I just wanted to go to Equestria!

by Ditz

Honesty is a Bitch

“The voice in Lemon Lime goes whine, whine whine… Whine, whine, whine… Whine, whine, whine.
The voice in Lemon Lime goes whine, whine, whine, and he won’t stop until he is hooome~”

“Son, you know that I love you to pieces, but if you don’t shut up, I will make you pieces, capiche?” mom says, nicely giving me ammunition to use for child services.

“Mom, all you have to do is turn around and get me home,” I say with a smug smile as we turn in the road, a forest of trees soon appearing in the distance.

“No can do, mister, we both know you would just spend your whole Sunday sleeping,” she says, of course, she is wrong. All I wanna do is look for Chryssa… Okay, I would probably sleep too, but that wouldn’t be the focus!

“Why can’t you just be a normal mom, like, no TV, or no videogames for a week but with internet access, perhaps… That sounds better than you making me work on a farm!” I say angrily, reminding her of the place we are heading.

I was never much of a nature person; I couldn’t even take care of my goldfish when I was a kid, and I always forgot to water my birth tree -some tree mom planted when I was born, her mom did it for her, and so she did it for me- but what did she expect? I had more important things to do when I was six.

Namely, watching TV and playing video games.

“You know, maybe I should take you up on that offer,” she says with a devilish grin… I don’t like her grins. “Maybe I should ground you until 2014 instead, that oughta teach you a lesson, right?

“What!? But that is like… A lot of time! October isn’t even over yet!” despite my concerns, she continues grinning. She knows she has won.

“Oh? Well I guess that just means you’ll just have to suck it up and work, huh? And remind me to thank your friend for the idea, by the way, some hard work is all you need to get you to be more responsible,” she stops for a bit, an idea possibly popping on her mind by that Grinch-like smile that’s plastered on her face. “You know what? Maybe I’ll do the weekly grounding too, that should teach you to sass me, boy. How does that make you feel?”

“Depends… Will I be able to use the internet?”

“Of course not!”

“Then I feel very angry and I hate you… But not really,” she responds to me by shaking her head and laughing heartily.

“Maybe this will teach you not to skip at school,” she says now giving me a serious look.

“I skipped a pep rally…” I sigh. Dammit Pinkie Pie, you traitor, why would you even suggest this?

As it turns out, mom had to go to have a parent-teacher-like conference with Celestia over the 'incident, and Pinkie was helping out at the time… Talk about bad timing.

We continue the drive without interruptions, but in just a few minutes, we make it to a house, the usual farm fare -fire hazard, no pool… No pool- and we get out to be greeted by this green lad- Oh.

Oh yeah, I had forgotten about her.

“Well, well, y’all must be the people Principal Celestia was talkin about, welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, where we harvest the best apples in town,” Granny Smith says with that booming voice of hers.

Mom walks over to her and shakes hands. “I’m Lemon’s mother, and why, thank you, Mrs… I’m sorry, I was given your name, but I forgot it, how embarrassing,” yeah, mom, embarrassing. You should be ashamed.

I’m still mad, okay?

“Well, where are my manners! Don’t you worry, child, you can just call me Granny Smith! That’s what everybody calls me!” she looks to her side and sees me, she grins when she does and winks. “I see you brought my boyfriend with you!”

“Boyfriend?” mom says with a raised brow and the grin back in full motion, turning to my humiliated form. “Lemon?”

“Don‘t ask, I mean, haven’t I suffered enough?” she shrugs and turns back to Granny.

“Well, he is all yours, I’ll be back at eight tonight after work, take care of him, and please, don’t let him slack off,” she walks to my only source of freedom and starts it. “Alright Lemon, do what Granny tells you to do, and no slacking, I’ll be back later, love you!” and with a wave, she drives away.

“You got it, Lemon’s mom! Darnwomancouldn’tevengivemehername So, ready for some good old fashioned work?” she says quickly, me barely able to comprehend what she is saying.

“Um… No?”

“Well, isn’t that a shame then? You are here to work, but how ‘bout some breakfast before that?” she invites me, as my stomach growls. “I’ll take that as a yes, come on!” well, I only ate a stack of pancakes this morning… Why not?

