• Published 18th Nov 2013
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The Life of a Non-Brony - BronyWriter



TD's life in Equestria after the events of Wanderings of a Non-Brony

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30-Finding Out About the In-Laws

Promotions... are always nice.

My favorite one so far has been the promotion that I just received from "boyfriend" to "fiancé." Cheerilee is also rather pleased with the promotion she received from "marefriend" to "fiancée."

The non-brony side of me, which is still a little there, is admonishing me for daring to marry a pony. I mean, yeah, there are several things wrong with that on Earth. You try to marry a pony on Earth and some places will shoot you for it, I'm sure.

Here though? In Equestria? I don't care. Cheerilee and I love each other, so what's the big deal? Besides, I'm the weird one here, not her. This is a pony society, a society that I am now marrying into.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you had told me ten years ago...

You get the picture.

What food we have left is forgotten as Cheerilee and I instantly delve into wedding plans. Where are we going to have it, who's coming, what the color scheme is going to look like, what color she wants the bridesmaids dresses to be, and so on. Even in those initial moments I realize that we have a loooonnng way to go before we can actually get to the "I do" part unless we want to go to a courthouse or straight to Celestia for the ceremony.

Hey, with how many favors Celestia owes me--infinite at this point--she wouldn't begrudge marrying us, I think. I think she'd actually be honored by the sentiment. A peace offering from us. We decided that we would ask Twilight about it.

I run my fingers through Cheerilee's mane and she nuzzles my forearm as we lie back on the picnic basket, just enjoying each other's company.

"Fiancés," Cheerilee whispers, nuzzling her head into a niche in my shoulder. "We're really getting married, aren't we?"

I chuckle and put my free hand behind my head. "Sure are. I haven't really wrapped my mind around it either, and I've been planning basically since we started dating, but really heavily for weeks now."

Cheerilee raises and eyebrow and looks up at me. "You've been planning to propose since we started dating?"

I tilt my head in a shrug. "Sure, why not? I mean, like I said, I didn't want you to get away from me. You make me happy, Cheerilee."

"And you make me very happy, TD." Cheerilee gives a content sigh and nuzzles my chest. "The only problem is the physical aspect of our relationship, I suppose, but we can work that out when we get to it."

"I suppose so."

Truth be told that was bugging me a little bit. If Cheerilee is going to be my wife, then that was a valid point. I mean, yeah, Discord did change our species a while back, but I didn't exactly want to go ask Discord to do that every time we felt like getting physical. Still, it was an option, and I hadn't thought of a better one, as uncomfortable as it was. I wouldn't put it past Discord to be watching to see when he could work his chaos magic, unfortunately.

Again, though, we can cross that bridge when we get to it, which is admittedly sooner rather than later. It being a few months after the beginning of the year, we wanted to have our wedding before the year was out to give everyone time to plan.

"So," I begin, breaking the silence that had fallen over us, "what do you say that we spend the rest of the day planning? Get some things together so that we have one or two less things to worry about when it comes to crunch time?"

"Mhm. I think that's a great idea."

I gently move to stand up and Cheerilee moves her head away from my shoulder. I get up and she extends her hoof so that I can pull her up. "So, where do you want to go first?" I ask as I begin loading things into the picnic basket. "I was thinking Rarity's since she's had our outfits designed since we started dating, I'll wager."

Cheerilee nods and begins folding up the blanket. "I think that's a good place to start. Like you said, it would be one less thing to worry about, especially since I think you're correct: she has had the outfits made since we started dating."

"She was already planning them when I asked her for advice in asking you out." I put the blanket in the picnic basket and pick it up so that we can head on over to Rarity's. "So I think she's hoping that we'll ask her about it any day now."

"I would imagine so."

Cheerilee and I begin walking towards town, each of us with a slight spring in our step and a giddy feeling in our chests. We're getting married, and we couldn't be happier. My mind still hasn't completely wrapped around it. An irrational part of my brain tells me that I'm going to wake up any minute now, the proposal having not yet happened. But no, the rational part of my mind is dominant, and I realize that this is real. Cheerilee is my fiancée now.

Yeah, I know that I keep saying it, but man, I still have to fully realize that it's real.

Oy.

We pass by my house and drop of the picnic stuff before heading over to Rarity's. The sign in the window of her shop says "open," so we open the door and walk right in when we reach it. The bell above the door jingles, and Rarity comes out of her workroom, a smile on her face and a sewing needle behind her ear.

"Well, good morning to you two." Rarity walks over to Cheerilee and gives her a hug. "Fancy seeing you here. Is this a casual visit, or a business opportunity?"

"The latter." Cheerilee points to the ring around her neck, and Rarity leans in to take a closer look.

"Ooh, blue and green gold intertwined. I like it." She glances back up at us. "An anniversary present, yes? You need outfits because you're doing something special?"

