• Published 18th Nov 2013
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The Life of a Non-Brony - BronyWriter



TD's life in Equestria after the events of Wanderings of a Non-Brony

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33-Offspring

"Mail call."

I get up off of our couch, rather unwillingly I might add, to see what Cheerilee has brought in. It looks like the usual stack of bills and such. Though one of them should be my paycheck from the town. That is always rather nice. I've been putting in a lot of overtime lately.

"Did you already look through it?" I ask as Cheerilee gives me the mail.

She shakes her head. "Nope. I'm not exactly in the mood to open up bills right now."

I give her a fake glare. "Oh, and I am?"

"You're my husband. You have to protect me from the evils of this world," she says with a nod as though that settles the matter.

"Says the mare who ran into a dragon's cave to help me."

"That was different. That was a dragon. These are bills."

"Uh-huh." I begin flipping through the mail, putting the usual bills aside, right next to my expected paycheck. Good. We now have enough money to pay the bills and have enough left over for, I dunno, a movie or something.

Okay, it's not that bad, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

I toss a few junk items onto the table, but stop when I get to something I don't recognize. It's written on familiar parchment, but I can't quite remember why it's familiar.

"Yeah, Twilight gave me that one," Cheerilee says. "Said it came in just a few minutes before I made it to the post office."

"Odd." It feels heavy, like something's in the envelope. I open it up and turn it over. A few bits come spilling out, much to my surprise. I set them next to me on the couch and read the letter.

TD, your presence is requested in Canterlot immediately. Here's train fare for you and your wife. Do not disobey me,

Celestia.

P.S. bring the bird.

Oh dear. What now?

I give the letter to Cheerilee, who spends a few seconds scanning it. She reads it again as though it will uncover some sort of hidden meaning if she does, but when that fails to happen, she hoofs it back to me.

"So... what now?"

I fold the letter up and set it on top of the bills before gathering up the bits and counting them. Yep, looks like just enough for train fare.

"Well, I guess we go."

"But it's a school night!" Cheerilee points out. What if we're not back in time?"

"Well, then throw some lesson plan together for Twilight. I think the school district will understand if you can't be there because of a royal summons from Celestia herself."

"I suppose." Cheerilee sighs and rubs her temple, a habit she's picked up from me. "I'll go get a folder ready. If Twilight can't do it then I'll have to get a note to the superintendent so that he can find a substitute. I hope we don't have to cancel school for the day."

"Nah, I'm sure it won't come to that." I slowly stand up off of the couch and put the bits in my pocket. "But for now, I think we'd better go. I don't know about you, but I think the letter sounded rather irritated."

Given everything that I'd done to her, I can't imagine what I could actually do that would irritate Celestia. This is the mare that offered to let me punch her in the face after I'd done it twice already.

Hmm. Now that I think about it, I might not want to go. I've seen Luna mad at me, and while it was a trying time for both myself and my spine, it's the usual type of temper tantrum sort of thing. But it's the ones who take the longest to get mad that scare me. When they lose it, there's no stopping them until they get it all out.

But... no. No. Celestia wouldn't do that. She seemed to be irritated not angry. She could get angry if I didn't show up.

One thing does interest me, though: the post script. Bring the bird? I turn my attention to Oswald, who is looking at the letter curiously.

"Dude, what did you do?"

* * * *

We arrive in Canterlot later in the evening. Neither Cheerilee nor I have said much. We can't begin to guess what has gotten Celestia so irritated all of a sudden.

We approach the palace, and the guards don't even bother to ask for our identification or why we're here. They just step aside to let us in. In fact, we notice that every pony we're seeing moves aside. One of them even points to the throne room, so I guess that's where we have to go.

Oh jeez, they all already know what the big deal is. Dang it, I hate being left in the dark like this.

We reach the throne room and it opens up for us right away. Celestia is pacing in the middle of the room, while Luna looks at her nervously. She gives me an uneasy glance. Oh dear, I think I'm in for it now. Maybe I should run. Just throw Cheerilee over my shoulders and bolt out of here. Go live with the griff... no, not there. The minota... no, that's out. Zeb... no, Cheerilee still isn't really welcome there.

Maybe Saddle Arabia? No, they have an extradition treaty with Celestia. That's ignoring the fact that I'd never make it out of the palace.

Celestia notices that we've entered, and she hits me with the best scowl she can muster. Come on, TD, you've fought her before. Sort of. She shouldn't scare you!

Probably.

"Follow."

She's never given me a command like that before. Really not good. Cheerilee and I exchange an uneasy glance. I seriously have no idea what I could have done!

We don't disobey, though. We merely follow Celestia. I want to ask Luna what the deal is, but I don't think Celestia would allow that. I'm not even sure Luna would tell me.

