• Member Since 19th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Felyon


What are YOU doing to make things better?

T
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*STORY UNDER REVISION*
With a homebrewn shrinking potion, Dash reduces her weight while keeping her wingpower. At the size of a mouse, flying through the Everfree is perfect to train her agility and reflexes.
But swimming in a pool of pudding and the sheer speed granted by shrinking are addictive.
And gathering more ingredients proves hard in ways she never expected.

Will the Poison Joke have the last laugh?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 80 )

Haven't read yet, but just noticed that "homebrewnown" should probably be "home-brewed." :twilightsmile:

Thank you.
You know, I always told myself: "If I ever write a story, I will check everything thrice."
And then after spellchecking the story 3 times, the first comment points out a typo in the summary :facehoof:

I want to read more! Keep writing! :rainbowkiss:

Well Dash... you done fucked up now.

But wasn't life about learning and improving? About being a bit better every day? "Everything can be training." some wise pony had said so, some time, some place. She couldn't quite remember his name. Wild Horse? Rice Picker? Or was it a girl, Wild Child? But that wasn't important, it was the lesson: "Anything goes."

I see what you did there:rainbowderp:

3236536
Hehe, Ranma 1/2. One of the five classics who introduced manga to the West. The one series who can make a crossover with ANY other while remaining in character. :twilightsmile:

Ha! I'm guessing her new color scheme means she can't do a sonic rainboom after all; so much for that!

3238881
Isn't the rainboom colour caused by breaking the magic barrier? If not, do you suppose the legendary rainboom was performed by an ancestor of dash?

3238931
Well, it is just a guess, since the closest we've seen to a non-rainbow-colored pony performing a sonic rainboom is Lightning Dust's lightning-styled trail, whereas Rainbow Dash leaves a rainbow-styled trail... (so I'd also guess that Lightning, if she ever got fast enough, would create some kind of lightning-themed wave; it might be comparable to how every unicorn has a different color to their magic)

3239086
Good point, sounds legit.

I figured a pegasi's trail shows its affinity. But they can learn to leave different ones.
That would explain how the Wonderbolts can coördinate their flightshow.
They've all learned to create smoke/thunderclouds.

Rainbow can make lightning from a cloud, Pinkie once left a pink trail...

Meh, cartoon physics.

Anyway, since Rainbow fears discovery, she will actively try to NOT make a sonic rainboom, so I guess I still have lots of time for debate.

If Pinkie Pie finds Rainbow Dash like this, she's gonna play cat and mouse with her.

3240857
Rainbow flavored fillings. I will make sure not to make to many Cupcakes references. :twilightsmile:

Thank you for your comment. Was there anything you liked in particular?

I've been debating wether to throw out all the adjectives and simply write "she" and "her" all the time, or should I keep trying to think up new ways to improve the flow of the story.
It would make writing so much easier and feel less forced.

But I do not want to be repititive and bore my readers. :applecry:

And should I drop the mature tags until I get to the appropriate parts?

3240521
Hmm... the point about the Wonderbolts pretty much demolishes my conclusion; I'd completely forgotten about that. It doesn't make sense that they all create trailing clouds as they fly simply by chance. Even if some unicorn magic was involved, I would think it would only partially cover the pegasus's natural trail instead of being able to completely replace it! So... your point just makes more sense, but raises a (somewhat) superfluous question: Since we already know that a pegasus only leaves a trail after reaching a certain speed, is the Sonic Rainboom on another "level"--which is to say, if another pegasus were to reach such speeds, would it still be a Sonic Rainboom or a "sonic boom"-version of their own "affinity trail"? (Of course, this is all about your own headcanon/the fanon present in this story)

3240950
Ah, that was my point. In my head, any pegasus breaking the "color barrier" would create a rainbow wave.

For me, there are several levels of visible trails, which show how much magic they are using. Like how Unicorns create a visible overglow, or even fire when pushing their limits.

