How Could This Happen to Me?
How Could This Happen to Me?
Harvey Grimwold was drunk.
He stumbled through the door of the Barking Spider tavern and promptly missed the first step leading to the sidewalk entirely. His balance shifted forward and he briefly thought, Where'd the ground go? before collapsing to the pavement. The biker lay prone for a few moments to clear his head. All that forward momentum had sent the world spinning in lazy circles around his eyes. Or were his eyes spinning in circles? He didn't care one way or the other.
Better not let the boys see me like this, he thought to himself.
Ordinarily, Harvey would have gone drinking with his fellow members of the Hell's Angels. Today, however, had been a rough one. He didn't like to bring the boys into his personal troubles. Hanging out with them was for fun times only.
He put an unsteady hand onto the pavement and prepared to haul himself back to his feet. His plans were ruined when he felt a sudden pressure between his shoulder blades that pushed him back down.
"Hey, look at what we have here," a dreadfully familiar voice hissed mockingly as its owner ground his foot harder into Harvey's back. "Could it be the legendary Harvey Grimwold?"
Coarse laughter rose from the other members of the Vagos gang that had surrounded him. The day was about to get much worse.
"Leave me be, Tony. You don't want any trouble you can't handle," Harvey said from his position under Tony's boot.
"Shove it, Grimwold. We know you're alone," the gang member known as Tony responded harshly. " You deserve this for putting Donny in the hospital. You and your goons think you can just beat our brother to a pulp and not expect payback? But don't worry, we won't be taking your life tonight. We like you too much to do that. I think that we'll just take your ride this time!"
He kicked Harvey in the back of the head, bent quickly and searched until he found the right set of keys, then stood up and moved toward a custom 1951 Harley-Davidson Panhead that was parked nearby.
"No man, not Jeanie! Hey, get away from my Jeanie!" Harvey called out.
He tried to stand up, but his head spun rapidly and he fell back to the ground. The flashing neon lights of the bar seemed to meld together as he heard his motorcycle start to rev its engine. Aw man, anything but Jeanie, Harvey thought as the other members of the Vagos gang ran over to their rides, laughing at his misfortune along the way.
The sound of nearly a dozen bikes revving filled the night. A few of the Vagos turned around and flashed colorful sign language at him before taking off. The rumble of the motorcycles soon faded away. Putting his hand down for support once more, Harvey finally managed to make it to his feet again. He felt the back of his head and found a lump where Tony had kicked him. He'd have to make the Vagos pay for that, but he had a bigger problem to deal with.
"Jeanie," he mumbled to himself.
He was going to have to bust some heads, it was as simple as that. He was a Hell's Angel, not some chump who rode a Kawasaki. His Jeanie had been irrevocably violated the moment a Vagos crotch had come into contact with her sweet body. He briefly thought of contacting the police, and chuckled at the thought. He'd probably be arrested on the spot. Regardless, he still needed to get his motorcycle back. He decided he'd retrieve it when he went to pay the Vagos back for kicking his head. That had been entirely unnecessary, and retribution was in order.
First thing was first, though. He needed to get home and have some rest.
The piercing sound of the alarm clock stirred Harvey from his deep sleep. He fumbled blindly for the button to turn it off, and managed to knock the entire clock to the floor.
The offending noise continued.
Grumbling, the hung-over biker leaned over the side of the bed and groped about for the clock. He refused to open his eyes just yet, and felt his boots, a few empty beer cans, and a magazine that would either be about motorcycles or girls, he couldn't tell which, before finally reaching the clock and shutting it off.
Why did I even set the alarm? I don't have work today, he thought irritably.
Then he remembered that he couldn't even get to work, or anywhere else. His dear Jeanie had been taken from him. No matter, he'd get it back. He'd just gather a few of the boys and...
No. He couldn't let them know about this. He had been drinking alone, and you just don't do that when you can invite your buddies along. He had a reputation to keep, so he would take care of this little problem by himself. He just wasn't quite sure how to go about that yet. Maybe he'd figure it out after a shower.
Harvey climbed out of bed and stretched. He then walked towards the full-length mirror in the corner of the bedroom, kicking beer cans out from his path along the way. He reached the mirror and had a look. His dull, brown eyes were bloodshot. A bald head helped to steer attention away from his crooked nose. Complimenting it all was a full, thick, brown beard that hung past his throat. His shoulders were broad and well-muscled, though age was slowly beginning to soften areas that had once been solid. He looked down to his beer gut.
"Ooh yeah, the ladies love you, don't they?" he asked his belly. He grabbed it and shook it up and down as if it were vigorously nodding in response. He chuckled to himself and made his way into the bathroom.
Harvey turned on the light and blinked at the sudden brightness. He moved to the toilet, lifted the seat, and began to relieve himself.
"Gonna break me some Vagos tonight!" he sung off-key to himself. "Yeah, boy! Gonna kick some heads!"
He flushed the toilet and moved to the sink to brush his teeth. Looking down, he grabbed a tube of toothpaste and unscrewed the lid.
