- Member Since 25th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 26th, 2017
Reaps
I ask only that you would forgive me, should I ever truly go hollow, that you would not hate me for falling asunder to the insanity.
Sequels1
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Reaps · 4.8k words · 24 3 · 610 views
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Just a tip
Don't use colorism when characters speak for some reason that angers the reader, just mention who's talking.
in other words good story
3231671 Well, thanks for the tip and the compliment. I guess I just felt like it might be a tad bit difficult to follow four voices from the same pony. Though making it clear through other means is a welcome challenge.
3231680
I know how you feel
3231682 So, it didn't come off as forced, right? That's probably my biggest worry since my Muse isn't exactly cooperating with me at the moment.
You can do it like this:
"Did, did I just, kill somepony?" panic Scootaloo
"Yeah, and it was amazing! Did you feel that rush?" exclaim Applebloom.
I don't if that is Applebloom I'm just assuming.
3231706 It's actually all in Scootaloo's head. Just her, but kinda like different sides of her, things that kinda crept in after Dash was off'd. Pretty hard to describe. If it were other ponies, I'd do my usual bit and focus on differentiating their speech patterns. I like to think of Scootaloo as a bit of a street-wise talker, contractions, not having great enunciation. Sweetie Belle of course talks very properly, perfect enunciation, some more high-level vocabulary here and there, very sophisticated. AppleBloom I usually just go with how most people around my home town talk, slight southern drawl, contracting sometimes three or four words at once, very lax grammar and enunciation. I have a bit of a unique view of the social process, so I consciously take note of these little things. Also, the slightly erratic behaviors and manic irritability I'm hoping to include later are actually slight keynotes of myself, so I'm really hoping to shine in those moments, as it won't take much to put myself in the mindset and take notes.
This was actually very good, it captures, what I thought anyway, the beginnings of insanity really well.
The kill scene was handled excellently too, her body did it, and her mind kinda, faded out.
Also I may have missed it somewhere but is this an anthro story? I saw hands and fingers being used, and then hooves.
3231774 Thank you for the notes. I'm glad I'm doing this well. It's actually kind of nice to get told where I'm doing right instead of just that I did well for a change. As for anthro or no, yes, this is anthro, so hands but hooves instead of feet. Also, I kind of have a thing for insanity, one could almost call it a turn-on short of a fetish. I love looking through all the levels, flavors, causes, everything about it. It's entrancing, and something I feel is often thrown about like it has nothing more specific. Insanity is not a one trick pony. It is diverse and wonderful. Embrace it!
3231793
*Looks at the tags and facehooves*
Sorry about that dumb dumb moment, I just finished work and its time I got to sleeping.
Anyway, I should read this over a few times, I need to learn how to express this kind of creeping insanity in a story I want to write when I learn how best to not buck it up.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to more
Make her a meth addict, cannibal, and very fucking violent, and she has the personality of Trevor from GTA V. :)
3233345 How about no?
3234001 It was a joke.
3234102 Sorry. I shouldn't reply to comments when I'm like this, breaks of insanity and intense irritability to not mix well. I'm not in the best humor. Again, my apologies.
3234137 It's alright. Writng's a tough job. And that's coming from a person who writes stories on an iPod. :/
Hello, I am your WRITE reviewer. It's my pleasure to go through your story, pick up on themes, tones, and any and all thingies of literary import I bring to attention. Mostly I'll focus on the more abstract concepts of writing, only bringing grammatical flaws to attention if they happen to be excessive and overbearing. I'm very casual in this process, but hopefully thorough to your satisfaction in picking out the good, the bad, and the interesting qualities that make up this story. Any questions you have about the coming review I'll be happy to adress, either by pm or reply comment.
First impression - the title page shows attention and effort. The descrption is written at a good standard.
This story starts off, well, it starts off pretty friggin cheery, right? Yeah. It opens, not with expositional narrative but a strong and sudden character action, whichtoo few stories use. As such, this opening is powerful, grabbing, without presenting a overwrought tour-guide to the story by means of boring, passive telling. Everything we need to know came from the description, and the story proper establishes the icky bits. Even the imagery applied, particularily the broken mirror, is tastefully done and establishes the tone of the story.
To expand on this, the fact that DT and SS (don't write it shorthand in the story, there was one instance of this) are worried enough about street-safety to go to a pseudo-enemy for help? Establishes background/world tone. A back alley mugging (attempted, anyway)? Again, establishes tone. Clearly, our happy little anthro freaks are not all that happy.