-Slow movement: no trail
-Fast movement: body colored trail (see Pinkie's pink trail when chasing Dash)
-Reaching proffesional athletes speed: personal trail showing their talent/ affinity.
Some have a specific element like mist or lightning. Thus Rainbow is a Twilight Sparkle among pegasi. She covers the whole spectrum (pun not intended).

Not every pegasus is born with a talent for weatherworking, but can learn it; and change their trail.
The Rainboom's color is not a reflection of the performer's coloration, but a breaking of the magic flow through Equestria.
Wich would also explain how the breaking point seems so much lower than the sound barrier and more importantly: why magic beams are so freaking slow! Dodging a bullet is hard. Dodging a laser? it's freaking light! But a Magic Deathray of Doom, no problem.

Or I completely missed the mark; The wondebolts are all thunder types because an affinity for weather increases a pegasus speed.

At least, thats my 2 bit.

Anything else caught your attention in my story? I am always happy to get some social activity.

I noticed a mistake: you wrote that her cloud house had drifted close to Ponyville, right? Well, that is impossible, because clouds in the FiM universe can't move on their own. Only clouds over the Everfree forest can. This story is now terrible because of this!:flutterrage:
Naww, just kidding, it's great!:twilightsmile: this proves that mistakes indeed are positive things, because you just learned something new!:pinkiehappy: I'm really looking forward to the next chapters of this fic. Keep up the good work!:twilightsheepish:

3240888 So far I'm enjoying the story. I'm hoping there may be some good growth process, but the shrinking idea is original, well written and executed. I think using adjectives is better than using her and she. I think it could reach a point where it gets boring. And about the mature tag, I'd keep it for now, so people know what to expect from this story.

3241262

I see your argument and raise you a logic: Equestria may have no natural weather, but ponies do cause wind, storms even. Which moves the clouds.

And I totally forget about the weather in Equestria, but I will pretend I did not and state that she parked her house at the edge of the Everfree. The one place that does have natural wind. So, left unchecked,her home would drift away from it :pinkiehappy:

Does that mean she lived right above Fluttershy?

3241365

I'm hoping there may be some good growth process

There will be, but more to the end. Shrinking can be done in the sanctity of your home. And a shrinkee can go around for quite a long time without being discovered.

Just think about the Little People. Who knows if fey exists? Thats how good they are hidden.

As soon as a giantess appears it would lock the story in a single course up to the ending.
Except if it happens in a secluded place, like the Everfree right besides her home :trollestia:
Or perhaps everyone would want to share in the fun?

How would you handle this?

3241478 Well, I would probably make it so that Rainbow Dash wanted to shrink, but the Poison Joke simply pranks you no matter how hard you try and makes her grow big. She asks for help, but it turns out that her friends are growing too since she doesn't want to be so big, so the poison joke affects anypony she touches and makes them grow bigger than her, and if they touch her she grows even bigger. Think of "whoever you touch will grow bigger than you" before Twilight comes up with a way to fix the problem (or maybe Celestia or Zecora).

I'm a fan of growth, so I always like to focus on the growth as much as I can :rainbowwild:

Comment posted by Felyon deleted Sep 22nd, 2013

3241493
Honestly, I had her grow freaking Poison Joke in her own home instead of doing the smart thing and pick it fresh.

All for the possible plothook of side effects caused to sleeping next to it.
Or even better. Riddle me this: What happens if a Poison Joke filled cloud house starts raining? Maybe above the water town supply? (that big silo Twi used to soothe the baby ursa)

Comment posted by Felyon deleted Sep 22nd, 2013

3241262
With your avatar next to it, this might cause an overdose of sheer, unadultered cute :heart:

3241517 That would be an interesting idea, but I'd say that cloud buildings (like Cloudsdale) are already built to avoid that. I don't think ponies would enjoy items, water and such to fall over them because they were built with "normal" clouds.

Maybe Rainbow Dash keeps using Poison Joke too much until she starts using the normal one without Applejack's influence so she can shrink. Thus, she could start growing as she wishes to shrink, but the more Rainbow Dash wants to shrink, the more the Poision Joke could make her grow. She could grow until she crushed Ponyville by accident.

