang, “we should have another foal.” At the out of the blue comment has left him spitting the water he was drinking.
“Cough, cough... what?”:rainbowderp::rainbowlaugh:

LOL

Oh well that’s pretty amazing, never seen it perform before though I’m no expert in anything magical.”

Oh well that’s pretty amazing, never seen it performed before, though I’m no expert in anything magical.”

Going through the work trying to find grammar stuff.

Run on, misspelling of tent, and the meaning of it was unclear.
Original

Managing to place the small but surprisingly heavy alchemy table up in the middle of the ten since I have no active use for it, besides private sleeping quarters but I prefer sleeping by near the fire.

Revision.

I preferred sleeping near the fire, so I set up the small, but surprisingly heavy, alchemy table in the middle of the tent.

So we had been packing for the long trip to Ponyville while also locking up some personal items of Charms so they won’t be ravage by the elements of the forest.

So we had been packing for the long trip to Ponyville while also stashing some of Charm's personal items.

she emphasis this by patting the saddlebags I had put together a week ago.

she emphasized this by patting the saddlebags I had sewn together a week ago.

We have enough food each encase one of us become separated from the other for at least a couple days.”

We each have enough food in case we become separated from the other for at least a couple days.”

This run on repeats some info that you have in the next sentence. Also, since this is a memory he is remembering, everything that isn't dialog should be in the past tense. Currently it's a miss match of past and present tense.

He steps near the enchanters table as he focuses the mana needed to enchant items, they formed like they were suppose to and the mana entered the item, then the gem turned to glittering dust and flowed onto the item turning said item into a glimmering source of light, in vain hopes that it finally worked, he smiled... and for a second it did... then the item disintegrated.

He stepped near the enchanters table and channeled the mana. The mana flowed into the item and out of the soul gem like it was supposed to. He smiled as the soul gem turned to dust and the item glowed with a glimmering source of light.

Capitalization/trimming.

“w-who are you?” Zach ask in fear, afraid of a daedric prince is haunting him, as he didn’t hear any good things about them.

W-who are you?” Zach asked in fear, in fear of a daedric prince haunting him.

Capitalization.

Yo-you can hear me?

Grammar. I' am is wrong. Should be either I am or I'm.

‘I am a spirit guide, I was born when you were born and I'm meant to help you in your journey in life,

I'm doing meditation and focusing myself.” He said as his form slightly wavers but strengthens as he focuses more.

She ran and gave him a large hug, although his form wavers again he couldn’t help but share the hug, since Leona is big on hugs for some reason but he got used to it. Since he won’t lie she is a hot brunette and his mind is weak.

“So... um yea although I may be enjoying this hug, we are still relatively new to each other.” He said as the hug drawn out longer then was comfortable to him.

The hug was drawn out longer than he was comfortable with. “So... um yea although I may be enjoying this hug, we are still relatively new to each other.” he said.

She pulled back away from him as if he was on fire. “oh right sorry” she said as she straightens her hair and dust at herself as if she had seen dirt on her.

She pulled back away from him as if he was on fire. “Oh right sorry” she said as she straightened and dusted herself off.

Gah. More "I' am" mess ups. Need to capitalize first word. Also can easily shorten it down.

“well let me introduce myself, I’ am Zechariah, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said politely as although he couldn’t do much at the moment he thought his body to smile warmly to her which she returns.

Well let me introduce myself, I am Zechariah, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said politely while smiling warmly at her, which she returned.

capitalize

Hum... how about... Eve? Does that sound good to you?”

Comma, Past tense/present tense

“Alright calm down calm down, we have business to discussed”

“Alright calm down, calm down, we have business to discuss

Run on.

Charm wakes up and stretches like a cat, enlisting some satisfying pops in her stiff joints, she sighs as she observe the deconstructed camp as everything was packed away, the two magical tables were buried with runes to shield the area to prevent wear and tear from the weather, the two saddlebags are full of food, spare bedding's, ropes and potions of all types all labelled of coarse for Rarity.

Charm wakes up and stretches like a cat, enlisting some satisfying pops in her stiff joints. She sighs as she observes the camp, everything packed away. The two magical tables buried with runes to prevent wear and tear from the weather, the two saddlebags are full of food, spare bedding's, ropes and potions. With the potions nice and labeled for Rarity.

Looking at the trees Charm could see the morning sun starts to peak the top of the trees singling the new day had started.

Looking at the trees, Charm could see that the morning sun had started to peak over the treetops, singling that a new day had started.

“Time to wake up the princess...” She muttered to herself although Rarity dropped the attitude she still has a hard time waking up this early, she started to utilize her magic to fight her advances off now, that made Charm proud as the battle is quite fierce.

“Time to wake up the princess...” she muttered to herself. Although Rarity had dropped the attitude, she still has a hard time waking up.

In fact, Charm has now started to utilize her magic to wake Rarity up.

<- Not very happy with this bit. Any ideas?

I noticed the narration switches from first person to third person this chapter.

While improving your writing by learning to catch grammar mistakes is good, don't let too many criticisms get to you. Knowing how to write a good story is much better than being a crappy writer who can write well. I haven't come across any sentences I couldn't understand.

Uh, so what are the changes compared with the old version?

She should be chestnut brown, not gray.

Heh, looks nicer now, looking forward to the following rewritten chapters.

Zecora stops rhyming near the end. Don't know if that's intentional or not.

Anyway, I loved this story before, and I'm really glad you are rewriting parts of it. Though I'm a tad sad you removed the old chapters. Unless, you intend to take it in a different direction?

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I think thousands of writers will say this, and I sure hope Im not the only or last one to say it, but Zecora is a hard character to write about.

also yea sorry about the old chapters, the story is going to be thrown off the old tracks and onto a shiny new set, the cars even have milk and cookies served in the back.

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I kinda forgot to make a few of her lines to rhyme -_-

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oh um, heh I edited that chapter, something came up during editing of the next chapter, so enjoy the extra thousand words for the chapter! :D

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There are some HUGE changes starting since " The Magical art of healing [Rewritten]", I suggest you reread the story from there or you are gonna be somewhat confused.

Hah! and so it begins. Looking forward to the rest.

Whats ThiS?! A NEW CHAPTER! Great!

no I feel as if I've read this before, seems like a lot of them are being rewriten

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a lot? I think you mean all of them. :twilightoops:

Ah, you still intend to have the Dovahkiin come to Equestria? While an interesting twist, I felt last time she was kinda moved out of the story after the time skip. I'm guessing that's around where you intend to diverge from where the story went before.

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All shall be revealed in time. :raritywink:

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I have good word there would be another update tomorrow. Don't go spreading it around :raritywink:

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