[START DATA LOG-003]
Clockwork activated his cameras.
"Ugh.. Well, that could have gone better. Independent Diagnostics instance analysis is telling me that was sudden atmospheric turbulence; well out of the range of my margin of error. Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Let's see if I can get the doors open."
"Rainbow Dash! Are you there?" Nyx shouted up at Rainbow Dash's house. Thanks to the fact that Nyx was capable of the RCV, the message reached Rainbow Dash.
"Twilight needs you to meet with the rest of the Bearers at Sugarcube Corner!"
"Sure. Tell Twi I'll be right there," said Rainbow Dash.
With the message delivered, Nyx chose to have Applebloom get Applejack to Sugarcube Corner. She relayed the information along the Crusader Network, getting an affirmative from Applebloom, who informed Nyx that Applejack was already on her way to Sugarcube Corner.
"Hey Rarity?" shouted Spike. Rarity, despite having been extremely tired, immediately had woken up due to the massive explosion. She replied,
"Yes, I'm awake, what do you need?"
"Twilight wants you and Fluttershy at Sugarcube Corner on the double!" was the reply.
"Consider me underway!" Rarity replied as she collected anything she felt that they might need for dealing with what had happened.
"Come on Fluttershy! We have to get to Sugarcube Corner!" Spike shouted.
"I know, it's just that this is kind of scary..." the pegasus replied shyly. "I'm not used to this kind of noise." Spike noticed Nyx trudging down the path towards them.
"Hey Nyx!"
"Spike! I see you got Fluttershy!" shouted Nyx. "Come on, Mom needs us there now!
Clockwork sagged back down into the hull of the atmospheric entry and landing capsule, saying to himself,
"Well, the doors are all but welded shut. I can get them to open a few inches, but that's it. And the SSDL is busted, so I can't activate that. Just have to sit and wait...."
"Alright girls. Let's assess what we know." Twilight was sitting in Sugarcube Corner with the rest of the Elements of Harmony, plus Nyx and the Original Cutie Mark Crusaders. "For starters, we know that something appears to have exploded."
"Not exploded, I could tell that much. That sounded more like a loud Sonic Rainboom to me," said Rainbow Dash.
"But what could go fast enough for that?" Fluttershy wondered aloud.
"I thought I saw some kind of comet streak towards the Everfree just before we heard the boom," Sweetie Belle said.
"At first I thought it was a shooting star. Maybe it's what we're looking for?" At this, Rarity asked the obvious.
"Why are you four here?" The response was unexpected, to say the least.
"Simple. We think that whatever it was might have been artificial!" said Scootaloo, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Nyx in unison.
Twilight realized that the CMC had a knack for figuring out the workings of complex machines. After all, they had managed to build a catapult out of supplies available to foals their age that actually functioned properly. Considering their age, they were surprisingly good mechanics. Twilight sighed defeatedly.
"Well, so long as you stay close to us, I don't see too much of a problem with you tagging along." The cheer that went up rivaled even the RCV for sheer volume.
Clockwork's day hadn't been going very well. First, he had crash-landed on the planet he was supposed to explore, ruining any chances at covert observation. Second, he had managed in the crash to have all but sealed his capsule shut. As you can probably guess, due to his impatient mentality, he got bored waiting for the locals to come find him first (His personality engineers had put it in as a component for his incentive to investigate his surroundings, working in conjunction with curiosity).
However, he did note that even if he had failed his mission due to sudden turbulence, he had still confirmed that the planet harbored intelligent life. He also confirmed that the atmosphere was fully breathable by humans, making the possibility of a human visit to this world a bit more likely.
Suddenly, he received a console notification from Eisenhower.
<Exploration platform, designate ‘Clockwork’. Locals detected converging on your position,> he said blandly. <Initiate first-contact protocol and activate Translation Software; uploading linguistics resources to your memory deck now.>
<Thanks, Eisenhower,> Clockwork replied, used to the tasteless, utilitarian dialect of his fellow AI. He chose to wait and see whether to attract attention to his capsule; Eisenhower couldn’t deduce whether they were hostile.
