Co-writer Pinklestia have done alot of work go give her work a look!
The land of Skyrim is harsh and unforgiving. At least I had managed to avoid most of it.
I do not belong here. I was from Earth and had been trapped in Skyrim for far too long. Borrowing the Elder Scrolls from my friend, I left the dimension in the hope of escaping back to Earth. Hoping to be able to live in a peaceful world once more.
Then I died. Glad I didn't have to feel it. Besides, I got better.
Why is there a little white unicorn? Oh my god! What the heck is that?! Kill it with fire!
Chapters (19)
Good stuff!! Keep writing!!
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/130649728613.gif
okay this needs further watching before i decide to like it but so far so good
This sentence needs a tweak. The words added are in bold. Took out a couple. It's just a suggestion to help make the sentence make sense.
Some capitalization problems (I saw a 'twilight sparkle' in there), but the spelling seems pretty good.
Overall, good flow to the story! I shall read more.
ooh. wonder how celestia will react to rarity with her new found healing spell.
the look on her face will be priceless
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that's what I was thinking about when I did that
PFUDOR i see what you did there
Oh come on you changed raritys cutie mark you collossal jerk
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had no choice in that matter, because Rarity gets her cutie mark at the school play after making costumes with gem stones.
and after being with Charm for a week and learning a spell she found a different destiny and her original cutie mark just didn't fit anymore, so sorry about that
I like it very humorous it might be the only crossover fic I like. but there were a few grammatical and what looked like auto correct errors
This is a good story, but needs some editing.
Sooner or later she will start to run out of magic ingredients.
Well, Rarity not liking baths, I guess she would prefer showers from now on?
You can find a beta reader or two on fanfiction.net.
https://www.fanfiction.net/betareaders/
And this is useful too:
http://www.wikihow.com/Approach-a-Beta-Reader-on-Fanfiction.Net
So Rarity became a master healer.
I can see Charm and Zecora becoming student and teacher, but who is who? Only time will tell...
Fluffle Puff!!!
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heh yea you caught onto that eh?
Be prepared to drink burned orange juice.
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how can you burn orange juice?
Sweetie Belle can burn orange juice and make liquid toast!
Of course not letting in the last word she turned to mustang, “we should have another foal.” At the out of the blue comment has left him spitting the water he was drinking.
“Cough, cough... what?”
LOL
Going through the work trying to find grammar stuff.
Run on, misspelling of tent, and the meaning of it was unclear.
Original
Revision.
This run on repeats some info that you have in the next sentence. Also, since this is a memory he is remembering, everything that isn't dialog should be in the past tense. Currently it's a miss match of past and present tense.
Capitalization/trimming.
Capitalization.
Grammar. I' am is wrong. Should be either I am or I'm.
Gah. More "I' am" mess ups. Need to capitalize first word. Also can easily shorten it down.
capitalize
Comma, Past tense/present tense
Run on.
<- Not very happy with this bit. Any ideas?
I noticed the narration switches from first person to third person this chapter.
While improving your writing by learning to catch grammar mistakes is good, don't let too many criticisms get to you. Knowing how to write a good story is much better than being a crappy writer who can write well. I haven't come across any sentences I couldn't understand.
Uh, so what are the changes compared with the old version?
She should be chestnut brown, not gray.
Heh, looks nicer now, looking forward to the following rewritten chapters.
Zecora stops rhyming near the end. Don't know if that's intentional or not.
Anyway, I loved this story before, and I'm really glad you are rewriting parts of it. Though I'm a tad sad you removed the old chapters. Unless, you intend to take it in a different direction?
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I think thousands of writers will say this, and I sure hope Im not the only or last one to say it, but Zecora is a hard character to write about.
also yea sorry about the old chapters, the story is going to be thrown off the old tracks and onto a shiny new set, the cars even have milk and cookies served in the back.
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I kinda forgot to make a few of her lines to rhyme -_-
aww new version not new chapter?
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working on it! soon soon
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oh um, heh I edited that chapter, something came up during editing of the next chapter, so enjoy the extra thousand words for the chapter! :D
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There are some HUGE changes starting since " The Magical art of healing [Rewritten]", I suggest you reread the story from there or you are gonna be somewhat confused.
Hah! and so it begins. Looking forward to the rest.
Whats ThiS?! A NEW CHAPTER! Great!
ded
no I feel as if I've read this before, seems like a lot of them are being rewriten
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a lot? I think you mean all of them.
5824465 lul
Ah, you still intend to have the Dovahkiin come to Equestria? While an interesting twist, I felt last time she was kinda moved out of the story after the time skip. I'm guessing that's around where you intend to diverge from where the story went before.
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All shall be revealed in time.
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Yes, quite
moooorreeeee!!!!
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I have good word there would be another update tomorrow. Don't go spreading it around