SPEAKING of anthro - this is a tag I see applied (most often to clop, 'cause reasons: ['cause boobs]) and it's rare to see it applied in a truly literary sense. Indeed, I often wonder if it have ever merited it's own tag. It's like having 'Vampire' as a genre on the shelf of my local bookstore. (It's between Fantasy and Self-Help
) That Unraveling does make effective use of anthro as tag is promising and rewarding. Indeed, the opening image with the shard-blade, ridiculous to imagine with ponies without a heap of writing to establish disbelief in advance, is more disturbing and unsettling for the...familiarity that arms and hands and fingers bear for us.
The recurring mentions of Sweetie Belle piqued my interest quite early, and the fact that they are recurring suggests that not only is the concept of not being rude for her important, but quite important.
The selective memory is confusing, but not in a bad way. Many times when I say a story is confusing, it's because of poor writing; the inability of the story to act as medium in conveying the writer's imagination to readers. Here, rather, I am confused because I am captivated, like I would be at the start of a mystery. It goads one to keep reading, it will be revealed in time, and for now implies at the full extent of the psychological damage done to Scootaloo.
The fact that she quite calmly decides that they want to taste her tongue-blood really reinforces that impression; that sort of insane perspective in which, after following largely normal rational and reasoning, the individual still misses obvious errors in judgement or ends up on disturbing notions entirely, as we see here.
Everything herein suggests a moral scope ranging from gray to black. At 'best' we get a tepid, 'normal' Scootaloo who is at least not entirely likely to murder you, and at worst we get a considerably more murder-happy Scootaloo. For the nature of the story, it's a good thing. A lot of amateur writers aiming for angsty darkness in a story lay it on far too heavy and thick, which makes the whole thing ridiculous to read, completely debasing any semblance of reader investment or disbelief.
The fact that you do have a visible spectrum works in your favour. At the moment (if I take some poetic liscence to have fun with the concept) it ranges from wet concrete gray to sodden ashy (good colours for a dark fic)
Speaking of colours though, it's interesting that you choice to use that for her in-head little chats. I'm assuming that the orange is 'normal' Scoots (at least, that Scoots which still mistakenly believes herself to hold with the notions and values which we associate with the canon Scoots, and any decent ordinary person normally), with the others being aspects of herself, like a multi-personality split with overtures of schizophrenic episodes.
I'd like to point out again we see the gray-black spectrum nicely here as well. In a different story, we'd see various aspects being 'good' and 'bad' Here, however, RED seems murder happy (bad), but GREEN seems apathetic rather than repentant, even going so far as to decide against murdering the two girls due to purely technical, non-moral reasons. [It's wrong, GREEN decides, because she'd get caught, not because it's wrong] Purple seems ambiguous, but none too distraught over the whole thing, and so is also rather suspect.
In effect? Scootaloo is outnumbered and surrounded in her own mind by various darker aspects of hereself. We get unsettling references to Sweetie Belle, who so far is entirely absent, and who's involvement is likely to prompt further degradation (or a sizeable internal conflict in Scoots that will trigger the same effect anyway), and our leading little lady is taking to murder like junkies take to heroin.
Overview of the story - Very positive. Writing technique and understanding shows. There's none of the oft-encountered exposition dumps, rather the story begins with the present moment Scootaloo is in who, (quite naturally) has no particular need to go and summarise events for the readers' benefit. Rather, her thoughts, actions, dialogue and locale all work in conjunction to colour in the background details without ever needing you the narrator to call it to attention. Use of the anthro tag is relevant and contributes to the image and tone of the story. While there are questions, the story leaves one feeling confident that it is well aware of these, and that they are to answered in good time (not with aforementioned exposition dump)
As for the Gollemesque self-forum discussion she's got going on...the colour format does come across as somewhat...unrefined. That said, I wouldn't consider changing it essential, as it does do it's function neatly. Some would disagree, but it is better to have readily colour-coded speakers than having every single line try to shoehorn in a descriptor precise enough to convey which specific Scootaspect is saying what. Another option is to attribute everything but the 'normal' to personified objects or caricatures just like we see in the infamous ((and awesome)) episode Party Of One, with various sentiments going to inanimate objects. {as an aside, the manner in which that scene in the episode shows both Pinkie's perspective of the conversation and the reality of her puppeteering the whole thing is part of what lends it its impressive qualities of disturbing...y...ness.} The 'normal' Scoots could variously debate, reason, and argue with such objects as her knife, her reflection in the broken mirror (utilized in Lesson Zero, ((and totally copied by Return of The King), any object or concept would suffice; you certainly have the capacity as a writer to make it work, and work well, though it would take some small effort to make this change viable and good.
