Equestria Nova: Brave New World

by Al-1701

Chapter 5: Encounters Friendly and Otherwise

It had to have been at least two hours of trotting through the tunnel. Wind Whistler had neglected to bring a watch. However, she knew they had been traveling for a while.

“How much farther?” Paradise asked tiredly. “My hooves feel like they’re made of lead.”

Paradise had bulging saddlebags slung to her sides. They were filled with books of Equestrian riddles and idioms. Hopefully the blarks would find them to their liking, especially after Paradise went to all the trouble to bring them.

Wind Whistler turned back to Fan Belt. He was an earth pony stallion with a yellow coat and a short, orange mane. He held the lantern with the glowing crystal Scrapper had brought. Scrapper sat on Fan Belt’s back since he would have never been able to keep up on foot and held onto his mane to keep from falling off.

“This is perhaps the longest tunnel we have,” Scrapper said.

Babel was using his magic to translate. Wind Whistler was considering having classes to learn Common started as soon as they got back. If the whole planet spoke it, they needed to as well instead of relying on their translators.

“It’s your location,” Scrapper said. “We typically have rest stops and outposts in our tunnel system, but this isn’t the most pleasant place in the world.”

“It definitely doesn’t sound like one,” Paradise said. She shuddered. “The Land of Nightmares, the very name sends a chill through me.”

Wind Whistler had to agree. It was a very blunt name that suggested they were in among of very unpleasant company. She doubted even the dangerous creatures of the Everfree Forest would stand much of a chance in the badlands surrounding their valley.

“The best way to get around the Land of Nightmares is underground,” Scrapper said. “It’s especially true at night since the most vicious creatures are nocturnal.”

“That’s good to know,” Fan Belt said worriedly. “The things that go bump in the night are what we should be the most afraid of.”

“What’s the rest of the planet like?” Wind Whistler asked.

“I guess diverse is the best way to put it,” Scrapper said. “There are forests, swamps, deserts, mountains, volcanic islands and ranges, plains, jungles, polar ice caps, you name it. It’s just the Land of Nightmares that’s really messed up.”

“I wonder why,” Wind Whistler mused aloud.

“Probably because of those psychotic witches,” Paradise said.

“No, it goes back long before they showed up,” Scrapper said. “They say it sits over a well of dark magic which prevents anything desirable from growing there and attracts the monsters and demons that call it home. And I bet you haven’t seen the most bizarre regions like the Jewel Desert where the plants are made of living crystal.”

“The valley we’re in is nice,” Paradise said.

“That’s because of the waterfall if you can believe the legends,” Scrapper said. “It sits on a well of light magic which is admittedly much smaller than the dark magic covering the rest of the place. However, it’s powerful enough to keep the valley alive and free of monsters.”

“Then the witches came and put that obelisk right in the spring feeding it,” Babel said.

“Well, you put an end that thing and gave the witches their first black eye since coming here,” Scrapper said. “They’re a bunch of nasty bullies terrorizing the kingdoms surrounding the Land of Nightmares. It was about time someone put them in their place.”

Wind Whistler noticed a light ahead of them.

“We’re just about at the end,” Scrapper said.

“Thank goodness,” Paradise said.

They trotted towards the end of the tunnel. It opened up into a massive underground chamber. Wind Whistler gasped at the scope and majesty of the cavern. Huge columns of rock as big as the grandest towers of Canterlot went from the floor to the ceiling dozens of meters above them. A couple had ramps spiraling up them led to holes in the ceiling.

“Topsoil would have a field day in here,” Babel said.

Wind Whistler turned her attention to the cave floor. A city of boxy buildings filled the space. A few blarks like Scrapper were out in the narrow streets.

“Welcome to Scrapsburg,” Scrapper said. “We’re just outside of the Land of Nightmares.”

Some of the locals took notice as Scrapped hopped off Fan Belt and lead them through the central street. “You need to talk to Dicker. He’s the mayor here and always eager to meet newcomers.”

Scrapper laid them to a three story building. He knocked on the door which looked like it had been made out of several mismatched planks. After a couple seconds the door opened and a heavier, older, blark stepped out. She was apparently female with two round shapes on her chest similar to the witches and a mess of longer fur on her head that might be called a mane. She wore a simple white apron as her only piece of attire.

“What do you want, Scrapper?” the female blark asked irritably. “It’s seven o’clock in the morning.”

