Fangirl of Sunset Shimmer and Luna, sewer of fleece plushies, writes mainly oneshots.
Twilestia is Bestia956 stories ·3,265 members
Slice of Life8,140 stories ·1,460 members
Protect Celestia1,762 stories ·1,946 members
Celestia Is The Best Pony2,577 stories ·2,887 members
MLP: Motherhood is Magical1,499 stories ·2,650 members
Aspects of Celestia784 stories ·350 members
Celestia has been woken by nightmares of her sister's banishment for a great many years now. She's used to comforting herself back to sleep on these nights. But maybe that's not what she needs.
An unexpected visit from her new student, Twilight Sparkle, may prove to be more helpful than she would have thought. Sometimes, we just need a few kind words and the presence of a friend to make things better.
Cover art was quickly sketched in about an hour by me.
Page generated in 0.202 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
2,311,007 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Short and sweet, you did very good with this.
I will read it Later, I can't atm but it looks Promising. And by Celestia this picture is so Sweet..hnng.
If you had not stated this was your first story, I would never have known. It has a wonderful, soft feel to it. The scenario is certainly something I can see happening with Celestia and Twilight.
I'm going to protect you from nightmares Princess, even thought I am like 1/8th your size.
I like this role reversal. I always see Twilight having a night mare as a filly and then someone older comforts her.
If this truly is your first piece of fiction, you certainly have a talent for it. It felt natural, the characters were within expected behavioral deviations, it was simple on the surface, but told a more complex story than one would expect from just under 2000 words, and did not overstay its welcome. If I was the type who could cry, I would have when little Twilight comforted Celestia.
I eagerly look forward to reading any further works you post.
3273900
I do hope in the show they have a moment like this in a flashback, or at least a reference to one.
3275127
Well, it's not the first fanfic I've ever written, just my first for MLP. I'm always a little nervous when first contributing to a fandom, because there are so many rookie mistakes you can easily make that piss people off. Sounds like I didn't though, so thank you very much for the kind comment.
The early days of my fanfic writing abilities were in the Sonic fandom, and many of them are the kind of thing I cringe at when rereading now.
3275150
Either way, you're quite talented.
I'm a bit of an artist myself, and looking back on my drawings from years ago... yeah. I know that feel, bro.
Still looking forward to any future content from you.
edit: I can't believe I actually forgot to hit the follow button. *facehoof*
Cuuuuuuute. Hnnnnnnnnnnnnng.
I, erm, *cough*, the present tense usage was interesting. It was sometimes off, however. If it weren't for the alt universe tag, I would caution that Twilight's foreknowledge of Luna contradicts canon, but you've got that covered. Nice catch.
Both characters are IC, you have the voice of a foal down pat and the bits about Celestia thinking on long term whilst speaking were awesome (there should have been a few more in my opinion).
The tag usage is off a bit. It isn't so much "sad" as "slice of life", since while Celestia is upset, this is swiftly alleviated by Twilight and we know in canon there's a happily ever after. This means that it feels more like a bittersweet snapshot of a moment between student and teacher than a sob story.
But these are all nitpicks. 9/10 for having just enough novelity on an old concept, done swiftly and quite well.
this was wonderful and I look forward to seeing more from you.
Daw. I like.
Very nice fic, it was extremely sweet, despite the sadness regarding the two sisters separation, ad everyone stayed very much in character, great dialogue as well. I personally found the actions descriptions hard to get immersed in though and the scenery could have had a bit more detail. regardless a very good fic, have a like. Cute art on the cover as well. :)
3280490
Wow, thank you for pointing that out about the scenery. I just went and looked at some other things I wrote that I haven't published yet, and I am pretty consistently deficient at describing the surroundings. Now I know how to edit those before submitting.
3284236
No problem thank you for the response and I'm glad I was of some use!
What Knight of Cerebus said, plus I think you missed a word here and there, though this was the only one to really stand out to me:
Though I don't know that I'd have bothered with the AU tag. I'd just go on the assumption that Twilight would have forgotten that late-night story in the intervening years.
Regardless, very sweet little story.
A very good first fanfic. You hit all the right marks in regards to pacing, characterization, content, balance of description and dialogue, and writing flow. As others have pointed out, there may be a few minor grammatical errors here and there, but nothing overly distracting. In all, this was a well-crafted, heart-felt look into the early relationship of Celestia and Twilight--you're certainly off to a great start with your writings! Great job!
You should use "raised" insteasd of "rose". It's a small thing but it can be a bit annoying.
Rise (rise, rose, risen) has pretty much the same meaning as "get up", you can rise up from your bed. Or the sun can rise above the horizon.
Raise (raise, raised) has mostly the same meaning as "lift up", you can raise your glass or raise a ball above your head. And Celestia raises the sun.
Little nitpicking maybe, english ain't even my primary language, but when ever I see people mix up "rise" and "raise", for some reason it really annoys me. Other than that, great little story, had a lot of feeling in it. Definately thumbs up material.
There's only one way to express how good is this:
25.media.tumblr.com/c26b20d3523d58572c00a59fabfc6650/tumblr_mtzmeqC16Z1qcga5ro1_500.gif
I was tearing up and whimpering and it was so cute and sad and twilight is so adorable and celestia is so sad,
now I'm all feely you big meanie!
Love love love! Twilight is so cute in this story
I was like dawww isn't most of it
I always thought that this song represented the 1000 year break..
http://youtu.be/OBk3ynRbtsw
I don't know why, but whenever you used present tense words like Chirps, looks and rests, it feels wrong. Yet, I feel like it's right. Although I must tell you that you are a little inconsistent with it as you put a reached instead of reaches. This brings me to my first question. Which is right? The past tense that sounds better but isn't consistent with the verb tense, or present?
There were a few plot holes like why would Twilight question Nightmare Moon's existence when she knew it from this story.
Other than that (and I feel you took the intro to the show word for word) it was a pleasant experience.
4577709
I typically write in past-tense, but this one was done during a time when I was experimenting with present-tense. For consistency, the correct word in those situations would be the present-tense, like reaches. I just slipped up there and then missed it in editing. Sorry for the confusion that may have caused, I know present-tense writing is fairly uncommon, I was just trying something different.
This is also one of those stories that was written at 3am when it popped into my head, so the simple answer to those plot holes is that I just didn't put enough thought into it at the time.
But, if you want a better answer, Twilight is fairly young here, and she got woken up in the middle of the night. She was probably just too tired to really remember the full context of the story later.
Cute!
Very few fics make me tear-up. This one did in a good way.
This was sweet.
The way you wrote this is more simple and straightforward - presumably due partly to this being your first MLP fiction and partly because you were experimenting with a different tense. 
You got better later at making things feel more real and immersive, but this was still a cute read. 
Twilight was adorable, and I love the idea that Celestia would let the little foal sleep with her like in a child/parent relationship.
Of course the adult being the one who had the nightmare and is comforted as opposed the child is a switch when you think about it that way. 
I liked this. It was nice. Thank you for sharing.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!