It had taken Scootaloo, Spike and Agent Coltson nearly two days to get Zapapple to finally agree to come with them back to Canterlot. The first day had been dedicated to explaining to the farm pony exactly what had happened and why none of her 'family' recognized her. Zapapple had equated it all to, at first, a practical joke the rest of the ponies were pulling on her. Finding though that too many things had changed, including the 'haphazardly laid out tree lines' (apparently even when she lacked magic and grew up with the Apple family, a Twilight could be anal retentive), had convinced her that something was up. She had reasoned next that it was that 'no good, low down sneak Discord', but Coltson had calmly pulled out his Discord-Detector (patent pending) and showed that at that moment Discord was busy enjoying Fashion Week in Prance…
~MC~MC~MC~
“Look at the way the designer used silk to draw attention to the neck,” Discord told Fancy Pants.
“Yes, and I love the splash of color around the hem.”
~MC~MC~MC~
What? Chaos gods can go on vacation too.
They had finally gotten it through her head that first night that she had ended up in another dimension; Scootaloo wasn't exactly for sure how Applejack did it, as she'd lost the orange mare when she'd begun pressing two apples together while rattling off the winning/losing streak of the Detrot Tigers over the last 10 years. It didn't really matter though, as in the end Zapapple had apologized to Big Mac for attempting to give him '5 hours of pleasure that would leave lesser stallions trembling on the floor, whimpering and begging for bananas'.
Big Macintosh had blinked and excused himself from the gathering so he might curse his own stupidity without Applebloom hearing (which was foolish, as Applebloom probably knew more swear words than her siblings thanks to that exchange student whose mother had Torettes, {censored} {censored}).
They had all agreed to head out bright and early the next morning, only for Spike to casually mention that they'd make it to Canterlot by lunchtime if they caught the train. Zapapple had narrowed her eyes, called him a 'no good ribber rop!' (whatever that means), and stormed off, screaming to anyone that would listen that she would never be caught in Canterlot.
Thus their second day was wasted trying to convince Zapapple to come to Canterlot, or as the alt Twilight called it, 'The Land of the Yuppies'. She'd shook her head and stomped her hooves and refused to budge on the issue, highlighting the fact that it was Canterlot citizens that had abandoned her as a baby and she was a proud earth pony.
It had taken roughly 16 hours but they had managed to wear down her defenses and just have her give up and do what they wanted... just like all good heroes do. Zapapple, being promised that she would spend most of her time at the Bureau with Twicora and Twiley (who pouted and exclaimed that she should be allowed on the cool adventure), relented and allowed the group to FINALLY make their way towards Canterlot.
Of course, 'agreeing' and 'agreeing whole-heartedly' were two different things.
"So wait," Twiley said from her perch on Coltson's back, "who is being undressed?"
Zapapple sighed. "Oppress, not undress, little me."
Twiley grinned. "Good! I wouldn't want some strange pony telling me to undress! Shiny already told me what I should do if someone tries to undress me." Twiley cupped her forelegs over her mouth and screamed, "I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!"
"No one make the joke!" Spike said sternly, wagging his finger at the others. "I am sick of hearing it!"
"The point," Zapapple stated, "is that them dang unicorns have set up their system of gov'ern-me't ta oppress all us hard workin' ponies. We are shown what is the 'Equestrian Dream' and told we need ta strive towards it but then we ain't givin' what we all need to achieve it! So we end up goin' into debt or workin' ourselves to death just to get a bit closer, all while those fat cats in Canterlot wipe their dang mouths with our blood money!"
Scootaloo titled her head. "You like to sample the hard cider when you make it, don't you?"
"Pffft!" Zapapple said, waving her off.
"That... wasn't an answer." The orange filly shook her head. "This is giving me a headache."
"You ever wonder what the rest of the girls are doing right now?" Spike asked.
"It is a strange statement that you make. What do you mean, little baby drake?"
