• Published 28th Sep 2013
  • 5,404 Views, 201 Comments

I just wanted to go to Equestria! - Ditz



I've always wanted to go to Equestria, so I'm instead send to the world of Equestria Girls. Go figure.

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Clashing with the Sun

I guess the meaning of ‘crying myself to sleep’ has evolved into ‘stay up all night drawing cute pony Twilight’ and well, at least it helped with my depression.

I groggily make my way to the bus stop and force myself to get on the bus with yawn after yawn left in my path, just to come face to face with the charming bus driver Soarin, greeting me with his wonderful smile.

“Sit down, kid!” yeah… What a swell guy.

I go past the other freaks on the bus and head for the back, where unsurprisingly, Flash Sentry waits for me. Joy.

“Hey there, Pat,” well, at least he remembered that. “Um, you don’t look too hot today,” well, you don’t… Okay, you are moderately attractive, I can’t really insult you.

“Hey,” I sit down next to him with a yawn, getting an uncomfortable sigh from him.

“Bummer we don’t have the same lunch, huh?” if by ‘bummer’ he means ‘good‘, I totally agree.

“Yeah, well, at least we can still see each other on the bus drive here,” I tell him, adding a roll of my eyes to the mix.

“That’s right, we can!” ‘and sarcasm isn’t my strongest point, I suck!’ says Flash in my head.

“Well, who knows, I might get my own car at some point,” I say hopeful, I have to groan internally at forgetting to ask my second pair of parents about it, though, especially considering they aren’t picking me up again after yesterday. The mild horror.

“Well, so am I. I sort of began building my own car, actually,” okay, he’s grabbed my interest now. “It’s almost done, will probably have it by my senior year if I hurry!” he finally sees my amazed look and grins that perfect, totally dream- no, bad brain! That’s a no-no. “My dad is a mechanic, and he’s practically obtained every part since I was born, hoping that I would build my own… Guess he raised me just right, huh?”

“Sounds like a pretty cool dad,” I say honestly.

“Heh, well, you don’t have to sound so bitter about it,” he says looking uncomfortable on his seat, but balls to him, I wasn’t being bitter about it and he is crazy.

“Oh! Sorry… Don’t have to call me crazy, though…”

“That was supposed to have been said in my head… Ugh”

“Well, didn’t work, huh?”

“That was too! Gah!”

“Heh heh, you are an odd one,” well, you are a guitar player! Yeah, I can’t really insult him, my brain is doing weird things today.

“Yeah, go ahead and laugh some more!”

“Oh, I’m planning to. Ha, ha, ha!” … Not bad, pretty boy.

“Thanks.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“I know, but it was all over your face,” god damn this freak, he is goood.

The bus comes to a stop and I notice we have actually arrived at school, funny how time passes when you are having fuuuuuuersighta… That’s not fun… It’s the opposite.

“Well, catch ya later, Pat,” he waves me goodbye and walks away with his guitar/bass. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll make a fine addition to my freaks group... Maybe.

“Who is there?” someone says right behind me before covering my eyes with their hands. And since I really don’t know anyone, it’s probably-

“That’s right! Pinkie Pie! How did you know?”

“I didn’t say anything,” I reveal with an expressionless look. “Doesn’t matter. What’s going on?”

“Well, I just came to tell you that I’ll be seeing you at lunch late! So don’t leave before I get there! That way… Um, you don’t have to eat alone!” she rushes off, easily dodging the waves of students. I nearly regret not going with her… But not quite. “Damn… I forgot to ask her if Twilight came here…” I decide that the question can wait for lunch and head into the building.

I walk past the stream of kids in my way and quickly reach the most quiet parts of the school without problem, I look at my schedule and realize my next class is World History -nothing like learning about people who are dead to cheer me up- as I walk, the speaker blares to life with the voice of Vice-Principal Luna.

“Good morning, students. Remember, there are five days left for voting on the ballot for Princess of the Fall formal, remember to vote for one of our two participants before time is up, tickets to the dance are half-off to voters, don’t forget!” the speaker goes silent once more and I instantly forget what it even said… Something about ‘two’.

I stop my wondering thoughts once I arrive to the classroom, I check my phone and notice class won‘t start for another twenty minutes, so I make my entrance. No point in wasting time somewhere else.

Once I make it in, I find a surprise… A rather cute girl sitting all the way in the back, her fair yellow skin and long pink hair contrasting nicely, her hair covering her face in a very delicate way. I am currently intrigued at the rather odd choice of a white undershirt that wouldn’t look bad in a wet t-shirt c- Oh, she is flat as a board. Boo.

Dammit. I thought stereotype Fluttershy had big boobs… You lying pricks.

