It started with yelling. That grew to hitting. Then, to routine abuse. So, the best choice is running away, right? And, just to let them know what they did, I'll leave them a letter. I hope they realize what they drove me to.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 6th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 6th, 2013
Inspiration
I start things, but I rarely finish them.
Inspiration
Joined 6th Aug, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The 24th Pegasus · 4.4k words · 706 5 · 6.1k views
- Rego · 9.8k words · 856 9 · 12k views
- moguera · 68k words · 1,528 27 · 19k views
- little big pony · 3.2k words · 780 13 · 15k views
- Bookish Delight · 26k words · 607 10 · 7k views
- The SideKick · 7.7k words · 444 6 · 8.8k views
- Possiblydominator · 67k words · 1,659 44 · 19k views
- LightningBass94 · 5.7k words · 302 3 · 5.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.093 seconds
Total duration
1,067 users online
1,817,083 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The only nitpick I have here is that the language you are using here is a bit too high-level for young foals. I'm trying to imagine somepony around CMC-aged saying things in that way, and I can't. The bits of almost adult wisdom do make sense, as these kids have probably had to mature fast just to survive, but the big words don't really fit.
While I can't personally empathize with these characters, you've certainly done a great job of painting a grim picture of their lives, and even a bit of hope for their new futures.
All in all, upvoted.
Write on,
Legion
Calling it right now: Sprint and Phoenix are brother and sister.
Well. That was a bit of a 180.
Again, I've never had personal experience with this kind of thing, but this kid's not just angry, he's being deliberately cruel to the mare that gave him life. I could understand if he were to leave and never look back, but the way he's taunting and insulting his mother is a bit much to me.
Still well-written, other than my earlier nitpick.
Write on,
Legion
3257823
Interesting idea, sir/madam.
Long-lost siblings, split during the parents' divorce... Maybe even twins, considering they're the same age. Would explain why both parents are negligent: the kids remind them of each other...
Write on,
Legion
3257823
Suprise / Spoiler Alert!
False.
3257880
Thanks for all the feedback! I'll try to alter the speech patterns a bit in the future.
3257880
I retract the previous statement...slightly. Sprint I'll alter, but Phoenix uses the larger words, as she was the more...sophisticated character. The larger vocabulary is a kind of staple that I wish to keep in the story. But nonetheless, thanks for the feeback!
3257946
No problem. Everyone deserves to be told when they did a good job, after all!
3258133
Fair enough.
3257939
In that case, should I prepare my shipping goggles?
Write on,
Legion
3258237
No goggles needed. I don't do that shit (pardon my language). Once again, thanks!
Dude I freaking love Italics!
Why would he tell her where they're going? That seems like a bad idea.
Write on,
Legion