"Gonna find me some women tonight!" he continued. "Yeah, boy! Gonna get Jeanie back, too!"
He grabbed his toothbrush in his right hand and carefully squeezed a generous amount of green, mint-flavored toothpaste onto it.
"Gonna get drunk tonight! Yeah, boy! Gonna have a good time!"
Harvey looked up into the mirror and raised the toothbrush to his mouth, but stopped suddenly. His mind was reeling. Now why'd my beard go and turn pink? he thought to himself. He watched in horror as the hairs began to shift, revealing a small, pink creature that had been hidden within.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie, we're going to be the best of friends!" the beard creature said to him in a high-pitched, female voice.
Harvey Grimwold dropped his toothbrush, turned around and ran from the bathroom at full-speed. The devil's done come to collect on my sins! he thought wildly.
"Oh good Lord above, I don't want to die yet!" he screamed.
His beard-thing giggled at him, "Oh, don't be a silly filly. You look healthy enough."
"Demon!" Harvey yelled as he raced through the house, "Demon on my face!"
His beard-thing screamed, "Ack, demon! Get it away from me, get it away!" He could feel what seemed to be little arms or legs pounding on his chin.
Harvey was in hysterics and had no idea what to do. He ran around the house, knocking over lamps and overturning tables until his foot finally landed on an empty beer can and he slipped. His head hit the floor with a thud and everything went black.
Stats
Page generated in 0.047 seconds
Total duration
903 users online
323,131 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Firstly, I would like to apologize in advance for this story. It formed as the result of staying up a little too late with perhaps a little too much caffeine.
At any rate, take your "serious" glasses off, and put on some clown shoes. Things are going to get weird.
EDIT: I'm also working on Chapter 2, which shall be titled: I Do Believe My Beard Just Bit Me. Stay tuned!
...Wat. Thats my reaction.
Wat.
Pinkie as a beard... this is a new one..
Eh, I'll track, no harm done.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/232/960/bba.jpg
Nonetheless, I will track.
...
Now I'm curious to see where this is going...
272196 Apropos of nothing, I think the fillies in older generations looked like something between cats and froggies.
And I'll track so I can come back later and see where da hay this is going.
My reaction:
Pinkies explanation:2.bp.blogspot.com/-6QdiP5LYdeE/Tt73-BBZkYI/AAAAAAAAB58/M73rLzHlG6k/s1600/PP.png
I just WHATed all over myself. Tracking. So totally tracking this.
memeorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Nigel-Thornberry-Smashing-Gif.gif
GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK. That is not what I was expecting to be on the front page, BUT THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING. DO EET. WRITE SUM MOAR. I WANT MOARR!
I can see this becoming ten different types of awesome, each in their own magical flavour.
Pinkie pie as a beard. Why has no one thought of this before?
I just barfed confusion all over my computer.
One......more......chapter......
why is it that when you drink caffeine late at night you get this stuff and when I drink caffeine late at night I get shit so fucked up it makes Cupcakes look like heaven
also Pinky as a beard is best pony.
Pinkie is best beard. LOL
I would love to exchange my stubbly beard for Pinkie Pie. Although, it might get annoying after a while. Still, think of the possible pranks. And the PARTIES: Party on Ma FACE! (You know, because it's Pinkie.)
Funny story is funny.
My mind just can't seem to wrap around Pinkie as a beard. Is she the beard? Or is she living in the beard? It's a fantastical mind-fuck. I love it!
two things. holy this is the most amazing what they hay story i have ever seen. and you had to go witht he 51 panhead. Ouch. watching one of those go almost made me cry. they didnt steal that mans bike. they stole his soul.
exposexpress.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/lol-guy.png
will proceed to read more immediately
i52.tinypic.com/2hxcaxl.jpg
Whatever it is, it's awesome.
One word: AWESOME!
Okay, first of all...
What?
Second...
What?
And finally...
WHAT?!?
Whoa, I think this is the first time a pony story has actually made me laugh.
And the image of little beard-Pinkie is so cute my mind is boggling.
.... GENIUS!
And..
WHAT?!
I vote for Pinkie as best beard..
EVAH.
... I'll Just keep reading.. Don't mind me.
Ok you officially win the award for best title ever, and that's saying something because earlier today I read "The Great And Powerful Trixie Falls In Love With A Pine-cone." Anyways back to reading.
This story reminds me somewhat of a manga called [Midori Days] Here
I've never heard of a story with a title like "The Day My Beard Turned into Pinkie Pie" that could last anything like twenty thousand words. This shall have to be my first.
Also,
wut
1534570
I was about to say that
272454
Flavor 1: Bananapple
Flavor 2: Cave Johnson's Lemon
Flavor 3: Zap Apple
Flavor 5: Infinity
Flavor 6: Skipped 4
Flavor 7: Non-Lethal Cyanide
Flavor 8: Internet
Flavor 9: Ontario
Flavor 10: SNES