We walk down a few hallways before entering what looks like... Celestia's room? Never thought I'd see this! It looks fairly well maintained, with a big set of pillows in the middle in lieu of a bed. Lots of books, of course. A small kitchenette with some dirty dishes in the sink. Weird.

But that's not really what is drawing my attention. No, it's the fact that Celestia has stopped and has fully turned her glare on me.

"TD..." She sighs. "I know we've had our share of differences in the past. I know that we've not always seen eye-to-eye on many things. In fact, the rational part of my brain says that you are not to be blamed for what has occurred." Oh dear. "Regardless, this..." She steps aside, revealing the source of her ire. "Is not okay."

Oh.

Yeah, I can see what the issue is. Ah... dang. Not really sure how we're going to deal with this one. I rub my temples for a moment before looking over at Oswald.

"Really, dude? Seriously?"

Oswald chirrups happily and flies over to the nest made up of different random materials, such as strips of cloth, book pages, and pillow stuffing, and lands next to Philomena who, to my horror, is sitting on a trio of eggs. Phoenix eggs, naturally.

So, I guess Oswald knocked Philomena up, then.

"I see..." I grimace and rub my chin thoughtfully. "So, I guess I know what has you so miffed, then." I quirk an eyebrow at Celestia. "But it's not like this isn't a two-way process, Celestia. I'm pretty positive that both of our phoenixes had a part in this. And even if I didn't know that they were... together, you didn't either."

"I know," Celestia says through gritted teeth. "But that does little to help me get over the shock of waking up this morning to this." She motions to the nest with her wing.

"I'm sure, but..." I take a step closer to the nest, causing Philomena to hiss at me. "What exactly do you want me to do about it? What are we here for? You could have just said 'come to Canterlot, Oswald and Philomena have eggs' or something like that."

"I suppose I overreacted a touch," Celestia mutters, staring at the nest. "But we do have to discuss what shall be done."

"Well, you know more about phoenixes than I do," I point out. "How long have you had Philomena?"

"Around five hundred years," Celestia replies.

"Exactly. And this has never happened before?"

Celestia shakes her head. "This would be the first time Philomena has taken a mate. I have done a little research on phoenixes, but I hardly know what this process will be like."

"So does Oswald have to stay here?" I ask. "At least until the hatching?"

"More than likely," Celestia responds. "Phoenixes are family creatures. I think that Oswald will be here for quite some time, at least until the eggs hatch."

I look down at Cheerilee, hoping from some input from her, but she's just staring at the nest, as if entranced. Somehow, I feel that I shouldn't disturb her. She'll let me know what she's thinking in due time.

"I guess he's staying here for a bit, then."

* * * *

What a joyous day this is! I nuzzle up to my mate and look down at our nest.

"We have eggs of our very own!" I say happily. "My mother and father now have grandchicks, and it seems that I too shall now become a mother."

"Father," Philomena corrects.

"Yes, that one. This is a day for celebration, my dear!"

"Yes..." Philomena nuzzles up to me. "Yes, I suppose it is."

* * * *

Celestia gives Cheerilee and I a room in the palace for the night while she does more research on phoenix families. I can't really argue it at all. She's the one who would know what to do. At least she's calmed down. She doesn't look so irritated with me.

Cheerilee hasn't said a word since she saw the nest. She's just been deep in thought, almost going through the motions of the day. I'm kind of worried about her, but I know her well enough to understand that she's thinking things through, not going brain dead.

I finish brushing my teeth in the bathroom of our suite, and am frankly ready for bed. Celestia has sent word to Ponyville that Cheerilee and I probably won't be home for a day or two. I have to admit, this will be kind of a nice break. It's too bad we left the bracelet back in Ponyville, but it might not be the best time for that kind of thing.

Maybe if we have to stay longer I'll pop back home and get a few things.

I put the toothbrush away and take a small drink from the sink before exiting the bathroom. To my surprise, Cheerilee is on the other side, blocking the way out with a determined look on her face.

"TD, I want a foal."

"Oookayyyy."

And I walk back into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

Wait, so did she just say what I think she said? I mean, I know we've been talking about having one, probably adopting since I can't get her pregnant, but to have her say it like that, like she wants one right now... Yeah, I admit that it shocked me.

Wait, right, speaking of that, she's probably still outside the door. Oops. My bad.

I gingerly open the door and poke my head out. She's looking at me with a questioning look on her face. It'd be cute outside of our current situation.

"So... sorry about that. You just surprised me."

"It's okay," Cheerilee say slowly, taking a few steps away from the door so I can get out of the bathroom.

"Right." I leave the bathroom and sit down on our bed. She hops on next to me and leans her head on my shoulder. "So... a foal, huh?"