Negatives? There's not a whole lot of them. Quite few I could bring to mind, even (sorry to dissapoint). I had reservations about this fic (being dark and gore and all), but it's won me over quite neatly. I could dig into the techncalities a little more nit-picky than I have.
'DT and SS' - just don't. Don't abbreviate in narrative. Dialogue is more lax on this point, but absolutely not in narrative.
There is a slight tendency in the wording to repeat itself unnecssarily. For instance:
Since we're already told of muscle memory and effortless navigation, the 'practically on autopilot' mention serves only as emphasis. The sentence works entirely fine without that addition. At the very least, a comma or even a semi-colon (treacherous things) should pace out the wordflow there, hyst after 'home' so that it reads smoother.
Again, we see it here:
An understandable run-on, I'd expect this to be "...blindfolded. She knew..." The second half also mentions roads twice needlessly. "She knew the sounds, every bump and crack of the roads OR She knew the roads, the sounds, every bump and crack." both work perfectly well. Like I said, these are rather nit-picky and small things to call to attention, and nothing to worry about.
One thing I would like to call some attention to is the way in which some paragraphs seem to be past tense, while other's are present tense. Typically a third person story of this nature is obligated to the past tense. It is unusual to see them both used here, and I'd have to call that an error (but not a particularily worrisome one)
What more can I say? This is well written. It doesn't bombard the reader with chaff or fluff. It establishes its own tone and images without the need for a narrative that steps on the toes of character development and character action. Good technique and standards are constant, and while there is some ambiguity about the choice of coloured correspondence, it isn't a critical issue. The tone itself adheres nicely to the Dark tag without trying too hard (and so undermining itself) Hell, it's a failed mugger she kills, so there isn't even a pretense virtue to cling to. Her various aspects are at best neutral and unfettered going right down to viciously enthusiastic, and even Scoots 'normal' displays some very worrying behaviours and tendencies.
And this is just the first chapter.
In short, a promising start.
If you would like me to continue with reviews chapter by chapter, please let me know and I'll be happy to oblige you. Such reviews won't be so long as this, as a lot of the things I've gone through are once-off affairs, and will focus more singularily on characters and plot developments.
3252914 Thank you so much for taking the time for the review. More importantly, thank you for getting a bit nit-picky. I should have noticed those errors, and a few were less forgetting basic grammar rules and more my having lost train of thought and simply making silly slips. As such, I am beyond happy to know they are there. I'm going in and trying to fix the mistakes, as well as try to see where I've redone a few I'm sure I made in the other chapters. If I could get a review at the least on the other two chapters thus far, it would be a great personal relief. I hate making silly mistakes I don't know about because once they happen, the mind tends to overlook them in the future. Not a practice I want to begin. Also, I have a dreadful habit of attempting to crowd, or rush, a story. I'm not the best with patience, so I'm having to temper myself a lot. Again, if you wouldn't mind looking them over when you get the time, I would be extremely delighted.
3252988
Sure thing, I'll get the next chapter's review ready for you within a day or so.
3253005 Thank you so much. Take your time, please. I understand you're likely busy. Patience is something I need to learn for my stories if nothing else, so don't feel like you need to rush. I'll still be here, and so will Scootaloo.
This story is awesome keep up the good work.
3260083 Thank you. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out within the week.
Awesome
Chapter two review -
The first paragraph displays the same past/present tense confusion I pointed out before. The use of 'beamed' is erroenous, as this is typically a visual depiction, but here you've applied it to Scoot's voice, making it discordant to read, and the paragrah overall is rather strongly Telling with narrative rather than Showing with character.
You did this first chapter as well, I recall? The sudden shift in narrative tone (by suddenly becoming a question) seems imprecise in a way) The 'hesitation, Question Mark' is what Scoots is feeling so, in lieu of such, I'd suggest as I think I did before that such instances of in-narrative questions should be rewritten to either being moments from Scoots that show us such feeling, or at the least to be distinct sentences of their own, seperated from the exposition at large.
