Depression
Kuno chewed on her bottom lip with one of her longer fangs, squinting down at the tangled mess of threads and fabric that comprised the sweater she was trying to knit. She was sitting in the foremost ‘tower’ of the mansion, a squat stone structure with a ring of windows at the top. An old loom sat in the corner, covered in spider webs and dusty with age from long disuse. Kuno had picked the room largely to keep an eye on Warden while he doddered about on his gardening duties.
Kuno shifted slightly, leaning forwards to in her chair to ensure that she could keep an eye on Warden as he went about his daily activities. He was in the garden now, wandering aimlessly from plant to plant, checking each vine over with an idle gaze even though Kuno had seen him check each twice already. A little further off, she could see Green Hoof tending to the much more intensive aurora growing. The aurora was growing in large trellises, as Warden had specified, each one ten metres high, with an improvised water system made from old copper piping that had been hoof-made to Warden’s special design.
But even now, when Warden wandered closer to the trellises containing the aurora, one of the royal guards held up a spear to halt his progress, and the pegasus slunk away, head lowered.
Kuno watched all this with a long sigh, shaking her head and returning to her knitting.
“Warden! You’re bleeding again!” Kuno tutted, turning from stirring a pot on the stove to pick up a dishcloth, wetting it in the sink and then dragging her husband towards it to dab the cloth against the end of his muzzle.
Warden wrinkled his nose deeply, averting his gaze. “I must have gotten a nosebleed.”
“You tripped again, didn’t you?” Kuno accused, gently dabbing at his lips with a deep frown.
Warden sighed and nodded. “Aye.”
“Open your mouth,” Kuno ordered.
Warden complied, opening his mouth for her.
Kuno tutted again, shaking her head and then peering at his tongue closely. “You bit your tongue again. Wash your mouth out.”
Hanging his head, Warden moved to the sink and scooped up a hoofful of water from the running tap, washing out his mouth and spitting out a glob of drying, coagulated blood. He wrinkled his nose deeply, cringing. “Oh that is disgusting.”
“Well it was in your mouth,” Kuno said with a wave of a hoof. “The doctors said you’d be able to feel things again soon, since they’re dialing back your dosage.”
“No such luck, yet,” Warden replied immediately, working his muzzle a few times and then giving a long sigh. “I can’t farm… I’m not allowed to fly… I can’t even…” he trailed off, sighing and hanging his head. “I can’t even play with you…”
Kuno frowned deeply, pulling him close and hugging him firmly, nuzzling into the base of his neck. “It gets better, Warden.”
“I can’t even feel you,” Warden sighed, lifting a hoof to lay against her wing and then dropping it, staring at the floor.
“I don’t know what to tell you…” Kuno admitted, nudging him firmly with her nose. “But you know that it’ll get better, once you get off the aurora.”
“That’ll be another six months,” Warden responded dejectedly, kicking at the floor with his hoof and then frowning. He lifted his hoof to his mouth, clasping his teeth around an old nail that had somehow made its way into his foreleg, and tugging it out, spitting it into the bin. His hoof began to bleed small pinpricks of blood across the floor.
“Oh come on Warden!” Kuno said, shoving him with a hoof. “Go get in the bath!”
Warden frowned, nodding and heading upstairs, leaving a trail of small blood droplets on every other step.
Kuno snorted once, picking up the washcloth, rinsing it out and starting to clean up after him.
Warden dropped into the bath, resting his nose on the edge of it miserably.
Kuno very, very carefully dipped a hoof into the water to test the temperature. Warden had gotten in the habit of having baths that were either as cold as ice or the general temperature one would most likely think a dragon would like.
Finding the temperature viable for living creatures, Kuno flicked on the hot water tap to get it up to a good, warm state, before slipping in herself. The warm water splashed up over her chitin, leaving it shiny and slick, while she crawled over closer to Warden and hugged him from behind.
“Depressed?” Kuno asked, gently nibbling at the side of his neck.
Warden nodded slowly, heaving a long sigh. “Yeah. I guess.”
Kuno frowned, hugging him from behind, resting her face in his mane. “You know I love you.”
“I know…” Warden said quietly, before giving a disconsolate sigh.
“Warden… I… I don’t know what I can say,” Kuno admitted, biting her bottom lip and gently nuzzling against his mane.
“There is nothing you can say,” Warden said, his tone dead. “My life is an ordeal now. An ordeal that I have struggle through. After Swarm died…” he trailed off, looking away and shaking his head slowly. “After all the aurora I did… I promised myself that I would be dead before I ever got on this shit again.”
Kuno gave a half-hearted giggle. “You’re a stallion of your word.”
“You know what I mean,” Warden snapped, angrily squeezing the edge of the tub with his hooves. “I’m addicted to this… this stupid shit again. I can feel it. And I hate it. But when I try to go off it it hurts. It hurts so fucking badly I want to curl up and cry and stop breathing until I die. And while I’m on it I can’t even feel your hooves around me… I can’t feel your chitin against my fur. I can’t even smell you. It’s like you’re there but you’re a ghost. What kind of a life is this? What kind of existence is it to have to choose between unending pain or the kind of shallow ephemeral chasing of sensations that I can only associate with when I was high off my ass every day?!”
