Chapter Eight
I am not proud to say that I've had some brushes with the law. Whether they were misunderstandings or extremely minor offenses, all of my encounters with the police have sucked the big one.
Quick note for all of you young rapscallions: If you're gonna hop a fence, be absolutely certain there isn't a police officer directly on the other side of it.
What I'm trying to say here is that I was no stranger to handcuffs, but this situation was certainly a new experience for me. Not only was I being arrested by small, horse-like aliens, but those handcuffs were floating towards me all on their own. There weren't any strings or hands to hold them, only that weird salmon glow around them. Which, coincidentally, was the same color of the unicorn's glowing horn.
Ah, I see now. The unicorn had magic powers. I should be going on and on about how that's impossible, but I had long since stopped being surprised and baffled by such things. My lack of wonder also could have had something to do with the fact that I was being arrested.
I backed away slowly from the ghostly cuffs. I didn't want to go to their jail! For all I knew, I wouldn't be coming back if I went with them. I didn't have the time to go through jail, either! I needed to be finding my way back to earth, and I seriously doubted that sitting in a cell would help me with that.
Plus, judging from how small these ponies are, that wouldn't be a very big cell. That wouldn't do at all, since I'm a big man and I need my space.
So, relying on my instinct, I moved my wrists away from the cuffs which threatened to clamp onto them. But the metal bracelet kept trying for my poor hands. I can't imagine how I looked at that moment.
"Hey, stop! I haven't done anything wrong!" I tried to tell them while dancing my arms around the air. I didn't really expect them to understand. Especially not when they're blabbing at me in their backwards-ass language.
Trying to defuse the situation, I decided to grab the cuffs out of the air. They yielded to my grasp fairly well, thankfully. I half-thought I would have a tug-of-war with the air. As I expected, Unicorn dude began spouting his drivel at me again. My mind told me that I wanted to deck him in his exposed jaw, but my conscience argued that would only make this bad situation even worse.
Instead, I stupidly opt to talk back to him, knowing full well it would have the same effect as trying to crack a boulder using tissue paper. "Dude, I'm not your enemy here! Calm the fuck down!" I retried, advancing on him slightly.
His horn began to glow pink again. Using his weird-ass unicorn powers, the spear on his back gracefully twirled around in the air before pointing it's sharp end at my chest. I took it he felt a bit intimidated by me if he felt he had to use that thing.
"Oh..." I meekly squeaked out. I immediately stopped and held my hands in the air, dropping the cuffs to the ground. My death was only a single thrust away and I knew it.
Being on the verge of injury or death wasn't a new experience for me. I've had my fair share of knives pulled on me, but it never get's any better to deal with. Time seemed to slow to a crawl, and my brain was trying to register a million thoughts at once. Really the only thought I could clearly register was Holy shit, he's gonna kill me.
Pushing all the cluttered thoughts aside, I thought fast. If I could grab the handcuffs out of the air so easily, maybe I can do the same with the spear? I only hoped that I could grab the shaft faster than he could thrust into me.
This was no time for innuendo. Shut the fuck up.
As though fate had given me a break, I successfully managed to swipe the polearm from the unicorn's... floaty grasp thing. The unicorn looked at me in horror upon realizing his weapon was now in my hands. As if he thought I was going to murder him right then and there. I wasn't that type of guy, though, so lucky him.
Seeing as how the tiny spear had no practical use in comparison to a big guy like myself, I decided to get rid of it. (Plus, I had no idea how to use a spear properly.) So I drive it headfirst onto the smooth pavement of the road. The sheer force of the impact caused the spear to splinter like a twig in a wood chipper.
And I wasn't even trying that hard. Strange.
I decided I would process that information later, as the unicorn now looked a lot more intimidated by me. I wanted so hard to teach him a lesson and do to him as I did the spear, but my conscience thankfully got the better of me again. So I took a knee and hunched over to reach eye level with him. As softly as I could, I told him. "Look. I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this. I'm gonna go now. You can follow, but I'm not going with you." I tried using hand gestures to help him understand better what I was saying, but I doubted it worked.
Eager to get out of this situation, I moved to walk away from the guard. Talk about bad first meetings. I really hope these two ponies aren't the vengeful type.
Those two... Two? Wait, where'd the other one go?
Answering my question immediately, I heard the sound of clanking metal around my ankles, and found myself falling back down to the ground. I managed to get a good scrape on my forearm in the process. I looked down at my feet to see that the other pony had managed to sneak up behind me and clamp the handcuffs on my ankles. How he did it without hands, I have no idea.
"What the fuck good is that gonna do you, asshole!?" I screamed at the pony who held a smarmy smile on his face. If he came any closer to me, he wouldn't have had that face anymore.
"That's fucking it! I'm done with this!" I raved at them.
