It was a crisp morning in Ponyville. The sun was shining, the air was warm, in the distance you can see a gray mare enjoying a muffin. On one side of the village you could see a colt named Button Mash hurriedly swallowing down a piece of toast while galloping his way towards school.
"Darn, I finally catch Humantai on Ponymon and it was time for school. Such cruel irony." He thought while finishing his toast. On his way he hurried through the morning hustle and bustle of Ponyville. The young colt knew if he was late for school again his mother would take away his video games for sure. When he was only a few feet away from the school the bell began to ring. He galloped as fast as his little hooves could carry him. When he was just up the stairs he did a slow motion jump and with a just barely made it through the doorway in time. "Phew, that was closer than beating the running mares time in The Ocarina of Time." He picked himself up and took his seat.
Waiting for class to begin, he watched he classmates. Near him he could see Peppermint Twist talking with Truffle Shuffle about various types of candy. In the front of the classroom was Sweetie Belle talking with Apple Bloom convincing Apple Bloom to let him join the CMC and blushing every time his name came up. In the back row there's Scootaloo talking with Rumble about flying, but mostly how awesome Rainbow Dash is. Button paid no attention to any of them but sat up straight when Ms. Cherilee walked into the room.
"Alright, settle down class" Cherilee said as the classroom faced forwards and looked ahead. "Before we jump into our lessons on Equestrian history I would like to introduce you all to a new student." Cherilee made a gesture to the door and a small filly no more than Button Mash's age walked. She had a pink coat with a lavender mane and tail with white, swirly highlights. Her cutie mark was a screw with a baseball next to it. She wore a propeller hat similar to Button’s, but it spun on its own. But the feature that really stuck out to everypony was her eyes. The filly’s eyes had swirls of violet and lavender not making up the color, but replacing her irises and pupils. The young foals were… a bit weirded out by her appearance. Button Mash, his head filled with the strange and fantastic characters of his video games, thought nothing of it.
The new girl stepped in front of the class and introduced herself in a smooth, yet chilling voice.
"Hi everypony, my name is Screwball. My mom and i just transferred from Canterlot and my special talent i- "
"Is what?” Interrupted Diamond Tiara “Being the biggest liar in all of Equestria! You're an earth pony! How could you live in Canterlot?"
"Diamond Tiara! That is enough!” Exclaimed Cherilee, indignant at the impoliteness of her student. Diamond continued "And what's with your eyes? Those are the fakest lenses I have ever seen!”
"That is it Diamond, you have earned yourself a detention." Cherilee said. Screwball ignored that and continued. "No, my special talent is being an idea pony! I can amke even the craziest ideas work."
Miss Cherilee looked at Diamond Tiara with a mixture of anger and disappointment, silently promising discipline.
"Alright Screwball, you can sit next to, hmm... Button Mash."
All the fillies looked on with jealous faces, and the colts looked at Button with sly smiles. As Screwball took her seat next to Button Mash, she tried to draw his attention to say hi but all he did was wave and mouth the word "hi " back.
All in all, it was a very normal first day for Screwball. Button just had a regular school day while Screwball got to know everypony. Once the day ended he decided to do his homework near the school because there were too many distractions at home. He overheard some faint crying near the playground and went to see who was so sad. Believe it or not, the despairing pony was Screwball. He slowly approached the sobbing filly.
"Hey, whats wrong?" Button asked.
Screwball wiped her tears and said "Why are ponies so mean to me? All i want is to be everypony's friend, and nopony will even acknowledge me."
Button thought of something that his mom had told him when he was feeling the same way. "Let me tell you something Screwball. You can't expect to be somepony's friend right away. You need to earn their trust and respect first."
Screwball slowly stopped crying, and soon was only sniffling.
"But what about that one girl that made fun of me?"
"Who, Diamond Tiara? Just ignore her, she thinks she can treat anyone like dirt just because her father is rich." Button said, irritated just at the thought of her. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be your friend." Button said sincerely.
"Really?!" Screwball said surprised
"Of course," Button said.
Button decided to walk his new friend Screwball home, and they stopped at the front entrance.
"I'll see you tomorrow then." Button said as he waved goodbye.
Screwball trotted back to Button Mash and gave him a tight hug filled with something Button couldn't quite understand.
Button wasn’t sure why his cheeks were reddening slightly as he walked home, but he put it out of his mind as his mother greeted him with the usual.
“Anything interesting happen at school today, Button?”
"Well I made friends with the new girl." Button replied.
Meanwhile, at Screwball's house, her mother Screw Loose greeted her daughter with the usual
"RUFF RUFF RUFFF RUFF?"
Screwball knew from experience that this was supposed to mean “How was your day sweetie?”
Screwball yelled in delight "Oh mommy I'm in LOVE!!!"
“RUFF? RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF.” (What? Sweetie, you know how your father feels about puppy love.)
