• Member Since 7th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 8th, 2021

Al-1701


I'm a long time pony fan with an imagination and a keyboard.

T
Source

The mirror held in the Crystal Empire opens once every 30 moons to Canterlot High. At least it did.

The mirror has started to open once every five moons but not to Canterlot High. It opens to a completely different world. Celestia has created a colonization effort called Equestria Nova to establish a presence in this new world. Ponies from across Equestria have been selected to start a new life here. However, they soon discover this world works very differently from Equestria.

Proofread by Caden who also did the cover art.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 52 )

3242173 There will be humans, but are a very small presence (Megan and her siblings will NOT appear in this installment, but might in later installments.) So, I don't know if a human tag is warranted for what is at this time going to be single, short appearance.

Oh I see what is going on this is the Gen1

3286280 Well, it's Gen 1 told my way. The G1 ponies are obviously the stars and there are many creatures from the G1 cartoon. However, this story is unlike anything from the G1.

Oh, and I don't plan to have Megan appear in this particular story. However, if I continue the storyline, she would show up in a later one.

One free review as promised.

Grammar mistakes that I detected in chapter one:
Smaller mistakes: 8
Sentences with major flaws: 0
Overall: Very good grammar.

Plot and pacing:
It all seemed there and at a very reasonable speed.

OC personalities:
All of your OCs seemed to not be Mary Stus. They all have nice and separate personalities.

Overall: I (personally) found the story not to my liking, I am not a fan of all OC stories. However, I can tell it is well written. I'm honestly not sure why this story doesn't have more views.
8 out of 10

Genius having the gemstone eyed ponies like Fizzy appear as crystal ponies. :pinkiehappy:

It's always nice to have G1 take the spotlight once in a while. For that generation is very underappreciated.
So far, this is a clever idea of working the G1 world into the G4 universe of Friendship is Magic, as it would make sense for the magic mirror to lead to different dimensions. Dream Valley is introduced rather uniquely. Our heroes don't simply arrive to a nice, peace valley, but rather a cold, desolate one, and it was up to them to return the land to its lovely state.
The characters are likeable thus far: Wind Whistler is somewhat shy and humble, but is willing to put her intellect and wits to the test. Fizzy is a sweet innocent and likes to look up to others. Gusty likes to act more cynical and rough, but is willing to have tasks accomplished. Shady is definitely more of a mystery. Timid, quiet, sensitive. She may not have that many qualities to admire, but I assume she's meant to be more relatable.
Now, as much as I enjoy this story, it's not perfect, and I do have a few issues. One major problem is that the structure is too...singular. I don't think there is a single compound sentence in this fanfiction. It's written for a visual art rather than a literal art.
Another small problem is the fact that many of the characters are given very little introduction, and those who are not familiar with G1 may feel a little alienated.
Also, while I do like the concept of having to handle matters when friends cannot be there, didn't it take friendship for Wind Whistler to destroy the obelisk and defeat the witches?
And...that's pretty much all I can say at this point. Despite some flaws (hey, no story is perfect), I still like this tale very much and I will continue to follow it until the end.

3344899 Well, the characters are tiered. There are main characters, major characters, and minor characters. I was kind of just acknowledging their existence to start. They'll be properly introduced when they become relevant to events. In fact, the next chapter will be introducing us to many of them.

As for friendship and the destruction of the obelisk, you just need to keep reading to know the significance of that meeting.

As for the lack of compound sentences and visual over literary, that's how I think.

Interesting. I like what you've done with our four main characters. They feel interesting and reasonably complex, as well as similar to their original conceptions.

Certain aspects of your story's setup try my suspension of disbelief, but I'll hold judgement until I get to the main plot, which I'm sure is the adventure of exploring the new world. I would also recommend a proofreader. I noticed a few sentence structure issues.

I like the reference to Applejack's "I didn't learn anything" line. Considering that it was just a light-hearted joke to begin with, it is amusing that Celestia would take it so seriously. XD

I've only just read the first chapter, but I look forward to reading the rest.

Great job so far. :)

3363990 No. But it does get the idea from the same place for the name.

I like how you've handled the four main characters, (I notice they're the four from Mish Mash Melee; good choice there) and turning Applejack's letter to Celestia into the motivation for this project was a nice touch. I suspect some Sombra-ness from Spearhead, too, which could be interesting if done right. However, I'm not so sure I like the Hurricane subplot so far, (seems too quick and easy, especially given that it's emotionally suppressed Wind Whistler we're talking about, and aside from that, is a romance really necessary?) though I'll wait and see where it goes before judging it.

Part of me is kinda looking forward to when/if Galaxy shows up. :derpytongue2:

Galaxy was in this chapter! EEEE :pinkiehappy:

Ahem, pardon me.
Regardless of whether it was intentional or not, this story is giving me some strong Stargate Atlantis vibes, so good on you. I also like how you're handling North Star (another favorite of mine) so far, and the Witches seem like they'll actually be good villains here. Hydia seems somewhat deeper in her characterization, if only just. Though now I'm curious about what that curse does... :duck:
I've already shared my thoughts on Hurricane, so I won't repeat them here. :unsuresweetie:

3393678 Galaxy shows up in Chapter 2.

The Hurricane subplot will be very small going forward. Both characters have more important matters to attend to, but they will have a slowly growing relationship. Also, as the story goes along, we learn Wind Whistler is actually very emotional, but keeps her expression of those emotions controlled.