And then it turns out that the growing part was all a dream, she becomes afraid of such thing happening and thus gets rid of the Poison Joke, but she doesn't look before getting rid of the brew and falls over somepony by accident.

3241543
Yes, I figured a cloud house does not cause any precipitation by itself. That's why it would be unexpected.
Maybe some lightning from the Everfree Sky?
Or Derpy?

3241782 Or maybe the water supply is contaminated by a patch of Poison Joke that's spreading its leaves on the stream, thus "contaminating" the water.

3241826
The problem is that Poison Joke is unpredictable.
Dash uses AppletiniTea, not fresh flowers.
In order to create some GoldenGoddess variant, she would need a sample from a victim with a growth affliction.
In the future she might be able to use her own hair to trick the plant, until it catches on and find some new way to punish her.

If were the Joke, I would remove her wings. That would teach her. Or make the growth contagious :rainbowwild:

The Everfree Forest? Rainbow Dash fantasizing about eating herself?

... I wonder if there's any way for her to get to the Mirror Pool... Could have an interesting "Prestige"-like element: "I never know which I'm going to be: the pred or the prey."

3248870

I did so not think about that :pinkiegasp:

The self vore was supposed to confuse her.
Did you notice how she switched perspectives halfway through?
At first she would just wonder what it would be like to sit in the spoon, then move on to being the dominant one.

Because Dash submitting herself? Hah, not without a fight:rainbowdetermined2:


At the end she woke up, and was shocked by just what her subconscious came up with.
I mean, vore? Isn't that like murder, or is it about being curious, trying out new things.and being in control of a shrunken captive?


I will never enjoy killer vore, but mouth play and gentle domination?
Buck yeah!

Ps.: great movie

3249027
Well, if you're not going write about a "Prestige" self-vore situation, I suppose I'll somehow have to find a way to include it in my own upcoming fetish-filled masterpiece. It introduces too many interesting philosophical prospects!

:rainbowwild: Silly question: If vore with digestion is murder, is Mirror Pool self-vore suicide?

3249581
Your idea is wonderful, and I try to incorporate just about all micro/macro related genre's.

But it's also supposed to be a realistic Slice-of-Life story.

Would creating and shrinking a bunch of clones not be a mite bit out of character?
This is still MLP we're talking about, were every bad guy who has appeared yet has been redempted. Except for Sombra. He's dead.

I am doing a pure growth commision as a side-story right now. Something I had not even considered adding to the list until I got some wonderful ideas on how to make it canon.

But I'm afraid "real" vore would seem forced and unrealistic.


Sorry to dissapoint:applecry:

3249581

Silly question: If vore with digestion is murder, is Mirror Pool self-vore suicide?

Nah, you're just putting everything back where it belongs :twilightsmile:

Oh God. Because of you I can not get the image of tiny mirror clones pleasing their creator out of my head.

Maybe eating them will give Rainbow a set amount of shadow clones?
For every one she ingests, she gains one use of the technique.

I'm so gonna use that.

Thank you for all the inspiration.

3251523
"Shadow clones"? "Technique"? I... don't understand.

I really didn't expect this to be good from that first chapter, but excusing Dash basically becoming a chemist, this was really good. I like your style of writing a lot, keep it up.

3252520
Shadow Clones is the trademark technique of the titular character Naruto.

It creates a number of corporeal body-doubles, relative to the amount of energy invested.
They disappear after one hit, but they have a fully funtioning mind, and transfer all their memories to their user.

He uses them mainly to overwhelm his enemies with numbers, but after he found out about the memory transfer, immediately used them to gain years of training experience in a matter of days.
If 60 clones spend one minute studying, he gains the knowledge of one full hour while he focuses on physical training.

And combined with his "Sexy Technique" he also created a fully functioning harem...
of his own clones...
who can turn into girls...
You do the math.

