Chapter Four
What the actual....
I don't know how long I just stood there on the doorstep, staring at the hoofed, quadrupedal... thing that had opened the door. The creature's violet fur was so vibrant that it was literally shining like an amethyst. In addition to the white hair on top of it's head, it also sported a bushy tail of matching color. And it's eyes. Those gigantic eyes were like nothing I had ever seen before. The violet things were the stuff of poetry, I could stare at them for hours.
All in all, the weird creature appeared to be some kind of miniature, mutated horse.
Taking all of this in proved to be too much for me, as my jaw bobbed up and down trying to form words. The thing in front of me looked to be having the same problem I was, as if it was too scared to do anything. Wait, was this thing intelligent?
Fortunately for me, the animal took the liberty of making the first move whilst I gazed at it in silent shock. Unfortunately for me, it decided to screech at the top of it's lungs and slam the door in my face. I guess it was scared of me. Or maybe it found me really ugly. I don't know.
I was breathing a bit heavily, still reeling from the shock of discovering the house's inhabitant. Never in my wildest childhood animal books had I seen anything like that. Talk about awkward first meetings.
Was that thing intelligent? Like a human? was the first thought to buzz into my head. The pony had seemed to be smart enough to open and close doors, and it had also responded to my knocking. I didn't want to rush to conclusions, but it all seemed to add up to one theory.
Intelligent life did exist.
I backed away slowly from the door. I really didn't know how to react to this new information. Some weird alien species lived in this city? Where were the humans?
Oh, shit! Are there any humans here? The questions just kept piling on, and I wasn't smart enough to answer any of them. God, how I hated it!
I'll try another house! Maybe the crystal houses are only populated by the new species as a sort of designation by the humans, or whatever. I rationalized. Yeah, it was a weak theory and I knew it, but I needed something here. I was having one of the worst days of my life.
Traveling through the abnormal suburbia, I spotted the most normal house I could find. Rather than the shimmering crystal walls, this one looked to be completely carved out of dull, gray stone. I mean it may have still been pretty shiny, and It was still kind of built in the 'multiple sides' style the gem houses were sporting. But it had a flat roof, and that was good enough for me.
I swiftly rushed past the multiple gardens and fences, when something caught my peripheral vision. One of those alien pony things had its head poked out the door, staring right at me. As soon as I turned to look at it, the door slammed shut. with an annoyed grunt, I ignored it. "Just keep going, Andrew. It'll be done with soon enough," I quietly hoped.
I didn't slow down as I hurried to the door. The first knock I gave was more or less just me slamming into the wooden entry. Two forceful whacks followed soon after.
I heard a voice from the other side. I couldn't make out what it was saying, but it sounded like a human male. My hopes were cut short as the voice opened the door, and revealed himself to be another one of those alien horses. This one looked bigger and more muscly than the last one and sported a shorter blue hairdo. I guess this one was a dude? Good to know they have genders, I guess.
"No..." I muttered under my breath as I took a step back. Behind him I could see what looked like the interior of a bar? If my experience with The Blue Moon was anything to go off of.
This creature was giving me the same treatment the first one did, what with the silent bug-eyed staring. Only instead of screeching in my face, this one sounded... different.
“Fs… svool?”
...What?
“Blf xzm fmwvIhgzmw nv, irtsg?”
Was... was it talking to me? What language was that?
"You can speak?" I tried to ask it.
"Dszg?”
"Huh?" Yeah, that was definitely not English. Fuck me sideways, I couldn't communicate with it.
The alien continued to speak, but I couldn't make heads or tails out of what it was trying to say. That wasn't Spanish, I knew that much. (Thank you, high school.) It didn't sound like any French or Italian I've ever heard... didn't sound German either, I knew a little bit of that as well.
...Okay, maybe the only German word I know is "scheiße." Shut up.
Let's see... what other languages were there? Was it Arabic, maybe? I've rarely if ever heard any of that language. Japanese? Chinese? Is Norwegian a language? Wait, what did I care? Even if I knew what language it was, It wasn't like I'd be able to speak it anyways!