We walk into the house, an intoxicating smell of apples hitting my nostrils in full force… It’s deliciously beautiful… Delicioutiful.

“Now, why don’t you take a seat while I get you some apple pie and milk?” Granny says as she heads into the nearby kitchen.

“Yes, ma’am!” I salute, sitting down in the table where a few other apple related items sit. At least that’s what I imagine them to be according to dozens of fan fics I’ve read and the obvious smell emanating from it. I’m sure one of those is more correct than the other.

“Here you go, some warm pie and milk to get the day started,” I thank her and grab the piece of pie. Eat your hearts out, minuscule Granny Smith fandom.

“Gosh darn it, Granny! Ah’ thought Ah’ told you to wake me up early!” says a voice coming from upstairs, getting closer as it continues. “You know full well that Ah’m supposed to… Help…” the Apple stops as she reaches the kitchen.

Yeah, I’m staring at Applejack, normally that wouldn’t be a big deal or something unexpected. I mean, Sweet Apple Acres, duh.

Except that she is shamelessly displaying the goods, at least the top goods… Not bad goods if I do say so myself.

“Ah… Ah….” she tries to speak, giving me a blushing glare, realizing this isn’t the time to speak and it’s the time to put on a shirt, she runs back upstairs without saying another word

Granny Smith who is right besides me is attempting to find something to say to make the situation less awkward… Maybe I should break the ice.

“Why, this pie is DELICIOUS, Granny Smith,” I say after a bite, but I get no reply, I’m guessing she gets flustered by praise.

