Chapter Two: Tensions Fall
So I have a new editor see if you guys like how he works. if not then don't be scared to offer. I know this story can be better.
Alex held the pistol pointing on Twilight’s head. A guard tried to save her but the ODST shot the guard on his shoulder. Two other guards ran to his aid.
“Another smart idea and the next shot is a kill.” He said as he repositioned the pistol on the female’s head. Celestia then said.
“Please! Don’t hurt her!”
“Then tell you troops to drop their weapons!” knowing she had no choice.
“Shining Armor?”
“Yes.”
“Drop the firearms.”
“But…”
“I said drop the weapons!”
“A…as you wish.” The Royal Guard dropped their weapons in order to preserve Twilight’s safety. Celestia continued.
“What else do you want?”
“Answers, and I want them in a spot where we can sit and chat for a while.” Celestia said to her sister.
“Luna please prepare the war room.” Alex continued. “And I want the cryo-tube in that room as well.”
“You’ll have you machine returned to you after…”
“You want her alive…” he press barrel against her head. She moaned in pain. “…then do what I say.”
“Very well.”
After half an hour Alex entered the room still holding the gun on her. When they entered the room Alex walked to the cryo-tube which was on the other side of the room. When the trooper approached it the released Twilight and he pushed her away towards the princesses. Cadence was the first to consult her.
“Twilight are you ok?!”
“I’m fine Cadence.” She said as she rubbed her head. She turned around. She saw Alex searched the freezer making sure that it wasn’t damaged. As she exited the room Princess Celestia entered the room furiously.
“How dare you come to my home and talk to me like…” Alex simply aimed his weapon at the female. “I don’t fear you.” Even though he was aiming to spread terror he didn’t wanted to make himself look like the enemy.
“Why not?” she asked.
“I have seen the eyes of a murder. You have no reason to kill. Or maybe your goal is the same as the Griffin Knights.” He replied.
“And what would that be?” she walked away from him and she sat on a chair.
“Sit.”
“I think I’ll stand.”
“You want to talk?”
“Yeah.”
“Then sit down!” she raised her voice on the last word. Alex looked at her with a wanting to shoot her look. He grabbed the nearest chair and he sat on it. He looked around to make sure there weren’t any guards behind him. Celestia continued. “Why are you here?”
“For that.” Alex pointed at the Cryo-tube with his thumb.
“Really. Are you sure you’re not attacking us?” she accused him in a question.
“Lady if…”
“You will refer to me as Princess Celestia you brute.”
“Yeah that isn’t not going to happen, I’m not here to make friends. And also if I was attacking my troops would have done in ages ago don’t you think.” Not knowing what he was talking about she asked.
“You tell me. You come to my home. You drop a ship near Ponyville, you attacked two guards, not to mention you shot a guard and you hold my student as a hostage!” she stood up and shouted louder. “How am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of that mouth!?” a long silence quickly proceeded after Celestia’s statement. Both Alex and the princess were giving each other a killing glare wanting to shot one another. “Well?” Luna entered in the scene. She held a pistol on her right hand. Celestial grabbed her arm to assure her to not fire unless necessary.
Twilight and Cadence followed in after her.
“First of all I didn’t drop a ship in the forest. The ship is a Covenant Corvette that was accidentally sent into slip-space jump. It was damaged in battle and the operators were killed.” Luna asked when the ODST mentioned battle.
“Battle? What battle?”
“Let’s get this out of the way first and then you’ll know. Anyways the ship isn’t human it’s Covenant. I’m here to take this back home and finally I took your ‘student’ as a hostage as an advantage.” Twilight asked.
“You said that you have to take that thing home. Where in Equestria do you live.”
“Equestria?”
“Yes. Equestria is the country you are in?”
“I don’t live here. In fact, I come from a Planet called Earth.”
“You’re a human. How is it possible for humans to live out of their home world?”
“Actually I wanted to know about you guys. I come from the UNSC. A colony where humanity became a space fairing species. I want to know is what are humans doing out of the UNSC records. It’s like you don’t exist.” The Equestrians looked at each other and then back to Alex. Celestia was nervous. This is the first time for Equis has ever encountered a human whose origin is not from their planet. She said to him.
“Um… what’s you name Mr…”
“Garcia. Corporal Garcia.”
“SO you are a guard.”
“A soldier thank you very much. I’m from the special forces of the UNSC known and an ODST. It stands for Orbital
Drop Shock Trooper.”
“ODST?”
“Yup.” Cadence asked.
“If you’re part of a special forces…does that mean you are at war?”
“Yes Humanity has been in war with the Covenant for the last twenty seven years.” Luna asked.