Spike shrugged, kicking at a stone in the middle of the road. "Well, we didn't really bother to explain to anyone what happened to the library... what do you think everypony in Ponyville is doing right now?"
~MC~MC~MC~
"Please have your forms filled out before you meet with the judges!" Mrs. Cake called out to the line of ponies that snaked from Rarity's boutique all the way to Quills and Sofas (Famous Original Quills and Sofas… not to be confused with Original Famous Quills and Sofas). "If you have props please list them all on the back of your application."
"Next!" Rainbow Dash called out, tapping her pencil against the folding table she, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were sitting behind. "Alright, tell us your name and why you should be the new Twilight Sparkle."
Derpy grinned and held a purple-painted Dinky up. "Because I already have a Spike!"
Dinky nodded. "Yup! I can write letters and burp-"
"Stop right there," Rarity said, placing her foreleg on her forehead. "No one can replace dear Spike Drago Dragonston! He was one of a kind and I mourn for him every day..." Rarity pulled out a photo of Spike and began to cuddle it. "Oh Spike... oh Spike, if you were here the things I would do to you..."
"Maybe we should make out!" Pinkie said. "You know, to honor his memory."
"Yes, that is a brilliant idea, Pinkie!"
"I am doubting the validity of that theory."
~MC~MC~MC~
Spike glared at Scootaloo. "Hey, some of us need dreams in order to chase the crippling depression away!"
"Canterlot!" Twiley called out, standing on Coltson's head and pointing forward.
"Canterlot!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Canterlot," Zapapple muttered.
"It's only a model," royal guard Wall Breaker the 4th said, trotting towards them.
Twicora, who had never encountered the strange white stallion before, frowned. "I find your statement cold, not hot... for being a model I say it is not."
Wall Breaker merely grinned. "But we hadn't ripped off Monty Python for a while." When the others stared at him blankly he shrugged. "And by that I mean, of course-"
"No one cares!" Scootaloo howled.
The guard nodded. "Of course, protagonist." He trotted up to Zapapple, missing Spike perform the universal sign for 'crazy'. "Commander, I am happy to report that I have done as you commanded."
"Uh... don't quite now what ya're gettin' at, partner."
"You know, the new security... oh!" Wall Breaker smacked himself in the forehead. "My apologizes, I didn't realize that the functionality in Canterlot was a multi-crossover."
"...speak... in... ENGLISH!" Scootaloo screamed.
"Don't you mean Ponees?" Spike said.
"Whatever."
"Sergeant, could you please explain yourself?" Coltson said crisply, use to dealing with royal guards
The guard frowned. "I thought I had been. The audience seems to be getting what I'm saying... and by audience-"
Before Wall Breaker could finish (and before Scootaloo could attempt to earn her Guard-Killing Cutie Mark), they heard a loud POP! behind them.
"Wow..." Princess Mi Amora Cadenza (Cadence to her friends and Mistress Cadence to her gimps) giggled, teetering for a moment before righting herself. "Teleporting that far really packs a wallop!"
"SHINY!" Twiley screamed in glee, flinging herself at her brother. The white stallion let out an OOOMPF! when she struck, the filly clinging to his face. "Itotallydidn'tblowupthelibraryandyouhavetobelievemeandokmaybeitwasmyfaultkindasortabut... GASP!... stillImissedyousomuch!"
The white stallion used his magic to peal the filly from his face, looking at her with a bemused expression. "Ok, this is seriously weird."
"Tell us about it," Spike said dryly.
Cadence, having regained her balance, skipped over to Twicora and looked her over. She pressed her face against the zebra-trained mare's side, looking at her coat with a critical eye. "Oooooooh, stripey!"
"I think this would be the perfect place to teach you a bit about personal space!" Twicora said, pushing Cadence away.
"Just like them no good horny ponies ta be stickin' their noses where they don't belong," Zapapple complained.
Cadence bobbed her head. "Yeah, I am super horny! This one time, at band camp-"
"Cadence," Shining said sweetly, covering Twiley's ears, "foals are present."