"Rarity, that's an engagement ring." I walk over to Cheerilee and put a hand on her head. "I just asked her to marry me."

Silence fills the boutique as Rarity stares blankly at the two of us. She keeps alternating her looks between me, Cheerilee and the ring. Every now and then she'll slowly blink. After almost a minute Rarity gently clears her throat. "Engagement ring, you say?" She fixes her gaze completely on the ring. "Yes, well I suppose..."

Before we can say anything, a wide smile crosses Rarity's face and she leaps into the air with a high pitched squeal. "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!" She zooms over to us and pulls us both in to crushing hugs. "You're getting married! Oh I knew it was only a matter of time before you proposed, TD! You two are absolutely perfect for each other!"

"Er... yeah, I think so too," I say as I try to wiggle out of her grasp. No dice, and I have to wait until she lets us both go. "We're here to see if we can't commission some wedding outfits."

The bear trap that is her hug springs open, sending Cheerilee and I stumbling backwards. "Of course!" Rarity ignites her horn and begins pulling the two of us over to her workroom, a maniacal smile plastered on her face. "I've had ideas for your wedding outfits since you first told me of your intent to court our dear Cheerilee. It's been a few years so I just need to confirm the measurements I have on file for the two of you!" Rarity's horn powers down, and we both stumble forward as we find ourselves not trapped by her magic anymore. Rarity wheels around and fixes us with her crazy grin.

"Okay, who's first?!"

* * * *

There is, I've found, one downside to being more muscular then when I came to Equestria: Rarity's measurement time. She took Cheerilee's measurements rather quickly, but mine required... a few more hours, and I'm not happy about it.

"Fun fact: when I get out of here, I'm going to spend every cent of my next paycheck on gasoline so I can burn this wretched place down."

"Uh-huh."

"Just so you know, when you let me out I'm going to bribe whoever I must to get your name legally changed to Slartibartfast."

"Uh-huh."

Yeah, we're doing this again.

"When this freezing spell is lifted I'm going to buy as much dye as I can, and then I'm going to dye your coat mustard yellow while you sleep."

"That's nice," she says nonchalantly.

"On a different subject, when I'm free, I'm going to take your cat and punt it so hard I'm going to rip a hole in reality and create the entire Colquitt family, as well as change the Cleveland Browns into a curling team."

"Won't that be interesting?" she responds blankly, however I see a slight look of confusion cross her face at this one. Seems she still hasn't figured out the context of that one.

"On an unrelated note–"

"TD, for goodness sakes, I'm almost done! Do we have to repeat this?"

I glance up at Cheerilee who is covering her mouth with her hoof to prevent herself from giggling. I give her a small smirk before looking down at my captor. "Yes, every time you cast a freezing spell on me, we will have this exact conversation." I scoff. "I don't even know why it was necessary! I mean, I would have done this willingly, you know."

Rarity sighs and measures my forearm again. "Sentimentality, I suppose. A feeling of nostalgia for the days when you first arrived. Either that or I knew this might take a while and this is indeed the more comfortable option. You've been standing for two hours, but you aren't getting sore yet, are you?"

"I also walked around the entire planet for six years," I retort. "Kind of built up a little tolerance for that kind of thing."

Rarity clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes. "Yes, I can see that. Your measurements have changed dramatically since your arrival, though I've found that ten years does tend to do that to a pony, or in this case human, at any rate." Rarity shakes her head and ignites her horn, and feeling slowly returns to my body. "In any case, I'm finished. I'll have the outfits made as soon as I can." A wide grin crosses Rarity's face as she starts to put her supplies away. "So, when is the date?!"

I shrug. "We haven't set a date yet. We want to do it before the year is out."

"Well I think that sounds positively wonderful, you two." Rarity ignites her horn and a few bolts of fabric fly off of her shelves. "You just let me know what color schemes you two picked out, and I'll work around those. Of course you're always welcome to come to me for advice on the subject."

"We just might do that, Rarity." Cheerilee and Rarity exchange a brief hug. "Goodbye. I look forward to seeing what you have."

With that, Cheerilee and I walk out of Rarity's shop, leaving her to her mad schemes. I know they'll be good and all, but why on Earth did I have to be put in a freezing spell like that? Oh well, what's done is done.

"Say, it's about dinnertime." I point to a restaurant that we're passing. "You wanna get something to eat?

"I'd like that."

We change our direction and head to the restaurant, where we are seated immediately in an outside seat. On hay, naturally, but since I'm not ingesting it I should be okay.

As we peruse the menus, it starts to really hit me. I'm getting married. I just proposed to my marefriend of almost a year, and my best friend for even longer and she enthusiastically said yes. Man, if only my family could see me now. They would have some words for me. Given my unique situation I can't say what those words would be, but they would be interesting, that's for sure.

Family...

Huh... family.

You know now that I think about it...

