• Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 12th, 2015

Draconian Soul

Proof that I'm not dead. I was just in a slumber, waiting for reason to rise again. I might have found that reason.

Comments ( 120 )

And away we go with this one...

This will be a darrrrrrrk one to deal with.

~Skeeter The Lurker

and now im just gonna sit back and wait for the flame war.
*folds chair and grabs popcorn*


Yep. Yep that will be a-comin'.

~Skeeter The Lurker

got your snacks ready?
got mine.

Well, I'm sold. Don't even have to read it to know this is gonna be awesome.

Pleez lern le difrens between "effect" and "affect" :moustache:

I didn't doubt that Skeeter would be apart of something like this. :trollestia:

I'll give it a read. :rainbowwild:


Flavored popcorn, actually.

~Skeeter The Lurker

i have a question can ponys get pregnant when they are 12 years old

3509698 Ponies start menstruating at age 2.

Damned good so far. I'm definitely going to enjoy this.

I think I've reserved my special place in pony hell. :twilightsheepish:

Well, you're going to have to wait in line, seeing how I actually wrote this :ajsleepy:

Oh, and Titty is with me, too.

3509726 ok then i hope that Scootaloo dose not get pregnant in this story

Hmm fillies selling themselves off as whores or an old douche trying to own them them, which one do you think the town will side on?

Scoota-buse? Scoota-buse.



I got the orange juice... and tea.

I like this story and look forward to seeing the next chapter.


Let's do a conga line while we're at it!:pinkiehappy:

3509742 Same here. She's too precious to house a foal. An shes far too good for filthy rich. Heres hoping for FR castration in the worst way! :D

3509968 His junk slowly being slowly sliced open with a rusty spoon! :pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

Damn... you weren't kidding when you promised dark... :applecry:

Um... a cutie mark in... prostitution?



Um... no. This makes no sense, the premise is flawed from the start. Not even the fillies are that dumb to think about a friggin' prostitution cutie mark. Thus, starting from a flawed, OoC premise...



You don't get the point, do you? :unsuresweetie:

Okay, before reading, I think I'll be fine.
I've read things that are way worse than Sexual Locust, and that's the darkest Pony fic I've read yet.
I predict I will be unfazed by this.
I'll comment again after reading.


Oh, I do. I'm questioning if the author does, though.

Okay, first off, the very idea that they actually chose to try and get a cutie mark in prostitution is beyond silly, beyond retarded, it's plain dumb. Think of that for a second. Imagine the conversation in your head: "Well, girls, we tried everything else, but I know what we'll do! We'll get our cutie marks in whorin'!" That's too stupid to even think.

No. Just... no.

But the big issue is simply that what he says in the synopsis: Disclaimer: This story will deal with very dark and serious issues such as child prostitution. If this is disturbing to you, please don't read this story.

CHILDREN DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO BECOME PROSTITUTES!! I get that you want to tell a story about the horrors of that, and I approve! I think it could be a very powerful story, with deep emotions and tragic growth, but you are starting from such a flawed premise that you lost it before you began! Want to tell a real story of child prostitution? How about they broke something of Filthy Rich's on a crusade, so he forces them here to pay off the debt? Or, maybe the farm is going under, so they have to find some way to help out? Then, you'd get the added drama of trying to lie about where the money is coming from. Sure, it's a bit cliche, but it still makes a hell of a lot more sense than "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CUM DUMPSTERS, YAY!

Look, I have zero issues with dark, jacked-up stories, I love them! But you have to start with a basis in reality. There is no way in Celestia's green earth that the CMC would jump to becoming sluts willingly. So, as I said, while the prose is clean, and the emotions are real enough, you are starting from such a flawed premise that it kills any involvement on my part. I don;t feel sorry for them, because they're acting like a bunch of morons.

we are all going to burn for reading this one :facehoof:

3510246 what you said makes no sense.:ajbemused: Most of the stories on this site doesnt make sense because that is not how the characters would act. Writers portray them in their own vision so they can make a story out of that.:facehoof: Even if it is dark, this is what he was going for. It can be something wildly unordinary, but stil its a story. You cannot argue with that. :facehoof:


Wait, so... it does make sense that the CMC would go from skydiving/gardening/pet-sitting to prostitution? And it does make sense that they would continue doing it even after apparently a long time with no success? And it does make sense... see where I'm going with this.

I admit, yeah, a lot of stories on this site have characters acting in ways they wouldn't on the show...THEY'RE CALLED BAD STORIES!! What you are doing is saying that the author is well within his rights to completely rewrite the characters, which is the most common sin in fan fiction. Even if this had an AU tag, that doesn't give you free reign to make the characters into something they're not. A good story takes the characters we know and love and puts them into situations they could never be in in the show, but they are still the same characters. If I write a story about a character who speaks with a British accent, works as a journeyman, is sneaky, lazy, and dishonest, and call her Applejack, that doesn't make her Applejack, and unless I do a damn good job of explaining how she got there, I've written her out of character, and have failed as a storyteller.