3252535
I know what you mean. I've been wondering whether I should rewrite the first chapter.

Is it really so far out of character for an athlete to prepare her own sport drink? All she needs to do is dry leaves and prepare them.

Or should I do some serious word trimming?

Simon o'Sullivan and Beard, ready to review. We noticed this story had the Mature and Sex tags. We packed ourselves with enough tissues to turn the Empire State Building into Tutankhamun's mummy.

... Okay I'm going to set those tissues on fire because, if there was some sex of any kind, it wasn't boner-inducing. Sure, fetishes exist, but we're going for a weird one here.


Let's start from the beginning (because starting at the end is something only those guys who love spoiling movies do) by saying that I have yet to find anything at all related to "Dark", "Romance" or "Slice of Life." Twilight doing experiments? Sure, it's what she does. Study, science and stuff. Dash, doing the same thing? Ishh... doesn't feel the same. Dash simply doesn't have that much a science-y pony thing. I'll just shrug that off and pretend it makes sense, mainly because, if we remove that premise, the story is unsalvageable. What irks me is how the so-called Element of Loyalty is totally fine with making Tank her guinea pig.

:flutterrage: Okay, turtle/tortoise confusion, I can stand it. But a guinea pig?!

Fluttershy, I'm trying to make a point here. It means Dash is testing the dangerous (and, for what we know, possibly mortal) concoctions on Tank.

:fluttercry: W-w-what?! No! Dashie wouldn't do that! :fluttershbad:

You made Fluttershy cry. I hope you're happy.

Okay, and now let's ignore the fact that Dash, for some reason, became competent enough to do what she's doing in the fic (which would require, at least, months of study, work and research. As far as we know, nopony has tried to distill Poison Joke, much less to turn themselves into the pony version of Atom Ant.) Let's ignore all the fast-forward, boring things we should've mentioned during the story about how the brewing worked. Allow me to tell you about Physics.

Mass, volume, and all that technobabble you vomited in the fic sounds fine and dandy and keep a lot of people going "ooooh", but let me tell you why the story gets it all wrong. If I'm right, what the concoction does is basically reducing your size, but your body mass stays the same. So if Dash would weight, say, 150 pounds, she would STILL weigh 150 pounds when being the size of a newborn filly. That's basically it, right? For reasons that would make Time Lord technology pale in comparison, she has her normal-size, full strength. Also, whatever she eats or drinks becomes proportionate size, which is... strange. Why? Why does it affect whatever she eats, like a bastard version of Midas' hand? Basically it means that, despite being mini size, she still must eat as much as if she were normal size. Ignoring all that, the million dollar question is: will she be able to fly faster? Unfortunately for you, Science laughs and says "No."

Even if her wings were as strong as in their normal size, they're certainly not as big. Wings push air molecules with every flap to keep birds in the air. Yes, smaller size means less friction (air resistance), but ALSO smaller wings mean that, despite having the same wingpower, you have less propulsion. Which means you require much more energy to not only take off, but staying in mid-air would require massive amounts of energy as well. What I'm trying to say is that odds are that Dash would be smaller, but would actually fly at the same speed, if not slower and getting tired much faster.

Allow me to quote this part of the story before resuming the review.

Ever paid attention to the speed of a housefly? Barely one centimeter in length, it possesses a top speed of 7.2 km/h. To us, it would feel like 1305 km/h.

You mention this. Aside from literally shattering the narration, it's false. To us humans, 7.2 km/h would feel like 7.2 km/h as well. Distance is distance, no matter your size. Not to mention that a common housefly weighs... well, what a fly weighs, which isn't relevant.

But forget about Dash's willing to fly faster and about super giant flies (that would both suffocate almost instantly and get crushed by their own weight. Yeah, being invertebrate sucks). What's the REAL thing she should worry about?

