• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

Iridescence T Wind



Comments ( 368 )

Just finished reading the first 2 chapters. It keeps changing between first and third person views, you might want to skim over it and fix that. Other than that it is off to a good start so far.

3A

Stop switching from I to her to she. It's very confusing.

3435456 Sorry, fixed it. I'll admit that writing while under a coffee induced haze late at night probably isn't the best time to write, but I'm glad you allowed me the chance to fix my mistake by pointing it out. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

3457926 Hmm? Just goin' through here and fixing some bugs, chapter 5 of book 2 is almost ready at this point as well. Had to rewrite the dang thing three times so far. Still not happy with it. :pinkiesick:

edit: by book 2: I meant the Lampents lament series.

3A

3457931 So these are pre written? As in you wrote the chapters a while ago and you're posting them every so often on the site?

3457950 More like Writing the chapters one or two at a time then making sure everything flows smoothly from one point of plot to the next as an outline I made before hand progresses. Of course story of the future is subject to change. :twilightsmile:

This fic is really good. Though it's sad she can't go back and save the others from being experimented on.

3476627 and with chapter 13 we have some more insight on Aria's views of Scientist ponies as a general. So there's that.:twilightsmile: Glad you're enjoying it so far though.

Yay she is helping the pony that was experimented upon, those scientists will get what's coming to them :yay:

I see what you did there, with the doctor who reference

3481178 Eeyup, been saving that one for a while now. -notices username- :pinkiegasp:
A Changeling! Yay! :yay:

Aww...Maul was so cool...

Why blue? Tis a good question.

3500758 -puts on scientific looking glasses- :twistnerd: Because Mr. AesNebula, a Changelings wings are already blue, so really the question needed is why're they glowing, and to that. I have the response, -throws the glasses away- Magic. :pinkiecrazy:

3516739 *FacePaw* Of friggin' course! I forgot about your damn pony magic!

Perspective still flips from first to third person constantly. Edit and republish.

Other than a few inconsistencies on first/third person this story is pretty good. I'll fav it and see where it goes.

Just wanted to toss in here that the past tense of spin is spun, not span

"Ministry of Magic Research Facility #43." Geary sighed, turning away from us, go ahead and refuse, the last three who accepted didn't return."

Corrected: "Ministry of Magic Research Facility #43." Geary sighed, turning away from us, "Go ahead and refuse, the last three who accepted didn't return."

Well the obvious reference is the fact that Maul's combat tentacles are very similar if not identical to the ones sported by Otto Octavius in Spider-Man 2. Better known as Doctor Octopus...

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Fixed it! Thanks for pointing it out. :twilightblush:
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Glad someone caught that, been a big fan of the doc since he premiered in that particular movie. You just don't see that many good opponents using that sort of combat and being a challenge with it like Doc Oct. Now to see if anypony else sees the rest of the references in chapter 13 and 14.

I still love Scrap, he's awesome.

Side note: GODDAMNIT I WISH I WAS A BETTER WRITER...then I could make my own fallout crossover, I have so many characters that would be perfect in this environment. Especially a gryphon who I could make a raider, he's so fucked up he would make a perfect raider, the best, even.

3593149 You never know unless you try, if you want I can write down a character template for you to fill in, maybe you'll find a story from there for this Griffon raider. :twilightsmile: also on the topic of best raiders. Maul for the win. :pinkiecrazy: Nothing quite says overkill like a raider in power armor with metal-battle-tentacles.

3595526 That would be appreciated:pinkiehappy:

And My gryphon's personality is me trying to make a char who makes dead pool look like a playground bully.

3A

3595526 No, this is overkill: Using a torch to cut aluminum foil.

3609735 Or a fusion reactor to cook a marshmellow for a smore. Great now I need to figure out where to mention a ghoul doing that. :pinkiecrazy:

3A

3616519 Or, a nuke to squash an ant.
(Ah... I can See it now...)

Lasers! Kill them with Laser, Fire, and Brimstone!!!

Heh nice jobe with that Groggar name change :P

3680725
Roggar Grogar, If it wasn't reference to that G1 badguy then huh my bad

derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/31/198248/large.jpg

3680776

Shhhhhhh, it's called pretending to not have a clue. :raritywink:

I must of checked her pipbuck

You switch from first to third person a lot in this chapter. It's really distracts from the story.

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Having an editor of mine go through the chapters, when he is done with the first few chapters I'll go through them and fix the mistakes through them. Eventually he'll catch up to the chapters being written and then everything will be a lot smoother. Thanks for the aid though. :twilightsmile:

Awesome:scootangel:

Lovebug is an adorbable name for an adorable changeling!

I love this story so much keep up the great work!!!

I'm quite enjoying the story so far: it's cute, has a lot of potential, and the chapters are of pretty good length to keep the reader interested while not boring them. That said, I must ask: have you found an editor yet?:ajsmug:

3759127 could always use more, so far they're working on the oldest chapters, once they've sent me what I got, ill edit the chapters and fix them right up. Thanks for asking and for the compliment! :twilightsmile:

Great story I'm really enjoying this.

"Welcome back to the world of the living dreamer."
Dat S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky reference.

3769795 Never played that game, though I guess it does fit in context now that I look it up, glad you're all enjoying this!


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Glad you're all enjoying it so far~:heart:

That old geezer is THE Mysterious Stranger?!? Holy shite thats bloody awesome!

3770322 Of course I enjoy it!:flutterrage:

Changelings are best ponies!!!:twilightangry2::pinkiehappy:

With both books purchased and caps to spare I bid goodbye to the shop keeper and his assistant as we left, Cait chuckled at my excitement, "Someone likes books." he said, Cait rubbing against him before moving to give me a lick to the cheek, I stopped a moment to ruffle Scrap's fur before giving him a wide smile, "What? I love books."

I think you mixed Cait and Scrapyard up there. Either that, or Cait's a lot friendlier to Webby than I thought.

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