Twilight Sparkle is thrilled when a famous old musician pays a visit to Golden Oak Library. But something unusual begins when he asks her, "Ms. Twilight Sparkle, what do you know about ghosts?"
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 28th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 18th, 2015
Moose Mage
Hello there, friends. I've long admired the artistic branch of the Brony community, so I decided, "You know what? I'm sure no one will mind if I contribute something myself." Let the adventure begin.
Moose Mage
Joined 28th Aug, 2013 ·
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3249989
Sure thing, bud, I'll have the next chapter up before the week's out. And thanks for the favorite!
A spooky ghost story with October around the corner? Looking forward to more. The conversation Spike and Twilight had was kinda touching.
Why am I just now reading about this story?
I have failed you, Moose-bro. I am sorry.
Like and favorite! Keep up the good work!
3339749
Talltale! Great to see you again!
You, fail me? Au contraire, it's the other way around; I've been horribly neglecting reading your story Captain Falcolt. But I have gotten around to Prelude to Disaster, and I'm quite impressed. Does it bode well for the state of my mind that surreal things fill me with fascination? Anyway, can't wait to see where you go with it!
(Oh, and I'm sorry that the next Star Swirl chapter isn't up yet. Curse you, life. I'll try to have it up some time tomorrow, but it might not be wise to listen to a single word I say...)
3343718
Oops! I'm just seeing this reply.
Please, friend, don't bother with those. I'm embarrassed of them, to be honest; the only reason they're still there is because I plan to rewrite them when I'm done with my other projects. I appreciate the complement though!
Right now it seems possible that the horror element may not come from anything supernatural, but from the psychotic condition of a crazy old pony. Possible, but it's still pretty obvious that this is a ghost story. Would be a nice twist, though.
Chilling but good.
3428596
Thanks for the comment, Xaldon! It's my pleasure to unsettle you.
I really like the perspective on a twisted old pony, Twilight helping him but not being a Mary Sue. The description of him tearing out his teeth was positively blood curdling!
5112893
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, my friend! Thanks for the kind words. (Oh, and three cheers for the horrors of amateur dentistry!)
With the rest of the gang minus Spike, who apparently stayed home while all of his friends had a great time with each other. Substituting "girls" with "gang" would've been nice. But I'm definitely grateful for how you wrote him at the cemetery. Most authors would've executed that scene with a group hug from the other five while Spike stayed at the library.
Whatever the case, t'was a nice frightening ending to a pretty good ghost story.
5230842
Argh, you're totally correct about my word choice there! Terribly sorry about that - I'm usually much better at catching those kinds of little mistakes. (I swear, it wasn't at all my intention to neglect Spike. Now, I just might have to go in and make that revision you suggested...) Anyway, I'm thrilled you liked the ending, and thanks so much for the comment - I always appreciate constructive criticism. Hope to see you around!
Salt, you say? Granted, salt has a pretty long history in religion and fiction of purification and warding off evil, but the moment I saw this, I immediately thought of the CW's Supernatural. Appropriate, considering how fond I am of calling you 'Moose.'
Creepy.
In the end I think you did a good job, in terms of what you showed but also what you left out, making it ambiguous whether he was being haunted by his friend or by his psyche. Though to be honest, I'm still leaning toward the latter, despite the duet in the wind.
And poor Twilight. Seems like she's going to be beating herself up about what she could've done differently, especially with the hospital. If I was less empathetic, I'd make a crack about a friendship report...
Actually, that last part makes a nice segue to my next point. I don't think Twilight ever consulted Zecora about Mr. Brannigan's haunting problem. You'd think a zebra mystic would've been helpful when dealing with spirits. Or at least you'd think that would be a reasonable assumption to make.
Eh, what the hell? Like.
5556735
Hey there, old friend - so glad you got a chance to give this a read! I've gotta admit, of the three stories I've written for this site thus far, I've always been least confident about Mr. Brannigan's Ghosts. So it's great to hear that you think it was worth a read - I always feel that a like from you has to be earned. Thank you kindly!
That's an interesting idea, incorporating Zecora - I'm ashamed that it never occurred to me. It might have been a nice tonal fit. But you know, if Zecora does indeed have some knowledge about the nature of ghosts, it would be tough for her to explain her knowledge to Twilight without removing some of the ambiguity from the story. Food for thought, though - I'd certainly love to write something involving Zecora one day. (Allowing that I can find a rhyming dictionary lying around here somewhere...)