"I think it's over this way... whoa!" whispered Scootaloo. There was a very good reason for her to have been stunned into speechlessness. Clockwork had managed to mulch a line of forest almost two hoofball fields long, and half a hoofball field wide.
"Yikes, what could have caused this?" asked Nyx. She was stunned at the sheer devastation. However, what caught her attention was the fact that she saw a very odd looking piece of metal.
It was approximately seven hooves long, two hooves tall, and five and a half hooves wide. Dark, glinting metal shone from the top of the object. On what was visible of the bottom was what looked like charred metal of some sort, the rest hidden underneath its bulk. It had a wedge shape, but no visible propulsion.
"What is that?" asked Applebloom. "Some kind of flyin' machine?"
"Nah, I don't see any real kind of propulsion. Must be a glider of some sort," noted Sweetie Belle. "Fantastic construction, although it does show signs of having been on a production line. See the the welding marks where the plates are joined together? Otherwise, though, that does look sort of like a comet."
"Well? What are we waiting for? Let's get a closer look!" Rainbow Dash shouted impatiently.
"Sugarcube, Ah don't think approachin' that thing without knowin' anything about it is a good idea," Applejack cautioned.
"How about we get closer? We're smaller than you six, and we can move really fast if there's a problem," suggested Nyx. Her suggestion held validity. The CMC were known for how fast they could move if it counted on it.
"Are you sure, Nyx? I don't want you to get hurt - " Twilight started. She was interrupted by a loud clanking noise combined with a notably quieter whirring sound.
"Uhm... Girls? I think there's something trapped inside it!" Fluttershy said worriedly. She was proven correct when two panels swung open a short distance, and some kind of metal object was seen moving around within.
"I'll open those panels from here," said Twilight. "That should allow us plenty of time to escape if it’s hostile."
Clockwork lowered himself back into the main hull of the vessel he had landed in. He had succeeded in conveying his plight to the locals, and was quite pleased with his success in communication without the use of his newly-acquired linguistics resources. They appeared to be preparing to open the doors. He waited.
He did not have to wait long. Shortly after the leader of the group said the sentence about opening the doors (he was still pleased over the success of his probes), the doors were enveloped in a lavender glow.
"Huh?" Clockwork said, startled at the apparent defiance of physics. "What?!"
Just after the glow started, the panels were yanked off of their hinges. "Well. Time to meet the locals," Clockwork said. "Hope this goes better than first contact with an intelligent species on Darwin IV."
Love this, wating for more
try to get all your chapters ver 1000, it will help you
I think I've got a few... I'll just throw whatever comes to my head.
A Clockwork Nyx
The Clockwork Chronicles
Crash Course
Heart and Gear
Stranded Clock
not bad so far, but the chapters feel a little short
NO!!! NO!! NO!!!! NEVER EVER JUST USE A PICTURE TO SHOW WHAT SOMETHING IS!! That is just lazy and wrong if you are serious about writing.
I am not happy with this quality of writing. I could go on and on with what could be improved. This is going to require a complete rewrite with an editor to get this story in proper shape.
Sorry if I seem like a jerk, I like the idea behind the story (because it is similar to my own first story i am working on.). But I am keeping an eye on this to see where it goes.
this seems rushed no offence but awesome idea
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNN
you have a great plot here, but you are in such a rush to tell it that everything that is told to us from the Pony's viewpoint reads more like an outline of events than an actual story. Adjectives are your friend. Also, though you are doing a good job of using them to simulate Reality Check's style, perhaps be more sparing in the use of your footnotes, if only because some of the material you are putting in the footnotes is the kind of thing that should be in the story proper, helping put more meat on the bones, as it were.
You should consider expanding on this.
6957962 watch Alien Planet, you'll understand what he's talking about