The fact that Sweetie Belle is not, as far as I yet know, somehow depraved or, ya know, dead is surprsing, and good. Remember what I said before - having Dark darkness of utter darkliocity is far too monotonous, whereas having a spectrum of emotion works much better. Here we see what, in another 'verse, could be a happy relationship budding, and it is, but oh what's this oh right there's that one little detail about our leading little lady being a psychotically degenerating murderer. The image of the mildly-messy house punctuated by the shattered mirrors really presents that impression aptly.
This is a blink and you'll miss it moment in the middle of a scene, and one that I latched onto. Not because it's a sexy image, (shut-up), but because it tingled my review senses. We've seen the fingerless gloves before, and I suspect they're something of a prophetic fallacy about Scoot's personality shifts. I'll be keeping an eye out for mentions of them. In anycase, it's a nice attention to detail that enrichens the scene without cutting into the pacing or narrative at all.
I see you've stopped using colour coded internal conflict voices. I don't know if you've done this retroactively to the first chapter since I saw it before, but I'd definetly recommend that even before being right or wrong, that you be consistent. Either keep it always in colour or never, but don't have some of both. I kinda liked the colour, truth be told, though from a sterner perspective it wasn't entirely correct either. Your call.
Interesting letter~ makes me think of the one's 'from a friend' that you get in Skyrim. There's a miscapitalization on the second instance of 'scootaloo' there. This certainly adds a new layer of complexity to the whole mess; somebody knows. They seem quite enthusiastic, though, in machivellian accordance with the dark tag you've got. Again, we see a victim that has the flimsiest pretense of 'derserving' the fate befalling them, barely enough to satisfy Scoot's own twisted need for justification.
Twitch.
I have to go with the impression I get - Scoot's is having a back and forth with herself, both halves talking over one another. Basically a la Gollum or Harvey Dent, with the twitches depicting each shift. Could have been written a little more elegantly, I feel. Otherwise we just get a lonely word alternating every line and paragraph.
Otherwise, again we see that even 'normal' Scoots is very, very dodgy and mentally fractured. Our first instance of connotating sleep with death, and in lieu of the backstory concerning Rainbow Dash, perhaps a revelation into Scootaloo's desire to, ahem, 'sleep.' Again, she resorts to the insane counterlogic of being rude to Sweetie Belle. Without having to narrate it, the dialogue shows that she's losing her grip on morality, which is becoming more and more centered around her own experiences and life. Murder isn't wrong because it's wrong, it's wrong because it's inconveinant or, in this case, rude.
The fact that she seems almost sane with Sweetie Belle really serves to highlight the festering madness within. Quite lovely stuff, really. Oh, and that's a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off, Sweetie Belle, I mean.
Another blink-and-miss moment. Good thing the story by and large is lean enough to accomodate these nicely.
So our mystery friend has had a mystery visit of mysteriousness as well, hmm. Looks like someone other than Scoots is murder-happy. Leaves the reader with more questions than answers, Who, why, that sort of thing, but again the narrative leaves me feeling like these questions are intended and will be addressed appropriately. For now, we get to return to the happy shippy cutesy cuddly naked anthro-bominations (I jest) ((not really)) sleeping blissfully together, which again serves to really highlight and emphasise the fuckup'dness of the whole thing. Befitting for a story of insanity and murder, by and large.
My pet theory? The mystery mare (if it is a mare) is [REDACTED]
P.S. - not relevant, but a classic knife-across-the-throat-kill is so effective because it severs not only a major artery (and opens the wind pipe if you put a bit of muscle into the effort) but because it also causes a massive and sudden pressure loss of blood supply to the brain. Hence, it's an old technique still favoured in the slaughterhousing business. Point is , there's a lot of blood involved in this method, and messy spurting is to be expected.
Overall? Pacing is slow, but steady and comfotable. Sweetie is introduced, as is our mystery mare, and the next kill spreads the taint more thoroughly across the shrivelling husk that is Scootaloo's spluttering and dying soul. Happy days. The past/present tense issues are less prevelant, very few typos at all, though the change from the coloured text is something to be addressed.
I honestly want to know where this goes, and I rarely find an awesome grimdark that I fully enjoy! Feed the dark creatures
.