You know, thinking about it, if I get to see underage nudity and eat pie at ten in the morning, I think this place will be more interesting than bad.

~~~~~

The fresh smell of trees, the sun high in the sky, releasing an uncomfortably amount of heat, the beautiful sight of trees upon trees in the distance, and the finding of several -and I do mean several- people picking apples, meets me as Granny and I make our way to the forest of trees itself, which is admittedly bigger than I expected.

“Hey, Granny Smith, who are those people?” I ask curious.

“Huh? Why, they are our workers! What? Did you expect us to work such huge fields on our own? That’s crazy!” in hindsight, that should have been obvious.

“Heya, Granny!” calls one of the guys on top of a ladder. “How ya doing, boss?”

“Just fine, Autumn Gold. I hope you aren’t messing around as always, whippersnapper!” she says in mocking anger.

“Me? Messing around?” I have no idea what you are talking about!” he harrumphs indignantly and turns back to his apple picking.

“Heh, heh. We have some good people here, but you ain’t working with any of them, you’ll be working with my grandson!” I nearly squee out loud at that. “Come, he should be in the barn feeding the horses.”

Ah hah… Horse.

“Hey, Granny!” I freeze as Applejack comes right up behind us, now completely dressed.

“What’s the matter, child?” Granny says turning to meet her.

“Ah’ was wondering if you had something for me to do, maybe I can take care of Lemon for ya!” she says excitedly.

“Naah, that’s alright, Jack, why don’t you go hang out with your friends? I’ll get Mac to take care of him, go have fun,” Granny replies. Applejack grimaces at the response, but doesn’t say anything against it.

“Um… Alright, Ah’ll do just that…” she looks at me for a second, a look of resent, maybe? It happens so fast that the next thing I notice is her disappearing in the trees.

“Come now, time is a-wasting!” Granny says, resuming our trip.

I follow her for a while more, it doesn’t take long until we arrive at the barn, making our way in without delay, and it doesn’t take long to find Big Mac, if any time at all… His shirtless figure is pushing hay right in front of us, after all.

I turn to Granny Smith with some fear. “Um… I’m not gonna see you shirtless too, am I?”

“Heh, keep dreaming, boy!” she grabs me by my shoulder and takes me to him. “Although I would keep that event under wraps, wouldn’t want to upset him,” she warns, and judging how he is a head taller than I am, that’s the last thing I want.

“Hey, Mac, you wouldn’t mind some help, would you?” she says, pushing me towards him. “Give him something to make him sweat like a pig in a summer afternoon! Hee, hee,”

“Eeyup!” he replies in the way I expect him. Granny turns to walk towards the door, waving us both goodbye and leaving us alone.

“So… I think we are in the same class, huh? Big Mac?” I say, attempting to start a conversation, trying my best to avoid contact with those abs… He could grate cheese with those things.

“Eeyup,” he replies, handing me the pitchfork he had in his hands and moving to sit down on a chair nearby.

“You… Don’t talk much, do you?” I ask as he grabs a towel and dries his sweat, putting on a shirt that sits besides him.

“Nope.”

“You must be fun at parties.”

The next two hours are spend doing a roundabout of tasks, from feeding the few animals, to painting a wall, to help in raising a barn -I was heavily disappointed that Big Mac didn’t even attempt to start a song to make it go faster, the jerk- and finishing up with some plumbing in the house’s bathroom.

“Let’s see… Is this person… White?” I ask.

“Eeyup!” Mac replies.

“Um… Is it Rarity?”

“… Eeyup…” I fist pump. He may not be the best conversationalist, but he sure is easy to play twenty question with as we work… Well, ‘work’ is an overstatement.

“You know, for this being a farm job, I’m certainly not doing much of it,” I say not wheezing, because I haven’t been doing much to deserve such obvious sign of tired.

“Eeyup!” I SWEAR IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME I WILL politely keep it to myself because I’m too afraid of you.

“Mac!” a voice booms just from the door, causing Big Mac to jump surprised at the sudden call, making him hit himself in the bowl.

*Growl* he ‘says’. But is that all he is got?

Applejack appears on the doorway, eating an apple and looking at Big Mac nursing his newly acquired bump.

“Granny wants ya, apparently Autumn was messing around with a deer and the dumb fellow got himself bitten pretty badly, Granny wants ya to drive him to the ER, would you?” AJ informs Mac, who seems a bit conflicted as he looks from me to AJ, before leaving the room.

“What was that all about?” I ask AJ.

“Don’t you worry about it, just come with me,” she demands, leaving the restroom afterwards. I put the box of tools I’m holding down and follow.

“So, where are we going? You aren't mad at me for looking at you naked, right? Come on! It's not things that I hadn't seen before! I wasn't even attracted to the- I'm making this worse, aren't I?” she turns around with a glare, her left eye twitching.

Yep, I'm making it worse.

"Shut it!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

“Good. Now, Ah’ have a job just for you, buddy,” she says with a harsh tone, choosing not to anger Ms. Cowgirl Mc. Stereotype, I follow her.