"Yeah," she says. "When I saw the eggs, I just... I don't know, I don't want to say snapped, but I feel like I need to have one. I know we've just been talking for the past couple of years, but I think it's time to commit." She begins idly rubbing my arm. "I love all of my students dearly, of course, and I love you and Oswald, but a foal of my own..." She shakily sighs, and I feel a tear dripping onto my arm. "That's a relationship I want badly."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I confirm. "We have been talking, and we are probably in a place where we could add a foal to the mix relatively smoothly." I begin running my fingers through her mane, triggering a contented noise from her. "Of course, it won't be a perfect transition, but I think we can make it work."

Cheerilee looks up at me with wide, watery eyes, but I see a smile on her face. "Really? We'll probably have to adopt. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"I am. We've known I can't get you pregnant for years now. And I'm not using some other stallion to give you the foal you want. No, we'll adopt and get the foal we want, and we'll give some foal the family he or she always wanted."

"It's going to be a difficult process. I'm not sure how long it will take."

"As long as it needs to, just as long as we get to help a little filly or colt find a family."

A thought crosses my mind, and a small smile crosses my face. "Well, I know she might not be the most receptive at the moment, but I think there's someone we can ask to help speed the process along."

Celestia does owe me many, many favors, after all.

* * * *

As it so happens, Celestia is more than willing to help us out when it comes to adopting a foal. I mean, her main goal for me has always been to be happy and surrounded by ponies who love me, and who I love in return. She loved that I married Cheerilee, and if she can help with us becoming more of a family, of course she'd go for it.

It's a good thing too, because I can't see any orphanage looking at our crazy family and thinking "yes, let's put an orphan foal in with this mare married to a weird alien thing with a pet phoenix."

We definitely do not fit the traditional family scheme, that's for sure.

Good.

We do manage to convince Celestia to lend us Oswald for whenever we actually go out to meet any of our prospective children. Oswald is as much a part of the family as anyone, and it'd be wrong of us to have him come home from Canterlot to find that we have a foal. And yeah, we've talked and done some research, and we came to the conclusion that it is best that Oswald stay in Canterlot at least until the eggs hatch. Once they do, we'll figure out something from there. Given how fast phoenixes grow to adulthood, we've talked about finding mates for the chicks once they mature, and letting them into the wild that way.

But I really doubt that plan is going to pan out exactly as we hope. Because it literally never does. I used up the one favor fate would grant me during our wedding.

Unfortunately, we have to go back to Ponyville without Oswald. All of our upcoming weekends are going to be spent in Canterlot Castle until further notice, though. That way we can still see Oswald.

Well, that and the largest orphanage in Equestria is situated in Canterlot.

I have to admit, it's a daunting idea. Cheerilee and I are gonna go in and start the process of adopting a foal. It could be any one of them. There are hundreds of possible new family members there.

But even with Celestia's influence, it still takes a month before we can even go into the orphanage to meet some children. Lord knows how long it would take if we didn't have her help.

But the day does eventually arrive. Oswald, Cheerilee and I find ourselves walking into the Canterlot Home for Fillies and Colts. Oswald needs a break from Philomena anyway. I mean, she's not abusing him or anything, but it has to be tiring being around her all the time and away from Cheerilee and I. We're his family first and foremost. No idea when the eggs are gonna hatch, though.

"This is it, Cheers, Oswald. Are you ready?"

Cheerilee moves closer to me as we walk down the plain, non-threatening sepia tan walls of the orphanage. We can hear the sound of foals coming from the various rooms we're passing, and that's when it really hits me. We're actually adopting. I'm gonna be a father soon.

"I'm as ready as I can be," Cheerilee says, nuzzling my side. "I have to admit that now that we're here, I'm really nervous." Cheerilee grimaces as we reach the hallway leading to the matron's office. "What if we're bad parents? What if the foal is psychologically damaged from some event in his or her past, and we can't help them? What if they decide they hate us and--"

"Cheerilee, I think we're going to be fine," I reassure her. "I mean, sure, this is going to be new for all of us, but we also live in Ponyville. We have dozens, if not hundreds of ponies who are going to help us and our new son or daughter through whatever problems we may have. I'm sure Celestia and Luna will help however they can, too."

"Maybe," Cheerilee mutters as we stop outside the door. "I don't want to begin this and have it not work." She looks up at me with wide eyes. "What if I'm not ready to be a mother?!"

"No one is truly ready to be a parent, that's what my parents always told me. Parenthood is a journey for both parents and children. Both sides figure it out as they go along. As long as we give the foal all of the love and support we can, I think we'll have nothing to worry about."

"I guess," Cheerilee mutters.

"I know so." I knock on the door in front of us and hear a mare on the other side say 'come in.' I push the door open, and we're greeted with the sight of a cluttered, but not messy, office. Filing cabinets take up a fair portion of the room, and the desk in front of us is loaded with papers. Behind said desk is an earth pony mare with a brown coat and a frazzled tan mane. She looks middle aged. Maybe fifties or so? Early sixties? She also has a pair of glasses balanced on her muzzle, and a cutie mark of one hoof holding another, as if pulling somebody up.