3263514 I'm trying to work past my cobwebs. I guess burning through three chapters in three days plus school is just taking its toll. I'll have the next chapter up ASAP
Pinkamena, more than likely.
Lil Miss Rarity, possibly.
Broken Loyalty, possibly.
Sadistic Scootaloo, definatley.
I like this. I like this a lot.
3267750 So much as I truly love those, all of them, this was actually not inspired directly by any of them. Also, I like how you think. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Assuming I can ever get started on the blasted thing...
3267763
I own a magnifying glass, you know.
Start off with the 'mysterious voices', discussing Scoot. Maybe see if you can get Sweetie to join in? That would be a lovely twist.
Now, if it's a matter of you're too busy, just do it when you have time. I'm sure the loyal readers can wait.
3267776 Loyal readers? Of one of my stories?
But as for the reason, I'm stuck with writer's block, as well as sort of waiting with a bit of a nervous tick on the review of my latest chapter. I feel I forced a lot of it, and that much of it leaves too much unanswered, more than I meant. I need to get that off my mind before I can focus on moving on from it. After all, the next chapter kind of needs to leap off from the last. If I get half-way through the next chapter, to find that my last is as full of holes as I fear, then I have to:
1) Fix my last chapter, likely rewrite most of it, possibly double the length to make things work out.
2) Take what I've fixed and make sure that my next chapter isn't screwed for them, and fix what is.
3267807
I see. That is troubling.
Wish I could help, but I can't. To do so would require us to meet in person, which is, more than likely, impossible.
Shame really. I'd have liked to meet you.
3267913 Agreed. Ah well. Onward to Stuff and Things
Review chapter 3 -
This chapter reads faster than the first two despite being just as long, but this is something natural now that the story is largely established. The fact that Scoot's is an unreliable Protagonist (her perspective of 'reality' doesn't exactly line up with what we can presume is 'real') intensifies and highlights the fuck'd-uppery endemic to Unraveling. Not only Scoot's self-harm, but the whole basement hobby too has been revealed to Sweetie, who takes it in surprsingly good stride (considering).
I noticed Scoots is going more the sadist with each kill; the first was almost predatory, the second was a quick execution, this...was torture. Straight up torture. Vicious and cruel. Whether the facsimilie of it being her is an enduring hallucination or something else...we're not to know, yet.
The introduction of Rarity was quick and to the point. She reinforces the tone of a darker verse than the canon we know, particular with mention of the past she'd rather not call up, and the spells from it.
I am confused by Sweetie Belle. She reacts more or less normally to the first revelation, but takes to clean-up with surprising diligence for what we see of it. It suggests quite a loyalty to Scoots and, to my suspicions, something else.
We also see that our mystery mare is in fact plural. This, and my other inklings lead me to suspect...things...
As for the chapter, it builds on and intensifies the established premise: Scootaloo the Friendly Neighbourhood evisceration-fiend. Grammar is again done spot on.
This is an easily missed moment, and possibly the last trace-vestige of light and warmth left to this steadily descending story. Sanity is collapsing, pretense is collapsing, madness and death run rampant. I suppose we must see just how far the rabbit hole goes, hmm? If there's any redemption to be had for anyone, the oppurtunity's last thread is slipping away.
While my reviewer self finds little to fault, indede much to note and nod approvingly at, my not-reviwer self is a little distraught...which, to look at from a review perspective, is something of a compliment considering the nature of the story.
3288307 Thank you, it's good to know I handled the third chapter better than I'd hoped. I felt it might've been a bit rushed, personally, and that's more or less past experience talking, but to see that it at least reads appealingly is amazing to see.
Now that I'm far less worried over how the third went, chapter five will come much more easily. I would love if you could mayhaps find the time and interest to review a bit further, but I understand if you've other commitments. I can hardly thank you enough for helping me with the little errors I've made, as well as for setting my mind at ease with the rest. Now that I've got three full chapters to gauge the flow with, the rest will be much easier and should come much faster.
Also, in case you intend to read on simply for pleasure, which is just as good as to review at this point, I do hope you enjoy the rest. I'm still nervous with Chapter four being the shortest yet, but I'm hoping that's no issue. With two stories of mine getting decent attention, and good feedback, I'm definitely much less nervous. Hope that helps me finish this one up. I need to finish a story.