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The beast had been incapacitated by the sly actions of Dusty Ore. The stallion may have been able to stealthily put the hoof cuffs on the creature's lower legs while he wasn't looking, but touching the alien species was literally exhausting. Dusty mentally noted he hadn't been this exhausted since Stone Rend made him do ten laps around the whole Crystal Empire.
"Snap out of it, Coral," he huffed at the Unicorn.
"Right. I'm fine," Coral responded distantly. "Captain's going to have my head for losing that spear."
"Worry about that later. Right now we have to get this thing back to the... to the..." his train of thought derailed entirely upon seeing the unknown specimen angrily pulling at the chains on his legs.
And the links were bending to it's will.
"Quick! Use another pair!" Dusty said, tossing Coral the other set of shackles they had brought with them
Coral caught the cuffs in his magic and flung them towards the beast, but the thing was a split second faster. The hoofcuffs that bound his lower legs snapped in two, and he had uninhibited movement once again. It looked up just in time to witness the second pair flying over to his paws, and swiped them out of the air yet again.
"Oh, for the love of Luna!" Coral exclaimed in annoyance. His irritation was cut short as the enraged alien screamed his language at them both, advancing on them in it's fury.
"It's getting violent! We have no choice but to use force!" Dusty decreed.
"Careful! Don't get too close!" Coral warned.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"—that nothing about this god damn place makes any sense! Why do you idiots live in the fucking North Pole!? Why the fuck does everyone here have a tramp stamp!? And why do your fucking-ass berries taste like shit!?" I had been pushed too far today. Not to rip off a popular quote, but you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
They only watched with caution as I went on with my tirade. I was sick of this. I was sick of being lost, I was sick of worrying for my friends and family.
But most of all, I was sick of these damn colorful horses. I had tolerated their stupid language, their shitty produce, and now these two jokers had the nerve to arrest me after everything I had been through today. The mere sight of them right now made my blood boil.
To my confusion, the non-unicorn one bites the blunt end of the spear and tosses it off of his back to his magical friend. After doing so, he starts running towards me with violent intent clear in his eyes. Not that I understood how he could've used that spear, but wouldn't one think it made more sense to keep the spear with you when fighting your opponent?
I didn't have time to ponder the thought long as he was already up in my business, landing a good punch (kick?) to my right shin. I grunted in pain and dropped down to one knee, not in pain but from having lost my balance.
Yeah, balance. That's it.
Instinctively, I swatted my arm at him, but he jumped away from me just in time. Seeing I was in a vulnerable position, the pony ran up to my right side faster than I could pivot to face him. He turned around, and with an audible grunt, the pony raised his hind legs and kicked me square in the jaw.
Actually, this wasn't the first time this had happened to me. Let's just say that back then I didn't know enough not to approach a horse from behind.
And just like the last time horse hooves decked me in the head, I went down. I inspected my mouth with a hand to make sure my jaw wasn't broken, and sluggishly pushed myself back onto my knees. a quick look at my opponent told me that, while he looked like he just got out of a wrestling match, he was still coming at me. Intent on pushing his advantage.
"Not this time!" I hissed at him. I had won countless fistfights with dozens of douchebags, and bested brawls with the odds stacked against me. There wasn't a chance in hell I was going to let these two schmucks beat me.
As soon as he got near me, I managed to catch him off guard and grab the fucker by his neck with both hands. Taking advantage of the situation, I stood up with the pony still in my grip, lifting him off the ground. He makes a few choking noises, but I'm not even putting any real force behind my grasp. He'd be fine.
Funny, I expected the pony to be much heavier. Also, it turned out these things weren't made of solid rock like their glittery coats suggested at first glance. They were actually covered in hair. How did their fur shine like jewelery? I wanted to ask what the deal was with that, but this situation did not call for it, and they wouldn't understand me anyways.
A shout from my side turns my attention to the very angry looking unicorn with the spear caught in his magic. The spear made a beeline for my abdomen, and I couldn't grab it because I needed two hands to hold this thick-necked shitlord. Thinking quickly, I turned 90 degrees to my left so that the spear would pierce his friend instead of me. To my joy, I could see the spear stopping just short of the guards reflective fur and moving back to the unicorn's side. I had him right where I wanted him.
He tries howling at me once more, but I was in no mood to hear it. Getting a better grip on the hostage in my arms, I flexed my muscles and hurled him full force at his unicorn buddy. Seeing as how he weighs virtually nothing to me, I have no problem throwing him that far and scoring a direct hit. Again, thank you high school football.
What I did have a bit of a problem with, is that my throw is strong enough to send the pony, and the unicorn he crashed into, sailing far away from me. Seriously I must have thrown the pony at mach two, because damn did those guys go far. The only proof I had that they ever stood near me was the spear laying on the ground, alongside one of their helmets. I had hit him so hard that his helmet came off.
Now I knew that wasn't natural. What the heck was going on with these ponies?