Kinda reminded me of the poster of Schindler's List, actually.

The mare smiles kindly at us when we walk in. "Ah, you're the three o clock. How wonderful to have you here. I'm Helping Hoof, the matron of this fine institution." Before we can respond, she pulls some papers off of her desk and starts reading them. "Yes, yours is the most unusual situation, and I'm not talking because of your species, Mr. Powell. We have non-ponies coming in to adopt all the time. Mostly expats or beings married to ponies. You know the type. But you're unusual because it's not every day, or at all, really, that I get a letter from Princess Celestia herself asking me to help you two out."

"Yeah, well, we figured that if she could help speed the process along, we'd give a foal a family as soon as we could," Cheerilee says.

"Makes sense to me," Helping Hoof says, motioning to a pair of chairs in front of her desk. Cheerilee sits at one, but they're a bit too small for me, so I elect to remain standing. Doesn't stop Oswald from perching on the back of one. "But yes, we've spent a lot of time and effort trying to match you two to a foal who would be happy in your home. We have a few possibilities, but we haven't told them that they're having an interview with you. That way if you bond really well with one of them, the others won't be let down because they were expecting an interview."

"Makes sense to me," I reply.

"Good, good. To business, then." The mare sets down the papers and picks up a manila folder from a stack she has standing next to her. "I'm sorry if I'm being quick about this. I know this is a big decision for any family, but, well, there's lots to do around here and not enough hours in the day. Of course you can spend as much time with the foal you are talking to as you'd like, but if you were thinking about not doing an interview today, now is the time to tell me."

"I think we want to," I say, holding Cheerilee's hoof. "You say you have some prospective foals in mind?"

"I do," the mare says. "You are obviously under no obligation to interview with any of them. I just ask that you be sensitive to the needs of the foals. Some of them..." Her smile falls, which highlight the bags under her eyes I didn't notice until now. "Well, Princess Celestia tries to make Equestria a utopia, I know, but every society has its bad sides. Sometimes some of the foals we take care of get caught in the middle of that."

"We're here to do whatever we can to help," I say. "When can we get the interview started?"

"Right away," Helping Hoof says, her smile returning. "I'll lead you to interview room one, and you can get set to meet your possible new daughter."

"Daughter?" Cheerilee says as she gets to her hooves. "So you already have somepony in mind for our interview?"

"Oh yes," Helping Hoof says, putting the folder down and standing up herself. "Her name is Comet Screech. She's been with us for almost eight years now."

Comet Screech. Not a type of name I'm too familiar with. Something about it seems... different.

No, no, I can't judge her just based off of her name. That would be silly. I have to meet the pony in question first.

We follow Helping Hoof out of the room and down another hallway. I notice a sign posted on the walls of the hallway pointing to the right saying "Interview Rooms." We walk in silence toward the room, with Cheerilee and I exchanging the occasional glance. All around us are rooms, sort of like classrooms, if I had to guess, where we can hear foals talking, with the occasional adult pony speaking up, too.

We reach a room with a placard next to it that says "Interview Room One." Helping Hoof opens it up, and we see that looks kind of like a doctor's office waiting room. Cheerilee, Oswald and I go inside and Cheerilee sits down on one of the chairs. Since I was too big for that, I opt to sit next to her on the floor. Oswald takes his usual spot on the back of the chair.

"Well, I'll be fetching Comet now," Helping Hoof says. "That's the name she usually goes by. But, ah, I'll let her talk to you about that. I shouldn't be a moment."

"Thank you," I say. "We'll be here."

"Be right back."

She closes the door, leaving us alone in the room. Cheerilee takes a deep breath, and I grab onto her hoof.

"This is almost surreal, TD," she whispers. "Our new daughter might walk through that door in a minute."

"I know. Exciting, isn't it?"

"After all of these talks about adopting, it's strange to think that we're actually here." Cheerilee bites her lip and a worried look crosses her face. "What if we're not good enough?"

"Hey, I'll bet she's thinking the same thing right now, okay? We're going to be fine, and regardless of what happens here, I think this will be a positive experience."

"If you say so. I just don't want to disappoint her, whether we adopt her or not."

"I don't think we will."

I'd never tell her this, because it's not the best thing for her, but she's verbalizing all of the thoughts that are going through my mind at the moment. I've been asking myself each and every one of these questions since Celestia got us the interview.

Before we can say anything else, the door to the interview room opens. Cheerilee, Oswald and I give the door our undivided attention. We see a grey blue hoof push the door open further. No turning back now.

The door opens fully, and we see our potential daughter for the first time.

A bat pony.

Author's Note:


I think confused Cheerilee is hilarious.

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