• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen September 9th

Voldine


Sequels1

T
Source

Sixteen heroes and villains are transported to Equestria. What happens when they arrive? What happens before they cross over? Who are they? What are their motives? Why do they fight?

This story focuses on the heroes that fight against oppression and crime as well as more overtly super villainous acts of insanity and what happens when they find themselves in a world that is much more idyllic than their home. To some of them, this world is the exact opposite of where they were raised.

This story is a FiM/City of Heroes crossover, with a few bits from other works sprinkled in.


Cover art made by me using cutie marks provided by 1110Soulite on deviant art.

(Comedy tag has been removed, though comedy will still be involved to offset some of the darkness. Instead, the AU tag has been added to denote that some characters may have different names than are commonly accepted or official.)

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 15 )

Me likely. More, plaweeze.:pinkiehappy:

3236970 More is definitely on the way. Chapter 1 is about half finished (and includes at least one hero having a panic attack) but includes much in the way of dialogue and exposition and little action. I need to fix the formatting errors in the prologue before I will feel comfortable posting further chapters though. Phones are not conducive to properly editing a story like this where many things are meant to be conveyed by both formatting and font shifts...then again, there may be an app to help with that.

I must investigate.

Formatting is now fixed in the Prologue.

:yay:

waw I am going to like this one and it is short but not to short

3590840 The only reason it is short at the moment is because it is only just getting started and I'm trying to avoid Massive Infodump syndrome where the amount of story is overshadowed by exposition. Competing with this desire is the necessity of establishing personalities for the transported heroes. I know who they are and why they act how they act, but translating this into words is not always easy.

I under stand and from what you sad that there is more, It keep's getting beater!

Ruby lances of light spray in a wide arc in front of her as she braces herself against the slight kickback of the charged particle emitters, the small thrusters in her heels kicking in to hold her in place as one of the four robotic limbs arching over her shoulders rotates further and emits a final, more powerful blast that tracks a single fast target and collides with her back.

Horrible run-on sentence. Break it down into multiple sentences.

Tiffany's voice is flat and emotionless, but she drops a satic field on the ground around them to keep the clawed stalker from approaching too close without risking health and energy in the sapping charge as the brain in a robotic body immediately kneels to assist their fallen friend.

Static field. Why would dropping a static field be contrary to the fact that her voice is flat and emotionless? Who's not risking health and energy? Tiffany or the clawed stalker? Good God, what a confusing sentence.

I don't even know what the hell happened by the time I reach the end of this prologue. You dropped dozens of names, powers, descriptions and whatnots that they all turned into a confused blur. By the end of the chapter, I don't know who shot who with what nor am I given any reason to care. All I walk away from the chapter is that someone got thrown into Equestria. The story is so hostile to anyone who hasn't played City of Heroes that you have to have a preface just to explain things. This is not good writing. You're writing MLP fanfiction here and even a person who has not played the game should be able to jump in and appreciate the story without a pre-story lecture so long as he/she is familiar with MLP. It's your job as the writer to seamlessly introduce the crossover elements in such a manner that they appear as a unified whole. That's not what happened in this prologue. I feel like a noob looking over your shoulder while you're playing City of Heroes, wondering what all the blinking lights and numbers could mean and if you're winning or losing as opposed to a reader slowly discovering a new world born of the melding of two different fictional worlds.

4894020 Finally some constructive criticism. I'll be able to make some changes once my computer is back up and running. I refuse to make edits to this story on my phone since all of my references are on my PC. It's simply too easy to screw up something even when I know my characters as intimately as possible.

This needs way more views.

I used to play City of Heroes/Villains before the parent company decided to go out of business.

6018926 I'll make a note here that this story is currently undergoing a complete rewrite from the ground up.

I have not abandoned it, I'm just fixing a few issues.

This site needs more CoX crossovers. I'm glad I finally found one worth reading!

6438258 Take into consideration that this one is currently undergoing a complete rewrite. It will be even better once I finally get the revised version out.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!