I didn't care at the moment. Right then, my anger was my main driving force. "That's right! Why don'tcha suck on that, you fucking horses!" I taunted at them, kicking the metal helmet that was at my feet. That thing went pretty far as well, but I didn't pay attention to where it landed. I doubted they heard me, seeing as they were a pile of limbs more than fifty yards away from me, but I deserved to gloat at this point. "Stupid ponies, thinking they can take me in a fight."
With my confidence rising, I dusted myself off and stood up straight. I walked away from the scene with a smile on my face. It's about time things finally went my way, I smugly thought. I'm going home, and nothing is gonna stop me.
Especially not these damn ponies.
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With Dusty Ore on top of Coral, the two guardians laid on the ground defeated. Dusty was breathing quite heavily from the amount of physical contact he made with the beast, and couldn't move at the moment if he tried.
Coral was also still reeling from the devastating blow. He never expected the monster to be strong enough to hurl them both across the pavement. His helmet was missing too. He figured it must have flown off upon the impact with Dusty, and was probably also the reason his head was currently pounding.
Tying to regain his senses, Coral directed his attention to the heaving stallion on top of him. "Dusty... Dusty, are you alright?"
"Just..." Dusty inhaled sharply. "Just give me... a minute," he weakly replied.
Coral wanted to put more time into making sure his friend was alright, but there were bigger things he had to worry about. "Do you see the creature anywhere?"
A few weak turns of his head later, Dusty replied "Nope."
"Ponyfeathers," Coral cursed, letting his head fall back onto the floor. "We need to tell the captain about this."
"Sure. Just... let's lay here for a while?" The drained guard rasped.
Coral managed to wriggle his way out of under Dusty and stand up on all fours, making sure he wasn't hurt too badly. "Nope. Come on, you might need medical care," he denied, leaning forward to help up his partner.
"We should also tell the captain about that... monster," Dusty said, rising off the road.
"Right."
A few moments passed in silence while Coral helped up his associate. Neither of them wanted to speak of their humiliating defeat.
"What do you think it was?" Dusty broke the silence.
"I don't know. If I'm being honest, it might be related to... Sombra." Both stallions visibly shuddered at that name. "But what I know for sure is that we are going to take it down," Coral growled. "No matter what."
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That bit about the fence intrigues me. Tell me more.
I've also been in a bit with the cops. Me two of my friends were in my friends car, chilling in a park around midnight after donuts. I let slip that my overactive imagination tends to scare the shit out of me for no reason. One of my friends grabs my leg and shouts. I scream, and not like a little girl. I have a very manly yell/shout/scream. The windows of the car were down, and it was midnight. The cops came, asked if we were doing drugs, then let us go.
Yeah, about time the human actually fights back against the paranoid ponies and kicks their asses too!
Good chapter.
so it seems humans become stronger when there on the ponies planet either that or the ponies are just that weak
The ponies should wise up and see that despite extreme and potentially lethal force used against him, the pony casualty count remains at ZERO. Sheesh ponies -- your heads are not that thick. Some things are only dangerous when acted upon.
3664902 Cartoon physics.
3669287 Cartoon physics are second best physics.
3676676
"Cartoon" physics ARE best physics.
3710376 Nope. Star Trek physics are best physics.
3730660
Thanks, friend!
3731004
The more fuck ups you point out, the more this story improves. Keep it going, I say.
Ha, embarrassing. But it's not on purpose, I swear.
(Thanks again!)
I like the story overall so far, and plan to return when you update.
However, your character is kind of a retard. I get that he is kind of a don't care what you think going to do what ever I want guy and in a bad situation, but he has no respect for the law. I mean he assaulted a pony to the point of knocking it out and drawing blood, then proceeded to rob the food stalls with disregard. I know he was hungry and all, but he was taste testing every stall on his way to find good tasting food over edible food to stop the hunger. When the obvious law shows up he does not care and is only angry that they don't speak English and are basically wasting his time. They might not be able to speak to each other, but he has had encounters with law enforcement before you said. He should know a slight push from behind from law enforcement usually means move and what handcuffs are.
Sorry for the wall.
Short version: I like the story, but your character seems to be heading towards total my way or the highway asshole douche.
3790870
An idiot you say? Good. He's supposed to be an idiot. And being an idiot, it doesn't help his decision-making at all when he gets angry. He's well aware of that, so he does try not to get angry.
But if you mess with this bull too much, you'll get his horns.
I am glad you are enjoying the story though, and I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you don't like about it.
Updates anytime soon?
4061269
I'll give you the short answer and say yes. You can read the long answer soon in the author's note of the next update.
I'll give it an upvote because it's very well written, but there's a bit too much unnecessary violence for my tastes... Sowwy.
I have a friend called Andrew and he has some anger issues .
Wow, this guy's really digging himself into a hole. And I'm supposed to like him why?
These two must be real dumbasses if they can't figure out why.
Reminded of super smash bros for some reason