"Bah!" I finally said out loud. "Screw this! Screw you! I just want to get home!" I turned and stormed away, probably leaving the poor thing in confusion. He probably couldn't understand me either, but I didn't care. I just wanted to find the people behind this.
Someone else had to be here. Someone of my species. Maybe there was somebody out on the street I could talk to and get this whole mess sorted out. I was too afraid to knock on another door, for fear of finding another alien steed.
"I gotta keep calm." I audibly told myself. "Any minute now, I'll run into a scientist gathering data or something out here. Then they'll tell me I stumbled upon a secret experiment and send me back home where nobody will believe me when I tell them about the intelligent ponies. Yeah..." My nervous chuckling would tell anybody that I didn't even believe that at this point.
I had to keep going.
My legs were moving faster. I'm basically running at this point, getting closer and closer to the main street. Little did I know, getting out of the alley and turning the corner would only show me one thing. A colorful plethora of horses, everywhere. Roaming the streets, sitting at tables, talking to each other, doing everything an intelligent species would do. And not a single human in sight.
I didn't want to admit it, I didn't even want to acknowledge it. It was ridiculous and childish to even think of the possibility, but the evidence pointed to the outcome.
Wherever I was, it certainly wasn't earth.
In a lame attempt to cope with my horrible situation, I tried some referential humor to calm myself. "Toby, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
The dog was named Toby, right? You know, from The Wizard of Oz?
...
God damn it if I get out of here, I'm never going to take a drink again!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"—and so, the Minotaurs were out of options, and were forced to call upon Princess Celestia for her help." Shining Armor droned on in front of the guards.
The castle's training ground, once an area used for honing physical fitness, had been transformed into an giant improptu classroom. On the grass inside the track ring, at least forty stallions and a couple mares all sat in rows of tables, each one free of the armor which sat next to them. At the end of the field the makeshift desks faced, Shining Armor stood on a podium, reciting a millennium of history from textbooks and his own knowledge.
It was safe to say that at least half of the guards were bored out of their minds, but most of them forced themselves to pay attention. Some didn't see the point of it, but Shining Armor was firm about the gravity of this history lesson. He was glad that Stone Rend at least knew the importance of it all.
Shining Armor could tell that the trained enforcers were straining to absorb the information, but he continued on with his lecture. "With the princess' help, Minotaur shaman Brugadd was able to discover a cure for the devastating Horn Plague. It was this event that began to ease relations between the two... uh..." In the middle of his tale, Shining Armor spotted a hoof near the back raised among the crowd. "Uh... yes, mister...?"
"Dusty Ore, Captain," the rust stallion finished for him. "I'm just a bit confused. Back in our time, the king of the bovine would have sooner condemned his people than ask us ponies for help. What happened?"
"Also I kind of have to use the bathroom." Another guard spoke.
Shining Armor choked on his breath upon hearing the minotaurs being so casually referred to as "bovine." Such a remark nowadays would be seen as extremely racist in everypony's eyes. Although, Shining Armor realized that the rest of the guards had no problem with such a slur. They had continued as though he hadn't said anything wrong.
Shining took a deep breath and shut his eyes. They're from another time. Things were different one thousand years ago, he had to remind himself.
"Okay, so..." Shining Armor groaned. "First of all, I would like for you all to refrain from calling them... 'bovine.'" The very word was poisonous for him to say. "And to answer your question, you're right. King Gangor did not ask for Celestia's help. His grandson, Tarbuul did. When Gangor died, the minotaurs grudge against ponies soon followed. It was only until a third of the minotaur population was infected with the fatal disease that King Tarbuul decided to do anything about it. Under Tarbuul's leadership, the minotaurs and ponies were able to— "
"Wait, why shouldn't we call 'em bovine? That's what we've always called 'em." another voice interrupted, followed by faint murmurs of agreement.