Kuno splayed her ears back at the tirade, her wings twitching unhappily.
“Am I crying?” Warden asked, rubbing a hoof against his cheek harder than necessary. “I don’t even know if I’m crying!”
Kuno it her bottom lip, before she surged forwards and wrapped her husband up in a hug, pulling him to face her and tugging him until his face was in her neck, gently rocking him back and forth and squeezing him intently.
Warden sobbed against her neck brokenly, limp and weak. “I wake up and I don’t even want to live any more… I don’t want my life to be one unending chain of pain…”
Squeezing him intently, Kuno gently rubbed her nose through his mane. “Think of the things in this world that are worth the pain,” she suggested, tilting his head up to catch his gaze. “Am I worth the pain?”
A long silence stretched out between them, and Kuno felt her heart breaking.
“I-is anything worth unending pain?” Warden asked quietly, before looking away again, laying his cheek on her neck. “I want to say that you are worth it… I want to believe that… but my entire life is either pain or nothingness… sometimes I feel like I’ll never be happy again…”
Kuno frowned deeply, staring down at him, gently brushing some of his mane away from his face. “How did you feel after Swarm died?”
Warden twisted slightly to peer up at her, his ears splaying back. “Like… like I’d never be happy again…”
“But you were happy again, weren’t you?” Kuno asked gently.
“So happy…” Warden admitted, trailing off uncertainly.
“Remember that, Warden. Remember that you’ve already been through all this. You can do it again. You’re strong enough,” Kuno soothed, gently squeezing him.
“No… no I’m not,” Warden asserted, shaking his head sadly. “I was never strong enough for that…”
“Your current existence says otherwise,” Kuno retorted.
Warden frowned deeply, placing a hoof against his wife’s chest, wishing that he could feel her heartbeat. “No… that was you. That was you that made me strong. Without you, I’m a weakling. I’m a weak-willed useless piece of crap…”
“And I’m here for you,” Kuno soothed, squeezing him again, gently licking at his muzzle. “You know that. I’m here for you, no matter what. I brought you back from the dead. No amount of passive-aggressive bitching, drugs, depression, and lack of erectile function will keep me from being there for you.”
“I love that you put the most important one last,” Warden said with a hollow laugh.
Kuno nodded, pushing her muzzle up against his own firmly. “I love you, Warden. And you know how special that is. You know I’ll be here for you, no matter what. Forever.”
“But it’s hard…” Warden said, his bottom lip quivering. “It’s so hard… and it hurts so much…”
“I know,” Kuno crooned, gently rocking him back and forth, nuzzling against his neck reassuringly. “But I made a vow. In sickness and in health.”
“In sickness and in health…” Warden repeated quietly.
“And you’re going to owe me the craziest, kinkiest amounts of sex when you’re better,” Kuno reminded, nudging him firmly.
“You promise?” Warden asked, closing his eyes and nudging against her nose awkwardly, clumsily bunting his head against her own.
“I promise,” Kuno affirmed, holding him close.
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A good filler chapter, it sets up stuff later on, and gives insight on how Warden is handling the Aurora addiction.
I love Kuno and Warden. They are probably my favorite couple just after my OTP, Vinyl and Octavia.
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A good chapter indeed, despite it being short it shows how Warden's dealing with that again. It may be hard, but I have a itching feeling that he's going to get through.
oh wait, the itching feeling's my head... but he's still going to get through!
Short, kind of depressing with a look at the hell he's going through, and an end that makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
I like it.
Glad to see they got their priorities straight.
These are probably the most realistic OCs on the site. I'll take this couple over the shipped characters any day of the week.
Far too many people truly forget what that means.
Though this was short, it still contained a broad range of emotions and an adequate amount of insight. Keep up the good work.
P.S. hope you guys haven't been shat on too badly over east.
Wow, pretty sad chapter but I thought near the end was the saddest!
I was confused as to why the guards would stop Warden from checking on his crops (was thinking they thought he was a changeling for some reason), but I realize it was so he couldn't steal any of it, heh. It definitely feels like Warden wants to kill himself, since he didn't exactly do it before when Swarm died, if I recall correctly (just got hooked on Aurora the first time). But at least Kuno's being sweet and supportive while he's still addicted, rather than her usual playful and goofy self. Though not to say she isn't still a bit, what with the promises of sex once he's better! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png Hoped we'd see their daughter Swarm too maybe, but guess we can't have all of 'em in each chapter. Anyway, keep 'em coming, Xianyu!
its been a wile since iv'e read this fic and when i read this line my heart shattered thinking that little Swarm was dead and i had missed something in the last few chapters. lucky for me i was wrong
Not worth it? What about your daughter? Or have you forgotten about her? I suppose, in your current state, that is to be expected.
But she and Kuna love you, Warden. Remember that.
Can't help think they she will take him on the longest spree of sex ever when he gets better xD
I always forget how much I love this story until a new chapter comes out
I wish we could help him. But, I feel like he won't be in for anymore evil wrenches thrown into his life. I hope I am right.