"...that's what my guidance councilor said at band camp after I-"
"Cadence, question..." Shining said with a smile, kissing her on the cheek, "if ponies can get past things... can they get futured?"
"I... don't know..." Cadence sat down and began to contemplate the deep philosophical question.
Agent Coltson glanced at the princess then at Shining. "I see things haven't changed."
"Why is she like that?" Scootaloo said, concerned. "At the wedding... you know, the real one, not the one where you almost married that bug pony-"
"Actually changelings aren't quite bugs but rather..." Shining paused, "nevermind, you were say?"
"At your wedding she didn't act like this," Scootaloo said.
Spike rubbed his chin. "I've been meaning to ask you that... why were the Cutie Mark Crusaders the flower fillies? You and the Princess hadn't met them till that afternoon."
"Well..." Shining said.
~Four Years Earlier...~
"Hello!" Cadence called out, walking into the kitchen of a very nice house in Canterlot Corners (a subdivision of Canterlot, of course). "Anypony home?"
"Hello there, Princess," a stallion said, emerging from his hiding spot. "I'm Crisp Handsome... have a seat."
"Ok," Cadence said in confusion.
"Can you tell me why you are here, Princess Cadence?"
"Uh... I'm here to watch a filly. Is she here?"
"Do you often watch fillies?"
"About 3 or 4 times a week."
Crisp shook his head before firing another question at her. "And are their parents around when you watch them?"
"No, of course not. That wouldn’t make any sense."
"And is it true that you rub your butt against theirs?"
"Well, of course... wait, how did you find out about that? That's a secret dance between me and the foals."
"Do you get in bed with foals, princess?"
"Only if they are fus- ow!" Two guards hurried in and began to restrain the pink alicorn. "Stop that!"
"You make me sick, pervert!" Crisp snapped as Cadence was led away.
~MC~MC~MC~
"We eventually explained to the judge that it was all a big misunderstanding but most families in Canterlot are still leery of her."
Twiley, who was still hanging in the air, looked at her brother, then at Cadence, then at Shining again. "You... and Miss Cadence?" The filly's face screwed up in disgust. "EEWWWWWW!"
"It is clear that which you lack is a good dose of simple tact," Twicora stated.
"But she's like a billion years old! She could be your mom!" Twiley squirmed. "Ew ew ew ew ew!"
"Please don't equate Cadence with mom," Shining said in annoyance.
"Because it’s disgusting?" Spike asked.
"Because it might give Cadence ideas," Shining said with a shudder. He looked over at Twicora and Zapapple, examining the two. "I'll say it again... this is really weird."
"I feel the same, seeing you as a captain here. You are so different from my brother deer."
"What does your Shining Armor do?" Coltson asked.
"You do not listen, that is clear; I told you already, he is a deer." She pulled out a photo from her robes, the others craning their necks to stare at the photo of a young Twicora, sans stripes, standing next to a Shining Armor who had shaved his mane off, cut his tail very short, and wore a pair of antlers on his head. "He needs them when he helps the poor, for he is a leading member of the Peace Corp."
Zapapple looked over Shining with a critical eye, it clear that she found the stallion lacking. "So I guess there be one of ya in my dimension or somethin'?" She let out a scoff. "Don't ya be thinkin' of us bein' kin or anythin', stranger; you and your kind abandoned me... my family be the Apples."
"Wait," Scootaloo said, holding up a hoof, "if the Apples raised you... that means they are your family, right? Brothers and sisters?"
"Dang right!" Zapapple said proudly.
"So... Big Mac is your brother... and you married him?"
"EW!" Twiley screamed, covering her ears. "Why are all these dimensions yucky!?!"
Zapapple huffed. "...we ain't related, it ain't weird."
"Witchcraft," Wall Breaker said.
"What?" Coltson said.