I love how stories screw with Physics in a way that turn Dash into Equestria's doom. In one of the stories I riffed a few months ago, Physics called in sick the day that fic was written, because Dash crashed on the ground while diving 340 miles per SECOND (more or less, at Mach 1675) She would've created a nuclear explosion that would've destroyed the kingdom (or at least, everypony watching the show). What we have here is: Rainbow Dash becomes smaller and smaller (reducing her volume), yet increasing her density (she keeps her strength, so apparently her mass not only remains intact, but actually INCREASES further, because muscles should be EVEN denser than the rest of the body to keep up and give her the proportionate strength). You know what happens when things become hyperdense? Objects that are superdense have SUPER POWERFUL GRAVITATION FIELDS! Dash, by the time of the third chapter, is close to becoming a frigging neutron star. If she becomes even smaller and keeps her mass, she'd start behaving like a black hole. BLACK HOLES! You know, those things from which NOTHING can escape, not even LIGHT! That's Rainbow Dash in the fic. Probably the lab items and kitchen utensils would start orbiting around her, but then she'd become smaller, and she'd start ATTRACTING STUFF TO HER, down to the point that she wouldn't be strong enough to push them back and die, crushed under their weight. Houses would be torn away, floating around a massive junkyard that nopony who walks too close to can escape. Celestia would then banish Dash to space to keep her from further destroying her kingdom. And it's all your fault.

Okay, that should've covered the plot. Now for some stuff about the story itself.

-Alliteration. If they were a drug, you would've OD'd a while ago. Allow me to use alliteration appropriately:

Clashing falcatas echoed across the corpse-filled cathedral

Alliterations here have a function. When you read them, all the /k/ phonemes emphasize the idea, and boost the image of swordfighting, metal hitting metal. The battlefield. Using a lot of words that start with the same letter just because it sounds... I don't really know the idea behind how most people use them, but it gets really annoying.

-Extreme telliness: I don't really know what to say about it, since it's all told and nothing's showed.

But Rainbow Dash could think outside of the box, and had realized the potential of the fun-loving flower. Not just the pranking potential. Dash had a plan to harness its power and make her faster, both in body and mind!

Instead of having Dash pondering to herself "what would happen if (insert crazy idea that takes place during the fic)", you plain tell us that she has a plan about it. You write about things the observers can see for themselves (their smiles, their gritted teeth, their yawning) instead of flat-out telling us what they actually feel (they're happy/furious/sleepy). You suffer from that throughout most of the story, only saving yourself at the "clop" part.

-Tags: You mention romance, dark and SoL. As I mention previously, Slice of Life doesn't fit here. Dark, unless you took the "Dash becomes a black hole, slowly destroys Equestria and everything she holds hear," it doesn't fit either for now. And Romance? She's in love with the idea of getting eaten alive? There are also a lot of jokes (and horrible, most of them) and I didn't see the Comedy tag at all. Though considering this "comedy", it might not be 100% accurate. Focused on metajokes, 4th wall breakings and overused jokes that, no matter what they say, they WON'T become funny again after telling them enough times, make the story annoying to read. There's "sex", if you find the few people who're into that thing, but I won't judge.

-Too short sentences:

The first tests were positive. Animal testing complete. Assistant Tank had completely recovered; content to snack on his well-earned hoof-selected salad from Pinkies Salad Snackbar Sensational.

You have a lot of those. Sequences of small sentences (Damn, I hate myself for that) that could be turned into one, slightly longer sentences that said basically the same. It feels too chunky otherwise.

-Other issues:

In the previous quote, you also lack an apostrophe in "Pinkie's Salad Snackbar Sensational." Check the story again to fix those.

More examples about issues you should be concerned about.

Punctuation:

She may not understand the workings of the Poison Joke. But she had observed what it did.

Combine the two sentences. comma after Joke, uncapitalize "But".

With those in mind, I've given you enough to think about. That is all we have to say for now. Good luck and keep improving.

Simon o’Sullivan and Beard, WRITE’s Manly Reviewers of Manly Fics

3257426
Thank you for your review.

You have really helped me out a lot.
The first person to write more than some "This is good, MOARZ"

First, about the tags, I asked around when I should add them.
I was advised to add them BEFORE, to prepare my readers. I would be happy to remove them.

