• Published 20th Sep 2013
  • 3,031 Views, 80 Comments

Flower focus - Felyon

Rainbow Dash brews tea from Poison Joke and a few strands of Applejacks hair, shrinking herself to train her reflexes. Soon she finds how fun it is to spy on ponies, unaware that the joke will be on her.

  • ...

1. It starts with a prank.

On the wide expanse of Sweet Apple Acres, not far from the hardworking Applejack, three best friends met up in front of their club house. Well known by all of Ponyville, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were always trying to find their special talent though tonight they would have a simple sleepover in the Apple's barn.
They had invited their sisters and Rainbow, who would regal them with stories, snacks, and games. Knowing Rarity, there might be makeovers as well, and Scootaloo shuddered at the thought of all the makeovers she would be forced to undertake.That however, was a price she was willing to pay in order to have all three adults coming over.

“So,” started Apple Bloom, "all ready for the big night?"

"Oh am I ever?" Scootaloo fluttered her wings. "This is going to be the best of all nights!"
Rearranging her backpack, Sweetie Belle caught up with her friends "Anypony knows when all the others will show up? Rarity promised she would be there tonight, but what about Rainbow?" In answer, Scootaloo pointed a finger upwards, where a rainbow striped tail hung out from a cloud above the farm.
"Ah, that's convenient. She can nap all she wants and still be on time. Now all we need to do is get Applejack and we can start to get everything ready. We'll do all kinds of stuff, like making s'mores, and chocolate milk, and stay up way late!"
The others chimed in. "Yeah, and we'll hear all about their adventures, and learn how to defeat dragons, manticores, and hydras. Think there could be a Cutie Mark for us in disaster preventing?”

"Not really as everypony tells us that we're better in causing them."

Soon the three were discussing all the wonderful tales their favorite ponies could tell. About all the places they've been, the great things that they must have encountered, and all the wondrous beings they must have met. After all, they must have been all over Equestria by now.

Woken up by the happy chatter, Rainbow flew down to greet her young fans. "Hey there, girls. Ready for tonight?" Scootaloo was as excited as ever to spend time with her idol and practically flew up to greet her in turn. "You bet we do. We want to hear all about your adventures." A cough behind her made her adjust her previous statement. "I mean, what you and your friends did."
Rainbow rubbed her number one fan on top of her head. "Aww, of course I will. But your friends are right. I couldn't have done the real heroic stuff all by myself," she said while she puffed out her chest. "However, I can take full credit for all aerial acrobatics of course."
Basking in adoration, Rainbow looked around. "So, where is Applejack? Shouldn't she be here already?" Finding no big sister, Apple Bloom's ears drooped down. "She's probably still working. I know that we need to get all the trees done, but she promised she would be here tonight." Seeing Apple Bloom's distress, Rainbow gave her a wicked smile. "You know, there is this prank that I've been holding out on and you just gave me the right excuse to use it."

Meanwhile, Applejack, the oldest daughter of the Apple family was working hard as ever. Her powerful legs bucked the fruits of her labor right off the branches that had nurtured them from blossom to full ripeness.
Celestia's sun had shone hot on Applejack the entire day and not even the little shade provided by her ever present Stetson had kept the mare from working up quite a thirst. She'd emptied her water bottle a while ago, but'd rather finish then break her rhythm. To her, bucking apples was more then a chore. It was walking in the hoofsteps of her family, and becoming as one with the land. Earth ponies might not have active magic like the other races, but they were still ponies and those were magical. With their energy just leaking out of them, they created a connection to their environment and it showed. Their food tasted better, their crops were healthier, and the ponies around them were happy. With every step she took, every breath she made, and every apple picked, she made the world a better place to be in and she was darn proud of her work. Like an artist, she went from tree to tree and worked her magic. There was nothing but her, the trees, and the bucking.

Suddenly she saw her younger sister coming, balancing a tray with a glass of iced tea and some freshly cut apples to snack on. Accompanying her were her two bestest friends in the whole wide world--Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle of course.