I put my menu down and fold my hands on the table. "Say Cheerilee, I think I recall something that's kind of important."

Cheerilee puts her own menu down and raises her eyebrow. "Really?"

I nod and begin idly spinning the menu on the table. "So you know all about my family, but every time I ask about yours you change the subject. Saying it's too personal. I know I haven't asked in a while, but given that we're about to be married..." I narrow my eyes slightly and lean forward. "I think it's about time you tell me. I mean, I want to know what kind of family I'll be marrying into, or even if there is a family to marry into at all. I think we're a little devoted now for us to be keeping big secrets like that."

Cheerilee's ears have gone flat, and she's looking away from me just as she normally does when I ask this question, but I'm not budging on this issue this time. She can have little secrets, I guess, but her parents isn't one of the ones she should hide from me. Besides, if we're going to be husband and wife, this is kind of important.

It's a solid thirty seconds before Cheerilee slowly closes her eyes and sighs almost inaudibly. She nods and rubs one temple. "Yes, I suppose you're right, TD." She shakes her head and cracks her eyes open. "No, there's no supposing about it. I'm sorry for keeping it from you all these years it's just..." She fully opens her eyes and looks up at me. "It's not really something that I like to talk about. My parents and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

I cross my arms and nod. "I'm listening."

"Very well, it's just..." Cheerilee flattens her ears and bites her lip for a moment. "I was born and raised on a farm near Baltimare. My parents owned an orange orchard, and I spent my youth working on that farm with the assumption by everypony that my cutie mark would be orange related. But, uh..." Cheerilee looked down at the ground. "It didn't exactly turn out like that, obviously. My parents didn't mind that I tutored other foals in my class for a little extra money, they said it was good that I earned money of my own so that I could start learning to manage my finances, but when teaching became my cutie mark..."

"They didn't quite care for it," I finish.

Cheerilee looks back up at me, her eyes wide, and she shakes her head. "No, not in of itself. They were very proud of me the day that I got it. My father told his friends that it showed that I 'had real brains in me.'" A small smile crosses Cheerilee's face, and she leans her head against one of her forehooves. "It's just that the assumption was that I'd continue to work the farm and tutor in my spare time for extra money, like I had been doing. I... uh..." Cheerilee gently clears her throat. "Didn't quite want to do it that way. Once I got my cutie mark, I wanted to do teaching full time."

"Makes sense. It was that that your parents took issue with, then?"

Cheerilee nods and she closes her eyes. "We had a rather nasty fight about it. I wanted to go to Canterlot U to get my teaching degree, and they wanted me to take some night classes so that I could still tutor, but continue to work on the farm. With the help of a few friends I got out of there and went to Canterlot U to get my degree, then came here because there was a good spot open."

"I see." I take a deep breath and slowly nod. "I see. How old were you?"

"I was sixteen years old. I came to Ponyville when I was nineteen."

"Alright." I see out of the corner of my eye that the waiter is walking up to our table, ready to take our orders, but I wave my hand to get him away. He nods and goes to another table. I turn my attention back to Cheerilee. "So if your parents were here now, what would you say to them?"

Cheerilee subtly shrugs and rubs the back of her neck. "Well, I'm not sure. It's been almost fifteen years since we've talked to each other. They didn't so much as write when I was in college, and even if they did, I suppose my stubborn pride would have made me not answer anyway."

"Do you regret that? Do you wish that you had a better relationship with your parents?" I tilt my head slightly and raise one eyebrow. "Because maybe it's just me never getting to see anyone in my family again forever, but if I had the chance to reconnect, even if we were estranged before, I think I'd take it."

"I know, and the amount of ponies who know about that who have told me to re-connect is close to one hundred percent. I just..." Cheerilee grimaces, and a quiet groan escapes her lips. "Some of the things that were said left scars. I'm sure that some of the things that I said left scars too, but I'm not sure they've healed enough for me to reconnect."

"Really?" I scoff. "Not even fifteen years later?"

"I know, I know..." Cheerilee goes back to rubbing her temples. "And I know that you especially wouldn't really be sympathetic to the situation, having completely lost your entire family forever."

"Look, Cheerilee..." I reach out a hand and place it on her hoof. "I get it. You hurt each other, and I can see being mad for a few years, but fifteen? You guessed that I wouldn't be sympathetic to the situation, and... well, you're right. I'm not. Not after all this time. If I could reconnect with my parents, I would in a heartbeat. Now I'm not saying that reconnecting with your parents is a condition of our marriage, I love you and I want to marry you, but..." I can only shrug when I see how deflated she looks. "Just think about it, okay?"

Cheerilee quietly sighs and pokes a hoof at her menu. "Okay. I'll think about it."

Author's Note:

In terms of all of the "Cheerilee death" theories, I only have one thing to say.

Dammit, it you people are fucking insane!!!

You're sadists! You're all sadists!

Jeez...

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