For twenty minutes.

Up a damn hill.

Even my thoughts are wheezing in objection.

We finally arrive at what doesn’t appear to be, but IS a tree, bigger than any of the other trees planted, the apples easily hanging from it, these are probably the most delicious in the farm, but that’s as much of a guess as I care to give.

“Um… So, what are we d-”

“Punch this tree.”

“Pardon?” I say at Applejack’s request.

“Ah’ said. Punch this tree, did Ah’ stutter?”

“No, but…” a number of reasons behind the request pop into my mind, and after discarding the most ridiculous ones, I ask. “Are you okay? You know? In the head?”

“About as good as any other teenage girl is,” she responds, uninterested.

“That isn’t too comforting…”

“Just do it!” she growls.

I gulp, looking at the tree, its strong trunk nearly mocking me, it might just be. I raise my arm and taking a huge gulp of breath, I punch.

And as expected, I hear my bones pop as my fist makes contact with the tree, sending a chill down my bones and a concentrated amount of pain in my hand, the redness quite noticeable and skin looking torn in spots, I turn to Applejack with teary eyes while she shakes her head.

You know, this kind of thing wouldn’t have happened if I had hooves instead of hands.

“That’s what Ah’ thought,” she says, walking away from me. “What are y’all doing? We are leaving!” feeling emasculated and slightly terrified, I follow her.

The next six hours are somewhat of a pain in the ass as she makes me work in different farm tasks; from apple picking, fence fixing, and pest control… Mostly deer, there are a lot of those.

“Alright, you did an okay job, Ah’ think you deserve a break,” at her words, I plummet into the ground, breathing heavily, my body aching all over, I take out my phone and see the time; six thirty. It‘s almost over. “Come now, that was nothing! You should see what the others do ‘round here.”

“Well excuse me for not being physically fit for a job like this! I didn’t ask to be here!” I shout, thankfully, we are far off in the trees, so no one can hear us.

“Maybe you should try picking up some weights then,“ she jumps to me, looming over me on the floor, her face getting closer to my own, she hasn’t noticed, but she is spitting at me. “Maybe when you do, you’ll stop being such a pansy!”

That’s it!

“Oh, look Ah’m Appuljack and Ah’m a huge BITCH!” I mimic her, she turns to face me with a glare, I obviously struck a nerve.

“Well, ain’t you a mature one?” she says with a dignified tone.

By which I respond with a raspberry.

“What in tarnation is your problem!?” she shouts at me, now very furious.

I shoot her a glare of my own, anger over the work, this stupid attitude of hers, but more importantly, the event hours ago, the pain in my hand having caused me enough problems during the work. “Me!? What the hell is YOUR problem, AJ?”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“Are you serious!? Well, you are being a… Jerk! I mean, you even made me punch a fucking tree!” I hiss, whatever ‘cool’ I had now completely gone.

“Y’all really wanna know why?” I nod slowly as confirmation. “Well, follow me.”

Confused, I do as she says, of course, I do so slowly as I can barely hold my own after all the work… This world apparently hasn’t heard of child labor laws.

After an unspecified amount of time -I just don’t care anymore- I reach the tree, Applejack is already there by it, eating an apple, the sight of the sunset right behind her, giving off a nice shadow effect which would totally look good in an episode.

God, I miss the show.

“So? What do you want to say?” I ask, staring at the tree.

Applejack nods and tosses the apple core aside, she raises her hand, and with a swift movement, punches the tree.

“What the hell are you…?“ I hear the sound of crunching wood as her fist leaves the tree, her fist now marked on its side, a few splinters falling off her knuckles, which weren’t even affected by the strength of the punch, to my amazement.

Which I didn’t show, because she fucking sucks. She looks at me for a few seconds until I realize; she is waiting for me to say something.

Oh, I got something to say alright.

“Okay, I notice that you punched the tree like the complete psycho bitch you are, of course, I’m thinking that you have a reason to have done so, so the question is here… What the fuck is your point?” she frowns at my attitude, but she knows I must be right with my question.

She sighs and plummets down with her back on the tree.

“I’m much stronger than Ah’ look, and that Ah’ have far more stamina than most. That’s my point,“ I try to open my mouth to reply, but no intelligent thought reaches my brain.

“And you couldn’t have just shown me this on your own because…?“ I ask impatiently.

“Ah’ was angry, alright?”

“That was pretty obvious, but about what?”

“Well… To be perfectly honest, this was the first real farm work Ah’ve actually done,” I try to process what she has said and just end up confused.

“What!? How!? Who!?” she chuckles as she hides her head on her knees.

“Ah'm good at getting things, at least when it comes to physical activities... Never was much of a book learner and all..." she looks at me for a couple of seconds before talking again. "So... Did Ah', you know?”