Screwball shot back "Well he isn't here, so I don't care. Can you help me win him over mom, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssssse?"
“...RUFF RUFF.” (…As long as your father and I approve of him.)
Screwball's joyous shout of one word shook the rafters.
“YAAAAYYYYY!!”
Only one recommendation, grammar is all you need i should be I and you need to add ' to words like Don't, also caps and punctuation otherwise I think this was really cute.
OOOHHHHhhhhh I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs.... Neeeeed some touch ups, make sure you go back and revise your work before you release it.
Edit: I finished reading the chapter, and I must say some work could be done.
I know where you are coming from however. My first fanfic was wrote in a journal. It was FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLL of mistakes, but that is why I put it on a CPU and edited it.
Please don't think I am being mean to you. In fact
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
I FREAKIN' KNEW IT!!!!! But I don't get how Screwloose could be her mother... I mean only if she took her in... But not if she and Discord.... I don't even think Discord would DO that sort of thing!
3279063>>3278868 Cut me some slack im typing on a tablet.
3279146 Me neither, i always thought about it like she was purely magic created when discord took Screw Loose's sanity and manifested itself into screwball.
Well, I do like the concept, its original so I'll give it that. It's already mentioned from previous comments that you need to clean this up, but you already know that. I will say that the first chapter seems a bit rushed, so you might want to slow it down a bit if you please. Other than that I think your doing a good job.
3279659 So Screwball just started calling Screwloose mommy and she just accepted it?
3279706 thank you ayou cover is appriciated and your username will be mentioned.
3279720 discord drove her barking mad, what else was she wupposed to call her?
I like it, a few errors here and there but overall a good story and I really like the idea.
Interesting and funny I will watch this. If you do need someone to pre-read and check grammar I could do it for you. Just PM me.
3279761 I accept this then.
interesting
Just WOW,,,,,,,,,,,!
3283520 what do you mean?
is it bad i knew what her mom was saying before read the subtitles
Well, I've never seen something like this before. Not sure what to say, until the story progresses. But so far I liked it
The only thing that got me was:
But besides that everything is fine.
Now let's see if I got this right, Screwball is Screwloose's daughter, Diamond Tiara is a bitch as usual, Sweetie Belle has a crush on Button Mash (not the first I've seen of it, but I still like it), and you can actually beat the Running Man/Mare in OoT.
Awesome, I'll be waiting for more.
I like this. Not a pairing I've seen before so here's hoping it's as good as I think it will be. Keep practicing and improving and you'll have something special here.
3283524 EPIC STORY (KILLZ SELF TO PROOVE HOW HAPPY I AM)
Gotta say, for your first fic, this is pretty interesting. Apart from a few grammatical errors. (Saw three main Grammatical issues: Capitalization of 'I', some punctuation, and well the amke. Over all pretty simple stuff) I will be keeping an eye on this fic. :D
3279631 I understand, not trying to be rude, but I still use good grammar on my IPod...
Good on ya man!
first time :D, hope you enjoyed writing this!
Faved, also, it would help you can get someone to "pre-read" your work. they can help you pick out those grammar mistakes and possibly give you pointers on the overall impact and flow of your story!
the only thing to make this version of Screwball perfect, is if her father was Roid Rage... he probably is
watching intently
Goodjob, nice read . do continue!
This is interesting. Don't overplay DT, it's easy to make her into a monster. Try to keep her mean but not awful and at least understandable, if not justifiable.
i wish there were more screwball fics. anyways, this looks promising, and looked good enough to be read immediately rather than toss it in my mountain of unread favs and read-it-later. anyways, good show, and this is impressive for a first fic. not that i would know, i cant right for shit
Hmm...interesting...
...and that's another fav you have earned, lad!
3278868 While I agree with this, I find it ironic the first commenter to criticize the author's poor grammar was himself not without sin when casting the first stone. You must
construct additional pylonsseparate independent clauses with proper punctuation to avoid run-on sentences!Very good very very good I liked it very much and youre a very good writer
*make
Capital I
This definitely is an interesting read.
I like the concept of Screwball who can make any idea work. As I read on, I'm looking forward to seeing how this works out.
Also, I am assuming Diamond Tiara is full of shit though when she says that earth ponies can't live in Canterlot since you see plenty in "Sweet and Elite".
Impossible, the game is programmed to make Link lose by one second. Always. If you cheat and finish in under one second, they finish in negative time.
But>>3916858, Diamond has never been to Canterlot.
good story for a first fan fiction, keep up the good work.
why aew they jealous? is Button that handsome in this story?
hhhmmmm the pacing seems to be a bit fast, compared to what i prefer, but it is aright this time i think.
edit: sorry i forgot to mention that i talked about the romance.
I LOVE THIS!
but why are the fillys lookin jealous?