“Corporal. What’s a Covenant?” Alex sighed loudly. If he were to leave the place with trust he might as well tell them certain things about the history of the war.
“You might want to sit down for this.” Alex grabbed a chair and he sat closer to Celestia. Luna, Twilight and
Cadence joined them. “The Covenant is an alien military alliance. They believe in a same religion that will take them to a great journey or something like that. But the Covenant saw the UNSC or Humanity as a rampart. In the beginning contact wasn’t all bad. But on 2525 the war began. The Covenant’s term of peace is the extinction of mankind. The first planet to fall is a planet called Harvest. We weren’t prepared for a war like this. None of us were. I joined the ODST’s in ’43 a year after my brother was killed by an Elite Zealot. Suffer an Energy Sword throw his heart. Your people may suffer but they will never feel the pain that billions have been feeling for the last twenty seven years. The pain I have felt for the past nine years.”
The Equestrians looked at each other. “Look I don’t expect your pity but, I need to get going. My ship’s life support has dropped down to 25%. Two weeks is enough to let the LS return to a stable 75% after that I return home. I would be able to return home quicker if I had a repair crew with me.” Celestia suggested.
“Well while you are waiting you are welcomed to stay in one condition.” Taking the advantage of having an experienced soldier.
“And what would that be?”
“You help us with our war.”
“What!”
“With your skill and experience we…” He stood up.
“NO! I have my war to worry about!”
“But…”
“I said NO!” no use.
“Very well. Forgive me for saying anything.” She stood up. “If you’re going to stay then I want you to join my student to Ponyville. With the Griffin Camp destroyed there should be no danger at the moment.” Alex rubbed his chin.
“Well if I’m staying until then. I want this cryo-tube to be in a secure place.”
“Granted. But Corporal if I may ask? Why is this thing so important?”
“Inside is a genetically-engineered super-human known as a Spartan super-soldier. If there’s one human you don’t
fuck with is with these guys. Especially a Spartan-II.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“If danger is present yes. But the auto-thaw is in four weeks and I don’t know the thawing code to thaw him out
now.”
“I see. Well you should get going. Ponyville is a long train ride.”
“Train ride? Not going to happen. We’ll take the Pelican.”
“Oh…well.” She turned to Twilight. “Twilight?”
“I think its ok. It’ll be great to see how his ship works. And to learn more about this UNSC thing.” Alex exited the
room Twilight followed but was stopped by Cadence.
“Twilight?”
“Yes.”
“Please be care…ok.”
“I will Cady.” They gave each other a hug. When they separate Twilight grabbed her SMG and her helmet. She quickly tried to catch up with the ODST after she grabbed her belongings. Alex was smoking a cigarette while waiting for Twilight. From the distance he saw her carrying books. “Sorry I took so long.” She said as she entered the ship.
“Yeah next time warn me when you’re going to pack.” Alex stood up from one of the seats and he walked to the cockpit. Before he entered the small room he saw Twilight sitting on a passenger seat looking like a girl who has stepped foot in the big city for the first time. Lost and confused she was kind of cute. “Hey. Hmm…oh. Sorry what do you need?”
“Come on. Sit on this seat. I’m sure you want to see how I pilot this rust bucket.”
“Um…sure why not.” She stood up and she moved to the copilot seat.
“I’ve seen that you have airships and cars. Why don’t you guys have something like this?”
“Well becoming industrious isn’t out goal. And we built airships for the Royal Guard. A small percentage is used for personal use or transportation.”
“Pity.”
“Why?”
“Because this Pelican is useful for war.” Alex activated the thrusters of the ship and slow raised the metal vehicle into the sky. “Ready?”
“Um…I guess so.” The Pelican motioned forward towards the small town. In less than five minutes they were over the town.Twilight directed Alex towards her home. The Pelican landed on the side of the tree. The two exited the ship.
“Spike should still be at Applejack’s…”
“Spike?”
“Oh yeah he’s my number one assistant and he’s like my little brother.”
“Like?”
“He’s adopted. I found him abandoned at a park in Canterlot. Ever since then he was like my little brother.” She opened the door. “Well here we are. Welcome to Golden Oak Library.”
“So you are a librarian.” He asked as the entered the kitchen.
“Half the time ever since the war.”
“So what were you before the war.” The two sat down.
“Well like you said I was a librarian. Equestria was a peaceful land. Crime is really rare. I was a student of Princess Celestia. Normally she chooses a student with high grades and standards. Yes I have the grades but she just choose me for well…she has her reasons which I still don’t know.”
“Sounds like your life was great.”
“You can say that.” She let out a soft laugh. “So what about you?” Alex’s smile faded away slowly.
“Look Twilight.” She said as he rubbed the back of his head. “…I don’t really feel comfortable talking about my
past.”