And I can rid myself of all that alliteration?

Finally.

My only commenter about it so far said he liked the style. I even tried a blog about it, but eventually I just figured it's something about this fandom and tried to add more.

The keeping of mass and wingpower? Yeah, that's a plothole.

Dash based it on the example of Appletini.
Applejack apparently was able to sit on a branch, so her weight was reduced.
Yet she could jump high and wrangle Rainbow, so I thought her strength wasn't that reduced, more her range and ability to build up momentum.

Wingpower was kept because horses can not fly. Pegasi are magic.
I actually feel ashamed for using "Screw the physics, I have magic". But I did write the base for her findings in the story.


Using Tank as a guinea pig, that is evil, though she did take a lot of precautions.
That's getting edited out right now.

The trivia about the housefly, that I am going to argue with, but if it screws the narrative, it's out as well.


In truth, I had not even planned on adding sex for a long, long time. It was supposed to be an "adventures in miniaturization" story.

Eventually, Dash would run into Derpy, who manages to deliver her mail anywhere by the shrinking ability the show used as a joke. ( You know, the snow globe?)
Dash would spend a whole lot of time trying to get her to reveal how she can shrink.



And I did not know that about the use of alliteration.
I really thought it was a reference to Twilight.

Anyway, thank you for your review.

In return, is there some story I can give my opinion on?
I know I still need to improve my grammar, and I do realize just how much I do not know, but I can at least share my thoughts.

3257595

Well, for future references, genre tags should represent the MOST important aspects of the story. Either the atmosphere or the main elements of the story. Are they going on an epic quest to find the ever-refilling mug of cider? The story should be tagged "Adventure". Is the story about how Rarity decides to mare up and ask Spitfire out? You use "Romance". Romance is a tag used if one of the main elements of the story is seeking/finding love, and possibly its development to something more. If it's something that will happen in a chapter or has no impact on the story, the tag isn't really required.

Dark, for now, doesn't fit in the story, and for what I've seen so far, it might not do it anyways. The dark tag reresents the idea of a sinister universe. Victories of good above evil are pyrrhic victories at best or an unreachable goal at worst. For now we're seeing the wacky antics of microDash, and not even her vore-thinking episode would be considered "Dark".

I might add that, to avoid misunderstandings, it's a good idea to add the tags at the very beginning, yes. BUT you should wait before publishing to write enough story before so that it reaches to the part where the tags apply.

Hope it helps clearing up the idea about tags. Those are sometimes a pain to add, so it's good to know about them.

3257758

Ah, that makes a lot of sense.

I already reviewed Celestia's tiny student and was in the process of proofreading My little poem in the hope of getting a review myself.

Is it really that bad to base a story on COMMON plotholes from the show?

FLuttershy's frog filled carriage floats behind her.
Appletini could breath even though her body should be unable to handle over-sized oxygen, not to mention giant germs

These we're the 2 observations I based my story on:
-1. flight is magic
-2. Poison Joke somehow removes weight.


Again, heart-felt gratitude for taking the thank-less job of reviewing new authors.
I do not know who you are, but you should be rewarded for your efforts.

Ps.: Damn, that alliteration just slipped in, my appologies

3260168

Oh, it's far from bad. However, bear in mind that a lot of people have different opinions and fill the plotholes with whatever they consider logic. And while that might sound extremely pornographic, it isn't solely focused on sex.

Sometimes we see something like that thing about AJ doing jumps that would make the Mario Brothers lower their head in shame. However, it wasn't something that called a lot of people's attention. And as example, I'll throw an idea about what I did, similar to what you went through in this story.

Considering that, according to the show, greed and hoarding is what makes dragons grow., I decided to use it for my benefit in my story Ponies of the Five Rings.In the story, Spike took a pilgrimage where he met a monastic order that revered dragons. During the couple years he stayed with them, he trained in the way of "emotional hoarding". Being able to really focus on ponies he really cared for in a way that it had similar effects that material hoarding. Spike became tall as a full grown stallion, and his training had made him competent enough to return to Equestria and then get accepted as the Lore Clan's bodyguard.