Maybe starting at five was not the best idea, Wind Whistler thought.

“Those stories about the valley coming back to life were true,” Scrapper said excitedly. “I even brought some of its new residents.”

The female blark looked to Wind Whistler and her fellow ponies. She squinted as if trying to get a better look at them. “Just when I thought I’d seen it all,” she said.

“What does she mean by that?” Fan Belt whispered to Paradise out of the corner of his mouth.

Paradise shushed him.

“Well, come in then,” the female blark said. “I’m Drudge, Mayor Dicker’s housekeeper.”

Drudge turned back into the house. “Wake up, Mayor!” she shouted. “We got visitors!”

“I’m up,” a gravelly, male voice replied from inside the house.

“Makes yourselves at home.” Drudge motioned inside.

Wind Whistler took in the main floor as they entered. The decorations were a little worn and had some slight damage. They must have been tossed out by other races, but were still usable.

Babel used his magic to take a goofy-looking object that looked like a firearm of some sort. “What’s this?”

“It’s a gizmonk laser rifle.” Drudge jumped up to grab the rifle, but she only hung from it.

Wind Whistler watched as Drudge tried futilely to pull the rifle down. Babel released the rifle and both it and Drudge fell to the ground. Drudge cradled the rifle under her arm.

Drudge glared at Babel. “This is a souvenir from my time scavenging their dumps.”

“Sorry,” Babel said.

“What’s going on down there?” the gravelly voice asked.

A heavy, male blark slowly made his way down the stairs. He wore a red jacket over a white shirt, and a fez the same color as his jacket sat on his head. He heaved a sigh and adjusted the small pair of eye glasses sitting on his snout.

“Mayor, these ponies apparently beat the witches’ curse on the valley,” Drudge said.

“Greetings, Mayor Dicker.” Wind Whistler bowed her head. “I am Wind Whistler, the lieutenant governor of the Equestria Nova colony.”

“Equestria Nova, huh?” Dicker said as he lifted himself into a chair. “Well, welcome to Scrapsburg. Has Scrapper explained what we do?”

“Yes.” Paradise motioned to the saddlebag to her side. “I brought several books of our local riddles and idioms.”

Dicker wrung his hands eagerly. “Ooh, tell me one.”

“In exchange, we would like to know everything you know about this world,” Wind Whistler said.

Dicker sat back and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmm. Well, we don’t value general information that much since anyone can figure it out. I suppose I can give you a bit of a primer for one riddle. Just make it a good one that I don’t know. Also, no deal if it’s similar to one I do know.”

“You got it,” Paradise said. “In fact, I know one not even in these books.”

Paradise cleared her throat. “I have millions of eyes, but I live in darkness. I have four lobes, but I have no ears. I have no muscle, but I control two hemispheres. What am I?”

“Uh…” Dicker trailed off. “A vampire bat with radiation poisoning? No. A cave crab with dystrophy? Not can’t be it.” He shrugged. “You got me.”

“Your brain,” Paradise said. “It has millions of optic nerves, four lopes, and two hemispheres.”

Dicker laughed so hard his belly shook. “That’s a good one. Whatever we know about this world is free for the asking.”

“We also do not wish to simply make a few trades,” Wind Whistler said. “We came to this world to make friends. Perhaps we could open up more involved relations.”

“Really?” Dicker asked. “Everyone just comes here to trade junk and riddles and then leaves.”

“We’re not everyone,” Wind Whistler said. “We could mutually benefit from cooperation.”

“I’ll have to talk to the other mayors, but I’m sure we can come to an agreement,” Dicker said.

“Thank you,” Wind Whistler replied. “Anyway, what is this world? We came here through a portal.”

“That’s how just about everything living in this world came here,” Dicker said. “This Earth is like a multidimensional hub everyone calls Hub Earth. It’s got portals to hundreds of other Earths. Many races, creatures, and plant life have come here and settled over the millennia.”

“So, you’re not native to this world?” Paradise asked.

Dicker shook his head. “Nope. I’m not even sure what is native to this world.”

“What about the weather here?” Wind Whistler asked. “Is it controlled?”

Dicker wheezed a laugh. “Controlled? Where would you get such a silly idea? Sure there are some spellcasters who can tweak the weather, but the weather does what it does like on any other world.”