"Here you go big sis." The little filly set the tray down and offered her sister the refreshments. "Are you finishing up here? You promised you'd be there for my slumber party tonight, remember?" Subdued she added: "Ain't like we're allowed to do anything near the barn unsupervised anymore." Scootaloo gave a scalding look to Sweetie Belle who protested:"Hey, I didn't even know noodles could do that over a campfire. It was an accident."
As if they practiced it, they all turned their innocent filly eyes back to their designated responsible adult.
While Applejack sure was grateful for the thoughtful gift her baby sister brought, she could do without 3 sets of big pleading eyes admonishing her for losing track of time, and the farmer scratched her head abashed. "Aw sugars, you know that when I get a good rhythm going the clock just don't cross my mind. As long as I can keep kicking, I just keep going. And there is plenty of trees waiting for a good bucking.

"But don't you worry, it won't be much longer before I'll come down to the barn and we'll set everything up. Why don't cha girls get started without me and I'll come and help you out as soon as work’s over.”
With that, she drank half a glass of her tea and aimed for the next tree. Even though she didn't recognize the taste, it was a refreshing drink and she'd make it last.
The three fillies grinned. “So, then I guess you'll be right over, eh?" Glancing at each other, the three just stood there watching as if expecting a show.

Confused, Applejack braced herself and her leg shot out to the tree behind her, only to hit nothing but air. With that, she lost her balance and fell flat on the ground. "What in tarnation?” Getting up, the girl got a bit closer to the tree and kicked again with the same results as before, except that this time she was accompanied with giggles from the peanut gallery.

Scraping herself out of the dirt, Applejack was starting get just a mite bit upset. “Seriously, what’s going on here? I never miss my mark. Never. And what are you gals laughing about? Did you have anything to do with this?" Looking around her, Applejack noticed something off. The trees were growing and moving away from her, rather fast actually. Seeing her confusion, the three fillies couldn't hold in their laughter anymore.

"Hang on a sec, am I-" Applejack swallowed nervously " -shrinking again?"

By now, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were almost rolling on the floor. Apple Bloom spoke up: "Don't cha worry little sis, it's just some Poison Joke. We've got the remedy from Zecora and all."
Bewildered, Applejack pointed an accusing finger at them. "Was this you guys' doing? This ain't funny. Why would you do something like this?" Applejack was clearly distraught but Apple Bloom came over and hugged her now filly sized sister. "Oh, no worries sis. Rainbow gave us this tea that twists her wings around and said we could use it to get you into the mood for the sleepover. It wears off by itself. Think of this as a break from working and enjoy yourself a little. You won't need to do anything tonight and can relax just fine." She helped dust off her sister's clothes which had shrunk with her, like they had done the last time. "You always tell me I should get plenty of rest. What about yourself?" Moving a hand from her forehead to Applejack's she compared heights. "And look at this. You're just a mite taller then me. We look like we're about the same age now. "

Applejack was not pleased with being stuck as a kiddy sized mare for the night, but one part of what her sister said stood out among the rest. "Wait," she said ,"did you say Rainbow gave you this? Where is she?" From a nearby tree Rainbow's head popped out in response. "Right here, Jackie." The blue pegasus flew down and bend her knees, making her eye height with AJ. "Admit it, you would think it's hilarious as well if you saw it happening to me. Besides, it's harmless. I drink this stuff all the time and it wears off by itself after a few hours."

Applejack stared at her friend with open mouth. "But, I drank it?" She asked. Rainbow nodded. "Yep, tea from Poison Joke. I made it myself even, after Fluttershy taught me how to.It's a bit like that potion Zecora made for Fluttershy, except that it's not as good. It only lasts a little while, but that means that you don't need an antidote either." Now this was enough to leave Applejack speechless and Apple Bloom waved her hand in front of her sister's eyes. "I think we broke her, girls."

