Just a Indonesian gamer, and a brony too of course. Loves to write video games crossover and read it, I also loves to read some gores, romantic, sad, random, comedy and such things like that. Harrharr
The Radiant and The Dire has been teleported to Equestria because of the mispelled words on the Teleport Scroll!
What would they do? How they come home? Would they take peace?
(First fiction i've ever write and i'm from Indonesia please take tolerance of grammars if there any.)
Page generated in 0.08 seconds
Total duration
987 users online
1,423,617 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Let me go through some main problems with your story, so you can rectify them next time 'round.
After a comma is a space. Example: "Nothing happened, for now." Can you see the little space after the comma? (,)
Next, is for fixing plurals. I notice things like
when it should be:
lung is incorrect because everyone is born with two lungS. When there's more than one of something, google the plural. I am not insulting, I had to do this a lot too.
And at the last few lines, you need two more commas.
Fluttershy doesn't shout, so add exclamation points next to a question mark, hold shift and press one to get a exclamation point. (!). Incorrect spelling
Correct spelling:
After every "So", use a comma. Example: "So, " but you wouldn't use a comma in a sentence such as this: "So I see."
Now, edit this and try again. This is not out of hate, saying you're terrible, I'm just helping. I needed help once, but I was also in school learning English, you weren't. I understand.
Also, try reading big fanfics like Fallout:Equestria, Diary of a madman, etc. These will help get your spelling and grammar good, no offense.
3378350
Fixed,thanks you for understanding.
I'll read em' for sure. Thanks again!
It's... kinda good, but really you need a beta reader my friend! Too many I's not capitalized, too many commas misplaced...
It's nice to see some more Dota crossovers on here, It was getting kinda lonely around here
3381909
Eh, I think I will make my friend to be a beta reader. I'll improve on chapter 3.
Thanks for the feedback!
3382168
Your story inspired me to make this story, y'know.
.
It's
3382168
YOU'RE ALIVE!
Where is next chapter man? I keep refreshing the fic like Pinkie's mailbox
3382437 sadly with my college work piling up, I'm gonna have to go with the standard blizzard response. It'll be done when it's done. Which, since i practically have the thing half done already, would be soon, possibly by the end of the month
3382366 i'm glad you liked my story, i'm flattered
Just for the "Carpenter Pudge" joke, you have all my lols!