“Well, it doesn’t on our world,” Paradise said. “We pegasi maintain a balanced weather pattern across all of Equestria.”

“Well, rule number one about living here is, ‘forget what you did in your old world.’” Dicker wagged his blunted claw in front of them.

Wind Whistler swallowed as discretely as she could manage. She remembered what Hydia had said the other day. We live by the law of the jungle here. It’s kill or be killed. The power of friendship might not be up to the task taming such a world.

“I was wondering if we could look at some of your junk,” Fan Belt said.

“Sure.” Dicker jumped out of his chair. “I’ll show you to our main storehouse.”

Dicker picked up a cane and lumbered to the door.

“These blarks seem friendly enough,” Paradise whispered to Wind Whistler.

“They’re traders,” Wind Whistler replied. “Gregariousness is a job requirement.”

---

Spearhead knew Rosetta would be beside herself when she heard Babel had gone to the blarks to serve as translator. He just ignored her angry rant. It was not until she got into how she deserved to go that Spearhead decided to put an end to the verbal abuse.

“Rosetta!” Spearhead stamped his hoof loudly.

Rosetta stopped and took a step backwards.

“You deserve nothing,” Spearhead snapped.

Rosetta huffed angry. “I’m your first and most loyal follower. I’ve know you longer than any pony.”

“Then you should know I reward initiative,” Spearhead said. “Babel was the one who climbed the cliff. Babel was the one who encountered the witches. Babel was the one who created the Equestrian–Common translation matrix. Therefore, Babel is the one who earned the right to go on this mission.”

Rosetta curled her lips back. She was his most loyal follower. She was loyal to the point of believing she knew what was best for him better than he did. Sometimes she was right, but she could also let it get to her head.

“What about our agenda?” Rosetta asked, trying to sound calm. “One of us should have gone on this assignment to represent our interests.”

Spearhead flicked his hoof dismissively. “The blarks aren’t important. However, if you want assignments, you better be more proactive. We left Equestria to escape the sense of entitlement that permeates its society. I won’t coddle it anew here even among my inner circle.”

Rosetta frowned indignantly. She finally bowed her head. “Yes, Governor Spearhead.”

Spearhead looked to Landslide, Typhoon, and Echo. “What’s the attitude of the colony?”

“There’s a bit of a disagreement on how we should proceed,” Landslide said. “It’s regarding whether or not we should settle this valley or find another sight like we originally planned. The valley is obviously alive and suits our needs for now. However, it has a built in carrying limit, is surrounded by wasteland on all sides, and has the problem of unpleasant neighbors.”

“I have to agree that this valley should at least not be the extent of the colony,” Spearhead said.

He turned to Typhoon specifically. “Tell Monsoon to send his scouts out farther. We need to know the perimeter of this wasteland and what farmable land is unclaimed.”

Typhoon bowed. “I’ll go at once, Governor Spearhead.”

Typhoon trotted out of the room.

“What about the general attitude toward the princesses?” Spearhead asked.

“Luke warm at best,” Landslide said. “Most of the ponies here came from the fringes of Eqestria; Vanhoover, Los Pegasus, Mustangia, Whinnipeg, Fort de Trot, Mareami, Coltcord, Mountreal; well away from Celestia’s core power structure. They also in general seem unsatisfied with their lives in Equestria.”

“Thank you, Landslide” Spearhead said. He compartmentalized this information in his mind for when it would be of better use.

---

Wind Whistler watched Fan Belt’s eyes get as big as dinner plates and swore she saw the smallest drop of drool on the corner of his mouth. Like a foal in a candy store, she thought.

“I’ve died and gone to heaven,” Fan Belt gushed.

The blark’s storehouse was an engineer and tinkerer’s dream. There was every part in every style and every size sensibly imaginable.

“I could build almost anything with what’s in here,” Fan Belt said.

Wind Whistler turned back to Dicker. “I’m actually curious about the glowing crystal in Scrapper’s lantern. What is it?”

“Most everyone calls them sun crystals?” Dicker said. “They’re actually rather common in this part of the world. and pretty nifty. They absorb sunlight and when slightly compressed lengthwise they release energy as visible light. We use them in lanterns, lamps, you name it.”

“Probably a lot safer than the flames we use,” Paradise said.

“However, their best use is as a power source,” Dicker continued. “You can put them in electronics and they’ll run for a weeks on even a few hours’ worth of sunlight depending on their size.”

