Writing is only a hobby of mine, but I'll try to develop new stories at a steady pace.
On a day not well remembered, a young Changeling of unknown origin appeared in the world of Equestria. Not knowing what he was, he sought out help, only to receive the baseless assault of anyone he met. Unable to comprehend the magnitude of his plight, he sought out the answers. But what one wants to find isn't always what's really there.
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Hmm...
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/f/f1/FANMADE_GoOn....gif
Well... you made the events a little bit too quick if you ask me, but otherwise a novel concept. I'll give you the general advice i give everyone, more adjectives, less adverbs, and make sure the dialogue flows.
-CC
3251811 Thanks! I appreciate it when people give suggestions instead of simply hitting the dislike button
I'm really liking this story so far. I think I see where this is going but I'm not entirely sure what the protagonist has planned. I'd really like you to continue this story, if you have the time. I'll be watching it
3386099 same here. I might blip off the radar for a bit, I normally forget about comments. Good story.
So many ways to start a sequel, I dunno where to begin.
3400383 well Chryssy might be a good start. ;p also I am watching you author.
Charming little story. It's pretty good for a first story, but there are, of course, still several issues to work out. The biggest issue is the pacing. The events go by far too quickly. If this was a movie, we'd be watching it in fast-forward. A story like this should have at least four times as many words as it has now without adding additional significant plot points. You've written only the important stuff. There's a whole bunch of unimportant slice-of-life stuff we need to see in order to build empathy for the character. In addition, you didn't set up his feelings for Twilight. The princess realized he found love, but we readers have no idea what she's talking about at the time. It's what's known as a plot hole. Confusing the readers is something a writer should never do unless Pinkie Pie and/or Discord is involved, and even then, it should be kept in moderation.
Another issue is that you cannot have more than one character speak in a single paragraph. Every time you move on to a different character's dialogue, you need to start a new paragraph.
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3409525
Thanks for the input! I'l take my time on my next story, and see if I can do better. I have a few friends that I'l start asking to proofread my stuff, so that should help weed out the problems.
Not to bad a good 1st story