Author, make this happen in your deleted chapters story.
thanks for the update
missing the 'b' :P
Sometimes I get scared reading this story that Kuno might turn around and say she was pretending this whole time...
Still interested in seeing where this goes
Very well done, the struggle that Warden is goin through with his addiction.
I know from experience
Hurray!
I like how this story doesn't just instantly recover the protagonist, and quickly tie up all lose ends. In fact, this story is more like real life than any other I have read, as it is almost nothing BUT lose ends.
4292605 I concur,
I feel stupid reading this, cause I can't even get the Mane 6 right in my story.
The characters in this story are one of the best I've ever read about, there's completely nothing irrational or unlogical about them and all of them have a realistic behaviour.
Hopefully I can learn something from this...
Two typos noticed:
I think this is a typo... Should it not be "Dropped it, staring"/"Dropping it, stared"?
Should be Bit
Anyway, awesome chapter
Ouch. This chapter hurt to read. And there I was thinking the author was actually dead when he was writing this. I am so sorry for doubting your amazing writing. I'm going to find a crying towel and mope for the rest of the day.
4297895 I'm guessing you're not set up to view mature?
I am so very, very far from dead.
4298332
Good to know THIS story is still alive. I don't like dead things. Yes I have mature ticked, and are you also Xianyu on fanfiction? Some of your stories are posted there.
4300273 That's where all my pokemon porn goes
I really need to add the rest of affliction there, because people are like 'homygawd you should write MOAR!'
And I want to post three entire new volumes there but ugh... their upload system suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks
glad to see a new chapter and awesome work
Commence read.
A nice bit of filler.
Now to await progress.
4303341
How do you always manage to be the first comment that I see on the newest first order.
10# aww
So sad, poor Warden has really gone through hell since his "resurrection"
And Kuno is quite the trooper regarding the circumstances.
i've loved this series so much!!! i cant wait for the next chapters thank you for this experience!!!
Man, from the very beginning these two reminded me of my Dad and my Mother in Law.
Every single damn thing that happens only reminds me of them more. Everything, even this.
Creepy man.
I think i want some of that Aurora, would be worth a lot of bi--er money.
Hmmmm funny how most of the sad or kinky stuff happens in or near a bath... I miss my baths
Congratulations, AP, you're the only author to ever make me stop eating Pizza!
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*sniff, sniff* when is update?
Looks like I'm here again at the end of an awesome fan fic and now I have to wait for the next update. This is the first fan fic I've read that has got to four volumes and I'm glad that the story stayed interesting for four volumes. I still can't believe that I'm a fan of MLP romance fan fiction, but whatever this is awesome series and I love the trails and tribulations this messed up couple with great chemistry goes though
.
I dont mean to be rude but it's been almost a month and I was wondering if the fic will continue?
4428536 It's not rude to ask if there will be updates
Never feel bad about asking about updates. They nudge a writer to continue.
Now, if you were DEMANDING updates then that would be rude.
I've just been sick recently and working on other things. Plus, I'm not quite sure where to take the next few chapters. I have some goals in mind, but I really need to bring Swarm back into some spotlight without it being TOO jarring...
4428922
Seeing as i already caught up with 7+ fics i guess now would be a good time to wait for some updates.
Well any-who i truly hope you get better so you can get back on the horse (i just had to say that) 
and finish this next section of the AOTH series.
Thanks for the feedback, it's really depressing when authors quit on amazing fics.
P.S. This has been a true masterpiece inspiring me to write a changeling fic on my own. As I am a novice in writing it would be a big help if you could P.M. me to help me with a few ideas i have for the fic. And thanks again for all your work, it relay is appreciated.
4433738 I write so much more than just this though
Soooo many clopfics
4433764
Oh, I thought you wrote things one at a time... silly me
4433909 Goodness no. Just check my profile page
Damn. I hate when I'm powering through a fantastic series and then I catch up to the author and have to wait.
Seriously though, this is perfect. I have never in my life read a better ship. Between this and An Alternate Path, it's no wonder we all love changelings. Heh, I identify with them better than anypony else, almost... Anyway, this story is incredible. It rates fifty on a scale from one to ten. Have a moustache,
a follow, a like, and my everlasting gratitude*.
*This offer includes ownership of my soul, and willing servitude in exchange for a little love (and of course more of this story!
)
4442525
Multiply that by 8, each almost as good as this one, only one has updated in the past two weeks, and i have been waiting patiently for a month or more for the others. it isn't fun.
...jeez.
I do NOT envy Warden that situation. Okay, I still envy him a little, but that's just because he leads a life so full of joy. Anyway: Holy shit, that is intense. I feel for him so deeply right now, I nearly cried for the first time in years. This also serves to prove Kuno's love even further. If not for her, not only would Warden have died, he might have committed suicide from his aurora relapse. He says she's codependent, but he needs her even more.
Amazing writing. Very real, very heart-rending and yet warm at the same time.
hmm, the last couple of chapters have been.....for lack of a better phrase, awkwardly paced, mostly the fact that some things have gone way to fast. a couple places where certain elements could be.......better or, removed. this is still a great story, but im just wondering if your rushing yourself to meet the demands of the masses. quality over quantity, words to live by.