“I don’t know how useful that property will be to us,” Wind Whistler said. “We didn’t bring many electronics.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t build them,” Fan Belt said as he examined jars of chips sorted by size.

“I’ve been thinking of making a multi-purpose tool you could use with your mouth,” Fan Belt said, “but I’ve never had the parts.”

“Something tells me I’ll by telling a lot of riddles,” Paradise said.

Before Wind Whistler could reply, the ground shook violently and kept on shaking. She got low to the ground to keep from toppling over.

“What’s going on?” Babel asked. “An earthquake?

“Worse, gizmonks!” Dicker screamed as he ducked for cover.

Wind Whistler turned back. The buildings across the street crumbled and collapsed, filling the air with thick dust. Wind Whistler coughed as she tried to see through the cloud of brown dust. She could hear the crumbling debris and rattling and squeaking so loud it made her ears hurt.

She suddenly saw four square lights in the cloud. They pivoted away and Wind Whistler could make out a massive silhouette. The dust began to clear. She saw that the lights were on a massive, olive green machine moving on caterpillar treads. The front had a large scoop shovel almost as wide as the streets and a massive drill with sharp blades on it stuck out of the back. It began rumbling down the street shovel first. Thick, black smoke erupted from pipes running up either side.

Wind Whistler ran out into the street. The ground still trembled from the machines movements, but she could keep her hooves under her.

Dicker ran out. “No! No, no, no, no! They can’t be here!”

Sirens blared and blarks ran frantically away from the monstrous machine. Some were scooped up by the shovel. The machine stopped. The shovel lifted up and dumped the blarks into the large hopper between the shovel and the drill. Grabber arms pivoted off the machine and smashed through buildings. They came out of the rubble filled with blarks and dropped them in the hopper. The machine rolled forward again with the grabber arms tearing into buildings.

“What is that thing?” Paradise asked. “What’s it doing?”

“It’s a gizmonk slaving machine!” Dicker shrieked. “They use it to capture workers for their labor camps! And it’s in my city!”

“How absolutely cruel,” Paradise said forcefully. “We need to stop that thing.”

“How?” Babel asked. “We’re just four ponies.”

Wind Whistler looked down to Scrapper suspiciously. “Did you know about this?”

“That the gizmonks were attacking blark cities? Yes,” Scrapper said. “That they would attack Scrapsburg this morning? No.”

Paradise undid the strap of her saddle bags and slipped out of them. She scowled a determined expression.

“Where are you going?” Fan Belt asked.

“I’m going to make those gizmonk things stop!” Paradise shouted angrily.

Before anypony or blark could say anything, Paradise was airborne and flying towards the machine.

Wind Whistler took off after Paradise. “Come back, Paradise!”

Paradise banked with the machine as it turned a corner and disappeared behind a building. The drill slashed through a building as the machine pivoted, and the building collapsed into the street.

Wind Whistler landed on top of a building overlooking the next street. She was not sure if that was the best place to set down given how many buildings had been damaged or destroyed, but she needed a vantage point.

The machine thundered down the street. Blarks were now running straight down the street from it. They must have realized the buildings were no refuge and just hoped the thing would relent before it caught them. They fell into the shovel and the machine stopped long enough to raise the shovel and dump its load into the hopper that had so many blarks they were laying on top of each other. The grabber arms continued to smash through buildings and pull out more blarks and add to the numbers in the hopper.

Paradise swung around the machine. She barely missed a grabber arm going for a building. However, the rumble from it crashing through the wall struck her. She spiraled down into the street a few meters ahead of the machine and landed on her side. The blarks ran around her like a river coming to a large rock.

Wind Whistler flew down to her. Paradise slowly got to her hooves. Her right wing laid limb to her side with streaks of red staining her white feathers.

“Can you fly?” Wind Whistler asked out of a slight glimmer of hope.

Paradise looked to her wing. It barely moved, and she winced in pain. “I don’t think so. I think it’s sprained.”

Blinding light washed over them. Wind Whistler shielded her eyes and looked up at the machine rolling dauntlessly towards them, seeming so much larger and more terrifying from the front. Blarks tumbled helplessly into the shovel. Wind Whistler took off in time as it reached them, but Paradise was picked up in the mass of blarks.

