Lost Laughs

by ElkinFencer10

Lost Laughs

My alarm goes off at 5:57 am, right as Celestia raises the sun. Granny Pie always said, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a pony healthy, wealthy, and wise,” and there’s so much to do today! There’s a new pony in Ponyville, and as the official town party pony, it’s my job to make sure that he has the most perfect party ever. He’s an old unicorn stallion named Unity who just retired from Princess Celestia’s Ministry of Peace. He was our ambassador to the zebras before some unicorn mare named Velvet Remedy replaced him last week.

Oh! Right! Party! The party for Unity has to be PERFECT. I mean, he helped keep Equestria out of a nasty war with the zebras, so I guess it’s like a “Thank You for Keeping Equestria Out of a Huge War” party as much as a “Welcome to Ponyville” party. One party for two reasons? Everypony knows that means it has to be a HUGE party. If he spent a lot of time in Zebrica, though, then he’s probably used to zebra food. Hmm...what do zebras even eat? Who could I ask about zebra food?

Oh! Duh! It’s so obvious. Why didn’t I think of her right away?

I’ll go ask Twilight! She knows all kinds of stuff. Who better to ask about zebra food?

---

“Pinkie Pie, I’m flattered that you seem to assume that I know everything - really, I am - but why didn’t you go to Zecora first if you have a question about zebras?” Twilight’s so silly sometimes. Why would I go to Zecora? She’s not a super-brainy smarty-pants pony.

“Well, duh!” I say. “You’re the super-brainy smarty-pants pony! I mean, Zecora’s smart and all about potions and stuff, but you’re Twilight Sparkle! You’re smart about EVERYTHING!” For such a smart pony, Twilight can miss really obvious stuff sometimes.

“But Pinkie...” Twilight says, “she’s a zebra. She grew up in Zebrica. She knows more about zebras and what zebras like to eat than I do.”

What? WHAT?!? I gasp SUPER loud. “How can anypony - or zebra - know more than you, Twilight?”

She’s just staring at me with narrow eyes. Did I say something wrong?

“Pinkie. She’s - ugh, forget it. Go ask Zecora. Just trust me; she can help you more than I can.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” If Twilight says Zecora knows more than she does, then that’s good enough for me; after all, Twilight’s a super-brainy smarty-pants pony.

“Why do you need to know about zebra food? You don’t even eat pony food unless it’s at least 75% sugar,” Twilight asks me.

“It’s not for me, silly filly! It’s for Unity’s “Welcome to Ponyville and Thank You for Keeping Equestria Out of a Huge War” party tonight!”

Twilight’s eye’s twitching. Maybe her brain broke like when she tried to study my Pinkie Sense.

“Unity? Like, Ambassador Unity? As in, the pony who kept out out of war with Zebrica for the past fifteen years?”

“Yep!”

“He’s moving to Ponyville?”

“Yep yep!”

“I have to clean the library! I have to get a proper reception ready! Oh my gosh, who’s his favorite author? Do I have any of his or her books in the library? SPIKE!!” Twilight’s such a silly pony sometimes.

Oh, look at the time. I’ve already spent too much time at the library. Time to get going. I prefer to hop everywhere - it’s just so much more fun - but, for the sake of saving time, I gallop all the way to Zecora’s hut. It’s amazing how much less scary the Everfree Forest is when there’s a not-so-evil enchantress living there. I guess she keeps the big, scary monsters away with her trances and not-so-evil dances.

Finally, I see her hut up ahead. I gallop right up to the door and bang on it with both forehooves. “ZECORA! ZECORA, I NEED YOUR HELP!!”

Zecora opens her door and looks around me. I think she was reading a scary book or something because she looks like she was expecting to see a monster. “Whatever is the matter, Pinkie Pie? You sounded like you were about to die.”

Huh? I did? All I did was run up to her hut at full speed and bang on her door with both forehooves while screaming.

....

Oh. I guess I did sound like something was chasing me, huh?

“Hehehe,” I chuckle awkwardly. “Sorry, Zecora. But I really need your help!”

Zecora sighs. “Come inside, you silly mare, and whatever ails you, you may share.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” I hop through the door to Zecora’s hut and take a deep breath. “There’s a unicorn named Unity who’s moving to Ponyville, but he’s been living with Zebras for like ever, so I need to know what zebras like to eat since that’s he’s used to, but I don’t know what zebras eat, but you’re a zebra, so you probably know what zebras eat, so I need you to tell me what zebras eat so I can cook whatever zebras eat so he can feel at home in his new home by eating what zebras eat.”

Zecora seems to recognize Unity’s name. “Ah yes, the pony diplomat. He’s willing to compromise, and zebras respect that.”

“So will you teach me how to cook whatever zebras eat?”

Zecora chuckles. “Zebras mostly eat the same things that ponies do, but you can add a certain flavorful root to the brew. To find this root, it can be a hassle. Start your search near the Royal Sisters’ castle.”

Success! I give Zecora a huge grin and grab her in a super-duper PFF hug. Would it be Pony Friends Forever? Or Zebra Friends Forever? Interspecies Friends Forever? I think I’m getting a headache...