Concerned, Rainbow laid an arm around Applejack's shoulders. "Look, if it's that bad I'll fly home and get the herbal remedy from Zecora, okay? I’ll be back in no time.” If AJ was that hurt by it then she'd feel genuinely bad about it. It was supposed to be nothing but a prank after all. “I know that when it first happened none of us was happy about it. But that was when we thought it was a curse and permanent. If you know that you can get cured whenever you want then it’s actually kind of fun.” Dash fluttered her wings. “Flying upside down is hard and good practice for me. It’s great for training balance and flying in extreme circumstances without any real danger. I mean, I would need to fly through a hurricane to get the same practice in, except that now I don't get wet and I can do it whenever I want.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders joined in as well, trying to assure the shrunken mare, with Apple Bloom first. “Yeah, come on sis. We’re already ahead of schedule with the apples, so it won’t hurt to quit for the day, and think of all the fun we’ll have. We could make you an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader for the night, and play games, and sleep in one bag, and lots of other stuff.” Each of the girls tried to persuade Applejack, but none could talk her into it.
“Sorry girls, but I’m really not comfortable like this. I’m a grown mare and I have my responsibilities on this here farm. I don't like being small as a pipsqueak .” Thus, true to her word, Rainbow flew off to get the antidote.

Speeding off to her cloud home, Rainbow could be heard grumbling all the way. “It was only a prank, and she’s just about the only pony you could pull that one on. I mean, where do you find another pony who would get an actually funny result from Poison Joke and not something obnoxious.” Exasperated, she threw up her arms.” Seriously, that mare works way too hard.” Considering that many ponies believed Rainbow a slacker who took way too many naps, it was quite ironic for her to admonish Applejack, even though she had a good reason for resting that much. She was a sprinter, and always tired from practicing new maneuvers.
Rummaging inside her closet, she retrieved one of the jars Zecora prepared for her. “And to think that I spend all day finding those herbs for her brews. Not even Fluttershy asked me to gather that many plants, ever.” Reminiscing the many times her dear friend asked her to use her superior speed and skills to search for plants in no time, Rainbow sighed. "Sometimes, being this awesome brings lot of responsibility. But I guess I'm just the kind of gal who can't say no to a friend."
With the herbal cure to the Joke in her arms, Rainbow flew back to the farm.

"Okay AJ, I got it," she called out. However, her friend was nowhere to be seen "AJ, where are you? Scootaloo, Apple Bloom?" No answer followed, but it sounded like there was giggles and playful laughter between the trees.
Speeding away to find the source, she flew over the orchard. When she saw the cause of the noise drifting through the orchard she almost dropped her jaw, and the jar, on the ground below.

Laughing like a foal, Applejack was running around with the CMC, playing tag apparently. Had the Joke shrunk her brains or something? Rainbow had never found herself thinking backwards to match her upside wings, only Pinkie could do that.
“Hey Aj,” she shouted while flying over to her filly-like friend. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just playing around with the kids, having some fun just like you told me to, didn’t you?” Applejack tagged Sweetie Belle who tagged Scootaloo in turn and ran off between the trees.
Rainbow went after her but was stopped by the young unicorn. "It started with Apple Bloom challenging her and she could not resist. Soon she was getting into the spirit and having fun. Isn't it great?", exclaimed Sweetie Belle.
Applejack and Scootaloo ran by with Apple Bloom chasing them, and keeping the blue pegasus between her and her sister, Applejack finished the story. "For one night only, you hear me. After that I don't want you sneaking something in my drinks again, y'all get what I'm saying?"
Relieved, Rainbow flew up, depriving Applejack of cover and now found herself at the mercy of her sister. While Rainbow did feel miffed that she had gone and got the cure for nothing, it was better this way. After all, this was what magic was supposed to do right? Make life fun.

Author's Note:

Rewrite of the first chapter. Too long or may it be longer?

First story, constructive criticism anyone? I do wonder if I should make this anthro or not. It would be easy to adjust the rewrite.

I found the amount and quality of micro/macro stories lacking on fimfiction. Especially relaxed, fun shrinking. I never did find much of those.
So hoping to inspire more writers, and get some good reads of my own, here is my own attempt at a full novel sized micro fimfic.

About giantess physics; here is a link provided by EarthPhantomTS: Could an attacking 50 foot woman actually exist?.

