- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
TittySparkles
TittySparkles is pretty based, writes great porn that I can rub one off to on a weekly basis, and she has no problem telling societies leftie rejects to fuck off. - Anonymous
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Tis excellent, this story is!
3278959 Trufax, my nizzle.
Beautiful gift to him, indeed.
~Skeeter The Lurker
i.imgur.com/ZzHt5zL.gif
Thank you so much Lauren! I read it three times before commenting because it was seriously that amazing. DashFire is my favorite pairing and you showed just how incredibly sexy it could be. I cannot express my thanks enough for this. Best birthday present ever!
~SolidFire
Damnit!! I just got done fappin to a hot Trixie x nightmare moon pic, and you upload this?! ... Round two.
No boner no... Boner stahp... I'm not a clopper! Don't do this to me, Boner!
I had a lot of difficulty getting into this story. It was really hard to relate to the characters for me. They both struck me as completely blase and overly casual, and kinda inconsistent. For example, Spitfire seems to simultaneously want to abuse her power to score with Dash, and want to seduce her normally. Likewise, Dash vascilates between being afraid of Spitfire, and being bold and sassy, and she doesn't really seem to be struck by any significant emotions, except for horniness.
Also they think in bizarre ways, like how, long after Spitfire makes it clear that she wants to make love to Dash, she admits to being a fillyfooler, and this surprises Dash. This completely baffled me. Also, Spitfire responded to her records being broken by becoming completely horny for Dash. Who thinks like that? Wouldn't she be sore about it, or at least ambivalent? But to get turned on by it? Once again, that reaction completely baffles me, and there's a lot more seemingly inhuman thoughts and feelings that keep cropping up that leave me scratching my head.
I recognize that the intention here seems to be just to make some straightforward clop, but there doesn't seem to be any effort made to build tension, and get the readers invested in what's going to happen next. The most tragic missed opportunity in that area, I think, was when Dash was locked away, alone, with Spitfire. She could have tortured Dash with subtle hints of seduction that grew ever more intense, all the while demonstrating Dash's frame of mind (I would have suggested that you pick either frightened, or arrogant, but not both), until it was finally revealed that Spitfire was interested in sex. (I would have suggested that you pick either coercion/blackmail, or seduction, but not both)
Instead, I was completely baffled by Spitfire's logic. I mean that. It's not that I understood it, but didn't like it. I literally had no idea what she was going on about with 'fighting fire with fire', and it was even worse that she really didn't need any excuse in the first place. She could have just jumped Dash's bones. Dash was already established to be a horndog, and everypony knew it. Was she trying to be funny? I don't know. Which brings up another problem.
There was a serious lack of emotion. They went about their entire encounter with a totally empty, almost nihilistic lack of feeling. They both just want to get their rocks off and that's pretty much the entire breadth of complexity to the characters. Once again, I recognize that you probably just set out to make simple clop, but there needs to have at least one or two things like quick heartbeats, trembling, awkward moments, heavy breaths, fear, temptation, dare I even say love, while you work up toward the sex, in order for a scene to feel hot.
One really big example of a lack of emotion was when Dash accuses Spitfire of playing a joke on her. That's an extremely cruel accusation. Spitfire is in the middle of trying to seduce Dash, so that alone should be enough to hurt Spitfire's feelings, having her seduction questioned and accused of being comedy, but it goes a step further; the joke she's accusing Spitfire of playing is incredibly cruel, savage, and barbaric. You catch someone doing something that could get them stripped of rank, and you think it would be a laugh to pretend to want to fuck them, before you go ahead and punish them severely? Accusing someone of that is the same as accusing them of being a ruthless monster, but Spitfire's reaction was basically 'LOL, no, totally serious. Let's fuck.'
Also, I don't think the stuff about Lightning Dust added anything, and the hallway meeting didn't really add much either. There was no reason why Dash couldn't have just been called in to have a discussion with Spitfire. In fact, you could have just started the whole story at the point where the door closed behind Dash in Spitfire's quarters, and revealed the whole 'flirting with subordinates' bit right then, and gotten right down to sexy sexy business.
Arg, sorry for being so negative. It really is a lot better than most of the stuff I read on this site, but the way the characters were portrayed completely shocked me out of immersion, because of how strangely they behaved.
3280766 vote? dude, Equestria is ruled by a diarchy. there is no voting done.
I love you. I love you so fucking much. You have no idea how lacking Spitfire clop is on FIMFiction. Please, PLEASE write more with her...
Also, you kept adding 'next time' towards the end there...that next time thing needs to happen
that cover art is cute o3o
also, it was a pleasure editing for you.