Saying that "well, everyone else does it, so why not me" is the very worst kind of excuse, almost as bad as, "It's just porn, it doesn't have to make sense." Bullshit. I have read some of the darkest, most messed-up clopfics in the world, but they had characters who would react in a believable way. This, right here? This is just characters playing with the idiot ball, acting stupid for the sake of the plot, and I know for a fact that Draconian is better than that. He has written some real gems, but this reeks of, well... laziness. I'm sorry, D, I'm a fan of yours, you know this! But the premise you have here falters, hard. As I said in my previous comment, it's not that the CMC couldn't be in this kind of situation, it's the the way you put them there doesn't make sense.

This is fucked up yet I demand moar!

Noted. Will finish then iron out the kinks. Sorry you didn't like this one though. Hope to hook you on the next story.

As for everyone, don't feel like you can't call me out if you think the story is bad as long as you give a reason. I'm not above criticism. If you think it's shit, tell me why. Only way I'll improve.


Granted, I may have been a bit too general with that statement. However, having a character be out of character is one of the biggest signs of a sub-par story.


As I said firstly, it wouldn't' really require much to make the little voice in my head STFU. Just have a viable reason why they turned down this road beyond trying get a prostitution cutie mark. Doesn't have to be one of the reason I listed above, but something.

However, I also want to say don;'t let the opinion of some asshole in a brown hat screaming on the internet have TOO much sway. I'm just one guy.


3509698 Ponies have to go into heat first before they can get pregnant. Look it up, it's a thing called estrous, and they only get it once or twice a year (I think). :twilightblush:

*starts to sob angerly* BUCK YOU FILTHY!!!:flutterrage::raritycry:

No anal? They don't deserve to be called whores if they don't provide all services. :trollestia:

You know, I kind of have to blame the adults for this one, they really should have expected something like this happening. You'd think that after the whole "Lesson Zero" incident that the Mane Six at least would recognize the folly of marginalizing someone else's deep-seated fears, even if they do seem silly to you for whatever reason.

On the whole the adults seem to treat Cutie Marks pretty cavalierly, taking a "you'll get it eventually" kind of stance, but to be honest there are absolutely no guarantees in life; it's sort of the same way they just tell Scootaloo that she'll fly "one day", without even trying to explain why she might be having problems flying.

I guess the whole thing just looks sort of iffy to me, like everyone's just taking these things for-granted and nobody's willing to consider the other side of the argument. I mean, the least they could do, the very least, is tell them what Cutie Marks actually are (or at least what they think they are) to help calm their fears; and in the case of Twilight, for the love of all that's holy dumb it down, these are children you are talking to, not grad students, the oldest they're likely to be is preteens and from what little I've seen Equestria doesn't seem to have a very impressive system of education (no offense to Cheerilee, who'm I'm sure tries her best with what little she has).

3510577 i never said it does make sense that the cmc would do any if that, even if they had any reason to. What i said is that it is in the authors rights to make their own version of some characters. Whether you call it a bad story or not, all i can tell you is that is your opinion. Im pretty sure no one knows how exactly equestria would react to a human in its world, but yes, several of your criticisms were correct, though i wish you were more constructive instead of just harsh.

3511014 i realize that, but i may iterate that was not my point. My point was that the author could make the character any way he wanted to. I NEVER said anything about making it work, which both you and 3511034 think i said he provided a good reason for doing so. I never said that, in fact i agree a little on both of your criticism on that, but that wasnt my point, i hope you both understand that.:applejackunsure:


So... basically, you're saying that, instead of changing your fan-made plot to better fit the established characters... you should change the established characters to fit the fan-made plot?


3512568 ugh, seriously! When you make it like that, it makes me sound like a stupid ass! Im not trying to insult you, and im sorry if i came off that way, but MY POINT was that it was within the authors rights! I am not one to tell people what they should or should not do! :facehoof:


Okay, taking a breath.

I'm sorry, that was very snarky and rude. I apologize.

And to a point, I agree, we are allowed to take certain liberties with fan fiction. But this is too much. Even beyond the characters! Trying to get prostitution cutie marks?! It's so silly and stupid that it completely takes me out of the story.

3512648 and i am sorry for my crude statement

I realize the idea seems wildly out of comprehension, but think about if it had been given a better reason for them doing that? Like if they were a little older, say 2 years, and they still havent gotten their cutie marks. They had tried everything they could think of, and now they were getting ridiculed to the extreme, making them depressed beyond simple relief. So they decide to do one last attempt and go forward with this? I know its not a good premise, but if it was done pretty decently, with good emotion and backstory, then it could actually turn pretty good no? I do understand where your coming from, i just basically wanted to say, that this could have been wayyyy better if it had a better premise and better backstory, so you could understand why the characters are acting that way. :twilightsmile:

Wow, this got pretty dark pretty quick... But, I think it could stand to be about 20% darker before it truly becomes clop-worthy; I can still feel my soul trying to resist.

although it wasn't arousing or anything of the sort, it was still extremely dark

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