“Why?”
“My past is now nightmares. Please just for now. Maybe before I leave I’ll tell you.”
“Fine.” She stood up. “What do I care?!”
“Come on.” She responded as she walked up the stairs.
“The only shower is in my room. If you need to use you are free to. Just knock before you enter. You can take the guest room.” She opened her bedroom door and she slammed it shut.
“Jesus Christ she may be a human not part of the UNSC but she sure does act like on.”
Inside of Twilight’s room talking with Cadence on the phone.“I don’t believe it. Here I am telling him something about me and what does he do when I ask him. He shuts me down!”
“Well Twilight. I’m sure he must have a good reason. Remember he did say he’s been fighting for nine years.”
“Ok I’ll give you that but, still.”
“Well. You did tell me that he might tell you about his past before he leaves. Also I did notice his hand shaking pretty bad at a few times.”
“So?”
“Twilight some of our Guards are suffering from the same thing.” Twilight was remembering when a guard ripped his skin off of one of his arms. She shook her head and she responded.
“Yeah I know but, our first reports of PTSD just came in seven months ago. Our troops aren’t taking this disorder will. How does he do it.”
“Well he must have really close brother in arms Twilight. If anything he has seen things that we can’t imagine. Aunt Luna and Celestia were able to see his pain through his eyes. I’m just as surprised on how he hasn’t gone crazy yet. Just give him some time. These two week might help him how to live a normal life again and when he does. Who knows you were lost by his looks.” Twilight tried attempting to oppose.
“Well I…I don’t…but…WHAT?!” Cadence just laughed while Twilight turned completely red. “Oh shut up Cadence. Remember I can still embarrass you in front of my brother.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I will.” A knock from Twilight’s door. “Who is it?”
“Who do you think?”
“Just give me a minute. I’ll call you back Cady.” Twilight hung up and she put on a shirt. “Come in.” he walked in.
“You mind if I use you shower?”
“No. I only have shampoo that really only fits for women.”
“I have my own. Thank you.” He entered the bathroom. The sent from Alex’s body made Twilight feel sick from here stomach. She asked when the ODST closed the door.
“Alex?”
“Yeah.”
“When was the last time you showered?”
“Well I was on planet Reach when the Covenant first attacked so like about three months.”
“WHAT!”
“Hey you try top shower when an amphibious split-jaw alien or a rampaging extraterrestrial gorilla is trying to murder you.” He started the shower. Twilight’s phone rung. She answered the phone to only to hear a familiar famer’s voice.
“Hey AJ.”
“How’s it been?”
“Good. How was Manehatten?”
“Well we managed to run the GKs out of the city but, casualty numbers are not good.”
“That’s awful. “
“You’re telling me. Are you home?”
“Yes. I am.
“Mind if I visit quickly before I head home. I really need to see a face that I can trust than the smoldering rubble.”
“If you want. But wouldn’t your family be sick of waiting for you. I’m sure they want to see you.”
“Ya do have a point. I was asking since I’m passing by ya house at the moment. Hey Twi what the hell is that thing next to ya house. Ah never seen anything like it.”
“Well why don’t you come over tomorrow early to drop off Spike and I’ll tell you.”
“Ok Twi. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”
“Ok and take care.” She hung up. Alex walked out of the shower only wearing a towel around his waist. Twilight was stunned by the image. Not only the visible muscles but the battle scars he has obtained. “Alex…I didn’t understand.” He looked down.
“You’re referring to the scars.”
“Hmhm. I’ll be fine. You’ll learn the story behind them, soon I promise.” The ODST walked out of the room. As soon as he closed the door behind him Twilight quickly jumped for the phone.
“Hello Cadence.”
“Yeah.”
“Alex just walked out of my shower.”
“Ooooo. How was his body?”
“Well.”
“Come on Shining Armor isn’t here you can tell me.”
“Well except from his scars. His body well…if we weren’t in a war I would have ask him out."
“Twilight we both know you wouldn’t ask him. Your experience with men isn’t all that… what am I saying you don’t really have any experience what so ever.”
“We…shut up!” Cadence was laughing. Twilight said in a sarcastic tone. “Yeah ha ha ha.”
“You should get to know him better.”
“Cadence please. The last thing I need right now is someone holding me back. We are at war.”
“Well we all need someone once and a while. I’m sure he does as well. I’ll call tomorrow get some sleep ok.”
“I’ll try.” Twilight placed the phone on the phone rest and she turned off her lights to get some sleep. Under the rubble of the Corvette about over forty survivors Griffin Knights were pushing a large metal plate. On leading officer of the survivors said.