The guard blinked. "Oh, I wasn't talking about that." He gestured toward Canterlot, the group letting out gasps when they saw a pillar of energy shoot into the sky. "I was talking about that. Seems Captain Sparkle is starting the war games early."
"War games?" Spike asked.
"Captain Sparkle?" Coltson said.
"Aw yeah!" Twiley said in glee, pumping her foreleg up and down. "Now that is going to be a cool me!"
Shining took a step forward, eyes narrowed. "I'm guessing you know what is going on?" The others nodded. "I received a message from one of the guards this morning that my sister had suddenly appeared in the barracks wearing full armor, claiming that she was in charge and demanding everypony get going for the planned war games." He lowered Twiley onto his back, the filly hugging him tightly. "I see things are more complex then Cadence and I were led to believe."
Coltson pursed his lips in thought. "Very much so. Come on, we'll fill you in on the way."
"Wait!" Cadence shouted. When they all turned to look at her she smiled. "You can't get futured... but you can get presents!" She grinned looking at the others one at a time. "Get it?"
"...believe me, this is better than her being on her meds," Shining stated as they raced towards the city.
Captain Sparkle and Wall Breaker the 4th?
I love all those names! And, might I ask where you got the idea of Captain Sparkle from?
3406150
Captain Sparkle sounds familiar....
Wonder wheres Duskshine...
I love your Cadence!
Shouldn't Shining Armor have been alicorn-ized? No mention of wings, let alone that at least 2 versions of the Twilights probably would have commented on it...
Cadence, you're a sweet mare, a great person and actually quite intelligent despite your rampant insanity and apparent ditzyness. That last pun, however, was physically painful and you should feel ashamed.
3406196 CAPTAIN SPARKLES IS AMAZING!!!!
3406320
In other words...
Her pun was bad and she should feel bad?
3406285
Well, there's a very complex, good reason for that. You see, it's because
Canon Shining Armor isn't an alicorn.
As you can see, this is a very complicated situation.
3406196>>3406150
I think it's from Friendship Is Witchcraft. Though, I've never watched Friendship Is Witchcraft, so I have no idea. I'm just going off this:
3406374 - Right.... but this is something of a sequel to Defender2222's other works, one in which Shining is in fact turned into an Alicorn. Specifically the Alicorn of Dawn (And breakfast, yum... Bacon!). This story fits in with the insanity that was the whole series.
3406390
Maybe it's just references to that instead of being in the same universe, or ir takes place in the same universe before Shining is turned into an alicorn.
3406285>>3406390>>3406396
Maybe his wings are at the cleaners or something?
On second thought let's not go to Canterlot. It's a silly place.
They aren't biologically related so this is o.k.
By the way Twiley I hope your potty emergency taught you what happens when you eat food that doesn't belong to you without permission.
i think the explanation tau sunflare gave was that shining didn't grow into the alicorn form immediately and it would eventually happen. plus when shining strangled that maid during the zebra arc he had a glow resembling one so i bet it'll happen later.
3406381
Really? It actually reminded me of that Minecraft Youtuber
3406150>>3406196
Captain Sparkle IS from a fan fic but I don't want to ruin the surprise until she appears.
3406285
Shining is a god in my universe, but has never developed alicorn traits yet. All he can do is call upon godly magic, is VERY hard to kill, and make breakfast food.
3406381
The Friendship is Witchcraft reference was Zapapple saying they weren't related so it isn't weird.
3406482 - Is he in his 1% mode? like Celestia/Luna? Does he have a 10%, 20% or whatever% mode?
Excellent!!
Personally, I'm waiting for the appearance of the Great and Powerful Twilight.
On the other hand, the three Twilights they've picked up so far are really fun and interesting. Does anyone know if there are any alternate-universe stories around where the Mane Six have done full race swaps? I know a few where they switch Elements and origin stories (like Fluttershy being a weatherpony and Rarity a Canterlot academic) but none where they start out as different races. Could be a fun idea.
Good story. Goes a bit overboard with the humor sometimes, but it's not too jarring. Love to see how this develops.
