• Member Since 6th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 13th, 2015

ChaoticHarmony


Hey guys! I write sadfics and sadfic accessories! Oh, and I also do comedy things. Yeah. Feel free to check out my stuff! And I hope you enjoy whichever story of mine you happen to be on! ^^


T
Source

Octavia Four-Strings Melody was a mare with many tastes for the finer things in life.

Fine wine, red of course.
Fine music, given that she plays it on her cello.
Fine parties, just like anypony born into a wealthy and noble family.
And like any other mare, a taste for fine stallions as well.

But when that taste goes awry, can Octavia find the stallion sent after her by Celestia herself, or will she be caught and burned alive just like the rest of her kind?

< Coverart and inspiration from this artist: Link >

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

:moustache:please continue this is good:eeyup:

3347397 Sorry, I forgot to mark it completed... :facehoof:

3347416:twilightoops:oh i thought there would be more..........all well great story:eeyup::twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::heart::heart:

Its a shame that such is a single shot, its really something else to have a great series here.. it really is.

This was brilliant. You've presented a very interesting characterization of Octavia here, one that I very much enjoy.

looking forwards to your next idea with great anticipation.:pinkiesmile::yay:

Another great fic. Like this one a lot. Vampires, ponies, what more could you ask for. Keep it up Chaotic, would like to continue reading your fics with gusto!

This was... okay, but I didn't really care about any of the characters involved. It just didn't grab me. I never had any real reason to care about Octavia or the hunter, so the impact of their death is pretty nonexistent to me.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I'd definitely like to see another fic set in this universe.

3380760 I was actually considering doing another one like this. :twilightsmile:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

3381780
The story does admittedly feel a little rushed. Like, there's definite room for expansion of things like setting to improve tension. But your Octavia is well characterized, and just the brief sense of what this world is like was pretty intriguing. :)

I will say this: I loved the characterization of Octavia in this. She's cold, she's cruel, and she's oh-so sophisticated. I utterly adored her in this. Additionally, the portrayal of Canterlot and the nobility was certainly intriguing and left me curious for more exploration of this world. There was a fascinating premise here that really drew me in.

However, those are really the only positive things I can say for this fic. The fact that the vampire hunter had already figured out what Octavia is seemed like a huge missed opportunity to work in a mystery where we follow the hunter as he figures out who the culprit is. And while the vampire hunter character was interesting as an abstraction in Octavia's mind - that is, a supremely handsome stallion that catches her fancy - I found his actual character to be rather cliched and uninteresting. The "nonchalant cop" who talks back to his bosses is a trope I'm getting tired of, mainly because such characters often lack deeper emotions to give me a sense of why they're so nonchalant.

I also thought that the ending felt rushed and pretty flat. The use of the flashback in the last scene struck me as odd, since it was being used to convey events that had just happened. There was also some redundancies in there - I think you stated that (spoiler) there was silver in his blood like three or four times, when once would have done the trick. Also, the dialogue of the vampire hunter in that last scene really seemed at odds with the nonchalant character that you had established in earlier scenes. I also couldn't understand why seemingly everyone felt the need to talk to themselves constantly.

Now, those harsh criticisms aside, there is certainly a very interesting world in this story, and given time to flesh out, perhaps over multiple chapters, I think it could be something marvelous. A game of cat-and-mouse between hunter and hunted, chasing and evading each other many a time while building to an epic conclusion, with a nice dark atmosphere to go with it. This premise feels perfectly suited for a multi-chapter adventure/mystery story rather than a one-shot creepy fic, and it's so intriguing. I mean really, Best Background Pony as a vampire? How could I not want this? :rainbowlaugh:

So yeah, not my favorite of the finalists for the contest, but damn if there isn't an awesome premise in here!

I hate to say this, but despite being a horror fic, the story made me laugh more than once. Vamponies? That cracked me up good and I thank you for it, although I must say that reading about the stallion whose spine got snapped wiped the smile of my face quickly enough.

The story had a lot of elements that I liked, the suggestive phrases being on the top three of the list, but you seemed to rush things a lot. Take the "high and noble" thing that you had going - it is a good idea and one that could be developed further, but you were very blunt with it. Narrative devices like that should be used more sparingly, in my opinion. They ought to be hinted at, hid between the lines, not shoved down the readers throat. I felt like you resorted to this quite often, escpecially with the suggestive lines - treat these like spices, not like ketchup.

The ending was a bit anticlimactic with both the main charachters just dying like they were supposed to. Also, why was Celestia in the story? Seemed like you just wanted her in the there somewhere, so she made a quick tour and was then forgotten.

And still, despite these little dents, it can't be denied that depicting Octavia as a vampony (hahhahaha) was an innovative move, one that I certainly couldn't have come up with. And like I said, the devices were there, the content was there. All you need to do is let them grow. Nurse them with blood and they will be your wings.

The maid could take care of it anyway, Octavia is sure the sight of blood wasn't too uncommon on her bedding, though the poor old mare had believed it to be from very different reasons than they actually were. After all, she did bring a different good-looking stallion home every week or so.

I think you'll find that's not how that works.

I wasn't caught by that story.
Vampires are my least favourite horror creatures and even when I liked it how brutal Octavia acted at the beginning, when she killed this musician pony, or, more exactly, after she killed it, this story was not able to fascinate me much with that setting.
On a more objective note, this story doesn't read like a horror story.
It's more a story of a ruthless and brutal killer and Octavia seems like an animal on the hunt for it's prey, but it doesn't deliver the vampony, that Octavia is, as a paranormal, scary and frightening creature.
I think vampires are very overused today, but that doesn't mean that they could not be portrayed frightening and disturbing in a twisted, surrealistic way, that makes you aware of it again, that vampires are paranormal and undead creatures, that are not only strange and mysterious, but also scary as hell.
You could have done much more to make a horror story out of this.
Beside that, that Octavia seems to begin to see herself as a monster, almost regretting what she had done when facing the death, just because a vampony hunter called her "A monster" is a bit forced, as she never shows any signs of it, that she doubts it that it is right what she does or that she doesn't like that deep inside of her.
Beside that, it's a good story in general, but, as I said, it isn't delivering itself as a horror story.

3409933

I think you'll find that's not how that works.

I think you're underestimating the kinky things bored royalty might indulge in.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Hey, did you know this exists?

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