The Naked Gun 42.5: The Trottening

by Ocean Heart

Chapter 4

It was a few days until I worked the plan over to the commissioner, the old horse had a hard time trusting me and frankly...I blame this Pinkie Pie character...from what I learned, she was this important celebrity here. Of course if it were up to me, she'd be behind bars for the night at the least. That's how life was, though...full of surprises. I had to hope though that no more surprises were in the way of getting home. Now though that I had a solid lead, I can charge in to this rotten punks home and slap him with lady justice's dainty golden glove...a new challenge that he cant hope to run away from...

Frank Drebin drank from his coffee mug again and picked though the case file for some of the known members of this gang, waiting for the commissioner's approval on the deal he had made. Only a half an hour passed and the bright pink visage of the perp bounced out of the office and over to Franks desk.

"Alrighty Mr. Detective! You ready to catch the bad guys?" Pinkie said with her usual bubbly voice.

Frank grimaced and got up, grabbing his gun and took a parting drink of his coffee. The daylight breaking though the blinds told Frank that it was already morning, soon hopefully, he would be on his way home by tonight. Though if this energetic mare was just telling a lie to get out of trouble...Frank might end up extending his stay.

"Alright laides and gentlemen..." Frank said, setting his mug down and taking a deep breath for the speech this station needed to get everyone ready to stop this mob.

"I know i'm the new guy here, but I know this station can help me take this organization down! These scum sucking piles of garbage wont get away with anymore robberies, muggings, thuggings and druggings..."

Most of the ponies in the station stopped what they were doing and looked up, nothing but confusion written on their faces. A mare in blue leaned over to her friend and tried to figure out what a "thugging" was...

"Today we mark the last day that the law bends for these criminals...today we go out there and fight for the safety of our families and every innocent, today we fight for freedom!!!"

Pinkie Pie was behind Frank cheering, half her face painted blue and wearing an ill fitting kilt...the officers though were finally jazzed up, all of them either cheering as well or stomping the ground in a clap. Frank grinned slightly and crossed his arms, in a way...he felt at home.

The commissioner had to shout to get the station to calm down...the booming voice silenced all phones and radios and made Frank turn around in confusion when he shouted..

"DREBIN!"

Frank glared back but knew this was a fight he couldn't win... So instead he grabbed his coat off the chair. Pinkie leading the way out, kilt left on Drebin's desk and as Frank throws the coat on, he gave the pony a glare before saying.

"I've got a case to break..." Leaving out with a confidant stride and determined pace.

The commissioner sighed heavily and pulled a heavy metal flask from his coat.

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking..."

Frank walked the streets with pride, not bothering to give second thought to all the attention he was drawing just being a human walking in ponyville in broad daylight. Frank followed Pinkie closely as she lead him to the first hotspot, hopefully he would be able to tell the scum right away and make a solid arrest. The good thing about being a P.I. was that he didn't need to follow the rules to take down criminals; all he needed was his gut to ruin a dirtbags day...

"Miss. Pie, Where is it exactly that we're going?" Frank said as he glanced down a street they were passing.

"We're gonna go see my inside man..."

Pinkie trotted a bit quicker into a alley, Frank following closely with his hand staying low and close to his gun...

As far as moles went, this character fit the bill extremely well. A buff physic that would match a common thug mixed with a trench coat and hat to hide his identity, face shrouded in shadows but shifting eyes constantly scanning the strange human.

"Yo, Pink Fuzz....who's the new..thing?" He asked, voice raspy, no doubt to hide his real voice.

"It's cool, Deep Throat...the guy's a cop."

The stallion glared at Pinkie and looked furious suddenly..

"I told you, not my real name! Call me The Mole!"

Pinkie gasped sharply and looked around rapidly, panicking that she might've just blown her only inside mans cover..

"Oh no! We need to lay low! Find a train and, and, and..we need to get outta here!!" Pinkie shouted, leaping into the air and diving into a nearby trashcan, lid spinning as she passes and slamming shut, pink tail sticking out. Frank looked at...apparently, Deep Throat in confusion; the stallion was still worried...just not as worried as Pinkie...

"So...what's the scoop on this mob?" Frank said, trying to bring the conversation to a more important topic.

The stallion nodded and pulled out a file from the trench coat, Frank took it eagerly and began flipping though pictures of what appeared to be an orange mare..well younger than average but with out a doubt a mare.

"What's this?" Frank asked, shutting the file quickly.

"She don't look it, I know...but that right there is the meanest little filly i've ever seen...puts fear into a grown stallions soul, man...that right there is the boss."

Frank was shocked a bit...he didn't think that someone so young would be behind this, yet he understood that the nature of his job would mean constant surprises; frankly this whole time has been surprise after surprise. Frank was about to shake the stallions hand and say goodbye when a gruff voice cleared his throat behind Frank...

"Secuse me, sir...I believe you are lost."

Frank turned around and glared down, three imposing stallions wearing old looking scraps of clothes and one obviously showing the butt of a revolver in his jacket, deterring Frank from fighting or fleeing...

"Maybe you should go back to your town, this one's in good hooves..."

Frank stuffed the file in his coat, glancing back and rolling his eyes when he realized Deep Throat was gone. The pink tail was still sticking out of the trashcan...Frank was on his own apparently.

"And if I don't, punk?" He retorted.

The stallion with the revolver pulled out the silver peace in one motion and fired three shots just past Frank and into the trashcan, Frank's eyes widened and it took every bit of his will to resist pulling out his own gun...

The three laughed at what they assumed was shock with fear, turning around and walking back to their own business. Frank growled under his breath and looked over at the trashcan, it was a shame to see such outright violation of the law go unpunished, yet with all the cards stacked against him..there was only so much that one human could do.

"Jeeze...can you believe the nerve of those guys?"

Frank turned back at the trashcan, Pinkie Pie was walking up the alley. Perfectly fine and even stuffing the rest of a cupcake in her cheeks. Had it been a fellow officer, Frank would've shot Pinkie herself for pulling one over his head like that..Still, he felt some odd connection with her...like she was just easy to be friends with...so of course he was angry when she did show up unharmed. Pinkie gave Frank an odd look seeing as he was silent for so long.

"You okay, Mr. Detective?" She asked quickly.

Frank resumed his normal scowl and turned around, striding out and back into the normal streets. It didn't matter, he had his target and now he had a bigger motive than going home. This was an insult...a scare tactic by a cornered criminal, now all it took was a little pressure here and there; soon this boss would show her face, and Drebin would be there to to give her a new set of silver cuffs...

"Miss. Pie...how would I use handcuffs on horses?"

Author's Note:

WOOOOH, I finally banged out another chapter with(what I thought was) pretty tasty humor! That's why i'm excited to finally upload it! So I hope you enjoy, and expect more regular uploads

Comments

[Lightoller]

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking..."

Steve McCroskey re-incarnated?

[Emerald Harp]

This is awesome bud. Your Frank is sick (in a good way). We can totally hear Drebin's voice in the lines you wrote. Excellent fic. Keep at it.