“Please let go of me, Pinkie Pie,” Zecora gasps. “Anymore of this hug, and I’ll surely die.”

Hehe. Oops. I’m an enthusiastic hugger...

---

After another wave to Zecora, I start hopping off to the abandoned Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. Zecora said the root I need to find is called Yoroota and that it’s green and glowy. It’s supposed to make everything really spicy and yummy. Ooo, I’m so nervoucited! I wonder what a cupcake would taste like with Yoroota in it?

It takes me about ten minutes to get to the castle, but I don’t mind the walk. I just sing to myself as I hop through the forest. “Ooo, pretty!” I see the most AMAZING green flower. It’s glowing, so I’m pretty sure that it’s a Yoroota plant, but I’m not sure. Maybe I should sniff it? Zecora said that it was really spicy.

I lean in to sniff it. My eyes immediately start to water, and my nose starts to burn. Yup, I think this is it! When I lean in to pick the flower, I feel something hit my side really hard. Ouch, that hurt. I mean, that REALLY hurt. It feels like I’ve got a thorn stuck in the pad of my hoof, except it feels like a really, really big thorn, and instead of my hoof, it feels like it’s in my side.

Huh? What’s that flash of light?

“PINKIE PIE!!”

Oh, look. It’s Twilight. Hi, Twilight! Huh, that’s weird. There’s a funny metaly taste in my mouth. I try to get up to see what hit me and ask why Twilight’s here. I get up enough to see Twilight with a really scared look on her face. Her horn is all glowy, and she’s sweating a lot. My side is hurting really bad again. I look down at my side and - oh Celestia, what happened?

It’s...everywhere. My blood. My blood’s everywhere. I lift my hoof to my muzzle, and it comes back red. This metaly taste in my mouth isn’t so funny anymore. Twilight gallops over to me.

“Oh buck, Pinkie Pie...”

“What happened, Twi?” I don’t even know why I’m bleeding so much.

“A...a timberwolf. It pounced on you when you were picking roots. I went to Zecora’s hut to see what kind of cooking you were doing. When she said you were looking near the old castle, I figured I’d come find you to see if I could help you find the root. I got here right as it was pouncing.” Twilight looks down at my side and starts crying again. “Pinkie, I...I can fix this. I can fix this!”

Uh-oh. Twilight’s getting that crazy look again. Her horn starts glowing, and my side starts to feel warm. I can’t feel if her magic is healing my side. I can’t really feel anything, but since a timberwolf just took a big bite out of me, I think that’s probably a good thing.

Wow, I need to go to bed earlier. I feel really...sleepy. Twilight’s magic is so warm. Huh? I think she’s trying to say something. Twi, you’ve got speak up, silly filly. I can’t hear you when you whisper.

“....Pie....awake.....Don’t let...asleep....”

I think she’s trying to tell me to stay awake. Now that I think about it, I think I remember Fluttershy telling me once that when an animal gets really hurt, they fall asleep when they start to die. My eye lids feel so heavy. Is that what’s happening to me? Is this what it’s like to die? It’s so...calm. Twilight’s magic is so warm, and I’m so sleepy. I think I’ll just...take a quick nap. Just a little sleep, that’s all.

Mmm....Night, Twilight....

Author's Note:

There's a little bit of a story for this story's inspiration. A little less than a year ago, I was at my mom's house for summer break after my junior year of college. I woke up one morning to the sounds to shouting coming from outside. I, more irritated at being awoken than worried that something might be amiss, went outside to see what the hell was going on. What I saw was my neighbor's pit bull, its muzzle covered in blood and its teeth sunk deep into my cat's abdomen, surrounded by my mom, my aunt, and the dog's owner. I could see Isis's entrails poking out from the gaping hole in her abdomen. It was just so...violent. What struck me, however, was the randomness of the attack. Isis had always been an outside cat, and those neighbors had lived next door with that dog for a year or so, and she had never been anything but sweet. Isis hadn't provoked the dog at all. She'd been asleep on the porch; it was the teeth piercing her flesh and the jaws crushing her organs that awoke her.

That's kind of the theme I was trying to establish here - the randomness of violence in nature. I know it's typically seen as bad form for an author to come out and say "This is what I was trying to say. Here's what the theme is supposed to be," but this story is as much a tribute to my late cat as it is the backstory of why Pinkie Pie is dead from the get-go in my first fanfic. Those who know me know that I detested Isis, but the brutality of the dog's attack and the horror of her death...I wouldn't wish that on anyone or anything. It's a deeply unsettling thing to see, in real time, your pet's eyes fade from pure terror - and trust me, after seeing her eyes, I am more than convinced that animals are capable of feeling the emotion of terror every bit as vividly as humans - to just...nothing. To see, almost literally, the light fade from her eyes. I did not like that cat, but I will never forget her eyes the moment she died, scared and eviscerated.

Rest in peace, Isis. You were the bitchiest, most hateful cat I've ever met, but you never should have gone that way.