- Member Since 9th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jun 12th, 2017
Proper Noun
Banned by request. See y'all around.
Proper Noun
Joined 9th Jun, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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p.s. As this is as much a writing exercise as anything else, please feel welcome to critique (constructively)!
Blessed excrements!
You call THIS a "writing exercise"?
I'd call it hours of work, dedication and something else relevant!!!
Have a like and fav, you deserved them!
This song played in my head when I read that:
You know that feeling when your on top of the world feeling like you could write circles around almost everyone... I don't have that anymore...
So did Twi go rage ad accidentally destroy Ponyville, or did the Zebras destroy Ponyville, and that made Twi go rage?
3286449
Next chapter!
3286100>>3286045
I don't know what to say, beyond "I'm flattered." Thank you?
3286799
Can't wait.
The sun caught the land on fire.... How exactly does that work?
>shooting sunlight from a horn
>Melting, not incinerating
>taking the time to write out "Your Faithful Subject" when the town is being attacked.
>impyling that Luna wasn't awoken as soon as the Zebras invaded.
Artemis is the rule 63 name for Luna so that's a crap reference.
3287703 3287673
First, thank you for your comments! Now, to respond to your points:
Sun: Anansi didn't say the sun burned things. He said "spirits of fire."
One, Zebra lore is usually handled as very spiritual and complex and derived primarily from oral tradition, which is a fanon I generally accept.
Two, this story uses a headcanon that should be edited in Soon, as it'd be stronger that way than if I just explained in the comments.
Artemis: I know it's her R63 name as well, and I don't really care, particularly as it is used as a middle name here. Sorry? (That it's her male version's name is actually rather funny, since the origin of Artemis is in ancient Greek religion as a female deity, and is cloned in Roman religion as the goddess Diana as well.)
Luna not awake yet: She completely missed the Changeling invasion too, for whatever reason. No surprise here.
Your Faithful Subject: It's a character thing. Not everything the characters say or write is going to be the best possible way they could have addressed the situation. "Dear Princess Celestia" is equally unnecessary. However, this has been the format of every letter Spike has ever written or taken dictation for. It's not completely unreasonable to believe that he would continue to follow the "Dear Princess Celestia: Message. Your adjective noun, Name" form even in distress - perhaps especially in distress, which is when people tend to fall back on what they know best.
Melting: It's a matter thing. Every kind of matter has four states: Solid, liquid, gas, and plasma. The basic state of a mammal such as a human or pony is "solid, filled with liquid." Put one on the surface of a star and you go from solid/liquid to 100% plasma extremely quickly. In this case, the heat of Celestia's spell is enough to render liquid the solid part of a living creature. It is also sufficient to render gaseous some of the liquid of a living creature, hence the bubbling.
SCIENCE!
3288218 I can accept your first two explanations, but not the melting thing. If they got hit with such an intense light then they'd turn to ash f the light was so hot it melted them instantly
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Actually, it doesn't fit in the story at the moment, so here it is.
Headcanon: Equestria is not the only place to harbor magical life - the Sun has its own population of fiery beings. This has precedent - in the comics (which are at least partially canon), the Moon has its own inhabitants (see the Nightmare arc).
Celestia, facing the near-extermination of ponykind at the hooves of Nightmare Moon and the moon creatures, drew the sun close primarily to allow passage between it and Equestria. While she was able to keep her new army of fire creatures more or less under control, she was unaware that the creatures also crossed into Zebrica and, lacking anything to control them, wrought havoc. It took the zebras decades, and far too many bargains with powerful and not-entirely-benevolent entities, to stave off extinction and contain what few sun-creatures were left. Some of these creatures are still alive; see the example of the Zebra city of Roam still being on fire.
Hopefully this is still enjoyable. If not, remember it's just a headcanon, and not my only one, at that. I think I have a dozen different headcanons on the rivalry between Celestia and Nightmare Moon alone...
So Twilights gone loco in the coco and killed most of Ponyville, presumably also killing some of the element bearers, meaning they won't work, and Equestria has no other way of properly defending itself due to the lack of a standing army.
Yep, I can see this going swimmingly for the ponies.
Give an ultimatum to someone who nearly killed your country without even realising it.
I'm sure everything will go fine.
3327568
Hah, silly zebras!
At first I was like, oh, short chapter, I don't think much is going to hap—holy crap didn't see that coming!
3342019
Surpriiiiiiiii-iiiiiise!!!! The zebras were Pinkie Pie all along!
Nice.
Did not see that coming.
I found this short incomplete story to be amazing. Even though there are some really strange and despicable things occurring (Ditzy/Derpy and Zecora, why must you die?!).
Wow ... that was fast. I was just writing this when I got a social notice. I didn't know the author gets told of who favorited. Huh.
I also liked the part with Luna commenting on Fluttershy's and Applejack's deaths. Will Generosity, Laughter, Loyalty, and Magic take a hit/be effected? It would be interesting if it were so.
Is Twilight still raging? Has she now switched targets from zebra to the revealed Changlings (I wouldn't think Celestria would keep Twilight in the loop esp. if Celestria were trying to keep her Ace a secret)?
Will we now see Equestria gear up for war?