Review, chapter four -
It's rather good that this chapter opens with the question on everyone's (or at least my) mind, and puts us readers in the uncomfortable position of being at least in some small way connected with the protagonist, asking the very same question. Sweetie Belle easily evades giving a real answer, but the attention is still appreciated.
- A small typo.
...
...
...!
Wow, there's a lot to consider here. I had my suspicions before, but I'm pretty much considering that the only true path to hope left is to exterminate every single anthrobomination (I jest).
Either way, the hints you've been dropping have a lot more solid base now, and such suspicions were, if not exactly confirmed, than reinforced. At least three (I suspect all) of the mane six are thrill killers, and they are grooming their siblings-dearest to follow that course. Possibly some kind of Reason other than 'for the hell of it'. I mean, damn, but I even suspect the fact that they ARE anthrobominations is somehow relveant as well, though there isn't as much base for that...yet. The fact that they have 'friends' of such professional standing to dispose of suggests not just an individual or even group, but an institution.
...In short, Unraveling is being very nifty at answering one question by spawning two more, and dangling that bloody, dripping, tantalizing truth just out of jaws' reach.
Also, Chapter Four Sweetie Belle is exhibiting Chapter One Scootaloo symptoms. Suppose the path to hell is fourlane highway, eh? Though so far she might go another path, who knows? The fact that the narrative has, at times, slipped into her perpsective gives me some hope that she'll be a fledged and developed character, though the risk of meeting a grizzly (and gristly) end is not to be forgotten either.
Even more so, in lieu of recurring connections like this:
A chapter in which speculation could go rampant. I could expand my own pet theories further, but that's possibly poor reviewing form (though shows a captivated reader, again, a compliment...)
This 'verse is fucked up. I recommend purge by fire. Short of that, let's see where it goes. It is, as you feel, a shorter chapter, but one that still has quite a lot packed into it, dare I say more than the others. Where does the horror end?
3288430 Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it still. Again, it's still comforting to see I'm getting better at actually writing and not just typing and following the advice of my readers, since that's kinda what I started out doing. I'm hoping to have chapter five up within the week, in case you have the time and interest to continue with this.
One chapter in and you've got me invested. Yes... This pleased me, and the revelation at the end sealed the deal.
You've, at this point, earned a like. Now let's see if you'll get the sacred favorite.
I need that "you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention" meme, but I'm too lazy to get it. This is getting good, and the basement scene left me quite ruffled. Oh, yes. I like this. I'mma gonna drop out here for the night and come back to this fic tomorrow, but great job so far, Chase.
Oh my... I think I know who our mysterious mare is, but we'll see. Onto the next~
The plot thickens... I'm seriously of the mindset that I've just about figure out what's going on, but I'll wait until the final chapter to be sure.
Overall, this story is, well, bucking fantastic. I think the WRITE reviewer has handled any criticism I might have, so I'll just leave my remarks at praise.
One more chapter to go. I'm getting kinda anxious... Poor Scoots. Poor Sweetie. They're being played like an Xbox 720.
So is this anthro...? I mean, fingers gripping a knife, yet still, Scootaloo's still a pegasus and the "stallion" she killed depicts pony. Confused.
I finally Read to the fourth chapter! Holly smokes, just completely psychotic! I don't know what to say, part of me want to shout and curse... the other part of me wants to
Is there something wrong with me for enjoying every moment of this story? The best part is that it is Incomplete! so I have something to look forward to. Great job, I like it. Now I might just go cry myself to sleep if I can 
3456515 Actually, it was complete, but I dropped Solace just yesterday and I intend to rewrite it and continue the story. I had a whole world idea going on, but I'm basically dropping that now. I feel like I bit off more than I could chew, and I'm probably going to wind up looking for somepony on site to help me out, maybe bounce ideas around with. I'm not sure how to rework the chapter.
3456554
Ah, well if you need anything from me, I am willing to help. (though I do not have much to offer) Otherwise I shall wait patently. Again, great job
3385976
here!
3461955 And what did you think of the story?
3462027 good, just update soon!
3462631 Well, I'm very glad to see you're enjoying it.
3462634 well, i do think you should add in flashbacks or something, çause we still don't know how RD died! i mean, she didn't just drop dead, right?
3462939 Oh, everything will be explained, in due time.
3462942 good. I'll be waiting.
Well I wonder what that could be? The way this story is going I would want to say a pony that has been following them around, but I really don't know. Hungry for more, keep up the great work!