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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Stop switching from I to her to she. It's very confusing.
3435456 Sorry, fixed it. I'll admit that writing while under a coffee induced haze late at night probably isn't the best time to write, but I'm glad you allowed me the chance to fix my mistake by pointing it out. Thank you.
Perspective still flips from first to third person constantly. Edit and republish.
You switch from first to third person a lot in this chapter. It's really distracts from the story.
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Having an editor of mine go through the chapters, when he is done with the first few chapters I'll go through them and fix the mistakes through them. Eventually he'll catch up to the chapters being written and then everything will be a lot smoother. Thanks for the aid though.
Thirteen? Is that you? Thank the Godesses you made it! Calm down, take some deep breaths, and focus. What you need to do now is survive, survive until you can get help. Don't think about 103, that's behind you now. Gotta keep looking ahead until you can find someplace safe. I know you can do it, I believe in you, and I'll be with you every step of the way.
Not bad.
An irrelevant thing, but there will be a Changeling main character to my Fo:E and he will be a sneaky little Suicide Steve (don't worry about the dieing, the main protagonist can revive dead allies, it just has to be right after death).
My PipBuck pointed out the counsel I needed to activate.
Counsel should be console
This ia one cool story going on here. Hopefully I manage to catch up before school starts again.
Shouldn't 13 call a screwdriver 'her new best friend'? Because it kindda devaluated the guy who died from the minigun spray.