“Did you what, AJ?”

“Did Ah’ look natural doing it?” she asks, raising her head, looking hopeful. Whatever anger I happened to feel now gone.

Confound these human ponies, they drive me to actually care.

“Well… Yeah, I thought you actually knew what you were doing,” she gives me a playful glare.

“Couldn’t you have said that without the added stuff?” AJ says with a stifled laugh.

“What can I say? I can be a dick,” I say playfully, the atmosphere feeling much more subdued now that we are both calm. “But, can I ask you a question?”

“Why Ah’m not working in the farm?” AJ asks for me, I nod and she returns to her gloomy look. “Well, Granny Smith just wants me to focus in school, she won‘t let me do any sort of work here, and Ah‘ve tried to just do as she says and just hang out with mah friends, and Ah‘ do so a lot! And I love them to bits, but the thing is… Ah’ love working on the farm! Ah’ wouldn’t mind doing this, you know? For the rest of mah life, even!” she turns to the sun, now low in the distance, her orange skin fitting well with the twilight.

Of course, what she says seems to be missing something.

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” she looks at me as if I were insane.

“Are ya kidding me? She would never listen!” I feel like face palming, but I can’t really blame her, some kids tend to not think.

“Are you serious? She is a nice woman! Of course she will! Maybe she even had her reasons!” she looks at me as if she had just been betrayed.

“Are y’all saying she is actually right? Ah’ can’t believe this!” oh boy.

“AJ, all that I’m saying is that you two should talk, you know, be honest, you can do that, right? In fact, I can be there when you do it,” Ring! Huh?

“Well… Ah’ guess Ah’ could give it a try,” she says with some concern, she seems to be thinking it over more as the seconds pass, possibly finding my rather simple idea a masterful plan. “Thanks, Ah’ can see why Pinkie likes you… It couldn't be your sparkling personality for su- What are you doing?” she asks as I’m looking around.

“You… Didn’t hear that?” I wonder, still looking.

“No... But maybe it was Big Mac, or even Granny looking for us, it’s about time for dinner, after all..." her stomach growls at the mention of the food. "So, ready to go?” she asks, getting on her feet.

"Sure," I plummet down the hill, rolling down the grass which prickles my skin constantly as I increase speed, making me wonder why the hell I didn't think this through, all while I hear AJ's laughing in full volume, following behind me, and stopping once I stop.

"What was that?" she asks me, still laughing.

"I've rolled over and can't get up, carry me?" I joke in my sweetest voic- She is picking me up. “What are you doing?” I ask in monotone.

“Taking you to mah house, but since you are tired, Ah’m gonna carry you, besides, you are probably hungry,” she finishes, already starting to walk.

"I was joking," I sigh.

"Tough break, ain't it?" she shoots back with a snicker.

We walk for a few minutes in silence before AJ breaks it with a question.

“By the way, Lemon?”

“Um?”

“You did a really good job today, sugarcube, well done,” she compliments. Aww, why that's just sw- Wait a minute.

"Back up a second... Did you just call me sugarcube?" I feel her tense up at my question.

"Um... No!" she denies it instantly.

She totally did.

I'm so posting about this online.

Author's Note:

... A LIFETIME LATER

But hey, I posted a chapter! Unfortunately, I'm not done with the last one, so this is here to hold you over., hopefully!

I hope you enjoyed, and I hope I didn't ruin AJ for you all.

Other two chapters coming next weekend! I hope I don't shoot myself in the foot!

Also, check comments for a little surprise.

Comments

[Ditz]

Lemon forgot that he won't be able to use his phone! Thankfully, with the magic of AU, I give you what would have happened if he had posted about it.

scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1/1898210_711921485505723_607438807_n.jpg

[WiseFireCracker]

I see Lemon is getting more liked by more members of the Mane Six...

This pleases me.

[FanOfMostEverything]

You got it, Lemon’s mom!

Let me guess, you haven't thought of a name for her yet.

It’s deliciously beautiful… Delicioutiful.

I would've gone with "beautilicious," but it's hard to make good portmanteaus when you're hungry.

It's not things that I hadn't seen before! I wasn't even attracted to the-

Well, that's could lead to all kinds of unfortunate assumptions on AJ's part...

We finally arrive at what doesn’t appear, but IS a tree...

So... it's an invisible tree?
You might want to go with "what doesn't appear to be, but IS a tree" or "what is clearly, without a doubt, a tree."

In any case, do I detect an actual plot beyond Lemon complaining? Wonder of wonders! Also, evidence of some magic being present in this universe, what with Applejack's natural talent in applepunching, as well as a suggestion that were he a pony, our protagonist would either have wings or a horn. Eagerly looking forward to more.

[Ditz]

3930073 Maybe I did have a name, maybe I didn't...

YOU CAN'T PROVE IT, YOU WON'T CATCH ME, PIG.

And thank you for the correction, I seemed to have missed something there with that tree.

[Magatsu Orpheus]

So... My guess is that Lemon formed a Social Link with Applejack.