Comments ( 15 )

Haven't read yet, but just noticed that "homebrewnown" should probably be "home-brewed." :twilightsmile:

Thank you.
You know, I always told myself: "If I ever write a story, I will check everything thrice."
And then after spellchecking the story 3 times, the first comment points out a typo in the summary :facehoof:

I NEEDZ MOOOOOOOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

I want to read more! Keep writing! :rainbowkiss:

But wasn't life about learning and improving? About being a bit better every day? "Everything can be training." some wise pony had said so, some time, some place. She couldn't quite remember his name. Wild Horse? Rice Picker? Or was it a girl, Wild Child? But that wasn't important, it was the lesson: "Anything goes."

I see what you did there:rainbowderp:

Not just by themselves but complete with their sisters and Rainbow, who would regal them with stories, snacks, and knowing Rarity *Scootaloo shudders* makeovers.

*rolls eyes* This is lazy. "Scootaloo shuddered at the thought of all the makeover she would be forced to undertake."

There are a lot of error, but I like the story. The Story's spacing needs adjusting, there are a couple places the punctuation is off, and the pacing feels a bit weird.

I do like this story and want to see it grow. See if you can find an editor. Frankly, it might be fun to do an anthro spin-off, but I think you should stick to ponies.

Thank you for the input. That sentence specifically was hard and I thought I had done it right, but I know that I need to improve a lot.

So, one vote for ponies, and one for anthros now. The original story was done with ponies because I couldn't picture them as anything but ponies. To me, changing their bodies would change the characters that we all know and love from the show. Moreover, anthro always seemed linked to...pure cheap clop to me. One person however told me that it's hard to link ponies and mature content for him, so why not anthro?
Any ideas yourself? Right now it would be easy to change the characters since I'm only 4 chapters in.

Ponies and Anthro is a matter of taste and I have seen it go both ways. If you are looking for matter for Ponies and Mature content, I highly recommend Kaiden's works.

Frankly, I am excited on where exactly does this go. Does RD find a way to make the shrink last longer? Do her friends catch wind? Does she succumb to her fantasy of being eaten or does she develop taste for ponies?

Thanks for the rec, I'd been looking for his Dash of Humanity but I couldn't remember the author's name.

I'm kind of excited as well. Some of my family's bigger concerns are finally coming to an end so I'll soon find myself free of all this stress and endless work. I've been working on separate scenes now instead of writing linear and I think this will make the story much better in the long run.
The theme of the story is exploration. She'll keep trying new things and some will work out and others don't. Incidentally, sometimes because magic and ponies are both fickle and unpredictable.

So... What's the progress of this story? I have seen some comments mentioning some chapters, but I can see only first one.
Will the next ones uploaded soon?

Anyways, description got me(

Its going quite well, actually! :pinkiehappy: It's keeping it concise that proves difficult, for I'm always way too wordy.:rainbowlaugh:
Anyway, whenever I struggle with a scene I just work on another so it never becomes a drag and eventually I'll end up with quite a buffer.:twilightsmile:

I cleaned up. Better now?
Could I just ask you for advice on this sentence: Isn't it great?", exclaimed Sweetie Belle. How should I use the punctuation here?

This is a very interesting story and I would like to see more. Also, there's a few minor things you may want to edit.

They had invited their sisters and Rainbow, who would regal them with stories, snacks, and games.

That should be "regale".

Scootaloo gave a scalding look to Sweetie Belle who protested:

I'm pretty sure that should be "scolding".

The blue pegasus flew down and bend her knees, making her eye height with AJ.

That should be "bent".

Exasperated, she threw up her arms. Seriously, that mare works way too hard.”

And you'll want to move that quotation mark one space.

This was a very interesting introduction to what I hope to be a sublime story. Applejack has always struck me as very stern and mature, especially in contrast to the immature antics of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Thus it is SO refreshing to finally see her show her foal-like tendencies that everypony must show from time to time to achieve a healthy life. Thus I look forward to seeing this fiction progress.

However, there are some flaws that I couldn't help but notice. Please note that these are minor dents on an otherwise smooth surface. The only major problem that is overtly apparent is that you often include dialogue from two characters within the same paragraph. This is unfortunately a common mistake from many writers that inevitably makes each character's speech less distinguished and unique. Moreover, some of the lexical decisions, word choices, you have made with the dialogue could've been slightly improved to give each character a more defined personality. For instance, at the beginning, the energetic, rough and rambunctious young filly Scootaloo says "This is going to be the best of all nights!". Having her say something such as "Tonight is gonna be totally awesome!", Or "Tonight 'll be great!" Would've better shown off her character.

