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You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...
So starting off, a tragedy tag for a sub-fifteen thousand word one-shot clopfic? Wat. Clop and tragedy are two things that I've never seen go together (unless the story isn't a clopfic and only contains clop) probably because clop is typically not a genre that contains anything but tragic things.
Additionally, I don't believe that I've ever seen a well rated clopfic one-shot that was less than two to three thousand words. Why? Because clop is a a genre that requires lots of description. Description requires a lot of words. Therefore it can be assumed that if you lack words that you're going to lack description and therefore lack the key element of a clopfic. Something that is not good.
But anyways, onto the story...
Boom, now you've got an OOC character. One of the main characters to top it off. This isn't Spike. He's not some horny ass-clown who'd play the: you show me yours I'll show you mine game. ESPECIALLY not with a pony like Fluttershy. There's no excuse for a character to act this ridiculously out of character (besides a trollfic) and it will earn you instant hate.
Stop. Logical flaw detected. So she already knows this? Then why in the unholy name of Sithis does this shit even happen? She should already feel uncomfortable doing this and if doing this means nothing to her then why the flying shit is she doing it in the first place? Everything she detailed she apparently already knew, this makes no sense.
Now Fluttershy is being OOC. Again, no. As well, you fail to describe any of the sensation that a mature clop scene needs and therefore fail to produce anything of value.
Spike is a baby...ahem, excuse me, a BABY FUCKING DRAGON. That said, I'm rather (a hundred percent) certain that you can't get off like this until you've already passed through puberty (something that a baby dragon has yet to do, seeing as it's a baby). All this said, another logical flaw detected.
Ex-fuckin'-actly.
So yeah.
You failed when it came to writing realistic characters as well as describing the sensations that this genre requires when you've got a mature rating. Maybe it's a trollfic, in which case: fuck.
Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
/)
3228359 sometimes I like the comments more then the story
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It's the first chapter of the New Quran and thus the key to your enlightenment.
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And thus a great victory was achieved for the Army of Sweetness.
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Me & 3228359
i166.photobucket.com/albums/u102/cruelphoxx/We_are_not_amused_zpsec8daa02.jpg
3228422 Same here.
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Your lack of amusement tastes very sweet.
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neonized.net/blog/wp-content/files/2011/05/serie_touche-13.jpg
A writer wrote you OOC Fluttershy it happens all the time.
I laughed at Spike saying that about Fluttershy in comparison to Rarity. That was like the only entertaining thing, and it actually seemed like an education video so that was interesting. I assume it is a troll fic, but you got me. One of the better written troll fics.
i.imgur.com/eATeG.gif
What's with all the fucking swearing out of nowhere?! It almost fucking turned me off!
Pretty cool story, bro.