Exactly what is the geography of your version of MLP? Is it this, or this, or the known world but replaced with MLP names (Equestria in Europe, Zebrica in Africa, etc.), or something entirely else? Personally I lean towards the second map, but that's just me.
Excited for more.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
3620474
Hi! I can't answer all of your questions, because spoilers. I can try to answer the one about geography, however.
I like both of those maps, and have a fair few of my own headcanons on Equestria's geography as well. In this story's case, I imagine them as near but separate continents; with Equestria occupying a small majority of its own continent, but partially surrounded by other non-pony states, such as the Buffalo lands, the Gryphon Kingdom, etc. In general, I am not too specific about the geography.
While the distance makes warfare at this level of technology a pain in the butt, said distance is also a necessity - otherwise Zecora wouldn't be such a strange sight to ponies in the show. Not to mention, the Zebra leaders seem to be totally dedicated to Equestria's destruction; extra provisions and resources for crossing the sea would be necessary, but as you can see, they considered no cost too high, and have had a long time to prepare.
Militarily speaking, it is most likely that the Zebras found a border state willing or naive enough to let them stage their armies. Simply attacking Equestria itself amphibiously would have been far from the preferable method. While it is possible to try to land at an uninhabited stretch of coast, it is much easier to move soldiers from the sea through a developed and welcoming harbor. This also makes it much easier for them to get deeper into Equestria before being noticed.
(edit:
...because war isn't fair. It doesn't care who you are or who cares for you. Fluttershy is one of my personal favourites, as well.)
3342460
This has now been revealed in the new chapter. I hope you enjoy it!
3620579
Totally understood that before you mentioned it. I was just typing that because I was like, "nooooo. Some of the coolest/most interesting characters have been killed off. Now we have to get a bunch of OCs to replace them, lol."
Also understandable. I ask the questions, even if I know the answer will never be presented, because sometimes the question must be asked. A flaw, way of thought, or idea may pop up if the question is asked. If it is not, then how can we have an answer if there is no inquiry?
Best of luck,
Sky66
3620626
No doubt. I can and have benefitted from the questions of readers before, particularly in writing classes. I forgot to mention that I appreciate your feedback!
Yeah... more like somebadassauthor
That's... well, that's actually pretty damn good. I think I understand now why you had been having trouble trying to finish this chapter properly. Nevertheless I'd say you did rather well; can't say I shed any tears, but it was definitely a rather somber chapter. As for the rest of the story, you did a pretty good job capturing the grim nature of the situation. I'd say you did an excellent job!
on one hand i want to say it was pretty good...........
on the other hand the zebra would NOT be half as effective as they were. sorry but the zebra lack any specific magical ability to give them advantage. they do not have thestrengthof earht ponies, the flight of pegasi, nor the magic of unicorns. they would be fought off fairly easy.
3672826
3681761
My thanks to the both of you!
3681801
Alchemy. Zecora alone has been proven, in the show, to possess herbal knowledge and effects unknown to pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony alike. Additionally, this story follows some Fallout: Equestria and personal headcanons, in that:
Zebras have not only alchemical powers, but occult rituals (in place of personal magic) to imbue items with the power of the invoked spirits hence their magical immunities I mentioned in some places. While I don't fully endorse the whole "fallen caesar style" of deadly hoof-to-hoof fighting found in Fallout: Equestria for this particular fic, the zebras are also well trained for melee, ranged, and hoof-to-hoof combat. This makes them extremely dangerous and overbearing opponents to ponies like the Royal Guard, who have nothing more than above-average police and security training (not to mention equipment) because of Equestria's centuries of peace.
There's also the point that most unicorns can't seem to do magic beyond their special talent. This makes only those very clever with levitation and those actually talented in combat-relevant things very dangerous to Zebra soldiers at all - and even fewer will have their wits about them when faced with unthinkable acts of war.
Though you might notice that when those ponies get together who do have power and wit (well, at least power - see Twilight), they make stuff happen, and all the zebras die.
But the combination of surprise and Equestria's lack of militarization meant the Zebras caught them outgunned and decentralized. The Elements ended up 4/6 dead before they could be mobilized, and it took time for the pieces of Plan B to be fit together.
I hope this satisfies. If not, no worries.
the premis of the storie sounds exsactly like FO:E
3737834
Actually, the war that ended Equestria in Fo:E had much different causes. Specifically, the Zebras and Ponies were butting heads over coal - which the ponies needed for their industrialization - and gems - which the zebras needed for various magical reasons. Here, it's purely about revenge. That said, I can totally see how you'd think that.
Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed the story!
Flash Sentry
Why did you include Waifustealer (cool name for a sword btw) in this story?
3855667
There aren't many named guards in MLP in general. With Shining Armor having married Cadance, Flash Sentry was the only one I could remember. It also suggests Celestia knows at least many of the Canterlot Guard by name, which is somewhat an indicator of the kind of leader she is.
This story was interesting
Wow. Chrysalis is such a badass. I love it.
4470310
Graci. This story is older and not so great, but I'm glad you enjoyed the characterization nonetheless.
Honestly, I made her monologue too long.
So there's this country that has an alicorn who controls the sun as a ruler. Said ruler once almost destroyed our state through negligence...
Better declare war on them!
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