Huh, neat. I like your explanation for the kerchiefs and bows, and the obelisk was an interesting touch, even if everything felt a bit too quickly resolved. Regardless, it's a good start to the story, and a good explanation for Hydia's grudge. I also like how Spearhead is actually turning out to be a pretty cool guy; subverted tropes are fun.
Probably my favorite thing about this chapter, though, was the sisterly bond with Wind Whistler and Fizzy; that was a great scene. :twilightsmile:

Darn it, subverted tropes weren't actually subverted. Shame. :applejackunsure:

Regardless, a very good chapter; the scene in the spa in particular came across well, (even if Wind Whistler's one-eighty on the 'lieutenant governer' decision felt rather abrupt) and I'm looking forward to seeing how the first contact with the Blarks turns out. :twilightsmile:

So... the Gizmonks are Borg Monkeys? That works...
Also, poor Paradise, and nice job on the cliffhanger!

King MacGyver? Brilliant!
Nice introductions to the strike team, and I like that Truly isn't as obnoxious here. Also:

Galaxy stepped into the castle’s conservatory in time for a tiny planet to pass through her nose.

This line had me laughing out loud. :pinkiehappy:

The Gusty scene, while pretty well-done, bugged me for some reason, though I can't really place why. The conversation between Rosetta and Whistler was rather interesting; lends some depth to what would otherwise just be a "generic rival" character. And while I do like the bit with Shady, I actually found myself agreeing with Spearhead that she and Fizzy may not have been the best choices as 'protection.' :shrug:

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next update! :twilightsmile:

3393901 Yep, I noticed! :pinkiehappy:

Ah, okay; that makes sense. Like I said, I'll wait and see.

Hmm, interesting. I especially like the last part; a lesser author would have taken Gusty's position without even considering the possible repercussions behind this turn of events. That being said, it's good that Paradise is safe. :twilightsmile:

The planet is Cybertron isn't it? Two moon, mechanical lifeforms, a spacebridge, the symbols on the door to the cave fit the description of the Decepticon insigna, all things point to Cybertron or at least a planet that was visited by them.

Though I admit that all that life on the planet speaks against my theory.

3424992 It's a planet Cybertronians have visited a very long time ago and left some of their technology behind on.

Interesting take on the Dell Dwellers. Not sure how I feel about the Transformers influence, (Nothing against Transformers, it just seems gratuitous here) but the description of the Decepticon insignia got a grin out of me. :twilightsmile:

The EQG getting caught in Dream Valley is a plotline I definitely didnt see coming. :pinkiegasp:

Well, that all fits together rather nicely! And I like how you've handled Sunset Shimmer; still herself, but clearly mellowed out considerably. :pinkiesmile:

Got caught back up! I never saw this twist coming! Keep going!

:twilightsmile:

Yet another good chapter; and I'll try and take a look at the changes to the others soon. :twilightsmile:

Also, WHEE SUNSET SHIMMER I'm done now. :derpytongue2:

Spearhead just packed up and left?:pinkiegasp:
I didn't expect that. I thought he would try to somehow enforce his ideals upon the ponies and not just give up and try somewhere else.

3611492 But consider that that's kinda what he was doing with Equestria Nova - Don't forget that he will likely return sooner or later to do exactly what you said.

Well, that was an interesting chapter. The truth has out, and it's... well, it's something. I like that you kept the drama fairly low-key, actually, but I think you may have gone too far in that direction. The Sombra bit was interesting, too, and I really liked how you handled Magic Star here.

I'm loving this story so far, but I'm still wondering if this is meant to be a G1 origins story (which I'm doubting, seeing as certain things don't align with the G1 storyline) or a completely original story using the G1 characters.

Also, is it just me, or do most of the members of Spearhead's party share some pretty strong resemblances to the major Decepticon characters from Transformers. For example, Echo screams Soundwave. A plot point or coincidence, I wonder.

Since they're there with Geiger Counter and everyone, I assume the place they arrived to looks like the stronghold from Snowball Effect
Great explanations for Twinkle eyes, petrification magic and witch alchemy thing.

What an intriguing cross gen story, I could hear Wind Whistler's voice actor and you've got everyone in character.

Dream Castle huh? Wow, I can't imagine what it would be like to see Saturn in our skies as frequently as we see the moon. :D And you brought the volcano witches! Your awesome. Finally, its nice to get some clarity about why Hydia hated being called mama.

Wow! I like how you explained the Twinkle Eyes and that was good thinking on Wind Whistler's part. You've made Hydia really, truly dangerous here. I like that. Are we gonna see the Moochick and Habbit too?

Another excellent chapter, I would love to see your Echo brought to life in a drawing

suddenly makes sense now at how few allies they seemed to have in ponyland. ha! they're really shaking up the order

interesting that you brought the tfs into this. I liked your dell dwellers too

hmm, so what happens to them I wonder? so intriguing.

Hope to see a new chapter to this soon.:)

6925612 Still alive, but this story is going through a very slow resurrection process.

Amazing work on this story so far. I love the nod to the Transformers series.

Great work on this chapter, I wonder what Princess Celestia would have to say about Spearhead's little speech?

3344899
All very good points. I myself like visual art in fanfics so I don't agree with you on that one but all in all, a very reasonable review.

3336233
This ain't an OC story. It's just the cast of My Little Pony Generation 1. The personalities from the source material are 100% accurate. Trust me, I'm someone who has watched all of the original generation of My Little Pony. I know what I'm talking about.

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