The machine stopped. The shovel began lifting up. Wind Whistler saw her chance. She could not carry Paradise to safety, but she could catch Paradise as she fell from the side and push her just far enough to avoid the hopper.

Wind Whistler took position. She coughed on the hot, noxious smoke coming from the pipes. Her eyes watered and stung, but she kept them open as best she could.

The shovel tilted back. The blarks and Paradise fell out of the shovel. Wind Whistler in an instant planned her angle of attack and started flying. One of the grabber arms suddenly tilted into her fly path. She held up to plant her hooves on it. She watched helplessly as Paradise fell into the hopper with the blarks, a patch of white and reddish-orange in the sea of brown.

The shovel hit the ground. Wind Whistler expected the machine to begin rolling along again. Instead, the grabber arms folded against the sides of the machine like a pair of pegasus wings. The inner side walls of the hopper pulled up and closed over it as a top. The drill on the other end began spinning rapidly. Wind Whistler realized it was leaving.

She noticed a cab behind the shovel. She landed in front of it and braced her front hoof on the frame and banged her other hoof on the tinted windows.

“You have one of my ponies in there!” Wind Whistler shouted as she continued to pound on the window. “Release her now!”

The glass took the punishment. The machine suddenly began lifting up. Wind Whistler took off from it and flew several meters above it.

The machine tilted back with its treads still on the ground. The drill began cutting into the ground. It pulled the rest of the machine into the hole it bored. The machine withdrew into the hole.

Wind Whistler landed and watched the machine disappear into the darkness. The sounds of it that had drowned out almost everything during its rampage faded to leave an oppressive silence. There were shouts from blarks and the sounds of rubble shifting or being shifted, but they sounded so distant.

Wind Whistler could only think of that moment when she first met Paradise. She was arguing with Spearhead over bringing books. She then remembered her beaming to know Wind Whistler wanted her to come along with some of her collection.

Wind Whistler took a step back and tripped over a piece of rubble and ended up sitting on her flank. She noticed something green out of the corner of her eye. She looked to see it was Paradise’s eyeglasses under a piece of rubble. Wind Whistler kicked the rubble away. The pearl chain was still attached, but the frames were mangled and the lenses were shattered.

This was Wind Whistler’s fault. She was the one who suggested Paradise come.

Hot tears ran down her cheeks. I deserve to be an alicorn princess? Wind Whistler thought. My first duty as lieutenant governor and I got one of my fellow ponies captured. Her shoulders heaved as she let out a sob. She just let it all out and cried like she had not since she was a filly.

---

Spearhead looked at the floor plan of the castle. If it was any other floor plan, he would have believed the designer had indulged in cider that had been out too long. The rooms overlapped and the main building stretched far beyond the perimeter of the castle.

“This castle as space folding spells all over the place,” Landslide said. “The interior is five times larger than the exterior. The whole colony can’t live inside, but a hundred or so ponies could live in it comfortably.”

“This world is just full of surprises,” Spearhead said.

The buildings on the side walls held apartments connected by halls running their length. There were 50 apartments in all plus one large room on the second floor of both buildings building. From the outside, the apartments looked to only be two meters wide, but were actually four meters wide and four meters deep including a powder room. The main building had more luxurious quarters including a royal suite opening to the balcony and connected to the conservatory. There were plenty of storerooms in the basement that could also be converted to workshops and labs if need be.

“Governor Spearhead!” a mare shouted from outside the room.

“What is it?” Spearhead asked.

Masquerade poked her head into the doorway. She was a crystal pony with her eyes looking like cut emeralds. She had a yellow coat and her mane was streaked dark green, blue, green, and a vibrant yellow.

“Wind Whistler’s team is coming back,” Masquerade said. She paused. “There’s been an incident.”

Spearhead walked around the table. “What kind of incident?”

---

The top of the hopper opened and Paradise winced as light suddenly hit her eyes. Fresh air rushed in replacing the stench of body order and dust. At least, it would have been fresh air if not for the strange smoke smell. Paradise’s eyes adjusted to the light. However, everything was still blurry. She realized her eyeglasses were gone.

She was surrounded by blarks packed in to the point they were laying on top of each other.

Paradise tried to stand despite being half-buried in blarks. She noticed Drudge stand up on the pile and try to keep her balance. She knew it was here based on the mass of white on her front.

“Drudge, Drudge,” Paradise said. “Are you all right?”