5558779
Sure thing. Though really, the only thing in this story that struck me as off-putting were the names. Argus Brannigan and Arthur Brendel sound nothing like pony names. I actually had a similar issue with the names in Those Who Live Forever, particularly Delores. Though I suppose one might mesh April with Spring, and I think Delores might be based on an old Latin word that means pain and sorrow.
And if I might shoot down my suggestion about Zecora, Twilight was always under the impression that Mr. Brannigan's ghosts were psychological in nature, not spiritual. By the time she might have gotten a different impression, it would've been too late. Under those circumstances, I don't think consulting Zecora would've ever occurred to her. But really, I'm framing this within a Watsonian perspective, as opposed to a Doylist one.
But if the idea of a Zecora story does come to you, I did find a rhyming dictionary.
5562332
Ah, yes. You've noticed the Achilles heel of all my stories. It's true, when I write original characters, I don't really give them "pony" names. It's a very conscious decision, though difficult to articulate. Let me try putting it in words... (I apologize in advance if I come on a little strong. Also, warning - things are about to get a little Doylist.)
Pony names are ridiculous. I love them, of course - can you imagine Pinkie Pie being called anything else? But pony names are ridiculous, nonetheless. And they're perfect names for the show. But when I sit down to write a story... a piece of fan-fiction, mind you, an act of creativity entirely rooted in fan love... I can't give my original characters "pony names." It's not out of disrespect for the writers of the show, I assure you, or out of some misplaced sense of superiority. It's just... Pony names don't fit into my stories like they fit into the show.
Maybe it's because whenever I decide to write a piece of fan fiction, it's because I've noticed something in the show that I want to talk about. I try to write about the show. Mr. Brannigan does not belong in the world of MLP. Nor does Delores. Maybe not even April, or Pan, or Emory, or Lily. I included those characters to challenge something in the show. They don't belong in Equestria. If I gave them "pony" names, it would be dishonest.
I think that's the best I can explain it. I'm sorry, it still seems a little vague, but I just wanted to let you know that my choice of character names isn't entirely without rhyme or reason. Sorry for the mini-rant. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...
(Oh, and look, a rhyming dictionary! Thanks so much!)
5562633
Huh. This is an interesting line of reasoning (since I asked on Those Who Live Forever and Phazon kindly linked this comment).
5562633
5828683
Interesting. I followed the same link.
That was very interesting. Which sounds like damning with faint praise, but really isn't; hopefully the favourite proves that! Let me see if I can explain myself... for quite a while as I was reading along, I didn't find this story anything particularly special. Certainly not bad, in fact quite good, but no more than that. And then chapter three got hold of me and wouldn't let me go. Of course, that chapter wouldn't have worked without the first two, but it was there that this changed from a mildly creepy tale to something much more interesting and disturbing.
I read your explanation about names, and I confess that I wasn't entirely convinced. After all, whether I enjoy a story as a reader isn't really contingent on whether the author thinks it's right. But then I considered: how would I have felt about it if Mr. Brannigan had been called Treble Clef or something? And I realised that it would have made it a different story. But for me, the reason is simply that the juxtaposition of "Mr. Brannigan" with "Twilight Sparkle" gives a feeling of otherness, of wrongness, that really suits this tale. I know it's not the same as your explanation of why you do this, but it's the reason it worked for me!
Two small typos: you have "viola" for "voila" in ch. 1 and "whither" for "wither" in ch. 3.
5913383
Hi there, Loganberry - first off, I'm so sorry it's taken me roughly a decade to get back to you. (My final exams are just wrapping up, and happily, the dust is starting to settle.) Thanks so much for the favorite, my friend! And I'm much obliged for your feedback, which I always appreciate. As you point out, the rationalization of an author doesn't always mean the reader will have a satisfying experience. As for the names (which, to be honest, I'm surprised have been such a point of contention with my stories), I'm just glad that my admittedly jarring choice of Mr. Brannigan happened to work in your favor! Thanks again, bud.
(Argh! Typos! Thanks for pointing those out - consider them revised.)
You can has review!