It's not the same as what you did, because in this case, what I did was an explanation as to why Spike was different and was now the Lore Clan Leader's right hoof, so it wasn't such a huge part of the story. You're making the whole story roll around the idea of the Poison Joke's effects. And while a lot of people will love it (and for what I see, you're doing a fine job at it), but you'll always find annoying brats who throw science all over your face (Hi!:scootangel:).

3261224
He he.
It is ironic then, that the lack of science in Celestia's tiny student is what drove me to write this story.


And there is no way I would take offense to a reviewer's personal stance on a plot device. We are bronies, we Love and tolerate.

In fact, I recently had a nice and lengthy discussion with the author of the aforementioned story.

In that story, Celestia shrinks Twilight during her entrance exam, and keeps her that size. Supposedly, it reduces the danger of her uncontrolled magic, because it is now "mini-magic".
Which I simply tolerated as a plot-device, and enjoyed the story immensely.

Except for the perceived cruelty of Celestia.

I claimed his Celestia to be a Tyrant-Puppeteer Trollestia who molded Twilight in to the perfect tool for redeeming Nightmare Moon; a super soldier with a heart.

He was honestly surprised that his story could be interpreted in this way, but agreed it could be seen like that and we traded several arguments, which both of us enjoyed (or so he assured me).

I am currently reviewing his story because it IS one of my favorites.

Again, I thank you for your time and the good advice.

If there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know.

I'm having difficulty seeing how it's 'bad' as the story itself seems to have 100% 'Likes' something which most others on this site (myself included) can usually only dream of.

Yes, there are a few issues here and there but I don't think there is a single work of fiction that has or ever will exist that doesn't have at least one issue.

However Chapter '1.' does appear to be missing.

AlI can say is that I set out to write a story I myself would like to read.

As micro/macro fics are few in number, bad qualtiy has less impact on our "likes" then a regular one would have.

Unfortunately, I am not as good a writer as I wish to be, and forced my story to be better then me, which is why I need the help from my fellow writers.

I give out reviews to many writers, and hope to receive some myself
.

I really like how your pacing this story, most others just rush straight through.

3410831
Thank you for your comment. Overly fast pacing is one of my pet peeves in these stories. Shrinking has always been about exploration and fun for me. There are so many possibilities if mankind had a means of miniaturization. Smart phones and laptops could even be seen as an example. Portable communication has revolutionized the world. But that is not the focus of this story of course.

If the shrinkee has a way to move around and remain hidden then there are so many fun things to do. Yes, this will lead to voyeurism and eventually sexiness, but in the meantime, having my own bubble beach is something I would enjoy very much.

Other pet peeves of mine in these stories are instant safe shrinking and cruelty . That is why she has to experiment in the safety of her own house to master her shrinking. Not that there won't be many mishaps of course.

"Oh, what is that light. It is so pretty." ZAP Applejack says to Big Mac: "Damn bugs"

I'm gonna make a wild guess and say that since a small dose changed rainbows mane and coat temporarily that enough doses spread out to lengthen the time shrunk might temporarily remove her wings.

3411094
How do my readers keep coming up with stuff I never thought of?
Yes, the timing of the shrinking is supposed to scare her. One time, she will have to drink a double dose again and remain that way for a long time. She will never know how long it takes and it seems to increase. She's no scientist, it might be the dosage, or the preparation, or just a joke on her part.
But removing her ability to fly? Now that is good one. Maybe not the wings, but Poison Joke could disturb her pegasus magic and without aerodynamics to fall back on, she would be stranded.
As great as the idea about the mirror pool. ^^

I would not keep lengthening the duration for the simple reason that she might start to feel safe. If she knew beforehand that she has hours left, she won't suddenly grow back in the middle of a crowd.

3411112 Heck if it disrupts her pegasus magic she could fall through her cloud house but still have enough to glide down or at least aim for a soft landing.

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