Drudge replied confusedly with words Paradise could not understand. Paradise was confused at first. She then remembered she no longer had Babel’s translation matrix.

The hopper suddenly lifted up and tipped to the side. The whines of hydraulics echoed off the metal walls. Paradise instinctively spread her wings to fly away. Her left wing lifted, but her right wing responded by barely moving and shooting pain into her body. The hopper tipped to the point Paradise and the blarks tumbled out.

Paradise hit the cement, and several blarks land on top of her. She got to her hooves and looked around.

They were in a large holding area of cement with metal columns around them. Paradise squinted to just make out the barbed wire running between the columns. A city of tall buildings rose towards the sky with columns of gray smoke rising from stacks and created a blanket of gray above them.

Paradise turned her attention to ground level. Outside of the pens were lanky creatures that looked like monkeys. Paradise squinted again to see a little better and got closer. They did look like monkeys, but they were more than a meter and a half tall and covered in machinery. Their right arms and both legs were completely covered with mechanical facsimiles and what looked like a camera lens on the half helmets they wore covered their right eye. Paradise figured they must be the gizmonks Dicker had been talking about.

Paradise walked up to a group on the other side of the fence. “I demand you release us at once!” She stamped her hoof. Even if they could not understand her words, they could understand her anger. “You have no right to take the blarks against their will and use them as slaves!”

Paradise tried to reach between the wires, but spark of electricity arced from the wire to her hoof. She yelped from the powerful shock and pulled her hoof back.

The gizmonks looked to each other and muttered something. One of them motioned to another group. The group ran forward carrying staffs as far Paradise could tell.

The gizmonks ran to one of the columns and did something to it Paradise could not make out. A buzzer sounded, and the section of wire adjacent to the column opened inward in a frame.

Most of the gizmonks held their staffs at the blarks. Electricity sparked at the ends. The blarks backed up as the gizmonks thrust their staffs at them.

Two gizmonks slowly made their way towards Paradise. They held their staffs forward, but there was no electricity on the end. Paradise instead thought she saw a thin loop at the end of both staffs.

Paradise backed up. “What do you think you’re doing? Stay away from me.”

The gizmonks continued to approach. Paradise backed up until she felt a shock hit her flank. She jumped forward and looked back at the fence.

Something suddenly had her by the neck and tightened around her. She looked forward and saw one of the gizmonks had gotten her with his loop. She struggled, but he was too strong and she only hurt her neck with her thrashing. The second gizmonk got his loop around her neck. They pulled her back towards the open gate. Paradise tried to dig in her hooves, but it only served to hurt her neck where the loops held her tightly. She finally relented and walked with them.

The gizmonks laughed as they talked. It was sickening laugh like one a sadistic foal would make when they had caught an insect. It scared Paradise, but she would never show it to these things.

The gizmonks pulled her out of the pen. The gate closed behind them. They continued to pull her along.

“Where are you taking me?” Paradise asked insistently.

She looked back to the pen. Drudge stood at the edge. She looked on despairingly. Paradise could sympathize.

One of the gizmonks looked at Paradise’s injured wing. He said something to another gizmonk and that gizmonk ran off to somewhere.

The gizmonks pulled Paradise into a large building with a massive opening. The stench of filth immediately assaulted her nose. “What is this place?”

Paradise looked around. The huge, spacious building was filled with cages and tanks holding all sorts of creatures she had never seen before. Though, they were barely more than shapes in her poor vision. Many of the creatures were almost as big as their containers.

Paradise gasped as she realized with was some nightmarish zoo. “No! You can’t throw me in here! I’m not an animal! I’m a pony! I have sapience!”

The gizmonks did not even slow up. They brought her to one of the smaller cages. One unlocked the door and opened it. The gizmonks with the staffs holding her loosened the staff and took them off her. They pushed her in the cage and slammed the door closed behind her.

After locking it, the gizmonks left. They laughed and talked gleefully.

“You can’t do this to me!” Paradise shouted after them. “I’m not an animal!”

Paradise looked around at the creatures held captive. They appeared lethargic and ill from being held in such small spaces.

Paradise sat down. The smell of filth surrounded her. It assaulted her nose and stung her eyes. She knew it was permeating her fur, hair, and feathers.

“I’m not an animal,” Paradise whimpered. She sniffled as tears ran from her eyes. The gizmonks apparently thought differently.