What was walking by the locker room?
Than should be then.
That should just be loud.
"but to forcefully breathe in" may be better here.
This was a very... detailed story with a lot of fun... details. Just the way I like them, with lots of... glorious... details. It was so good that you deserve an ahegao. Here, have a Fluttershy.
i.imgflip.com/3gxk5.gif
i741.photobucket.com/albums/xx54/44udonge/Mine/This_pleases_Applejack.png
I say you keep this story going! let them get busted!
Suddenly, inspiration for a Full Metal Jacket ponyfication/tribute.
...Oh yeah, fic was pretty hot.
Do. Like
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/282/7/5/rainbow_dash_approved_by_ambris-d4bdn33.png
3279519
Those damned Boners, eh? I know how you feel. My favorite, ah, shipping, is Luna X OC, FlutterMac,(om nom) and TwiCord. What are yours?
Oh, TittySparkles, I love you.
3279967
You are a good person and I love you.
Certainly a surprise to see my commission as the cover art on such a good story.
Written by TittySparkles?
Let guess, pre-read by...
yep; RainbowBob and Skeeter the Lurker.
Well damn, that pretty much means I have to read it now doesn't it?
3283490
Aw, that's sweet of you to say.
3284491
That's what I'm talking about.
Nice!
This. Is. Awesome!!
Will there be a sequel? Or is there already?
3279967
as a an avid reader and a philosopher I can relate to such ideas.
but
I believe several key points were made open ended not to confuse but to encourage thought process.
also you forget that they are ponies not humans and there is (unless this element is clearly and starkly removed immediately through unwritten writing clues.) a level of naivety or innocence in ponies.
even as they courted they were almost imperceptibly not shy but almost timid,but at the same time comfortable and confident.
let me be clear both partners are very brash and courageous but they also have relatively unexplored feelings for each other. now for humans the way this played out would be a poorly scripted teacher student porno but ponies are basically innocent so...
spitfire while seducing dash was also the tiniest bit nervous she would be rejected until she heard a mutual attraction from dash and she became more confident.
at the same time dash couldn't imagine her idol (much the same way twilight feels about Celestia) would be sexually interested in little old her-again that innocence taking responsibility.-until spit fire made it clear she wanted her second mouth to spit her name.
the fire with fire thing was more of spit fire being shy and rambling then seduction.
also spit fires hot so its kinda hard for me to think critically of her.
3286706
I just think the way the characters acted was very jarring to me, as a reader. Whether they're ponies, or not, they have to have some sort of understandable motivations, and relatable feelings and desires.
That doesn't mean that there's no way that the behavior of the characters could ever be rationalized, and explained away. What you've said here is great, but it needed to be hinted at or explicitly explained in the story, rather than just leaving it up to the reader to figure out.
For a story to be compelling for me, I need to feel like I understand what's going on, and that I'm invested in the decisions that the characters are making, and that even counts for simple clop. (In fact, it might be even more important for clop.)
3283853
Glad you thought my story was good. I usually write something based on how much i like an image as an fyi.
3287218
May I continue your story it's very good
3287136
Seemed to portray how it would really play out if it were to happen because spitfire wants to order rainbow dash as an alpha mare, but to do it with more finesse and subtly, instead of outright domination of a lackey for personal gain.
3287136
also if your looking for a complex story with nice in depth character decisions and such you might want to check mine out
My first story it isn't clop but people have told me its good but a strangers opinion will be more helpful
3300990
If you look even earlier in that thread, you'll see I pointed out a few specific examples of some behavior from the characters that I found really difficult to relate to.
3300708
Sure. Go for it.
3301332
yes i noticed just after i posted i apoligize
3302117
thank you ill post it to you for final inspection
3281038
Actually, it's been an oligarchy since Twilight came to power, remember?
I like this story
3287218 how about this image lunaloyalist1.deviantart.com/art/pony-OC-created-by-lunaloyalist1-410951853
It is the OC I created
If the link doesn't work, just type into deviantart.com lunaloyalist1
I require more. MORE I SAY MORE
I have to agree that the characterization felt a little off, and there could have been more emotion, but I still enjoyed it. Very sexy and we need more DashFire!
perfect paring for more storys good work.
That was very interesting story
I would love to see more of how their relationship blossoms from this. 
Cute and quick nicely done 
Wow. Just, wow. MAKE MORE
Bah. Teacher's pet.
Not that that's a bad thing.
Can I be Spitfire's pet?
...Well, that happened.
3302117
Can you make a sequel but with more rough sex and have them with strap-ons?