• Member Since 18th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 7th, 2018

Noble Phantasm

There are some things you simply should not know.


Minuette, or Colgate as her friends like to call her, has only ever wanted to be a dentist and she would be the best were it not for her strange magic. From a young age, Colgate has been the host of a magic that exercises power over time and space, a magic she cannot fully control. For the moment, Colgate has found a way to suppress her magic, to stop it from bearing her away to the arctic north or messing with time. Yet, little does Colgate know as the day begins and she, Bon Bon and Berry Punch harvest fruit, that her magic is about change her life. Soon she will borne be away to places she never thought she would go and meet people she never thought she would meet. And, as strange forces begin to take interest in her power, her friends will be snared in the crossfire. Time and space await...

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 12 )

Well, I will say this style stands apart from those of most of the stories I am used to reading. While the general style of most writers here is to write scene after scene in sort of a block fashion, with each one being distinctly divisible from another and having an immediate and easily recognizable purpose, your style seems to connect and interweave them. It's a tad odd to see that after reading in another style for so long, but I will say it it has an almost magically immersive effect. I look forward to seeing where this goes, and to see if your ability at characterization with characters that have a pre-established personality is consistent; for the question remains, what other new elements of your style await the reader, and indeed how well does it match up with your skill as a writer?

As a veteran on this site, if I may, I would suggest that you include an extra space in between paragraphs. It wasn't so bad for me, but many readers I know of express great disdain over the "wall" of text that is created otherwise. Similarly, you may want to consider shortening your paragraphs. More casual readers might see your first monster of a paragraph and be immediately deterred before giving the quality of your story a chance. Half of the time, good formatting means much more in adverting than good grammar.

Ah. Thank you for your feedback. It means a lot.This is the first time I've really thrown my writing out for random people I don't know to read. Also, I'm glad you pointed out the paragraph thing. You're actually not the first person to tell me this. Text block syndrome has always been a bad tendency of mine, a habit I need to break. I'm used to reading large blocks of text, so when I type them it doesn't look that bad to me. I'll certainly keep this in mind when writing future chapters.

The comments section is bare soooo I decided to fill it with my words. :twilightsmile:hope you like it.

Why does this not have more views and likes. I think this is an amazing story.

6865063 :twilightsheepish: Heh, glad to hear you think so. :unsuresweetie: I did kinda leave it unfinished for a good amount of time though, so that might be part of the reason. :twilightsmile: But I think I've finally gotten back into things now, so I certainly plan on finishing it. I hope you enjoy it.

Great fic :twilightsmile:.

I wonder if fic gonna just... end without much featuring Berry Punch (aside from prologue and maybe epilogue).

Ruya made it sound like Colgate is unique with her "stars". But why? She's not the only pony who has friends, not the pony who has greatest amount of friends. And she's definitely not Princess of Friendship.

7410981 :twilightblush: Heh. You make a good point about Berry Punch. And now that the story is complete and that pretty much is what happened I changed her character tag to Screwball instead considering Screwball is a much more prominent character. Though, when I started this story, I'm not actually sure Screwball was an option in the character tags which is why I went with Berry Punch because she was in the first chapter. In any case, it's a bit more accurate now. :twilightsmile: Cheers!

:rainbowderp: Oh hey look at that. This is like...finally complete... or something. What a thing indeed. I'm glad I actually got it out there.

To be completely honest, when I first found this fic I couldn't put it down until I've read all chapters. It was an exellent story and I would love to read a sequel.

Good story :twilightsmile:
While I am a little disheartened to not see a sequel, joining Colgate on more of her adventures, I am quite happy with the way it ended :)

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