---

Spearhead ran down the stairs into the lowest hall. Wind Whistler, Babel, and Fan Belt stood at the end and looked terrible. Dust covered their coats and their manes were matted to their heads and necks. Wind Whistler held her head particularly low.

“What happened?” Spearhead asked.

“The blarks were attacked by a machine from something they call gizmonks,” Fan Belt said. He motioned to a blark holding Paradise’s mangled eyeglasses. “They got Paradise.”

“We couldn’t stop them,” Wind Whistler muttered.

Spearhead looked to Wind Whistler. Her mane fell over her face even more than normal. The dust below her eyes was wet from tears.

“They killed dozens and injured hundreds more,” Wind Whistler muttered. “They tore the blark’s city to shreds just to get a couple hundred of them to enslave.”

Wind Whistler looked up to Spearhead. The eye not concealed by her mane was red and puffy from crying. However, her expression was tense and more enraged than sorrowful.

“We need to rescue them,” Wind Whistler said with a slight snarl. “The blarks didn’t do anything wrong. They don’t deserve this. And Paradise was only trying to save them. We can’t let the gizmonks use them as slaves.”

Spearhead kept himself from smirking. He knew he had made the right choice. “We will rescue them. What do you propose?”

Wind Whistler smirked. Her expression twisted to say she had a terrible idea that only desperation would make viable. “I know just how to deal with these gizmonks.”

Comments

[DismantledAccount]

One free review as promised.

Grammar mistakes that I detected in chapter one:
Smaller mistakes: 8
Sentences with major flaws: 0
Overall: Very good grammar.

Plot and pacing:
It all seemed there and at a very reasonable speed.

OC personalities:
All of your OCs seemed to not be Mary Stus. They all have nice and separate personalities.

Overall: I (personally) found the story not to my liking, I am not a fan of all OC stories. However, I can tell it is well written. I'm honestly not sure why this story doesn't have more views.
8 out of 10

[Place Holder]

It's always nice to have G1 take the spotlight once in a while. For that generation is very underappreciated.
So far, this is a clever idea of working the G1 world into the G4 universe of Friendship is Magic, as it would make sense for the magic mirror to lead to different dimensions. Dream Valley is introduced rather uniquely. Our heroes don't simply arrive to a nice, peace valley, but rather a cold, desolate one, and it was up to them to return the land to its lovely state.
The characters are likeable thus far: Wind Whistler is somewhat shy and humble, but is willing to put her intellect and wits to the test. Fizzy is a sweet innocent and likes to look up to others. Gusty likes to act more cynical and rough, but is willing to have tasks accomplished. Shady is definitely more of a mystery. Timid, quiet, sensitive. She may not have that many qualities to admire, but I assume she's meant to be more relatable.
Now, as much as I enjoy this story, it's not perfect, and I do have a few issues. One major problem is that the structure is too...singular. I don't think there is a single compound sentence in this fanfiction. It's written for a visual art rather than a literal art.
Another small problem is the fact that many of the characters are given very little introduction, and those who are not familiar with G1 may feel a little alienated.
Also, while I do like the concept of having to handle matters when friends cannot be there, didn't it take friendship for Wind Whistler to destroy the obelisk and defeat the witches?
And...that's pretty much all I can say at this point. Despite some flaws (hey, no story is perfect), I still like this tale very much and I will continue to follow it until the end.

[Al-1701]

3344899 Well, the characters are tiered. There are main characters, major characters, and minor characters. I was kind of just acknowledging their existence to start. They'll be properly introduced when they become relevant to events. In fact, the next chapter will be introducing us to many of them.

As for friendship and the destruction of the obelisk, you just need to keep reading to know the significance of that meeting.

As for the lack of compound sentences and visual over literary, that's how I think.

[ColdGoldLazarus]

So... the Gizmonks are Borg Monkeys? That works...
Also, poor Paradise, and nice job on the cliffhanger!

[Cai_Has_A_Problem]

3344899
All very good points. I myself like visual art in fanfics so I don't agree with you on that one but all in all, a very reasonable review.

[Cai_Has_A_Problem]

3336233
This ain't an OC story. It's just the cast of My Little Pony Generation 1. The personalities from the source material are 100% accurate. Trust me, I'm someone who has watched all of the original generation of My Little Pony. I know what I'm talking about.