“Um… Excuse me, sir?” I shake my head rapidly at the sound of the voice and notice the same cute-yet-flat non-pony in front without my realizing it. Excuse me if falling on my ass was a bad response to that, I wonder, why is her skirt so short… DAMMIT, WHY DO I WANNA LOOK UP HER SKIRT!?

“Um… Are you ok-“

FLUTTERSHY IS WORST PONY.

“Um… Worse pony, what?” damn blurts! I blame my lack of sleep and I quickly get on my feet and bow to her.

“No, I did not. Sorry for worrying you, but you are cute and I got lost in your cuteness… “ wait… what? “I’ll go kill myself now,” blushing like a sailor, I move to the seat to the complete opposite of hers and sit down, knowing her, she probably passed o-THUD-ut… Ten points for Pat. I quickly run up to her softly pick her up. My advanced medical knowledge tells me that she is perfectly fine.

“What’s going on here?” I hear a voice and turn in time to see a teacher-like figure make his way into the classroom, his eyes grow as he takes notice of the situation, and while I prepare my alibi consisting of ‘No, I did not hit her. I DID NOT!’, he speaks.

“Darn it… You must be the new kid, right?” I nod cautiously, readying myself to run at the first opportune moment as he approaches the unconscious body of Fluttershy. “Fluttershy… Fluttershy, dear… Wake up!”

“Aah!” she jolts awake and looks around like crazy, making eye contact with me and… Furrowing her brow… Wait, w-

“That was a bad thing to say!” Fluttershy is angry, and her face is next to mine. Someone call 911 please.

“Um… W-whatever do you mean…” I say trying my best to avoid her icy stare.

“You know full well what I mean!”

“You are on your own, buddy,” the teacher says and walks away while I stare after him completely dumbfounded.

“Don’t ignore me, mister!” Fluttershy demands while I fumble with words, and I have to try my best to keep myself from looking at those eyes. “How could you say you’ll…” she hesitates for a bit. “Kill yourself…” she says in a very low voice, yet loud enough that I manage to hear… Why is that so adorable?

“Iloveyou.”

“What?”

“I said I was… Sorry! Can you forgive me?” she smiles instantly and nods.

“Oh, of course! Glad that you have learned your lesson. But I haven’t introduced myself! How rude of me! My name is Fluttershy… Nice to meet you…” I let out a breath of relief at her not noticing that I referred to her by name.

“His name is Lemon Lime, Flutters,” says the teacher from his desk, how dare he call her something so casual?

“I know her, kid,” he glares at me. God dammit, brain.

“Um… Well, nice to meet you, Lemon,” I help her get on her feet and she moves back to her seat, waving weakly as she sits down… Cutely… Don’t you worry, Twilight, you are still my one true love.

Minutes later, more kids start to show up, and not soon after, a bell rings, signaling the start of class.

“Before we begin class, we have a new student with us,” teacher calls me over and I introduce myself. The rest of the class goes through the procedure of reviewing about people that I have never heard of due to finals being close. I let out a few chuckles at quite a few of the names, though; I can’t really find respect on someone who is called ‘Sunshine Steps‘.

P. E class comes next, and it goes as fast as, well, any given P. E class. After that’s said and done, it’s time for lunch, and I find my stomach growling, in need of some food, so I rush to the cafeteria, vaguely recalling the path there. Luckily, it doesn‘t take me long until I‘m there, and early this time! I make it to the line and see some delicious looking food on the trays. Talk about good funding.

“Hello, dearie, would you like some soup?” says the lunch lady, and why, yes I DOH MY GOD. I see a familiar face in front of me, her green face says ‘Granny Smith‘… But she looks, well… Um… Endowed? Yeah, that’s the right word.

“Well, like what you see, son?” she winks at me, and what do I do? I blush. I can hear the laughter of the other kids and I can’t help but groan.

“If you are done hitting on the lunch lady, can you hurry up? Some of us are really hungry,” I turn to glare at the person talking to me, but before I can do that, I find myself pushed to the side, and I fall to the floor with a groan.

“Hey, what was that for!?” I look up and find myself face to face with… A rather cute girl. Her orange/reddish hair looks well with her jacket and miniskirt combo... I guess that's the girl's uniform. I would have admitted that she was quite the looker if she hadn’t pushed me to the floor right then.

“Well, isn’t it too bad you already did so?” note to self; go to sleep early tonight.

“What was that for!?” I repeat in a completely manly voice.

“You were in my way, squeaky,” she turns to the lunch lady and grins. “So, how about some of that soup, Smith?” the poor woman nods solemnly and gives the girl a bowl. “Now, from the look of things, it appears you are new, so I‘ll just say this once… Don‘t mess with me, kid,” did she just… Oh hell no.

I get up and head towards her as she walks away, I can feel the stares from everyone else in the cafeteria as I do what I do next; I push the girl to the floor -in a completely manly way by the way- causing her to land on top of her bowl.