Shining Armor fumbled with his words. This was not the direction he was expecting this lesson to take.
Why do I have to be the one to explain this? "Okay, If you'll let me continue my lecture, I can explain to you how relations between minotaurs and ponies furthered into peac—"
"Sir, I really have to use the bathroom," came the voice from earlier.
"Just wait for a little, I need you all to hear this." Shining assured them. Shining was about to continue his spiel when more voices heckled him.
"Hey! Where's my helmet!? Where did you put it!?" one stallion accused.
"I didn't do anything with your helmet!" another defended.
"Oh so it just vanished, did it? You're a liar!"
"I said I didn't do anything with it! Maybe you just misplaced it like the idiot you are!"
Shining decided he had enough of their little spat. "You two! Cut that out! I'm trying to teach a class here!"
The two guards at their table both begrudgingly slouched in their chairs, glaring daggers at each other.
"Sir, can I please go use the restroom?" the stallion retried desperately.
"I kind of have to go now too...." somepony murmured near the front.
"No! No bathroom breaks!" The exasperated captain huffed. "You all said you wanted to get back into it as soon as possible, but as it is right now you all need your knowledge tested! So let me speak and we'll be done!" But his voice seemed to fall upon deaf ears. The quantity of voices only increased, along with his frustration.
"Wait, we're gonna be tested on this?"
"Seriously, where did you put my helmet!?"
"Would you shut up about your stupid helmet!?"
"Aw sweet, a bit!"
"Captain! Bash is clicking his tongue to annoy me!"
"Am not!"
"Why do I have an extra helmet?"
"Oh dear Celestia, my bladder is going to explode!"
Shining Armor's face met the wooden surface of the podium.
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hehehehe that was good chapter!
I lol'd
Best ending ever. Continue you beautiful bastard!
3453155
More to come soon. Stay handsome.
Translation:
Uh...Hello?
...What?
...You can understand me, right?
How many points did I get?
3453611
Ten for solving it, and one for being the clever dude you are.
3453611 Dude, how did you figure it out? It all looks like gibberish to me. Nor does it look like a cipher.
Random moustache!
Dude! What if I WANT the rest of the story to be this silly? Huh?!
3454502
The reverse alphabet. A = Z, B = Y, C = X, and so on.
3455638 Oh! I see! Cool!
Random moustache!
3453611
Wow... I got the first part right just looking at the letter count and placement, along with a healthy dollop of sheer guesswork. The second part flew me by, though.
I found some more typos. I hope you won't mind if I continue to post comments in this vein.
There should not be an apostrophe here
Again, this should be one sentence, not two
Was the capitalization of “it” here intentional?
Capitalization error
I would highly advise putting an ellipsis between the words “like” and “the”
You capitalized the word “it” again
You should have a comma rather than a period at the end of that quote
Spelling error on “improptu”
Also, it should be “a giant” rather than “an giant”
Should be: “Also, I kind of have to use the bathroom,” another guard spoke.
That quote should end with a comma, rather than a period
Capitalization error
Back to school indeed.
If you wanna quote a movie, please do it right (And I'm not talking about the dog's name)
As a Norwegian, I don't know if I should giggle or be offended
I had to laugh at this, since I am from Germany.
Guards acting like school kids? That's also quite funny.
well I can see it now, some screaming civilian comes running and yells about a monster...
Cpt. Armor yells, "Defenders of the Crystal Empire, gear up and move out!"
cdn.makeagif.com/media/8-07-2015/MqTDQF.gif
Uh, Shining. They don't need a history lesson, they just need a rundown on current events...
...things that have changed in the last thousand years, not everything in between...
7003691 A lot of changes would seem weird if you drop the chain of events that caused them. A competent history teacher can condense a brief course of world history into one hour. Shining Armor isn't a professional history teacher, though :)
Let the guy go to the bathroom you fool.
Forgive me this joke, but "Minecraft" villagers can do the same things and are not known to be quite intelligent
.
3454502
3455638
Did you know the cipher was named atbash?