“Is everyone ok?” They responded. After an hour or so they had a small meeting. “Those damn Equestrians have plotted this. They wanted to annihilate us!” another Knight said.
“Wait sir. If the Equestrians think we are dead then we should use this as an advantage.”
“How so?”
“Well we are inside deep in enemy territory. If we capture the Elements of Harmony we might win this area. The Princesses will have no choice to surrender.”
“May be raid the school house as well. You know break their spirits.”
“It’s on you sir.”
“Then it’s a plan.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.054 seconds
Total duration
1,089 users online
2,483,537 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Sorry to tell you this, but this chapter was almost unreadable.
So awesome!
3301686
sorry you feel like that. I'm having a really hard time to finding a good editor for this story. But thanks for reading
3301769
Holy shit great story but damn dat editing. I lost my shit at
“You mind if I use you shower?” I just imagined him talking to some type of sentient shower for some reason.
8/10 made me lol.
Aside from some weird formatting errors, I like it.
Layout needs a bit of polish, a few lines abruptly ended then continued underneath mid sentence, but other than that still good.
3301829
still trying to fix that. I'm not a great writer. And I still need a good editor
TIPS: the dialogue and the actions of a same character in the same paragraph. Change paragraph when changing character. Put commas before closing the dialogue rather than periods. Don't hesitate to use the principle past. Use logical connectors. Employ various verbs to relate to who's talking. Narrate the characters in-between dialogue: show what they are doing. Also, skip lines, it makes the text feel less like a wall.
example (sorry if I use my own fic I'm too lazy to make up examples):
3301850
I find nothing wrong with your writing, I'm talking about sentences being cut off by spaces between lines. Things like that.
There was so much that needed said that I just copied the entire chapter into a Google Document and left a bunch of comments there. I also fixed a bunch of the formatting errors as best I could and fixed some spelling as well.
Anyone who has the link can leave comments of there own and respond to other comments. If you send me a gmail address I can add you as an editor, or you can copy the file to your account and edit it there. But I don't know if that will save the comments I already put on it.
I'm a bit confused on the character transactions... (Meaning that when it switches to a different character...)
There are only a few problems. Like which character is talking, some wording, and the speed it's going. But great story. I love how it's playing out. Just a few edits and your golden.
i think it needs a bit more detail, it skips over bits that could be dramatic way too fast and the speaking is completely messed up, not only cant i tell whos talking but its alo hard to tell why they are saying some things
that aside though its a great idea just needs more and better editers and more story in between the lines, along with fixing speach
3303441
that is something that you have to wait on.
Yeah, no. The chances of anyone surviving a space craft falling on top of them without a super power or being a SPARTAN are in the single digit percentage. Might be a better idea to use a scouting party that had been away at the time than most of the attack party surviving a multi-ton ship crashing down on them.
Pretty good some editing issues but pretty good.
What are you importing this from when you import a chapter? It is butchering the layout and formatting, and I want to know what not to use in the future.
I tried cleaning it up a bit in a google document. You might want to look at that.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Nkk0NZdtpS04xJ_XSPudeIHAD5DgRb8eDL55QcCqVSQ/edit?usp=sharing
3309416
thanks for the help. thank you so much.
Lots of spelling and grammatical errors. And by lots i mean the whole thing, no offense. But I'm not really much into TWIxOC fics... they just seem predictable, y'know. but hey it's your story and do what you wanna do, and I'm more interested in the story itself (try to make it more detailed please).
Rr>>3349137
ill try but I have midterms this week so no update until after. The same goes for humanity in Equestria.
Stop living in the past, the good Bungie times are not coming back.
I am surprise their are not more complaints agaisnt grammar in this story for its killing it. I recomand you go back these chapters and clean them up.
3865728 I agree with you, and it's also ironic that your comment has poor grammar. Willing to fix it?
This is hard to read. First, when a different character is talking, you put what they're saying WITH the character, and in an entirely new paragraph. Not what you did here:
Also, the paragraphs are even MORE messed up now. There are multiple spelling errors- no, a crap ton-everywhere, making the story illegible. Also, an ODST would NOT act like this. The MLP characters are out-of-character, even if they ARE human. Please, PM me once you and whichever editor you have currently have gone through and fixed this story up THOROUGHLY. Then I'm willing to continue reading, and possibly change my downvote. This is staying on my Tracking stories list.
5394616 I do agree with you on it being difficult that way of reading.
Ok well I like your story idea here, but I want to help and this got confusing for me and slowed me down and work it out. Try this... And the word you need when he went to shower and when Twi smelled him is scent. The other word has a different meaning. ^^
A little bit of help, hope all is well with you! :3
careful
Huh?!!? twilight hatched him during her exam for Celys school of gifted unicorns
one