Since we're not related we'll be okay
I think witchcraft twilight should have been the leader of the evil twilights
I think I know where Captain Sparkle is from but I'll wait until we meet her to know for sure.
For the record, I have no idea what Wall Breaker is talking about... at all.
Zapapple continues to be awesome. And Captain Sparkle sounds pretty cool too.
3406792 So Shining Armor is Frieza?
Great chapter. I am not disappointed. Great job. Can't wait for the next.
Captain sparkles?
As in YouTube
Or
Captain Sparkle
As in capt. Falcon
3406792
Correct. Shining is at 1% right now.
3407151
Yes
3409438 - As the god of breakfast.... I'm curious what he morphs into when he goes up... OJ and Pancakes?
Shining Armor, god of Dawn and Breakfast, fear his mighty nutritious meal!
This is getting more and more interesting. Not sure on commenters obsession with Dusk shine though.
3406374 Read Defender's other fic "The god Squad" a lot of running gags from there are continued here, so Shining being an alicorn should be also
3406482
He can make breakfast?
...He is indeed a god.
Can't wait for more! This is epic so far ^_^
And thus did Big Mac start taking so many cold showers that a second Tornado Day had to be held to undo the water shortage.
I cannot wait to see what Captain Sparkle will bring to the table of random hilarity.
I also can't wait for the appearance of Dusk Shine.
3406792
I firmly believe that Shining Armor is the (DBZ Abridged Version) Krillin of this series.
3411635 - Mac's too much a gentlestallion to 'tap dat flank'. Though... I imagine he's severely regretting that fact now.
3413134
I thought he was Yamcha.
3414462
I don't know who this Yamcha is, but he sounds disappointing.
3413188 Plus I just remembered that, due to them being a couple when she isn't suffering from a bizarre les-rapey form of amnesia, he's already tapping Flutterflank, which I imagine looks something like this:
... I am a horrible person.
Who else other than me managed to figure out who Crisp Handsome is, just by seeing the name?
Also, I love it how Cadence is a pedophile.
This is an inversion of what I'm usually thinking when I come across a fanfic that likes to pretend Spike isn't part of the gang. Kinda sad that he wonders where they are while on an adventure, but in those other stories they never wonder where he is.
Okay, did I just miss it, or did you not explain why Mistress Cadence was behaving so silly?
3419934 read the story God Squad.
3419934
As explained in The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo, after the events of 'A Canterlot Wedding', Cadence began to suffer from PTSD, which caused her to become focused on sex and to act rather... Pinkie-ish. It was later revealed in Equestria's Most Wanted that Cadence has an addictive personality and moves from obsession to obsession.
When we see her in the show, she has been on medication to try and stop her urges, but those made her bland. She is now off the meds and working with Shining armor to figure out how to be a bit more... normal
I am so confused right now.
That's a good name. The name itself breaks the fourth wall lol...
So let's see... we've got special-talent-switched-with-big-brother Twilight (Twiley), Evil Twilight, Zebra-Sage Twilight (Twilicora), Apple Familiy Twilight (Zapapple), and (presumably) birth-order-and-job-switched-with-brother Twilight (Captain Twilight).
This just keeps getting more confusing and funny... More please! (Yes I know the next chapter is out already but... well... idk)
P.S. I'd ask what the deal with Cadance is, but it's probably to do with this fanonverse. This is the only fic I know of using this universe.
3414468
I see what you did there.
3406320
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
3413188 He's also narried to Fluttershy, sooo...
Yeah, Shining, Cadance is terrible when she's on her meds! After all, if a mare won't sleep with you, there must be something wrong with her, YOU MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A MALE!!!
And, just curious, have we ever gotten a list of Zap's Element Bearers?
I can imagine him actually doing this because nobody would expect it.
Twicora IS an adult.
You and me both.
Good question.
Cool.
I suspect Voice of Reason would have a fit if he read that.
Goddammit Nappa.