In addition, I believe you could've made use of techniques such as phonetic spelling, capitalisation and elision for a greater effect. You do have an occasional use of phonetic spelling, for instance Applejack says "Why don't cha girls" instead of "why don't you girls". This helps show her southern accent through the dialogue. However, it is undeniable that, in the show, Rainbow speaks with an informal dialect, often leaving the "g" out of the "ing" sound, using "ya" instead of "you" and other improper vocabulary, this could have been shown of more here. For instance, you have Rainbow say the sentence "being this awesome brings lot of responsibility." Whilst you could've had her say "bein' this awesome brings a lot 'a responsibility." It's the same sentence, but with a use of phonology to show her dialect. And thus the immense power of the apostrophe is revealed. Furthermore, you could've spelt certain words with capital letters rather than lower case letters for a dramatic effect. For example, Rainbow uses the line "that mare works way too hard.” This sentence effectively shows Rainbow's opinion on Applejack's unhealthy work ethic. Although, having the intensifier "way" spelt with capital letters would've put emphasis on this, and would've more accurately portrayed how a character such as Rainbow would have said the line. Moreover, there were a few instances where elision, a use of three dots to signify hesitation in a character's speech could've been used. For example, AppleBloom states "You promised you'd be there for my slumber party tonight, remember?" Subdued she added: "Ain't like we're allowed to do anything near the barn unsupervised anymore." Having a ... here instead of the phrase "subdued she added" would've better shown AppleBloom's hesitation in the second part of her line, and may have possibly produced a comedic effect.

In addition, there were some opportunities in regards to the character introduction that were not properly taken advantage off. For instance, when AppleBloom claims that they will "stay up way late!" You could've, right there, introduced the Rainbow Dash character, with her saying something similar to "He he, not on my watch. You're all precious, little baby foals who need their beauty sleep!" This could be followed with the CMC, especially Scootaloo, giving horrified responses at Rainbow's sudden juxtaposition of her personality, as well as at the thought of being forced to go to bed early. Rainbow could then cut her act and break out into an uncontrollable laughter before saying "Ha, ha! This is too good. Ah Celestia! You should totally see you're faces right now! Ah, ha, ha. But don't worry, I was jokin', we are SO stayin' up all night!" This would've properly shown Rainbow's fun, light hearted and ultimately immature personality, giving a stark contrast to Applejack's stern, bold and mature personality.

Moreover, the space in-between the sentences "there is plenty of trees waiting for a good bucking." And "But don't you worry" was BEGGING for a sentence such as: "Applejack's soul burned as the unbearable pain of guilt slowly crept through her like a poisonous centipede... The adorableness was too much for even her!" This would have produced humour via the juxtaposition, as well as showing why Applejack could bring herself to leave the work that she was so passionate about. On that note, as a Brony, I believe your depiction of Applejack favouring her work and responsibilities over her younger sister was a tad disorientating. This could've been fixed by stressing the fleeting harvest time and that Applejack, and Big Macintosh, were being forced to work quickly, thus causing Applejack to overwhelm herself, causing the CMC and Rainbow to force her to calm down. In addition, you could've stated that the reason Applejack was initially so determined to be turned back to her full size was that she found the thought of being so small, vulnerable, weak and dependent very uncomfortable, rather than that she found the thought of neglecting her responsibilities uncomfortable. For instance, Applejack uses the line "Sorry girls, but I’m really not comfortable like this. I’m a grown mare and I have my responsibilities... I don't like being small as a pipsqueak". When a line such as "sorry gals, I'm really uncomfortable like this. I just can't stand bein' this small, never could when I were your age either." Could've possibly made the reader feel a little more sympathy for Applejack as she isn't viewing her responsibilities as more important than having one night of fun with her little sister that she will be able to move on from with no consequences the following morning.

My apologies if you read this entire essay, these really are just nit picks and I would hate to have discouraged a promising writer. This is a solid introduction and I very much forward to reading more chapters. I just saw that you were open to constructive criticism and decided to take up the offer. Than you for reading :).

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