A Ponyville schoolteacher finds himself thrust suddenly into a family's personal problems after a confrontation with an angry mother.
Chapters (1)
doctor dapples
Joined 11th Jul, 2011 ·
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Heartwarming and "d'aaaaw"-worthy. I truly enjoyed it, thank you for posting!
Great story. Really enjoy the narrative style.
wait is this a second person story
Question, it says this story is incomplete, if I might be so bold but to ask, is there going to be more?
I just thought of the fact that Berry punch isn't introduced in the cast
7296
Thank you, Commodore Obvious.
I am going to keep praying that doctor dapples will finish this wonderful fic.
Wonderfully written.
Most glorious indeed. Same here Azarune.
MORE
oh dear you better lisen to fluttersh-... rage
Tenty-First!
Excellent.
Excellent story. Would be great to get more of your take on this ship.
Could I ask that you indent and double space between paragraphs, your current format make it a little hard to read.
244020
Thank you for the compliment, and I went ahead and took your advice. Stupid DA formatting.
Berry's face flushes as she smiles. She lets out a little squeal of glee and then skips out the door and into the night.
Heh cute.
3 haters: Nightmare moon, Discord, Chrysalis
This was good
244020
This story is one of the best stories I read, I felt a deep emotions for Berry Punch. I don't like that her character is portrayed as a alcoholic all that much. The way you developed her character in the story was heartwarming. You did a great job.
Overall score: 10 out of 10.
A good story, 1st person isn't something I usually see. Hard to do well, but you did a good job.
Still... I'm afraid its impossible for me to give it a star (as I see a star for a completed story meaning more than a thumbs up) due to several... well, flaws in it.
For one thing, we never get an explanation as to what happened to the character's dad. For him to state that Berry is stronger than the dad, even through he has no clue what happened comes across as wrong.
Then, the ending is very rushed, or feels that way. I mean sure, I can get the two of them getting closer as term time goes on... but from them to go from hugging to sex (unless I totally misread the story) feels... wrong. I mean come on, they should of had at least ONE date first! Preferably more than that where they are officially in a relationship before it goes that far... and the statement 'She's not the only one' is a little confusing, and a bit far as well.
3203863
I wrote a comment, then edited it, then deleted it altogether. So while I appreciate your comment, I must voice this dissent.
Relationships don't have a set path. It isn't necessarily friends, then close friends, then dating, then lovers. Sometimes thing move faster, sometimes slower. In this case, for both of them, physical intimacy was something that didn't (or couldn't) manifest until the professional relationship was over. From there it was pretty fast.
3208102
I never said that relationship's have a set path. Yes, some relationships go faster than others, while some are slower. But there is still such a thing as a relationship being too fast, yes the professional relationship may of hampered the physical one, but just because school is out doesn't mean that professional relationship is fully gone. Come next year, Cherry is gonna be one of his students once more.
The end was just too short, too sudden. Even for a quick, jumpy relationship.
Pretty darn awesome!
I do love stories about the background ponies, but I very rarely see ones about everyone's favorite supposed alcoholic. What I really like about this story is that it doesn't portray Berry Punch as a funny drunk; it portrays the situation realistically, showing how an addiction can potentially ruin the life of the addict and the lives of those who love her. Usually when I see Berry Punch in anything, her addiction is played for laughs rather thank taken seriously.
In short, good job!
Keep it up!
Awesome!
I loved it ! oh and miss Scribbler made reading of your story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqhqXZTjO6s
I really wish this hadn't been romance. I was all set for a hard-hitting look at the effects of alcoholism on children and instead I got wish-fulfillment. :/
7007177
Ah well.
While I enjoyed the message enough, it is good to see something like this portrayed in a serious manner. I honestly didn't care for the second person style of narration(correct me if I am wrong on the pov). But that is merely down to personal preference, and absolutely nothing against your story as a whole.
Oh my god, I remember this being one of few first fanfics that I've ever read on this site. I loved it.