“Hey! What do you think you are doing?” a student comes out of nowhere and pushes me to the floor with force, I look up, and see the guy who just pushed me giving me a disapproving glare.

“What kind of man are you? Pushing our future Princess like that!” I look at the guy’s shirt and see him wearing a pin with the girl’s face on it, I don’t linger on it too long as I get up and give the guy the most honest answer ever.

“A man who isn't sexi- Oof!” I‘m stopped by a hand that has just slapped me, I don‘t have to guess as to who that is, and I‘m staring at the orange girl, who now has a look of pure unadultered anger…. So, I slap her back. Equality, bitch.

The 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the present are somewhat satisfying.

“You son of a b-”

“Pat! What are you doing? Mister, you are in a lot of trouble!” we both turn and find Pinkie Pie who is now glaring at me. “You have to remember to take your meds! Otherwise you start acting up!” she takes out a container from her backpack and shoves two pills into my mouth. “I’m sorry about that, I had to do something and I left him out of my sight!” she bows, keeping her hand in my mouth. The girl fixes her clothes and gives us both a stare of pure contempt.

“Whatever… But this is the only time you get off the hook. And that goes for you too, Pink!” she storms off angrily, two guys following her. The lunchroom erupts into full noise once more once she is gone, I hadn’t even noticed it had gone silent until now.

Now I’m being dragged again. Wheeee.

Unlike last time, I’m forcibly set on the table, and this time, an angry look from Pinkie welcomes me, and I can’t really think of anything to say to her… “So… Did you get me a salad?” Genius.

“What did you think you were doing!?” she hisses in a low voice.

“Um, I was being a strong, independent man?”

“More like a ‘really dumb boy’!” I think my heart just broke there. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to say that! It’s just that you can’t mess with Sunset Shimmer!”

“Sunset Shimmer?”

“That girl! She is the biggest meanie in the whole school! She practically owns it!” I can’t help but sneer at the comment.

“Don’t sneer at my comment! I’m being super-duper serious!” she says, jumping over the table and pouting.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I promise I won’t mess with her!” she dons her smile once more and jumps happily.

“Good!” she brings out a bowl from out of nowhere and drops it in front of me. “Now that the problem is gone, here is your salad!” I look back to the cafeteria and see the dreaded closed sign once more… Dammit. I remember the ‘medicine’ she put in my mouth and begin chewing… Hmm, Skittles.

“Thank you, Pinkie, you are a pal…” I dive into the salad with yet another spoon, trying to keep the earlier incident out of my head, and a certain twilight-based topic coming back.

“Hey, Pinkie… Do you remember when I guessed your friend’s names last night?” she nods as she dives into her soup and how can you be disgusting when eating soup?

“You mentioned some Twibright girl, right?” she cleans the dripping liquid from her lip with her shirt before turning her full attention to me. “I’ve never heard of her, and I’ve met each of the six hundred and thirty four students currently here at least once…” Pinkieism strikes again.

“I see…” I knew that was the case, but I had to make sure. I slowly eat my salad thinking on that fact. ‘Twilight isn’t in this world, it appears… No, that can’t be, even Fluttershy is here and Pinkie said they were all friends, which can also mean Twilight is here… Or I‘ll cry‘ I look towards the window, seeing the parking lot, and far off, I see the sight of a city looming on the distance.

I begin thinking of the obvious next step of going back to my own world, but what if… What if I went to Equestria first? Yes… That would be great.

“Whatchu thinking about?” Pinkie looks at me, holding her face with her palms.

“Oh, just Pat stuff,” I shove a spoonful of greens into my mouth while looking at Pinkie… The one thing close to a friend I have made here outside of that Flash fellow.

The bell rings, and we both make our way out of the cafeteria. As I walk, I think of the plan currently forming itself in my head: I want to go home… But not yet… If I was brought here by some sort of magic, then it must be real here in some form, and if magic is real and human versions of cartoons exist, pony magic can be real. Hey, I’m green, I don’t need any logic.

And if my human magic theory is true, then pony magic can be real…

“Bye-bye! I’ll see you later, Pat!“

Then maybe Equestria can be real…

“Hey, Pinkie?”

Meaning that I can possibly go there… Maybe. But…

“Yeeees?”

Maybe I could go on a little side trip first.

“Can we talk after school? I want to ask you something.”

I must meet Twilight Sparkle first, but it appears that I will need some help.

I also need a god damn nap.

Author's Note:

And here is chapter 4.
I did more so-called funnies here and introduced Shimmer.

Next time: The Search. Will it prove succesful? I don't know, I actually haven't decided yet.

Don't look at me like that, this fic is random in the way I write it, if it wasn't obvious already.