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Pokemon Element version

Hearing about a new region far from Unova Ray thinks its a good start for his ten year old brother to go for gym badges so during his brothers birth day he bought tickets to go to the Equestria region so join Ray and Ken on there adventures in Equestria.

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Comments ( 4 )

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Dusty Old Qrow

Dusty Old Qrow #1 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · ·

..... Decent premise....

But your grammar seriously needs work. Your capitalization seems fine, but commas and periods are your friends.

The Notebook

The Notebook #2 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · ·

Crap i forgot it was my brothers tenth birthday today so now i have to hurry up and get the plane tickets

Yeah bro this is just all kinds of screwed up.

If he's thinking it.

NO "" are needed.

REPHRASING IT.

Should be closer to something like - Crap I forgot *Person's Name*'s birthday. Rushing to find a way *Character's name* ran to go after his objective, a plane ticket back home.

Ssj4PyroManiac

Ssj4PyroManiac #3 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · ·

I thank you guys

Scribblestick

Scribblestick #4 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · ·

Hearing about a new region far from Unova, Ray thinks its a good start for his ten year old brother to go for gym badges. During his brother's birthday, he bought tickets to go to the Equestria region. Join Ray and Ken on their adventures in Equestria.

Try that.